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Thank you for all the good advice, I have read every reply thoroughly.
I know what you are all saying.
Yes, I have to go through it. The other Christmases I drank through them. This year the feelings are here and they are horrible.
And all tangled up with each other.
I will have to sort things out in me.
Or just sit with them until they burn themselves out. Which they won't if I just keep adding fuel to the fire
And I agree, it will all end with a drink if I keep this up. And that's not what I want.
I am very grateful to everyone who has replied. At least I can come here and have people that understand. And give advice because they have been here.
Thanks again 🙂
I am on the last day of the course today. So will be extra vigilant against my Beast tonight because I know it will be "well you have nothing on tomorrow, why not?" When there are 1000 reasons why not!
I know what you are all saying.
Yes, I have to go through it. The other Christmases I drank through them. This year the feelings are here and they are horrible.
And all tangled up with each other.
I will have to sort things out in me.
Or just sit with them until they burn themselves out. Which they won't if I just keep adding fuel to the fire
And I agree, it will all end with a drink if I keep this up. And that's not what I want.
I am very grateful to everyone who has replied. At least I can come here and have people that understand. And give advice because they have been here.
Thanks again 🙂
I am on the last day of the course today. So will be extra vigilant against my Beast tonight because I know it will be "well you have nothing on tomorrow, why not?" When there are 1000 reasons why not!
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I'm back early from the course we finished early last day.
I cannot emphasize enough how great it has been that my local ( end of my road) Spar has been brought down in a cyber attack and has not been open since Sunday, it's now Friday.
It's been so much easier knowing I can't get drink from 8am until 10pm as I could with them.
I would really have to walk an hour there and back to get drink and I am so lazy that's not going to happen.
All hail the hackers 😂
I cannot emphasize enough how great it has been that my local ( end of my road) Spar has been brought down in a cyber attack and has not been open since Sunday, it's now Friday.
It's been so much easier knowing I can't get drink from 8am until 10pm as I could with them.
I would really have to walk an hour there and back to get drink and I am so lazy that's not going to happen.
All hail the hackers 😂
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Join Date: Dec 2019
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Things will be back up and running soon enough Jupiter (NOT Jillian!!!). I hope that when your store gets back online, you only travel there for healthy food and healthy drink. Walking an hour there and back would definitely be good though. Walking is one of the tools in my tool box that really kept me sober in the first 6 months. I walked miles and miles and miles. Give it a shot.
Congrats on finishing your class.
Congrats on finishing your class.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
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If you ever want to talk about your sister you can dm me. The funeral home sent us some literature and it seems its two years to work through the first bit of this. Everything is two years. The first two years of recovery is brutal, being shunned by my mother took two years to work through. I'm so thankful I had over six years sobriety under me before I had to deal with my stepdaughter drinking herself to death. I don't know if I could have held up if I was drinking still myself.
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No S19 I won't be making that walk, that's how far the next booze shop is 😆
But yes, walking things off does work for me.
It's just so cold!!
Silentrun thank you, that's so sweet of you and I may just take you up on that offer 🤍
But yes, walking things off does work for me.
It's just so cold!!
Silentrun thank you, that's so sweet of you and I may just take you up on that offer 🤍
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Actually silentrun it's funny you should mention the 2 year mark for grieving. I was talking to my mother the other day and she said it took her about 2 years to get over the death of her mother, my nana. I had a terrible time getting over my nana's death.
We were really close. I was 22 and had got a house close by hers. I lived with her the last of my teenage years.
She wasn't a very good mother to my mother and her sisters, because she was an alcoholic for 30 years, but she was so good to me and my cousins.
I think my mother and her siblings took it hard because they could never forgive her.
I still have nightmares over my dad in the hospice. Dying is not pretty. That's coming up 2 years new year.
It's just a bad time of year for me.
Not just me, my youngest sister rang the other day in tears. She saw my sister who died minutes later and she was distraught that she was dead on the bedroom floor with her little Xmas slippers on. She absolutely LOVED everything Christmas. My youngest sister adored the ground my sister who died walked on. I was a bit older, but they grew up together.
I used to be very much into the spiritual stuff, then I dropped it. But I think I need it now.
We were really close. I was 22 and had got a house close by hers. I lived with her the last of my teenage years.
She wasn't a very good mother to my mother and her sisters, because she was an alcoholic for 30 years, but she was so good to me and my cousins.
I think my mother and her siblings took it hard because they could never forgive her.
I still have nightmares over my dad in the hospice. Dying is not pretty. That's coming up 2 years new year.
It's just a bad time of year for me.
Not just me, my youngest sister rang the other day in tears. She saw my sister who died minutes later and she was distraught that she was dead on the bedroom floor with her little Xmas slippers on. She absolutely LOVED everything Christmas. My youngest sister adored the ground my sister who died walked on. I was a bit older, but they grew up together.
I used to be very much into the spiritual stuff, then I dropped it. But I think I need it now.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
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It’s weird, right? Grieving. I remember one day when I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor - I suddenly thought, “I’ll bet it’s his teeth!” When my father was dying, they told us he had an infection but they couldn’t find the source.
My dad had been dead for at least six months and some part of my brain was still working on saving him. My brother has been dead for three years and a theory about his cancer popped into my head just a few weeks ago.
Yeah, it’s hard to let go. I think it’s actually harder when I try with all my might to “get over it.” That seems to actually have the impact of telling a person “don’t.”
My dad had been dead for at least six months and some part of my brain was still working on saving him. My brother has been dead for three years and a theory about his cancer popped into my head just a few weeks ago.
Yeah, it’s hard to let go. I think it’s actually harder when I try with all my might to “get over it.” That seems to actually have the impact of telling a person “don’t.”
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Yes O really wierd, the things that pop into your head.
I think it brought it all back with my niece having the blood clot too this week. Thank goodness she knew the signs now.
I think it brought it back to my youngest sister too and that's why she was all over the place.
I have little moments when I think "I'll ask my dad" then remember.
I think you're right too about telling yourself to "get over it" that doesn't work.
Your intellect might say that, but emotions don't follow that line.
Also, it's took all this time for my sister's head stone to be ready. Her kids designed it and it has little blue forget me not flowers on it. Really nice. I went to the grave last week to put a Xmas lantern there and saw it.
I think it's hard this time of year for everyone who have lost people they love.
I think it brought it all back with my niece having the blood clot too this week. Thank goodness she knew the signs now.
I think it brought it back to my youngest sister too and that's why she was all over the place.
I have little moments when I think "I'll ask my dad" then remember.
I think you're right too about telling yourself to "get over it" that doesn't work.
Your intellect might say that, but emotions don't follow that line.
Also, it's took all this time for my sister's head stone to be ready. Her kids designed it and it has little blue forget me not flowers on it. Really nice. I went to the grave last week to put a Xmas lantern there and saw it.
I think it's hard this time of year for everyone who have lost people they love.
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Awe you know what? I got my little cat from a shelter about 5 years ago, and she is practically ferrell. I tried to make her an indoor cat and she jumped out of a 12 foot high window, hit the outside window sill and broke some ribs. So now she's still an outdoor cat.
But these last few nights she has slept on my bed and let me stroke her.
That's unknown for her!! 😀
But these last few nights she has slept on my bed and let me stroke her.
That's unknown for her!! 😀
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We must be living in some sort of parallel universes. My cat who has always been amenable to snuggling and other indignities cast off my company for the most part while the grown kids were here. He came inside last night after a brief jaunt out and like yours, also slept on my bed. In fact, he did my favorite thing - snuggled up over my shoulder with his head peeking out of the covers right near my face. prrrrr
And you know what? I had a little cry over a girl cat who lived with us for thirteen years. When she was dying, I was in a very bad state and let her linger too long. Middlest ended up taking her to the vet for euthanasia. So I cried some tears for my cat who suffered and a few more for my kid who had to take care of this horrible task because I was unavailable. I guess that's grieving too, huh. So I think - ok, that's another thing to acknowledge as a poopy thing I did when middlest might be receptive to hearing it.
The other day, you seemed to be scoffing at yourself for putting the ornament on your sister's grave. I hope you see today that was a way of soothing yourself - and it was totally ok.
And you know what? I had a little cry over a girl cat who lived with us for thirteen years. When she was dying, I was in a very bad state and let her linger too long. Middlest ended up taking her to the vet for euthanasia. So I cried some tears for my cat who suffered and a few more for my kid who had to take care of this horrible task because I was unavailable. I guess that's grieving too, huh. So I think - ok, that's another thing to acknowledge as a poopy thing I did when middlest might be receptive to hearing it.
The other day, you seemed to be scoffing at yourself for putting the ornament on your sister's grave. I hope you see today that was a way of soothing yourself - and it was totally ok.
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It's hard just living, regrets are hard. I hope you and middlest make up. It's probably like me, the ones who are most like us find it harder to understand our short fallings.
Your cat sounds mad, like mine 😆 A law upon themselves. I think we can love and grieve animals they are pure instinctual emotion.
I would love a dog, but can't have one where I live.
I was totally into the spiritual stuff. It saw me (without drink) through some really bad times.
I let it drop, read too much bogas science. Then the drinking started.
You are right I heard my sister in my head (all my family are atheist) saying "why are you putting things on my grave..I'm not here"
Yet I've experienced things that defy "science" the new religion. I need to get back to what I KNOW is true and stop listening to this rubbish "science" churns out
Your cat sounds mad, like mine 😆 A law upon themselves. I think we can love and grieve animals they are pure instinctual emotion.
I would love a dog, but can't have one where I live.
I was totally into the spiritual stuff. It saw me (without drink) through some really bad times.
I let it drop, read too much bogas science. Then the drinking started.
You are right I heard my sister in my head (all my family are atheist) saying "why are you putting things on my grave..I'm not here"
Yet I've experienced things that defy "science" the new religion. I need to get back to what I KNOW is true and stop listening to this rubbish "science" churns out
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As long as we can agree on a set of scientific facts Jupiter, science turns out not to be rubbish. 2+2 equals 4. Proof is proof, right? There really isn't anything that can be described as "bogus science." Bogus is bogus and science is science and never the two shall meet. Anyway, I think we shouldn't stray too close to personal beliefs and agendas as a replacement for provable and proven facts, as that is not why any of us are here.
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I'm not sure what you are referring to.
But science trying to prove or disprove all things spiritual by their own scientific methods neither proves or disproves anything.
Read "Science for Heretics" and come back and say science has sure answers like 2+2=4 😆
But science trying to prove or disprove all things spiritual by their own scientific methods neither proves or disproves anything.
Read "Science for Heretics" and come back and say science has sure answers like 2+2=4 😆
Life Goes On
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I think we are all here to overcome our struggles with substances that we can’t seem to quit, despite our own most fervent desires to do just that.
i would argue that at the very bottom of that, each of us has a need to find a way to be true to our authentic selves. To me, that feels like a fact. To others, that may sound like new age mumbo jumbo. (“I’m not here to find myself - I’m here to find techniques to stop drinking so much!”)
So I don’t think we can meet even the most simple sounding stipulation to agree on basic facts beyond this one: ‘My use of an addictive substance is causing (or did cause) problems for me.’ We can agree that we are here out of a desire to get out of that predicament, to commiserate, and/or to show others the way out.
The fact is that my way isn’t the only way. It’s just what works for me, at least for the moment. That may or may not be what works for someone else, nor what will work for me tomorrow. Though knowing the science of addiction (as far as we know it thus far) is helpful, it didn’t get me sober any more than going to AA meetings got me sober. It’s all very personal for me, O’s tailor-made program of recovery. Spirituality and science are not mutually exclusive and it’s fruitless to even argue the point - at least until the question becomes academic.
Which leads me to ask what your next move is, Not Jillian?
i would argue that at the very bottom of that, each of us has a need to find a way to be true to our authentic selves. To me, that feels like a fact. To others, that may sound like new age mumbo jumbo. (“I’m not here to find myself - I’m here to find techniques to stop drinking so much!”)
So I don’t think we can meet even the most simple sounding stipulation to agree on basic facts beyond this one: ‘My use of an addictive substance is causing (or did cause) problems for me.’ We can agree that we are here out of a desire to get out of that predicament, to commiserate, and/or to show others the way out.
The fact is that my way isn’t the only way. It’s just what works for me, at least for the moment. That may or may not be what works for someone else, nor what will work for me tomorrow. Though knowing the science of addiction (as far as we know it thus far) is helpful, it didn’t get me sober any more than going to AA meetings got me sober. It’s all very personal for me, O’s tailor-made program of recovery. Spirituality and science are not mutually exclusive and it’s fruitless to even argue the point - at least until the question becomes academic.
Which leads me to ask what your next move is, Not Jillian?
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😂😂 Not Jillian, I like it!
What I am doing has kept me off the booze, this brainstorm seems to be dying down.
I am still doing the zoom meetings, but I just listen.
I am keeping things in order in the flat.
I do keep in mind the precipice is just a few steps away ready to fall off if I did choose to drink again.
I feel really sorry for my daughter as the wedding videographer after weeks of putting her off has admitted he has lost the wedding video.
Some excuse about corrupted hard drives. But he's been lying for weeks so who knows?
I don't really see what the next step can be, so suggestions would be welcome?
What I am doing has kept me off the booze, this brainstorm seems to be dying down.
I am still doing the zoom meetings, but I just listen.
I am keeping things in order in the flat.
I do keep in mind the precipice is just a few steps away ready to fall off if I did choose to drink again.
I feel really sorry for my daughter as the wedding videographer after weeks of putting her off has admitted he has lost the wedding video.
Some excuse about corrupted hard drives. But he's been lying for weeks so who knows?
I don't really see what the next step can be, so suggestions would be welcome?
Life Goes On
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Show your face in a Zoom meeting?
Write about how you are coming along with the steps?
Meditate?
Read a book or several related to spirituality…
Wondering if there is a way you could pick up some extra cleaning jobs and/or start toward locating a job that’s less physical and uses your intellect?
Just some ideas. You know, since you asked.
Write about how you are coming along with the steps?
Meditate?
Read a book or several related to spirituality…
Wondering if there is a way you could pick up some extra cleaning jobs and/or start toward locating a job that’s less physical and uses your intellect?
Just some ideas. You know, since you asked.
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All of O’s suggestions, plus what about starting a savings account for a holiday or something really nice for yourself ? I especially like the idea of looking for a more intellectual kind of work as you are clearly so smart and that must be frustrating to not use the gifts you have and perhaps taken for granted by some people, such as DIL.
What feels rewarding and gives you some sense of joy / accomplishment? This might also “show up” as a new interest or hobby, or perhaps in a volunteer situation.
Too much time can be dangerous, as I have found to my detriment since retiring. Fortunately, I’ve been back on track for awhile. I’m taking some online classes for enrichment and doing some projects around the house, plus long-delayed reading. It really helps keep the focus off alcohol and on recovery. . .
What feels rewarding and gives you some sense of joy / accomplishment? This might also “show up” as a new interest or hobby, or perhaps in a volunteer situation.
Too much time can be dangerous, as I have found to my detriment since retiring. Fortunately, I’ve been back on track for awhile. I’m taking some online classes for enrichment and doing some projects around the house, plus long-delayed reading. It really helps keep the focus off alcohol and on recovery. . .
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O and Hawkeye, those are some good suggestions. Actually O I was going to PM you about the steps.
I can't show my face at a zoom meeting though, it would mean I would have to put my slap on. I can listen in my bag lady trackie bottoms, jumper with dinner medals and hair sticking on end. So it's pure vanity why I don't.
I do have a lot of spiritual books on my kindle app, but I tend to find some of them a bit airy fairy. I also have a lot of science books on there, especially written by physicists and neurologists.
I do like the Monroe institute books as well. Especially those written by William Buhlman and Robert Monroe
Though what Robert Monroe found out on his out of body travels were quite worrying.
I also like scientist Robert Lanza and his theory of Biocentrism.
I also like the Panpsychism theory books, taken up by quite a few scientists.
I have read a few books by Stephen Hawking, but find the convolutions he goes to at times to get his theories to fit his hypothesis also a little airy fairy
Also the book "The Falsification of History" has lead to a lot of in depth research by me on how society has reached the point it has today. That kept me occupied for a few years
I don't think I will ever get a job that satisfies me intellectually Hawkeye because I have strayed too far from the path of conventional institutionally funded research. I have come to the point where I won't accept anything at face value as history shows we are funneled into just one tightly controlled (by a few institutions) version of reality.
I don't think it would be feasible to think I would be able to travel on holiday, although that would be nice. I just hope I will be able to get the train to my daughters when the baby comes!!
My younger son rang yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to Edinburgh xmas market with them, so that will be good.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply 🙂
I can't show my face at a zoom meeting though, it would mean I would have to put my slap on. I can listen in my bag lady trackie bottoms, jumper with dinner medals and hair sticking on end. So it's pure vanity why I don't.
I do have a lot of spiritual books on my kindle app, but I tend to find some of them a bit airy fairy. I also have a lot of science books on there, especially written by physicists and neurologists.
I do like the Monroe institute books as well. Especially those written by William Buhlman and Robert Monroe
Though what Robert Monroe found out on his out of body travels were quite worrying.
I also like scientist Robert Lanza and his theory of Biocentrism.
I also like the Panpsychism theory books, taken up by quite a few scientists.
I have read a few books by Stephen Hawking, but find the convolutions he goes to at times to get his theories to fit his hypothesis also a little airy fairy
Also the book "The Falsification of History" has lead to a lot of in depth research by me on how society has reached the point it has today. That kept me occupied for a few years
I don't think I will ever get a job that satisfies me intellectually Hawkeye because I have strayed too far from the path of conventional institutionally funded research. I have come to the point where I won't accept anything at face value as history shows we are funneled into just one tightly controlled (by a few institutions) version of reality.
I don't think it would be feasible to think I would be able to travel on holiday, although that would be nice. I just hope I will be able to get the train to my daughters when the baby comes!!
My younger son rang yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to Edinburgh xmas market with them, so that will be good.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply 🙂
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I have noticed, I don't know if anyone else has reading this thread, that I trot along quite happily then just have mega solar meltdowns. And that is me not drinking!!
I have no idea what that is all about.
The Beast of my addiction summoning them up so I latch on to an excuse to drink?
Before I slipped into addiction (after 20 something years of "normal" drinking) , I dealt with horrible PTSD inducing things and never drank. Those days I once didn't drink for 5 years and didn't even think of it as giving up anything of importance.
Probably why, when I first went to an AA meeting everyone seemed to be saying "I was hooked from the first time I took a drink" or "I felt relaxed for the first time" or "It made me fit in and took away my social anxiety" and I thought "well that's not true for me" I wasn't hooked for 20 years, could take it or leave it. I could relax without a drink and I was sociable without drinking, loved being around people, I have no social anxiety and never have.
Was it I couldn't deal with stress? No, I had more horrible life events in the first 37 years of my life and coped without drink than I have had in the last 20 years. Eg,living with a narcissistic bully parent, rape, domestic violence, losing a child, being left with two small children for a teenager, homelessness all of this happened and more and I didn't drink.
Infact most of the stress in my life the last 20 years has been caused by drinking, not things out of my control like before.
Take this morning. For the last couple of days I have been upset that my daughter was upset that her wedding video was lost. Then they have been having trouble with snobby neighbours where they live having objections to the parish council with them putting a fence up so they couldn't put their dog in their own back garden. So after 13 hour shifts 4 times a week she has to take the dog walking twice a day while heavily pregnant.
My son, arrived this morning, devastated because he and his girlfriend had a massive bust up over her drinking. He busted up their £300 xmas tree and she is threatening suicide because she has just lost her daughter in a custody battle
My son came to give me and my mother a hand with the 30kg ornament she had got for my sister grave. My mother was tearful this morning, it's been a horrible morning.
I don't know if I will be allowed to visit my daughter when the baby is born, because I won't follow regulations, and never will.
How could I cope with much worse things in the past, but now they induce the craving for a drink??
I have no idea what that is all about.
The Beast of my addiction summoning them up so I latch on to an excuse to drink?
Before I slipped into addiction (after 20 something years of "normal" drinking) , I dealt with horrible PTSD inducing things and never drank. Those days I once didn't drink for 5 years and didn't even think of it as giving up anything of importance.
Probably why, when I first went to an AA meeting everyone seemed to be saying "I was hooked from the first time I took a drink" or "I felt relaxed for the first time" or "It made me fit in and took away my social anxiety" and I thought "well that's not true for me" I wasn't hooked for 20 years, could take it or leave it. I could relax without a drink and I was sociable without drinking, loved being around people, I have no social anxiety and never have.
Was it I couldn't deal with stress? No, I had more horrible life events in the first 37 years of my life and coped without drink than I have had in the last 20 years. Eg,living with a narcissistic bully parent, rape, domestic violence, losing a child, being left with two small children for a teenager, homelessness all of this happened and more and I didn't drink.
Infact most of the stress in my life the last 20 years has been caused by drinking, not things out of my control like before.
Take this morning. For the last couple of days I have been upset that my daughter was upset that her wedding video was lost. Then they have been having trouble with snobby neighbours where they live having objections to the parish council with them putting a fence up so they couldn't put their dog in their own back garden. So after 13 hour shifts 4 times a week she has to take the dog walking twice a day while heavily pregnant.
My son, arrived this morning, devastated because he and his girlfriend had a massive bust up over her drinking. He busted up their £300 xmas tree and she is threatening suicide because she has just lost her daughter in a custody battle
My son came to give me and my mother a hand with the 30kg ornament she had got for my sister grave. My mother was tearful this morning, it's been a horrible morning.
I don't know if I will be allowed to visit my daughter when the baby is born, because I won't follow regulations, and never will.
How could I cope with much worse things in the past, but now they induce the craving for a drink??
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