PinnacleOR

Just getting my newest Day 4 going- feeling good about the momentum. Yesterday was a pink cloud day of sorts. Today, I woke up and was looking at an old friend's Instragram posts and started getting feelings of regret, and "I lost out" because of my drinking. I used to be part of the circle of friends with this person, but admittedly that was 10 years ago - and 10 years until today when I was lost in my own self-seeking world of alcoholism. He had all of these great photos of the group traveling together, laughing, having a great time. I could have been in that picture, but - and I don't blame anyone but myself - I got disconnected from them due to my drinking and isolating. Now it feels too long ago, too late.

Of course, my AV immediately jumped up and said, "see, it's over, you've made your bed, now drink in it!" But I won't.

How have you dealt withe the regrets, the could have beens, from a big chunk of life lost to drinking?

lessgravity

Pinn - I think you did an excellent job there of identifying your AV in a place where the AV is most insidious and effective - using the past to give in to drinking in the present.

Took me a long time to identify that AV trick - I call it the "might as wells" --> "You know you are going to drink again one day, might as well have one now", "Think of everything you messed up drinking, might as well just drinking", etc etc.

In fact I think that my current and permanent sobriety owes much to shutting down and ignoring this specific AV voice.

Good work. Stay strong. It all gets better.

Anna

For me, and there were definitely regrets, I feel gratitude that I am where I am at this moment. It's exactly where I should be.

PinnacleOR

Thanks all, I've been reading and re-reading Rich 624's post today. Poor me....than lucky me. What could have been...sometimes you hear (or read) the things you need just at the right time.

Hevyn

Pinnacle - I felt the same about Rich's post. Terrifying.

The 'what should have been's, guilt, remorse, almost led me back to drinking again. I spent decades doing foolish & reckless things. Spent money I could sure use today - lost people I loved who never really understood. As Ann said, we're exactly where we're meant to be right now. We can't let ourselves waste any more time on regret.

SnazzyDresser

You have to be like Frank Sinatra. Regrets, he had a few. But then again too few to mention. You're still alive! Go out and make some new history, that's the great thing about getting sober. We get to keep doing things haha.

Dee74

You know what I think is a better use of time and energy Pinnacle?
think of what might be now you're sober

D

yinzer

Echo what the others have said.

Instead of “what could have been”, now it can be “wow, what WILL be!”

AtomicBlue

After some sobriety I was fortunate to reconnect with some of the friends I had isolated myself from. So there’s always that possibility, improved relations with the friends/family you’re still with, and an opportunity to make new friends.

PinnacleOR

Agree with that approach Dee!

D122y

Pinn,

I tell myself this...if I wasn't drinking I may have gotten hit by a bus....then I think...move forward.

I definitely made my own bed. My reputation is that of a drunk...an alcoholic.

I prove that I am no longer that person to myself every day. My wife and son both see me as a better man.

My boss, who I like better now that I am sober, doesn't treat me any differently. That is demoralizing. That is my new word for how I feel at work.

I have to keep trying...and failing...until my days are done. That is life.

Living is the past is depression. Living in the future is anxiety. Living in the now is serenity. One moment at a time. Living in the present. Enjoying this gift of life.

I have all of my limbs, my eyes, ears, I can run, lift heavy stuff...

The next most important thing is I am clean and sober.

That really is life.

Went to a party last night. They were drinking fancy beer. They got a buzz for about an hour.After 2 hours, they were so tired. Eyes tired. Ready for bed.

Is that life? Not for me.

Now that I am this clean, I love being pure. I love it, I would not give this up for anything.

I still crave a bit, but i love being as strong as i can be. Not giving this up for a second, e.g. drinking a beer, ever again.

Thanks.