BeABetterMan

I'm an alcoholic. It's bad. I've been arrested 3 times in the last 6 months. Lost jobs, lost marriages, lost everything. Somehow I still have enough that if salvaged now, I could still live a good life.

BUT I CAN'T STOP DRINKING. I've tried AA at least 10 times, been to inpatient, outpatient (4 times), I've been taking anatabuse, but I quit it long enough to power drink again. I'm am going to die, or worse, kill someone else.

HOW CAN I QUIT? I am in the Tucson, AZ area and I'm looking for recommendations on a good rehab. I vow to never stop trying to quit, but I can't seem to get right. If I didn't have kids, I would leave this world today, but it's not fair to them to leave them without a father.

Looking for some advice....anyone?

I've been on and off these boards for years in previous failed attempts at quitting.

If you can't help, please pray for me and for all of the others like me stuck in this nightmare.

least

When you say you've 'tried AA' 10 times, do you mean you went to meetings or did you work the steps? The program of AA is not in attending meetings, but in working the steps.

In order to stop drinking for good, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. Not easy, but simple and true.

Ghostlight1

It seems as though you've tried many different avenues to stop drinking and haven't been able to.
Maybe it's time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself.
All the things you mention failed. Was it them, or was it you?
I think we both know the answer.
To stop throwing up I had to start growing up and take responsibility for myself and my actions and do something about it.

It sounds to me as though you're at that point. Read what it says at the bottom of my post. My tag line. That's going to be you if you don't change your ways.
And only you can do that. No one is going to do it for you. Not here, not any where until you have the willingness to take directions and heed them.

I don't mean to, well, yes I do, be so blunt. But your luck is going to run out.
Mine did. I know alcohol. I know alcoholism and I know alcoholics.
We're a very predictable lot. Maybe you don't know what you're heading for. I do. And it isn't pretty.
I'll pray for you as I pray for all of us alcoholics.
But, it's going to take sincere action on your part to change, and I hope you do before it's too late. And believe me, it's later than you think.

MariahGayle

AtomicBlue

You’re in my prayers tonight. I echo least. Get a sponsor and do the steps. Doesn’t seem like you’d have anything to lose by doing so right? Stop the cycle for good.

Broncosys

All I can offer you BABM are the observations that you haven't lost everything, you can still live a good life, you CAN stop drinking, you are slowly killing yourself as we speak and thus you ARE well down the road to leaving your kids fatherless, you know what to do and don't need any new advice, just about all of us have failed attempts at quitting, and you are NOT stuck in any nightmare. You already know that you will find an ocean of support here at SR. You also know that nobody on this site can help you in the way you want which is to impart some magic words of wisdom that will break things loose for you. You know ALL of the magic words. Hell, I'd bet with 10 AA attempts and 4 rehabs under your belt, you could recite most of the magic words. This is now just up to you BABM. We are all with you but you have to want it. And you don't yet. Please let your kids be enough for you to want it. I let mine down in so many ways and I'd give anything to change that. But you have the power now to change it for them and for yourself. Please take care of yourself BABM.

CupofJoe

You're still alive and still here, so you have a chance. I'm wondering if you're like I was--looking for the magic solution that would lift the obsession to drink without any effort on my part? It's one thing to hear what we're supposed to do, it's another thing to do it.

The first time I did Step One with a sponsor, I drank before meeting with her because I actually thought that doing Step One would lift the obsession to drink. Spoiler alert: it didn't, and I continued drinking for a couple of years after that. I went to meetings, did outpatient rehab, wasn't able to hold down jobs, was in debt, etc. Wanted to end it all. It got dark inside of me, so while our circumstances are different, I can empathize.

All I can say is that you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. It's more of an internal change than anything else. Give up. Surrender. You can't drink and therefore you have to be willing to do anything to move forward.

There are different methods of getting comfortable with sobriety, but the underlying piece is that you can't drink no matter what. That's the first place to start. You do have it in your power, even if your addiction tells you otherwise.

Glad you're here. Sending good thoughts your way.

Dee74

have you considered posting here regularly beabetterman? like daily, or even multiple times a day?

Being a part of this community not only kept me sober it gave me a little hope too - sounds like you could use some?

D

BeABetterMan

Avra

I quit without AA or any other formal program. I made my own way and it worked for me. I came here alot, read, but mostly made some major lifestyle changes with a hard commitment to not drink no matter what. It is very possible and there are lots here that have done it similiar to myself, still others have used other methods like rational recovery

doda

I think you need come up with a plan and stick with it. I never lost a job or a spouse, was never arrested, but nearly paid the ultimate price with my life. Alcohol had all control, and I couldn't stop, didn't function, and couldn't eat. Lost friend's support when I refused to go to rehab after hospital detox, but I walked into AA. Spent 2 1/2 in the program but left because I was resistant to working the steps or confiding in a sponsor. But the program was still valuable to me.

I feel it is important to continue to grow and to have goals. Today, at 2 years & 10 months sober, I went to my first Smart Recovery meeting which just began in the small town I live. I enjoyed it, as it seems to focus on positive thinking and problem solving ridding irrational thoughts. I'm hoping it can help with my nicotine addiction. Just an idea if they have Smart Recovery in your area.

nez

this
followed up by
are the bottom line to success. Dig beneath the surface of any program and you will find those are the bedrock. Programs don't keep people sober. Hard work does.

trying?

johnnyt53

BABM, You've been around AA enough to have heard what other people have done, etc. You've been around here long enough to have heard plenty also, yet you haven't been able to quit drinking. You have no defense against the first drink, that insanity that precedes that first drink and it is insanity. When I was broke and completely void of all power to change then my higher power could help me with a psychic change. I have plenty of work to do everyday to stay sober but it is life giving, enjoyable, ego busting, ball breaking, grateful work that I get to do one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I will pray for you and know that it can happen to you too, anyone who wants it. You will find what you seek. "There is someone who has all power, may you find Him now."

DontRemember

Court ordered AA,some therapy and just completely giving up drinking for me 'worked' ..I'm only a couple years in,but just Not drinking anymore works for me. I can honestly never imagine 'hurting myself' like that ever again. No sooner would I 'cut' myself than intentionally have a drink..

DontRemember

I'll also say.. I just read through your thread history and **IF** you really want to get/stay sober..start there..by reading your past struggle..with the exact same 'problem'.. Start there.. Doesn't matter how much 'stuff' you half assed tried/blame for YOUR continued drinking..at the end of the day it's 100% on YOU...

That's what got me sober... Owning MY**** and working to help myself in anyway I could.. Once i got serious.

Guener

Well, BABM, things are getting pretty bad for you. A significant part of my path to recovery was in Tucson. I took accountability for what I had done and ended up in a very hard situation.

My ex-fiance kicked me out in a loving way, and I ended up being homeless for months. This was after a month of inpatient rehab. That homeless shelter on 6th Ave at Benson Hwy, now run by the Primavera Foundation, I was there for some months; also at the Salvation Army a couple times. Those homeless people at the Linda Ronstadt bus center, I was there plenty of times using my free bus pass. I had no money, no transportation of my own in the end. I spent some time in jail. It was good for me, because I was completely helpless and I couldn't drink.

Is that what you want to happen to you? Because it can and will if you keep this up. Maybe you need to have everything removed from you for a while to seriously think about your life, but it's a very lonely place.

I went to IOP every day, went to AA meetings every day (though I'm not part of AA now), got help for my depression that I have, looked for jobs every day in the Library. The point is, I did something positive for my sobriety each and every day, multiple times in a day, and my thinking started to change. All this time I didn't have the means to drink or would have been sleeping on a bench and possibly would have died before that anyway.

How far are you willing to go?

Michelle644

I am going to quote Gilmer here (look her up you'll love her) You have to want to quit more than you want to drink. It worked for me and I tried quitting for years.

CupofJoe

I did use AA, but I also use elements from AVRT, SMART, therapy, yoga, another (now defunct) website similar to this, and meditation. I think it helped me a lot to have a lot of different approaches.

I feel for you. I guess my question is what do you do before you drink? What is going through your mind? Are you aware of it? Do you fight it? What happens?

For me, learning how to intervene between myself and the addiction, from letting it take over, was key. Everything else helped me get comfortable with sobriety, but it came down to how to avoid that first drink.

Posting a lot also helped me, especially helping people who were also struggling. Even when I was still hungover, posting encouragement to someone else in the same position helped enormously. It not only got me out of my head, but it helped me see myself in the other person. It helped me shift my perspective to see what alcohol was really doing to me.

If nothing else, I highly recommend posting to help and encourage other people. You might already do that, so apologies if you do, but that would be my first suggestion.

Sorry for the epic post. I really feel for you. I know how hard it is to struggle and to feel like you can't quit. I used to say the same thing. I am pulling for you.

Anna

I'm glad you posted.

Personally, I believe motivation is the key, with whatever program or plan you follow. I'm not an AA person, but have depended on books and SR to support my recovery. There is a wealthy of support here, so keep reading and be inspired. We are here for you.

thomas11

I'm sure most of us have had a few trips to dark places. I know I just got over one recently. I don't have any advice for you but I want to offer my support. You gotta pull through this and get sobered up. Then formulate a plan. Best of luck to you.