Mags1

Welcome to the Weekenders

All the talk of AV (addictive voice) this week made me ask myself....am I prepared as much as I think I am?

I’ve got my tool box, is it dusty, do I know it’s contents and can I go and get the appropriate tool easily to keep living a sober life?



Or as I like to compare it to...crossing the road. Once you’ve learnt the basics, looking both ways to ensure the road is clear then cross, its automatic for us to do this and we don’t really think about it, or dwell on it.

(I hope you don’t mind me using some of your post,Saou)
Saoutchik used a great tool, earlier on, he said

I had to tell some really great Aussie guys staying at my hotel about my alcoholism, we have been exchanging some banter about a recent cricket match between England and Australia (which wasn't easy as the Aussies thrashed us) and they asked me to go to the bar with them. If they had been a less convivial bunch it would have been easy but with them I think I might have struggled.

Wow! How prepared for the AV was he! Just dealt with the moment and moved on.

If we have the right tools for us this shows how we can act upon any sticky situation.



If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)

andyh

thanks Mags

Hawkeye13

Le shotgun

Thanks Mags for the great topic!

I'm in the process of upgrading my sobriety toolbox, but my first step is actually using the tools I already have, which I deliberately ignored for several relapses.

For example, mindful honesty and a basic meditation practice make it relatively easy to see a relapse coming long before I act on it. It also just makes my life better all around, yet I often distract myself with just about anything else rather than sit.

On the other hand, I am pretty good at getting to bed early and sleeping if I feel tired and wobbly.

What tools work well or need improvement for the rest of you? Maybe we can share which we suggest or want to cultivate?

C0ntr0ls

My current tools for the AV that has been working for me in my early quit.
-I shake my head slightly as if I'm erasing an etchasektch to get rid of the thought. Yes this is dating myself. Lol
-I get a drink of water. My thought on this was to condition myself to replace the desire to drink a beer with the habit to drinking water. Hope that makes sense.
-I'll grab at least one if not more Oreo cookies. I've always had a sweet tooth and right now I'll eat more sweets or food in general instead of drinking beer because it's working as of now without weight gain.

theVman31

Thanks Mags.
A very fitting topic.
Everyone needs that toolbox.

Welcome to Controls

Time for a long walk and a swim.

Later weekenders

dpac414

I am IN as per usual. I gotta go workout, but will post a bit more later. This is another great topic and I want to be able to put a little thought into it.

Thanks as always, Mags.

kk1k5x

I'm in this time as well.

Would be great if you could just contact your service provider and have AV blocked. When prompted for a number, just say "it used to have my number all the time... that's why I'm contacting you!"

Tetrax

I just got back from an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) meeting, which was interesting to be part of, but for me was mostly a rehashing of mindfulness and CBT-type tools I already know. I guess I'm in the process of wanting to streamline my toolbox if that makes sense, keep the important things to me at the forefront of my mind. One guy at SMART made a collage of all his main tools (from both SMART and elsewhere). Seemed like a good idea.

MantaLady

Thanks Mags ��. Finally got my $hit together and off to the pool to go swimming. Been promising myself to go regularly since Easter and just not tried hard enough to actually do it, always had an excuse or been too lazy to bother.

I guess you could say this OP has encouraged me to get one of my most dusty and unused tools in my toolbox out today and use it!

Catch you all later lovely weekenders xx

Ustacallmelola

I have to carry my toolbox everywhere. My two main tools right now if I am in trouble are exercise and meetings. Being an Atheist, I struggle with the program, but AA is always a safe place for me to run if I am in a bad place, and I always feel better when I leave. Thankfully there are 30 meetings a day within 20 mins of where I live. The gym is my zen time where I feel the most alive. I look forward to going. Book stores and coffee shops are also safe havens. I practice daily acceptance of my alcohol addiction. I mind my own business and avoid stress and drama. Not my circus, not my monkey's is my daily mantra.

STDragon

I heard on the radio yesterday that a game of Tetris lasts just long enough for cravings to pass.

Morning all. Driving Mrs Dragon to the next town to meet up with some friends. I saw an add the other day for a music shop in that town that was boasting about it's Ukuleles. Darned if i can find the place on google....

biminiblue

Prayer/positive thought, Box Breathing, instrumental music. And what Ustacallmelola said, my three sentences:

Mind your own business
Don't engage (in that conversation, don't engage with that thought)
Love everyone

Those three things came to me early on in my sober time, and they've worked so many times when my thoughts want to jump ahead or get offended or be in some drama.

I do best when I Stay In This Moment. This One. Right here. Not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, just in the now. One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. Mindfulness.

To do that in early sobriety was a challenge and meditation certainly helps a lot with that. So does walking outdoors.

Sometimes I just say, "Stop!" out loud, like C0ntr0ls little head-shake thing. Sometimes I curl my toes. (Don't laugh, it came from an anxiety workshop. Turns out it's impossible to be anxious when curling toes. I don't know why it works.)

In that vein, I did tapping (EFT) quite frequently in early sobriety and I still use it sometimes, though not nearly as often. It sounds a little woo, but it works, so...I think it's the same concept - be in the body, not the mind.

dpac414

So. My toolbox. First and foremost, checking in here every day and making at least one post is a priority. Sometimes I fall short if I'm feeling low but I at least read here when I don't post.

Second I have my sobriety tracker, where I make a morning pledge each day and then review my day at the end. I can track moods, what I did, how I felt, how hard it was to abstain, and these days I've been cruising down easy street. It's a good way for me to see any trends and what may trigger them. Also a nice way to center myself and reflect for a few minutes every night.

Third is my weekly AA meeting that I have now made my home group. Really great group of people, old and young, but mostly men. Nbd though, doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would when I first started going. I have also added committing to setting up the meetings each week, so next week I'll be heading there at 10 min to 7pm to help make coffee.

On top of all that I also have daily readings I do each morning on the way to work.

In my regular day to day, I make sure to talk to my family frequently, make plans to walk with my oldest sister, call my grandparents, do social things sometimes, exercise, and make time to relax.

Every so often I will go somewhere that has alcohol or where I know people will be drinking, but never bars or clubs. Not sure if I'll ever want to go to one of those again. For every planned in advance event, I'll either post here or make a whole new thread to check in and gather support. I couldn't let y'all down so it's a pretty good insurance policy.

I luckily haven't gotten close to drinking yet, but I've been very controlled in what I do and where I go so I haven't really faced anything really challenging (save for my sister's wedding). In my opinion, there's no reason for me to put myself in situations where I could make the choice to drink, and I luckily haven't had a strong craving in awhile. I do have some fleeting thoughts, but I make sure to acknowledge and laugh at them. If it persists, I come here.

I think if I start school next year (if I get accepted) I will need to step back and reevaluate and reinforce my plan to deal with situations I haven't had to yet. I have gone on a few dates, but it's stated outright that I don't drink so the guys know that I'm not doing that. So far I haven't had any issues. Right now, this is working for me.

I feel lucky, because I am really starting to feel the benefits of long term sobriety and haven't felt like I really needed to fight for it like some here do. Just one day at a time, I guess. As long as I don't drink today, I'm okay.

Callas

Hallo all. We have a public holiday here tomorrow so all the more reason to have the toolbox planned which is what I did. Golf tomorrow and Saturday and very low key lunch Sunday. Busy reading a good book too. The AV has left me alone so far in my sober journey (5 months). Long may it stay away.

kk1k5x

For me, so far, the bigges tool has been to constantly notice the little positives that come from each day of sobriety. Things like "I haven't sent a strongly worded and somewhat incoherent email today" or "I didn't stumble on the bag of empties on the balcony today". There a lot of such small things that you can notice, if you focus. I think if I didn't, then the allure of a drink would be stronger, because on the surface it would look like as if nothing (big and) positive (single observable item) has really come from sobriety and it's not all it's cracked up to be. But the small things balance the scales. Since their numbers grow quickly with each sober day, it ultimately leaves the thought of a drink and what it entails/might entail as the loser.

In short, it's a daily inventory of why I want to be sober more than I'd want to drink. The positives inherently accumulate, if you notice them and let them gather. In the past I didn't pay attention to such things, assuming that life will just be fixed the moment I put down the bottle, so disappointment was easy to come and the drink suddenly started looking very appealing, because there was nothing seemingly balancing the scales on sobriety's side.

serenitynowplz

MantaLady

I feel so good after my swim. Got to the pool and there was only one other person in it for about 30 minutes and I stayed in the water for 1 hour 45 minutes! Started off and after about 6 lengths asked the pool attendant how many lengths would make a mile...64 was the answer and I immediately thought I can’t do that it’s too much. I’ll do half. But while pottering along I gave myself a good talking to, “yes Manta you can do it, so what if it takes a long time...what else are you gonna do other than go home and watch Netflix etc. So I decided I would keep going and I hit a mile after about 1.5 hours (I am slow and out of practice lol)

I already feel like I am going to get a really great nights sleep off the back of it, the pool was so peaceful and still it was like a really long calm meditation, slowed my thoughts right down and feel like I have had a brain rest if that makes any sense lol xx

lunar

Thanks Mags! I'm in.
The reservoir just after sunrise earlier today.
Fishing was so-so, one nice plump smallie; released of course,
many sunnies and smaller smallies. (sorry folks, no creature photos today)

saoutchik

IN!Late in the day, it has gone 11.25pm here.

Thank you for your kind words in the OP Mags, I hope I didn't make not going for a drink with those Aussie guys sound easy, it was one of the very few times I was sad not to me a normie. I realize too that in my thinking they would be in the bar drinking long into the night - because that's what I would have done but of course I am probably defaming them as they were more likely to have just drank a few beers and maybe a single malt. That said, I did not see them at breakfast.

My main tool, if you can call it that is fear. Fear of dying a sad drunk. Not the most uplifting of tools but effective. Forcing myself to be active helps too as it means I am tired at the times I might think about drinking.

Bedtime.

mariposa