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WEEKENDER thread, no waking up to shame or embarrassment 7-9 July

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WEEKENDER thread, no waking up to shame or embarrassment 7-9 July

Old 07-06-2017, 09:41 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I feel I need to get "tooled up" for this weekend so I'm in!!!!!
Saoutchik thanks for a great opener. As the initial fight of the first few weeks calms down a little then the memories of drinking episodes do start to come back I find. Staying focussed on the now and looking forward is my only real hope of gaining some self respect and getting my pride back. I'm in a strange old phase at the minute. Fully accepting of drink being off the table but a lottle lost about how to live again.
Anyway if love to join you guys if I may xx
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Old 07-06-2017, 10:02 AM
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I know I talk about my work a lot but sometimes I also need to vent a little.

I suppose I'm tired of being shouted at on the phone. Yesterday and today were just crazy days. I got upset and started crying. Unfortunately my consultant chose this moment to waltz into the office. He asked me what was wrong, I said nothing and he said "oh come on now. Step outside and tell me".

I just gave a brief outline. I didn't go into detail. That final call this afternoon was the straw which broke the camels back for me.

Sometimes I'm at home in the evening and I swear I can hear imaginary phones ring. One thing I have found is that it is almost always the people who have real problems who are the nicest. I'm talking cancer, autistic children what have you. It's the ones who are coming in for a non essential tonsillectomy who start on their high horse right away.

I shouldn't have got upset though. Now I'm afraid he'll think I'm not up to the job.
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Old 07-06-2017, 10:28 AM
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I really don't mind if you chat about work stuff, Tetra.

I found out when I got sober last summer that I can be a bit of a pistol at least in the first month.. Once I get past the first 72 hours of withdrawal, I become more outspoken and I can be.. brusque. Here and in person.

Also, awkwardness, in particular the way that some people laugh at things that aren't funny out of nervousness, really really gets under my skin for some reason. When I'm drunk or hungover I do this, but not normally, so maybe that's why.

I walk in to the classroom and this annoying as hell kid says "Hey, did you bring that paper?" I said what paper and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he ever heard.

I'm sorry I just walked in so I missed the first part of that joke. If an assignment is due and I am not aware of it, I don't find it so bloody hilarious. I rolled my eyes a bit and said "No seriously. What are you talking about?"

They stopped laughing quick and answered my question. Just another case of anxious nursing students making a mountain out of a molehill, to make a long story short.

So then our skills teacher comes in and says we don't have to worry about that, because she didn't assign it, fine. But she says let's do some practice med math so you're ready for the test Monday. That same annoying kid starts laughing, again, like something is hysterically funny, and because I have a mouth on me, I say what are you laughing about back there. He says I don't have anything to write with.

???

After the mock test we had to watch some videos and they actually pertained to a subject that makes up 30% of the exam we have Monday so I wanted to pay attention. He's behind me, and is sitting with another girl and they are steady chatting away... I turned around to politely ask them to be quiet because I couldn't hear. They said okay. Promptly continued to whisper. After a couple minutes I moved my seat to the front of the room.

It set me off a little. So someone mentioned having a cigarette and I thought that sounded good so I got a pack on the way home.. smoked one and felt nauseous after.. But point is.. I still have that need to respond to stress or annoyances or discomforts or anything that puts me in a bad mood, by doing something that harms me. I'm not drinking so I smoke. *shaking my head*
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Old 07-06-2017, 10:36 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Why yes, I AM in college, why do you ask? Oh, because it sounds like I'm in high school.

For the most part, sober I DO act my age, not my shoe size. While actively drinking? DEFINITELY my shoe size, at best!
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Old 07-06-2017, 11:06 AM
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Its the weekend again already? Whew, that was fast.
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Old 07-06-2017, 11:14 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
I feel I need to get "tooled up" for this weekend so I'm in!!!!!
Saoutchik thanks for a great opener. As the initial fight of the first few weeks calms down a little then the memories of drinking episodes do start to come back I find. Staying focussed on the now and looking forward is my only real hope of gaining some self respect and getting my pride back. I'm in a strange old phase at the minute. Fully accepting of drink being off the table but a lottle lost about how to live again.
Anyway if love to join you guys if I may xx
One day at a time is the trite answer I guess jamah. It takes time to become adjusted to a new normal, it does happen but without us really noticing. Glad to have you with us.

I can imagine hospitals and the like being quite stressful places to work with lots of in house intrigues. Most of what I know about the medical profession I learned from Carry On films from the 1960s, I suspect they might not give a wholly accurate portrayal.
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Old 07-06-2017, 11:24 AM
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hahahahahahha
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Old 07-06-2017, 11:45 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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This weekend I will hit my day 21! 3 weeks!

I am looking forward to it. I will admit sometimes I catch myself thinking of the feeling of that first glass of chilled wine....
But then I play the tape and realise what will happen and how disappointed I'll feel. I walk past the off licences and I honestly don't feel that urge of going in. I'd be genuinely frightened of the hangover after 3weeks sobriety.

Hope everyone has a good weekend:-)
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Old 07-06-2017, 12:15 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Great OP Mr. Sao!

On vacation here and the weather has been stunning. Hope everyone is doing well.
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Old 07-06-2017, 12:20 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
Its the weekend again already? Whew, that was fast.
Faster for the US contingent this week I suspect thomas. Short weeks are great.

Congratulations on 3 weeks Zombie, good work.
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Old 07-06-2017, 12:56 PM
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Thanks for the opener Sao! As usual, great subject.

I am one of those who would begin texting and sending emails once I began drinking. OMG...waking up in the morning and reading what I sent to bosses, people who reported to me, family...horrifying! Most of what I sent to people who reported to me were stupid YouTube links of songs that I was identifying with in my drunken stupor. Then, trying to justify what I had sent. It was absolutely horrible! No matter how many times I told myself that I would never do it again, it continued to happen.

What a relief not to have to worry about making a fool out of myself again!

Hope everyone has a terrific weekend! I'm definitely in for another sober one!

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Old 07-06-2017, 01:09 PM
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Thanks, Sao, in. Really struggling, mood disorder, thanks for reminding me what I do not want to experience again.
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Old 07-06-2017, 01:35 PM
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Oh Creativethinker! The YouTube song videos! I did that a LOT - cringe!
I'm actually feeling a sense of relief right now that I've not done that in a long time. Have a great weekend - you may not know it but I love your posts xxx
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Old 07-06-2017, 01:58 PM
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I think I'm getting sick.
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Old 07-06-2017, 02:26 PM
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Get a good night's sleep early, Brenda.

(((((((Leshar)))))))
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Old 07-06-2017, 02:40 PM
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I think I will do some big book reading.. listen to my Stones. Feeling low, this dreary evening.
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Old 07-06-2017, 02:56 PM
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I got a phone call this week from a mother whose son is severely autistic. Unfortunately it's hospital policy that you won't get seen at the clinic without a referral letter from somewhere, be it your G.P. or someone else. I was waiting for the fax which eventually arrived. My consultant read it and said he has to come in as an emergency in the next available theatre slot for cauterisation under general anaesthetic. I phoned his mother to say I was booking him in for next Tuesday. She started crying and said "I really appreciate this! I owe you a bottle of whiskey!" I laughed and thought that's the last thing I need. Give me chocolate if anything.

She also told me that she can't control him and he could abscond at the last minute so she will have to bring him to the G.P. first to give him something to calm him down.

Why is it that people who are really really struggling are the most genuine and generous? I mean cancer patients or families of people with severe disabilities?

I've had the ears chewed off me several times today by people coming in for a minor operation.

On a separate note I appear to have got my increment of sorts. They really outdid themselves... NOT. As my dad pointed out it will pay for my takeaway coffees. I mentioned to my dad last week that I would love a holiday. He said you deserve one. Put a little aside to go to your brother in Philadelphia in the autumn. My brother told me before that autumn would be good as the intense heat of summer will be over and it's before the snowfall of winter. I can't take much heat unfortunately. I say I'm going there every year but I mean it this time.

Really I was so upset this afternoon that I had to walk away from my desk and I went to see some old friends in another office. They knew me from when I was at my lowest and they were exceptionally kind. They told me I did the right thing by taking a break and made me an espresso from the coffee machine they got for their office. My colleague told me when I got back that my phone was ringing nonstop since I left my desk but she told everyone I was "at a meeting". Some people can be very kind and I hope I'm kind too. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
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Old 07-06-2017, 03:00 PM
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You are definitely kind, Tetra.

And I think your boss, though a curmudgeon, is genuinely fond of you.

Philadelphia?

My only thought: CHEESESTEAKS FOR TETRA!!!!!
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Old 07-06-2017, 03:03 PM
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I hope so Gilmer. He drives me nuts but I am fond of him too.
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Old 07-06-2017, 03:05 PM
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Kudos, Tetra.....I would never be able to work that type of job!
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