"Wait ? How Old ARE We ?"
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
"Wait ? How Old ARE We ?"
Or "Middle Aged Women Acting Like Rockstars"
...... and not the good, recovered kind. The kind that choke on their own vomit and almost die...
Almost a month ago now, I was once again, feeling like I would never climb out of this hell hole of addiction. Hungover mornings had become increasingly more challenging now that I hit the half century mark.
Not to mention, I couldnt seem to bring myself to open that 3rd bottle of wine without having to finally admit I might have a problem.
Enter "Weed". The legalization and fancy greenhouse fascades made procuring my dimebag, far more palatable than how I used to have to score in high school.
All sorts of favors were passed out for that. Now getting my fix was the psychological equivalent of stopping at a bakery for a few pastries.
It aint no big thing.
So the alcohol tolerance had maxed out, my vape pens were having to becoming increasingly stronger to get me good and numb, and then the Seven Levels of Hades would kick in at about 3:00 am - so, benzos, natch.
Anyway, a girlfriend of mine was having a pool party that I debated about not going to because I had 2 whole days of sobriety under my belt. And while the hostess isnt a drinker, the rest of us absolutely were. And when we didnt have to worry about driving, then going next level would present itself, in all its we-are-just-having-summer-fun-RELAX, glory.
I went. I brought my perrier, it wasnt even triggering. I never was a vodka fan, so that helped being that all the drinks were vodka based.
One of our friends was ripe. Lockdown, a pending seperation, her 19 yr old kid who was clearly and overtly depressed (also in attendance) coupled with sunshine, chlorine and pool floaties, made for a perfect inebriated storm of vast proportions.
The alcohol was being consumed as such a fast pace, even *I* knew we were going to have a, you know, "situation".
But what we were about to witness was some next level ethanol poisoning.
Our friend was totally out of control. Shes tiny, pushing 60, and of a genetic makeup that doesnt fair well with consumption (read asian flush). By all accounts she appears to be just cutting a little lose. You know, fraying out the rough edges that only a pandemic and a teenager can bring about.
"Its summer damn it. And I want to have some GD FUN !!!"
Under non-pool circumstances, I would have let her just do her thing where she gets plastered, then her gayness comes out, then she usually pukes in a bush, or a car, and then passes out and we let her sleep it off.
But, she cant swim...
Bobbing in the center of a floating donut (shes small enough to slip right through) I decided to keep an extra vigilant eye on her. The pool drops off quickly, and did I mention, she cant swim ???? Eventually she worms her way out the the hole and hangs on to the edge until she is at standing level.
And promptly throws up. In her hands. So yay for that because we didnt have to fish the puke out with the pool net.
After we get her cleaned up, she decided shes going to take a nap, in the pool, on the steps, while hanging onto the ladder handles. Her husband (total dick) and her son (total morose teen) sit and watch this all go down. As I'm watching this, I genuinely can not believe what I am sitting here witnessing.
Finally, I said thats enough pool, and I fish her out and since I'm not quote twice her size, fireman carry her to a chair and plop her in it. I never even thought to NOT lay her in the zero gravity position...
A few minutes (or maybe an hour I ? dont know I was cleaning up and running barf towels and bags in the garbage while simultaneously gagging to the point of eyes watering because vomit) I go to check on her and see that there is trail of vomit from her mouth to her hair.
And I panic.
She was (thank you God) sitting in the upright position, just throwing up in to her chest. While passed out. I start to freak and try to wake her. She finally comes to and is totally and completely out of it. But I somehow get her to the bathroom in the house (I'm done playing lady-hero and call on the menfolk for aid). In my friends gorgeous bathroom, she will proceed to throw up on her floor, her mirror and.... her wallpaper.
That was it for me. That was it. I was done.
A few days later I texted her and ripped her a new one while also ripping myself a new one as well.
The title of the text was "WE NEED HELP" and I wasnt about to back down.
My friends all know I am an lifelong alcoholic and I can come from a place both of self reflection as well as real concern. Something about knowing your audience, and your audience knowing you, makes situations like this a little easier to swallow.
Her take on all of it ? "I guess I did it again lol I am a little embarrassed but I am fine. How are you doing".
Well, that just sent me seething further. As I am witnessing my own decades of denial, play out before my eyes.
"We are SPIRALING. We gotta get it together. This is all NOT OK. Your son almost watched you die. What kind of examples are we setting here ???"
It all fell on totally deaf ears.
I guess your just not ready until your ready. And people can only meet you where THEY are.
Even if that means late middle age. We aint getting any younger. And apparently not a whole helluva alot smarter either...
I'm really happy to be sober today on this rainy cloudy Saturday in June. This morning when I popped out of bed at 5:30 am because I COULD
, I hopped onto Etsy and ordered myself a "NQTD" (Never Question The Decision) bracelet with my forever from now on official sobriety date engraved on it 6/01/2021.
I will never drink again, I will never change my mind.
And I will, never, ever again, question that decision...
XO AO
Emancipated 6/01/2021
...... and not the good, recovered kind. The kind that choke on their own vomit and almost die...
Almost a month ago now, I was once again, feeling like I would never climb out of this hell hole of addiction. Hungover mornings had become increasingly more challenging now that I hit the half century mark.
Not to mention, I couldnt seem to bring myself to open that 3rd bottle of wine without having to finally admit I might have a problem.
Enter "Weed". The legalization and fancy greenhouse fascades made procuring my dimebag, far more palatable than how I used to have to score in high school.
All sorts of favors were passed out for that. Now getting my fix was the psychological equivalent of stopping at a bakery for a few pastries.
It aint no big thing.
So the alcohol tolerance had maxed out, my vape pens were having to becoming increasingly stronger to get me good and numb, and then the Seven Levels of Hades would kick in at about 3:00 am - so, benzos, natch.
Anyway, a girlfriend of mine was having a pool party that I debated about not going to because I had 2 whole days of sobriety under my belt. And while the hostess isnt a drinker, the rest of us absolutely were. And when we didnt have to worry about driving, then going next level would present itself, in all its we-are-just-having-summer-fun-RELAX, glory.
I went. I brought my perrier, it wasnt even triggering. I never was a vodka fan, so that helped being that all the drinks were vodka based.
One of our friends was ripe. Lockdown, a pending seperation, her 19 yr old kid who was clearly and overtly depressed (also in attendance) coupled with sunshine, chlorine and pool floaties, made for a perfect inebriated storm of vast proportions.
The alcohol was being consumed as such a fast pace, even *I* knew we were going to have a, you know, "situation".
But what we were about to witness was some next level ethanol poisoning.
Our friend was totally out of control. Shes tiny, pushing 60, and of a genetic makeup that doesnt fair well with consumption (read asian flush). By all accounts she appears to be just cutting a little lose. You know, fraying out the rough edges that only a pandemic and a teenager can bring about.
"Its summer damn it. And I want to have some GD FUN !!!"
Under non-pool circumstances, I would have let her just do her thing where she gets plastered, then her gayness comes out, then she usually pukes in a bush, or a car, and then passes out and we let her sleep it off.
But, she cant swim...
Bobbing in the center of a floating donut (shes small enough to slip right through) I decided to keep an extra vigilant eye on her. The pool drops off quickly, and did I mention, she cant swim ???? Eventually she worms her way out the the hole and hangs on to the edge until she is at standing level.
And promptly throws up. In her hands. So yay for that because we didnt have to fish the puke out with the pool net.
After we get her cleaned up, she decided shes going to take a nap, in the pool, on the steps, while hanging onto the ladder handles. Her husband (total dick) and her son (total morose teen) sit and watch this all go down. As I'm watching this, I genuinely can not believe what I am sitting here witnessing.
Finally, I said thats enough pool, and I fish her out and since I'm not quote twice her size, fireman carry her to a chair and plop her in it. I never even thought to NOT lay her in the zero gravity position...
A few minutes (or maybe an hour I ? dont know I was cleaning up and running barf towels and bags in the garbage while simultaneously gagging to the point of eyes watering because vomit) I go to check on her and see that there is trail of vomit from her mouth to her hair.
And I panic.
She was (thank you God) sitting in the upright position, just throwing up in to her chest. While passed out. I start to freak and try to wake her. She finally comes to and is totally and completely out of it. But I somehow get her to the bathroom in the house (I'm done playing lady-hero and call on the menfolk for aid). In my friends gorgeous bathroom, she will proceed to throw up on her floor, her mirror and.... her wallpaper.
That was it for me. That was it. I was done.
A few days later I texted her and ripped her a new one while also ripping myself a new one as well.
The title of the text was "WE NEED HELP" and I wasnt about to back down.
My friends all know I am an lifelong alcoholic and I can come from a place both of self reflection as well as real concern. Something about knowing your audience, and your audience knowing you, makes situations like this a little easier to swallow.
Her take on all of it ? "I guess I did it again lol I am a little embarrassed but I am fine. How are you doing".
Well, that just sent me seething further. As I am witnessing my own decades of denial, play out before my eyes.
"We are SPIRALING. We gotta get it together. This is all NOT OK. Your son almost watched you die. What kind of examples are we setting here ???"
It all fell on totally deaf ears.
I guess your just not ready until your ready. And people can only meet you where THEY are.
Even if that means late middle age. We aint getting any younger. And apparently not a whole helluva alot smarter either...
I'm really happy to be sober today on this rainy cloudy Saturday in June. This morning when I popped out of bed at 5:30 am because I COULD
, I hopped onto Etsy and ordered myself a "NQTD" (Never Question The Decision) bracelet with my forever from now on official sobriety date engraved on it 6/01/2021.I will never drink again, I will never change my mind.
And I will, never, ever again, question that decision...
XO AO
Emancipated 6/01/2021
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I just have a lot of understanding and compassion towards individuals in that situation. I've certainly made a mess of myself while drinking. I certainly have felt the weight of it. I am sure there have been stories told about me like the one you wrote here......
It is good you are sober. Lend a helping hand where you can. Perhaps your friend will come to you in her own time wanting support and to recover. Lead by example kinda thing....
It is good you are sober. Lend a helping hand where you can. Perhaps your friend will come to you in her own time wanting support and to recover. Lead by example kinda thing....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,720
Thank goodness the bacchanalian horror stories are behind me.
We can only lead by example alphaomega.
I am sorry for you friend, sorry for her son.
The shame be there no matter how much she tries to deny or rationalise it.
Hoping for a breakthrough.
We can only lead by example alphaomega.
I am sorry for you friend, sorry for her son.
The shame be there no matter how much she tries to deny or rationalise it.
Hoping for a breakthrough.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,598
I feel for those people.
I have so many of my own similar stories. I’m glad theNet was in its infancy.
Congrats on your sober time AO.
I’m having trouble with the timeline tho...where do the weed and benzoes fit in?
D
I have so many of my own similar stories. I’m glad theNet was in its infancy.
Congrats on your sober time AO.
I’m having trouble with the timeline tho...where do the weed and benzoes fit in?
D
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I know it can be frustrating when others don’t see the light like we do. I’m familiar with just being like lol, whoops I drank too much haha, in response to events. It doesn’t mean that’s what I internally actually thought that. I was gravely disturbed or embarrassed or hopeless feeling. Maybe I was protecting my drinking and just saying lol…. maybe the other party will brush it off as simple shenanigans too.
She may have heard your words and it thinking about it more seriously than she is presenting. Maybe the moment is one of the seeds she reflects on later. We all have to get here on our own as you already know.
That’s a rough event to have gone trough as a newly sober person. I’m glad it reaffirms your decision. I hope your consider taking a break from drinking events for a little while.
I’m glad you took care of your friend. It’s not your responsibility to do so however. Protect your sobriety first. Lead by example. Maybe exit a party way before it gets to that point. Save yourself the anxiety and stress.
I’m glad you shared with us.
She may have heard your words and it thinking about it more seriously than she is presenting. Maybe the moment is one of the seeds she reflects on later. We all have to get here on our own as you already know.
That’s a rough event to have gone trough as a newly sober person. I’m glad it reaffirms your decision. I hope your consider taking a break from drinking events for a little while.
I’m glad you took care of your friend. It’s not your responsibility to do so however. Protect your sobriety first. Lead by example. Maybe exit a party way before it gets to that point. Save yourself the anxiety and stress.
I’m glad you shared with us.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I feel for those people.
I have so many of my own similar stories. I’m glad theNet was in its infancy.
Congrats on your sober time AO.
I’m having trouble with the timeline tho...where do the weed and benzoes fit in?
D
I have so many of my own similar stories. I’m glad theNet was in its infancy.
Congrats on your sober time AO.
I’m having trouble with the timeline tho...where do the weed and benzoes fit in?
D
Benzos are proving to be pretty gnarly. Might need to taper...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I've had nights like that. Some people are binge-drinkers like your friend. They get really drunk, make a fool of themselves, and wake up with a hangover full of regret. They then may not touch alcohol for another month. I have friends like that.
What separates me from binge-drinkers is I wake up the next morning and immediately start drinking again. I will drink alone for a week, 2 weeks solid. Every morning I'm waiting outside the liquor store for it to open at 10am along with the other alcoholics trying to hide the withdrawal symptoms.
My friends may see me drunk and stupid on a Saturday night but they have no idea that I will be off on a 2 week bender of around the clock drinking.
I'm mid-40's and the fact I am still capable of drinking like this is concerning to say the least.
What separates me from binge-drinkers is I wake up the next morning and immediately start drinking again. I will drink alone for a week, 2 weeks solid. Every morning I'm waiting outside the liquor store for it to open at 10am along with the other alcoholics trying to hide the withdrawal symptoms.
My friends may see me drunk and stupid on a Saturday night but they have no idea that I will be off on a 2 week bender of around the clock drinking.
I'm mid-40's and the fact I am still capable of drinking like this is concerning to say the least.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
I would have totally exited stage left, but my closest friend (soul sister) was the hostess and I could not leave her with that horror of so.much.vomit.
The husband left his son and us to deal with her.
I mean, who even does that ? It wasnt enough that she was inadvertently drowning herself that maybe he could have stayed and help his son pour her in the car ? Jagbag.
It interesting how this time, I dont feel even slightly white-knuckly around alcohol. Many many times in the past that I quit, I would go to events and be sooooo tempted. Not anymore. I feel like I was marketed to and duped by the booze industry. And (if you couldnt already tell lol) I do get a certain rise out of sticking it to "the man".
Not drinking no longer makes me feel deprived. I feel liberated. Aware. Knowledged. Privledged. Serene.
And also like I'm sticking up two big middle fingers to the whole BS we are made to believe is the only way we can have fun.
It's an empowerment I have never been able to quantify before.
They have taken enough from me already. No more...
XO AO
The husband left his son and us to deal with her.
I mean, who even does that ? It wasnt enough that she was inadvertently drowning herself that maybe he could have stayed and help his son pour her in the car ? Jagbag.
It interesting how this time, I dont feel even slightly white-knuckly around alcohol. Many many times in the past that I quit, I would go to events and be sooooo tempted. Not anymore. I feel like I was marketed to and duped by the booze industry. And (if you couldnt already tell lol) I do get a certain rise out of sticking it to "the man".
Not drinking no longer makes me feel deprived. I feel liberated. Aware. Knowledged. Privledged. Serene.
And also like I'm sticking up two big middle fingers to the whole BS we are made to believe is the only way we can have fun.
It's an empowerment I have never been able to quantify before.
They have taken enough from me already. No more...
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,653
I've been in some awful situations but often the next day was so embarrassed I tried to laugh it off or play it down. We have no way of knowing what someone else is going through or feeling. It's easy to judge, I was the world's worse for judging other people. even now I really have to catch myself before I take a step back and think been there done that and there but for the grace of God I could go again
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by Mizz
Just out of curiosity.....
What message is being conveyed here?
What message is being conveyed here?
But, now that you ask, I guess the message might be - friends dont let friends drive drunk or passively watch them kill themselves with substances ?
I did that with my sister, and my dad, both which ended in graveside services.
And giant holes in my heart and soul....
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by RAL
I've been in some awful situations but often the next day was so embarrassed I tried to laugh it off or play it down. We have no way of knowing what someone else is going through or feeling. It's easy to judge, I was the world's worse for judging other people. even now I really have to catch myself before I take a step back and think been there done that and there but for the grace of God I could go again
Its not like the rooms where cross talk isnt permitted.
I did say that I was judging myself right ? My words these days dont lean towards selfdeprication anymore. Not sorry.
I have hated myself and my choices for farrrr too long.
Interestingly enough, for me, the biggest motivator for my sobriety was a therapist who tough loved the hell out of me when I was in a death spiral.
She basically told me, get sober or we are done. That stung like the pricks from a thousand bees, because I had mad respect for her and her hard won sobriety, but no one to this day, but no one ever made me rethink all of this like she did. I didnt get sober from that, but I never forgot it.
Gosh isnt it ever a magnificent day today ?!?!?
Blessings all...
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,653
Alpha- I wasn't having a go at you. Just saying that I've been there. I am definitely not the 'do not judge' police -as I said I am judgmental just trying not to be.
It's great you are looking out for your friend but as you know we each have to do our own journey. Maybe her husband has just seen it so many times before he's utterly fed up. I don't know. It's great you are sober and this is definitely one of those ;'this could be me if i pick up again' recaps.
It's great you are looking out for your friend but as you know we each have to do our own journey. Maybe her husband has just seen it so many times before he's utterly fed up. I don't know. It's great you are sober and this is definitely one of those ;'this could be me if i pick up again' recaps.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by RAL
Alpha- I wasn't having a go at you. Just saying that I've been there. I am definitely not the 'do not judge' police -as I said I am judgmental just trying not to be.
It's great you are looking out for your friend but as you know we each have to do our own journey. Maybe her husband has just seen it so many times before he's utterly fed up. I don't know. It's great you are sober and this is definitely one of those ;'this could be me if i pick up again' recaps.
It's great you are looking out for your friend but as you know we each have to do our own journey. Maybe her husband has just seen it so many times before he's utterly fed up. I don't know. It's great you are sober and this is definitely one of those ;'this could be me if i pick up again' recaps.
I wish I had been MORE judgmental when hers and my mutual dear friend blew her brains out in a car after drinking all day at an all day "Beer Fest".
Or when our other mutual friends husband choked her out twice, in front of her sleeping 5 year old when the tequila turned him into a monster.
I really really wish I had been more judgmental when another friend of mine, who managed to carry triplets to term, died of alcohol poisoning in her sleep on their 16th birthday.
And I'll always regret not being more open with my struggles when my husbands friend put a tie around his neck and then looped it around a doorknob and offed himself. Surrounded by empty chardonnay bottles...
And these werent skid row junkies,
They checked all the "successful" boxes, police sargent, lawyer, entrepenuer, mother, pharmacist, chemist.
Addiction is not a pussyfoot around game for me any longer.
Any I dont take potentially watching a child have to go through the horrors that I have while watching their parent die, a little, every day lightly.
If that means I'm crass, brash, too much, over the top, snarky, forthright and yes, judgey too, then slap a label on me and call me b*tch.
These were my people. My tribe. And going forward, Im not going to stand by and play small to save anyones feelings from getting bruised.
Wishing everyone the best Monday they can muster. It's dreary today. But I'm sober AF and loving all of me, including my nasty bits...
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by Boondock
Maybe gaining a few sober friends would help....as they say in AA "we are not a glum lot"....My morning home group is a bunch of clowns...lol I fit right in.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
