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Relapsed.. Need encouragement

Old 09-11-2018, 07:17 PM
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Relapsed.. Need encouragement

Hi all,
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
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Old 09-11-2018, 07:23 PM
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Welcome back Sophie

you can absolutely do this - may need to look at your plan and accept you need to do a little more though?

why not join the Class of September support thread too?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-one-9.html

D
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Old 09-11-2018, 07:25 PM
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If I can get sober for good, anyone can! It's possible if you work for it.
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Old 09-11-2018, 07:45 PM
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Thank you Dee, Least.

I know I can do this... Just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Thank you for listening, but I need to 'sound off'. The 21st Sept is the three year anniversary of my mom's suicide.
I know that's not a reason to drink. She wouldn't want that.
But I used (use) drinking as a way to erase what she did. It took me to the 'now' and also allowed me to erase the history.
That's a tempting combination. I've done my Cost Benefit Anysis, and know why I do it. Still, I hate myself for being weak.
Please just send me love and strength. I know I can do this. I just need to feel that there are others out there who have walked the sane road, and succeeded
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Old 09-11-2018, 08:02 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss Sophie. But I also know that new choices, new traditions, and new behaviours have to start somewhere.

Maybe this year doing that anniversary sober could be the start of you dealing with unresolved stuff and finding a little peace?

D
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Old 09-11-2018, 08:10 PM
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Don't continue to hate yourself for thinking you're weak. It sounds silly but if you think something negative about yourself follow it up with "no I'm not", "that's not true". Those thoughts are cancer and some of us can't simply stop thinking about them.
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Old 09-11-2018, 09:57 PM
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We humans can do amazing things when we put our minds to it.
For a successful recovery- I needed a plan, meetings, SR, professional support and complete honesty to myself.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Together we are strong.
Keep posting-perhaps join the Class of September 2018??
Support to you.
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Old 09-12-2018, 03:41 PM
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Just get right back into it, it's worth it. It's always a better way to live sober. Your brain will lie to you sometimes, remember not to trust it.
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Old 09-12-2018, 09:52 PM
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You can absolutely do this Sophie!! How did today go?
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Old 09-13-2018, 12:13 AM
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Sending a ton of love and strenght - You'l always find support here
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Old 09-13-2018, 12:17 AM
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Hey Sophie.

Sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I relapsed after quite a few years sober.

I know quite a few people who have done the same, then gotten back into recovery and made it work again, perhaps even stronger than it was before. I take great hope from that.
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Old 09-13-2018, 01:53 AM
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Hey Sophie. Many of us have been where you are. I'm just coming off a two-year relapse (I know how to relapse like a champion!).

How are you today? Good or bad, keep close. One of the many stupid things I do is to stay away from the people who can help me most when I need them most. I never quite worked out whether that was from embarrassment or because I always planned to seek their help 'soon'.
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Old 09-13-2018, 03:17 AM
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What a tragedy. Suicide is it’s own special loss, one which I understand too well.

It took me years but my terrible day - May 14 - is now a day of reflection on how I’ve moved on. It sounds weird but it’s like I was passed a very heavy baton on that day and every day after, I’ve gotten stronger from carrying it and I can be good to myself and those who I care about by not succumbing to the heaviness. And with time it gets lighter. One day at a time, adds up.

You did four months. You can resume. The class here is a very good suggestion. (Suggested above). It worked for me and many others here. Is that something you’d consider?
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Old 09-13-2018, 03:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Sophie11 View Post
Hi all,
I had 4 months sober, and bought a bottle of wine to drink on my way home. Drank it all. My partner could see I was drunk. I hate myself.
I know I need to readdress my plan, what I will do differently. I know that will come: Please, right now I need people to tell me I CAN DO THIS. I want to do this. Please send me love and strength.
Hi Sophie.... I've been there. Lots of times.

THIS..... one thing that helped me was to redefine THIS.

For a long time, THIS = "quit drinking" and "I HAVE TO STOP" and "THIS IS THE LAST TIME"

Then one day, I changed the definition of THIS....

Then, THIS = "Live fully, embrace sobriety, be present, be the best person I can be".

When I made that shift it was much easier to stay on track. I found role models that aligned to that THIS..... I painted an image in my mind about a life in that THIS.... I re-centered myself in THAT THIS every day and I took daily actions to support that choice (I CHOOSE SOBRIETY) that reinforced THIS.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

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Old 09-13-2018, 05:01 AM
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Sophie you went through an awful thing. But you have done 4 months thatís amazing. You slipped up but you can get up again stronger. All the best gb
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Old 09-13-2018, 09:06 AM
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Hey, Sophie. You can definitely do this. Use your 4 months of sobriety as a learning experience and think of ways to make your sober plan better. Joining the Class of September is a great idea, and please stick around here for advice and support.
You've got this--I was about as bad as one could be--when I left rehab 2 years and 9 months ago my counselor said he had never seen anyone as close to death as I was when I entered, but I gave my all to recovery and have not had a drink since. My life is not perfect but it is good, and that's enough.
Sending you much love and strength.
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Old 09-13-2018, 01:46 PM
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Sophie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. You are not weak at all. And, yes, you can definitely do this. You had 4 months of sobriety and you can do it again and then, beyond.
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Old 09-13-2018, 03:50 PM
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Sending my love Sophie. We all struggle with these things. Keep up the fight!
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Old 09-13-2018, 04:57 PM
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Sophie11 - 4 months is AWESOME!! i am sober around same time right now...Sorry to hear all the things that happened. Try to let go things, sometimes they are not in your control, drinking over that or any reason is not going to help. It sounds so simple but I have learnt that very hard way. Pick up your self and be easy on yourself. Trust me, if I can do you can definitely do or You can do even better. Stay strong, Stay committed and don't budge to that dark voice. You are much more stronger than you think....
Good luck...
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Old 09-14-2018, 07:27 AM
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Have you tried seeing/talking to a therapist? I went a few times and it really helped me to let go of and reaccess several areas of my life/mind that i would drink at/over. Can't hurt.
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