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Not sure I want to quit

Old 07-02-2017, 04:56 PM
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Not sure I want to quit

Hi all,

Not sure if anyone can relate to this but the truth is I'm not sure I actually want to quit. I know I NEED to for my children but sometimes I feel that once I raise them (they are 8 and 9) my job (and responsibilities) are done.

What's the point?
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:01 PM
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Hi DM!

Believe me, none of us here on SR really ever "wanted" to quit drinking. That's why we continued to drink until the consequences became unbearable. Quitting for your children is a great reason. Hopefully, you will want to continue to be in their lives even once they leave your home. I missed so much of my kids growing up because of my drinking when my kids were younger. At least now I am fully present for them.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by DesperateMama2 View Post
Not sure if anyone can relate to this but the truth is I'm not sure I actually want to quit. I know I NEED to for my children but sometimes I feel that once I raise them (they are 8 and 9) my job (and responsibilities) are done.
8 and 9. So about ten years before they leave home? Fine. In ten years you can drink. Who knows. Stay sober ten years you might figure out the point.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:05 PM
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^^^^^ This. Exactly. You may not want to, now or ever. But as someone's tag line reads "...and then it got worse." And "it" is every single thing. Everything you care about can, and will, get worse as you continue drinking.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:19 PM
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Well, actually, once they turn 18 does not necessarily mean your 'responsibilities' are over. And even if they were, would you then be free to destroy your life and damage your body and mind? I hope you'll rethink this.

Your username shows you know you need to get sober. Do it for your kids, if not for yourself.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:25 PM
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I didn't, and don't, want to quit drinking. I enjoy drinking.

But...
I want to be my own person, totally in control of my life and my faculties.
I want to feel WELL, finish nursing school, stay on top of things, never be broke again, have healthy relationships, sleep soundly at night, be free from guilt and shame...

I could go on and on, but the point is, as much as I want to drink, it has always and will always get in the way of everything else I want out of life.

If you're not feelin it, you're not feelin it. You need to take some time to do a personal inventory and see if the reasons to drink still outweigh the reasons not to.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:28 PM
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yup, its relatable. insanity at its best.
let me direct your attention to a few things:

My husband and family are fed up.
Life without alcohol scares me to death but continuing on this path is even scarier. I need help.
I am a mess
What I miss the most after drinking my liter of vodka the night before is rolling out of the bed in the morning still drunk...falling and breaking my hand ��


mama, dont believe your thinking right now. its a lie.
dont drink for the next 10 years. by tthen you will know the point.

have ya looked into an recovery programs?
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Well, actually, once they turn 18 does not necessarily mean your 'responsibilities' are over. And even if they were, would you then be free to destroy your life and damage your body and mind? I hope you'll rethink this.

Your username shows you know you need to get sober. Do it for your kids, if not for yourself.
Yup!

desperatemom, there will still be times your kids need you, especially if you have a daughter. Until you die, you will be their mother.
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Old 07-02-2017, 05:59 PM
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Even after nearly dying I didn't really want to quit. Thats pretty scary.

It took me a few months of sobriety to come back into my right mind, to remind myself of a life without alcohol, and rediscover a me I'd forgotten about.

Give sobriety a decent go Mama

D
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Old 07-02-2017, 06:15 PM
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I'm pretty sure you know what the point is, right? You wouldn't have come here seeking help if you didn't understand at some level. I have 3 kids too and I can tell you with 100% certainty that getting sober is not only the right thing to do for them, but for you too.
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Old 07-02-2017, 07:44 PM
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First stage to quitting is contemplation. Sounds like that is where you are at. At least it is in your mind. There are several directions you could go from this point. One of them would eventually, sooner or later quitting.
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Old 07-02-2017, 08:32 PM
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My daughter is 34 and I still feel responsible for her as far as being there when/if she needs me. She has two little ones, so that certainly factors into everything as well. There's a question to ask yourself.....who says your responsibilities are "done" when your kids turn 18 ? It may well be that there are grandchildren in your future, and like it or not, they will need you too.

Hopefully you're just going through a "poor me" pity party and your selfishness is just momentary.
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Old 07-02-2017, 09:12 PM
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I don't think that to be a very helpful comment grayghost......it's a support group, be supportive.

My biggest regrets are how my drinking has affected my children, You quitting drinking now at their age would be the greatest gift you could ever give them & you. Do it for you, I don't like the person I am when I drink, not who I am. Be kind to yourself
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Old 07-02-2017, 10:41 PM
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I was positive I didn't want to quit. Even when I was at the point where I felt miserable drinking and even more miserable not drinking, I still didn't want to quit. I knew I needed to, but I sure didn't want to.

Now, over five months sober, I'm positive that I never want to drink again. To ever go back to that life is horrifying to even think about.

Time can change a lot about a person's thought process. Why not go a few months sober and then reflect back on this post? I bet your mind will change. I know mine did with a little sobriety under my belt, and I'd bet others would attest to the same.

Doing this for your young kids isn't a bad contributing factor to get sober at all. I have kids of my own ranging from almost adult to less than a year. Of course I wanted to do this for them. But that never would have sustained me. I needed to do it for myself. For my health, finances, sanity, etc.

Please do this for yourself, first and foremost. You're worth it!
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Old 07-03-2017, 12:07 AM
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I totally get it. Of course we don't want to quit, that'd be too easy. But what's the alternative? Only you can answer that...

Wishing you well.
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Old 07-03-2017, 04:36 AM
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Originally Posted by DesperateMama2 View Post
I know I NEED to for my children but sometimes I feel...
Sometimes I feel like keying my boss's car.
Sometimes I feel like asking Tammy-the-hot-chick-at-work out on a date. (We are both married, BTW)
Sometimes I feel like running idiot drivers into the ditch.
Sometimes I feel like drinking.

I guess I should just go do all of those things, because....what's the point?

Oh...right...the point is even though they make me feel good for a while they harm other people and that is selfish and immoral. I keep forgetting that!

Stay sober. You can do this!
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Old 07-03-2017, 06:21 AM
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Originally Posted by BixBees505 View Post
^^^^^ This. Exactly. You may not want to, now or ever. But as someone's tag line reads "...and then it got worse." And "it" is every single thing. Everything you care about can, and will, get worse as you continue drinking.
DITTO THIS, x a billion.

I didn't want to quit- until I did want to. Things got to the point that I had to choose an uncertain (sober) future over certain death by drinking. And the "point" has been an amazing journey into a life I truly could not have imagined or designed for myself.

Drinking absolutely affects children of any age- as we say, alcoholism (addiction) is a family disease. I hope you look around for support, here and IRL, and quit while you have a lot left to keep - not to lose, like WILL happen if you keep drinking....
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Old 07-03-2017, 07:00 AM
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Just take it a day at a time. On a few occasions I have thought of drinking and then I remember the hell that I was in while drinking. That hell was a hell created by my own hand and the only way out was to stop digging myself into hole.

Now that I am getting more and more time under me it makes sense as to why I am not drinking. I am a better person in so many ways.

There will be many reasons as to why you no longer drink and continue on with sobriety if you choose to look at those reasons.
Just keep moving forward and let your thoughts be thoughts. Dont act on them.
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Old 07-03-2017, 07:02 AM
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I want to quit for myself, life (because I'm pretty sure we don't get another), and to save money to support my parents more and more in their old age. Here I am trying to support my folks who started me drinking. I need to be sober so I can save money for their cremations.

Sounds dark, and it is, but drinking has lead me down a darker road. I don't want to be the people my parents were when they drank too much.
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Old 07-03-2017, 07:11 AM
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You are likely on SR for similar reasons as the lot of us...wanting to improve our lives because the chaos associated with drinking became unmanageable - thus we start to recognize we all have abnormal attachment to our chosen substance. Enter addiction, withdrawals, blackouts, legal issues, failing health, damaged relationships, isolation, etc., etc., etc. There is a reason you are here and keep coming back.

I was a binger, nightly..at least 4-5 days a week and then a day or so in between to recover to begin the cycle again. I never saw the train coming. I was arrogantly surprised at one point a couple years ago that my body/mind/spirit must be tolerant of the constant drunk malaise to allow it to go on so long. And then the arrogance wore off and I woke up sick, disgusted with myself, and who I had become. It had finally caught up with me. It catches up with all of us in different ways. Sometimes after 3 years, sometimes after 30 years.

For me, it finally escalated within the last 3 years to two+ bottles of red wine, easily drinking a bottle of vodka or most of it...the progressive nature is not a fallacy.
It will get worse. It appears to be the great conquest of the alcoholic - to prove that it won't get worse for us.

Most of the long timers with years of sobriety advise that the earlier we enter recovery - life gets better for us. I am putting ALL my bets on it. And guess what? So far it's getting better.

There will be a consequence for me if the habit is continued, and it will be painful and life diminishing in many many ways - I know that be almost a guarantee.

Wishing you strength and courage to find a way through this struggle. As you know, you have found a safe place for support here. Good luck to you.
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