tomsteve

cant walk forever.
the sponsor had very valid points:

- that I have a sick mind.
alcoholics arent mentally healthy.

- that I can't trust my own Thinking
an alcoholics thinking gets an alcoholic drunk

- that my brain is the same as someone on heroin
addressed above

- when I wake up that my first thought is about myself.
alcoholics tend to be selfish and self centered

- going for walks won't help.
only with the physical help, but wont give solutions for the underlying issues.
unless the walk is with someone that had already found solutions.

Pathwaytofree

LOL the truth is hard to hear sometimes, isn't it?

My experience: AA worked for me when all the external stuff did not. I didn't want to believe any of this either, but it saved my ass and my life. She may seem "obsessed" with her sponsor because her sponsor saved her ass and her life, too. I rarely talk to my sponsor anymore because we each have our own lives, but the stuff she taught me was pretty damn cool. Did I have her on a pedestal? No. She was just passing on what was taught to her.

No one says you have to be friends with the 5 girls. What they do and tell each other is their business. Your sponsor is just there to teach you this stuff and get you through the steps. She's there to help open your eyes to the truth, to show you how the alcoholic mind thinks, and how to change. You never have to speak with her after she gets you through the steps, or socialize with her, or see her ever again for that matter. Maybe the 5 girls feel they have this common bond of having recovered the same way, so they remained friends. But no one says you have to.

That being said, there are other recovery groups if you don't like AA. But it sounds to me like you have a good sponsor who is showing you the truth and helping you see things more clearly. I didn't have to call my sponsor as soon as I woke up, but I'm going to guess that she wants you to do that so she can get your mind going in a positive way and not in an alcoholic mind type of way. You may not see it clearly yet, because it's your norm. But as soon as I was able to see the truth--that my alcoholic mind got going like a train the second I opened up my eyes in the morning, I was able to do what I needed to do to solve that.

Pathwaytofree

You don't have to lose these things to be an alcoholic. Everybody's bottom is different.

Pathwaytofree

I hate to point out more truth, but if your first thought is a cigarette, that's no different than if your first thought is a drink.

That's great that you only keep people in your life who are uplifting and positive. The AA meeting I go to is full of people like that. Complainers usually don't stick around.

Anna

Sweetichick, I am not an AA person, but I know it works for many.

This is just my experience. Walking made a huge impact on my recovery. It's not just the physical exercise. When I walk, my mind calms and I am far more able to think things through. It was while walking that I began to do the soul-searching I needed in order to recover emotionally.

I also never believed I couldn't trust my own thinking. Clearly, my life had gone off the rails for a few years, but I believe it was because I wasn't thinking. I was on auto-pilot because I was miserable and I was acting without thinking. When I began to climb out of my mess, I began to plan and think about my healing. I began to think about things I'd done that hurt my family, and that began the process of healing, as well.

I hope you find what works for you.

notnormal

Your sponsor may be the least of your problems. If you aren't sure you're an alcoholic then you're going to have a really hard time staying sober. I never lost any of the things you mentioned either but have known since I was 17 (first time in treatment) that I was an alcoholic. Still took me most of my adult life to finally be okay with me as a sober person but I couldn't stay stopped until then. I had to try every imaginable thing I could come up with to try and control my drinking (and fail) and then finally one day I simply gave up. A lot of what your sponsor says is likely true but probably not all. There are no perfect sponsors. If you truly feel she cares about you and is trying her best to help then you could do worse. If you don't feel she is doing either than fire her and get a new one. Just don't expect to find one that will be truly helpful that only tells you what you want to hear. Good luck and I hope you figure it out sooner than I did. NN

Bunny211

I had a very negative and mean sponsor early on too. I stayed for 18 months and I wanted to kill myself every day when I was with her. Find someone less negative. You deserve positivity in your life. Not someone constantly telling you what a bad person you are. I am still working to undo the damage of a mean, sick first sponsor. Find someone kind. Fire her.

AnvilheadII

FIVE days ago you posted:

I'm terrified about this meeting. That's why I kept drinking. Plus my man friend saying that I was stupid with the car. Can't handle it. Going insane.

your sponsor simply used different words to describe your current state. she did not say anything that you have not stated yourself.

Bird615

When I first went to AA, I was told and heard things I didn't like and didn't want to hear but somehow by that time I had the barest lick of sense to have finally realized that my way wasn't working.

I resisted some things I was told to do, but in the end did them because I was more afraid of getting drunk again than anything. I understood that maybe it was time to listen to others for a change until I got my brains unscrambled enough to think straight and begin to trust my own gut. But that took quite a bit of time before I got to that point.

My sponsors weren't mean but they were tough. They didn't just tell me what I wanted to hear but they were kind when that was what I needed.

I did fire one sponsor because she advised me to handle a situation with someone else in a way that even I knew was immature and unhelpful, but then she wasn't sober much longer than I was.

ReadyAtLast

I don't think terms are necessary. I ask myself the following?

- Do I have a problem with alcohol?
- Do I make bad decisions when having drunk?
- Do I want to stop but struggle?

I can answer yes to all 3 so know I definitely have a problem and need to stop.

Dee74

Hi sweetichick

Call it what you like but I think if you re-read some of your old threads you'd find some pretty substantial proof that you have a problem.

I was going to list the things that have happened to you this year alone but its not necessary really,

You know yourself you've been fighting this for a long time now.
If you could just stop you would.

You don't have to go to AA or get a sponsor - but trying to deal with this on your own (even with SR behind you) is not working for you.

If you kick AA into touch you need something to take its place...another meeting based group, some kind of rehab..whatever.

Odds are you're not going to like anything else any better at first either...

but you need to step up to the fight now, not run away.

D

sweetichick

I talked to my close family. They said it was no point having a sponsor yet especially some one younger who got sacked as a nurse for being incompetent. They know me well and said just to go to meeting s. I need some one older with more stability in there life. Thanks for the replies. I'm not giving up on AA. It's a great organisation.

Dee74

none of that precludes her being a good sponsor tho....but I'm not going to argue with you or your AV over someone I don't know.

I'm glad you opened up to family - are your family in AA, or do they have a history of addiction?

I hope you won't give up on the idea of sponsorship or even just doing something more than you have been sweetichick.

like I suggested before just going to meetings hasn't really been enough for you in the past.

I know it sucks having to do things you don't want to do - but for most of us the alternative to that is sinking deeper and deeper into trouble, and no one wants that for you sweetichick

D

sweetichick

Thanks Dee. I'm very confused right now. My dad is an alcoholic but gave up through the church. My mum is severely depressed and anxious. Don't know if they are the right ones to advise me. I only know that I can't ring my sponsor. She was severely doing my head in. It's not ideal. I just want to be peaceful and quiet again.

sweetichick

I have gone back to drinking a bit. Just wanted to be completely honest. I am very ashamed. I bought a new car today. Won't be able to keep drinking after next pay.

Dee74

Unfortunately having no money to spend never stopped me sweetichick - I just got deeper and deeper into debt and missed meals, was late on buills, had utilities cut off etc.

It's not a good way to live.

I dunno what your next step is going to be but I hope you can figure out something that you can stand to do in order to get you back into recovery and stay there.

There's many other options to continuing to drink.
D

tomsteve

so maybe not having a sponsor yet isnt very good advise,eh? as dee said, age has nothing to do with a good sponsor. IF you were to open your mind a bit and think about what this sponsor said, like i said above, she made very valid points:
- you have a sick mind,and
- youre own thinking got ya drinking again
ya might want to have a sit down with this woman and ask questions- ask her to suggest what to DO.
seriously, you havent even been in AA 2 weeks and already dumping your sponsor. how long ya gonna keep running away from the solution?
sweetiechick, this is how it from my view-
ya need someone thats gonna call ya on your BS. ya know why youre confused? because that sponsor told ya things that are the truth and youre struggling right now to not believe it, yet ya know its the truth- DENIAL.
ya know how i got out of denial? by having a sponsor that called me on my BS- persistently. he didnt tell me what i wanted to he. he told me what i NEEDED to hear.yup, he buggered me up pretty good- i wanted to smack the crap out him often.
because i was still in denial.
but i didnt drink over it. i stewed in my anger,resentment, and self pity for a bit, then eventually got some humility and accepted he was right.
THEN i was able to get into solutions, which he was more than kind and gracious to help me with.
and i know why he did it that way now. something doc silkworth discovered:
"Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight."

sugarcoat it and baby me and he was gonna bury me.
say it like it is and call a cup a cup- THAT is what i heard.

you can keep running every time you hear something ya dont want to hear, but as you can see, that leads to a drink.

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to ANY length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

justa couple of the promises that happen.

p.s.
getting 'sacked as a nurse" has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a person is a good sponsor. not only that, NONE of you know what really happened there

p.p.s.
ya want to be peaceful and quiet again- GOOD!
there aint no magic potion, magic peaceful dust, magic pill.
there will be discomfort along the journey.
sittin in the garage all day aint gonna make ya a car.

bunnezjp

What a buzzkill. No pun intended.

~Bunnez

Anna

Sweetichick, the main thing now is to stop drinking. Once you do that, you can decide how you want to proceed with your recovery.

Bird615

Surrender to me meant to quit fighting everyone and everything.
That was the only way I was able to get and stay sober and I was hurting pretty bad by that point. My options then were did I want to live or did I want to die?

Sure, I could easily find fault with anyone if I wanted to, but I needed to look at the message, not the messenger. A sponsor to me was someone who had what I wanted. Were they sober and reasonably happy being that way? If they were, then they must know something I didn't.

In time and with recovery, I was able to make up my own mind about things but at first I had to listen to those who had been down that road before me.