RavenWings

Thanks Brenda.

I feel I need to be around people yes, and want to find a group that is positive and inspiring. I am very wary of 'trauma porn' and just worry that AA may be a perpetual excuse to indulge in the crap of it all. I mean, just having to admit powerlessness is already against my 'religion'. I do actually believe in myself, believe it or not

tufty13

Hi Raven,

I've found just by coming to SR and reading regularly and learning from others a huge help in staying sober. Joining classes here at the beginning of my journey was of great help too, that companionship of others who were intimate with the struggles of a fledgeling sober life helped me greatly.

I learned from folk here on SR that a large part of the battle was to notice ones own thoughts and not blindly act on those thoughts. Just be a bystander to them.

Just as important to me has been developing and cultivating faith. That's not a religious faith, more a faith in me, my self worth as a human being and my right to have a happy and fulfilling life. Most importantly a faith that I could beat alcoholism.

I've become open to all possibilities, changed the way I think, act, behave and spend my free time and I've learned to love everyone. Although that's probably more a result of getting sober rather than a tool to get sober.

Good luck to you :-)

miamifella

I used to be in AA but am not any longer. It is definitely not for everyone. But I do think there would be value in checking out some meetings.

The strength and weakness of AA is that it is decentralized. Meetings and interpretations of the program vary greatly--even within the same group. So while there may be meetings you hate, there may also be meetings you love. The process of deciding which meetings you like will force you to determine the priorities of your recovery. It will force you to observe what does and does not work for you.

If you are afraid of letting your guard down then the solution is obvious: Don't let your guard down. If you do not want to attend meetings for decades: Then don't attend meetings for decades. Again, determining your level of involvement will help you direct your own recovery.

I disagree with a lot of stuff in the program. However, I learned a good deal during my time in the program. Hearing others tell their stories, hearing other recommend helpful books, recovery techniques, strategies for dealing with family or work....all of this is helpful.

For me the greatest benefit was gaining a vision of recovery. Having a vision means I am working toward health and wholeness (rather than fleeing addiction).

The reasons you give for not going are mostly fear of things that are in your control. I suspect that your hesitation is more rooted in the uncertainties of entering this new phase of your life.

AA may or may not be right for you. The important thing is that you must take actions for your recovery. Get the ball rolling.

Going to AA is an action--and even if after a couple meetings you walk away, you still took some action and that is going to change you.

What can you do today? You can still do all those other things you are researching. But what can you do in the next few hours to move toward recovery?

AA can be a starting place...even if it is not your ending place. It was definitely not for me...but I do not know where I would have ended up without it.

RavenWings

This ^. Thank you. Perhaps I should try to find a buddy, someone locally with some intel. And check out some different meetings. I don't know, do I need to bring garlic and holy water?!

BrendaChenowyth

Omg yes. That was another big turn off for me. I want to spit when I have to sit there and listen to "I wanted to drink so bad today". It is meeting to meeting though. The emphasis needs to be on LIVING IN THE SOLUTION. I need to seek out those folks that inspire me to live that way.

The powerlessness thing is hard.. we are still powerful in so many other ways, there is just this one thing we lack power over. The reason it's so important to admit that, is because as long as we still tell ourselves we can conquer this, we will always try to drink again, and fall back in to the same old same old. I have no power over alcohol. I can't drink. I can't change the way alcohol affects me. I have power over everything else AS LONG AS I accept that I can't drink.

Maudcat

Hi, RavenWings.
Well, there are many paths to recovery, and AA is only one of them.
Assume you have checked out the Secular Recovery forum on this site?
Good luck and good thoughts.

PhoenixJ

Have not read any other posts. Did you go to a real AA meeting, or just research it? That is like trying to catch the feel of Florence by reading wikapedia. It is not about god, or clichés or old people who spout off large chunks of their big book bible. Sure there are some- but why is an old guy rabbiting on sound threatening? Meetings are run by people who stay sober- by going to meetings, share and support. THAT is the point. It is free- and my own experience of doing similar research (anything to avoid going) AA works easily as well as any counselling I get- they compliment.

miamifella

Garlic is great protection everywhere.

What I find interesting is that you keep putting action off, researching rather than doing.

Why do you need intel? Why not just go and make up your own mind. If you hate it, you just wasted one hour and do not have to come back. If you really really hate a meeting, you can just leave in the middle.

This is not about getting you into AA. It is about doing something rather than planning to do something.

RavenWings

MF I am trying to stay safe. My research is action. My not drinking today is action. I am sorry if you don't think that is enough.

Best wishes.

Wholesome

Hi RavenWings. Have you looked around in the Secular Connections sub forum here on SR? That's where alternatives to AA are mostly discussed. I personally use Rational Recovery which is the antithesis of AA and which has been 100% effective for me and many others to quit and stay quit for good.

RavenWings

Yes, thank you I am having a look now. Cheers.

D122y

Raven,

In my experience w AA, the salt in the wounds is a reminder of the hell relapsing will cause. That hell is strengthening to me

Every AA meeting i have been to there is at least one women i find attractive. I work hard to keep it professional. I feel like there is an underlying curiosity about the women, for me, not the men.

I resist it, but it is there. If i was single, i bet i would look at meetings as a possible site to meet a girl friend.

That is awkward. I feel like women at meetings do seem vulnerable. Any gathering is going to spur these feelings...it is in our dna.

For me...like life...i take the good w the bad. I don't frequent the same meeting usually. I usually limit my interaction w women because i do start to think about natural things when dealing w a women, especially at close quarter, for any fair amount of time.

It might not be a....guy thing....but it is my thing.

I empathize w your need for rx drugs. I made it out w no rx drugs. It was/is hell sometimes.

Thanks.

RavenWings

Thank you very much for your honesty D122y. Much appreciated.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I personally use therapy, recovery prevention classes, my primary care physician, Antabuse, SR, and just living life without drinking alcohol.

That's the sum total of my recovery plan. Don't do anything that makes you feel unsafe or subtracts from your recovery.

tomsteve

i did a lot of research when i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma.
learning about it didnt treat it.

Delizadee

I love everything and every way that helps us to get sober and lead our best lives, full of hope, peace and prosperity

I use lots of tools myself and I keep an open mind about, well, everything.

Negative views about anything don't serve me or my life purpose. I choose sober and happy. and share what I've got so I can keep what I've learned and the gifts I have been given.

Once you find what's right for you and work it and surround yourself with healthy people and activities, the negative views of those things that served you ill in the past will fall away.
We can stop perpetuating the experiences of our pasts by working on living our best lives today.
Whatever it takes.

And don't drink.

PS. many people can be sober for years and years and still be a wreck and miserable inside. I believe true recovery should bring some peace to our souls.

All the best! We all have it inside ourselves to succeed. I have faith in you too.
Del

AnvilheadII

just worry that AA may be a perpetual excuse to indulge in the crap of it all

then don't go. i'm not sure why it was necessary to start a thread about things you do NOT want to do for your recovery. AA is an OPTION, not a requirement. considering you have never actually BEEN to a meeting, your opinions are short sighted at best.

you are free to choose what DOES work. but nothing will work FOR you, you will have to do the footwork. day in day out. alcoholism does not go away. the single foundational theme to (most) every sound recovery method is to NOT DRINK AGAIN.

Anna

Here in the Newcomers forum, our intention is to support everyone in their recovery, no matter what recovery method is used. I'm glad you are working on your recovery and as you read and post here, you will find that people get sober with whatever works for them. Personally, I am not an AA person, and if you don't feel AA is safe, then for sure you will be able to find other ways to recover.

Anna

Once again, just a friendly reminder to everyone. And, RavenWings, I hope you find what works for you and then tell us how it helps:

Please Read! The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

A further reminder that mutual respect for all beliefs is required in every part of this site (rule 4):

No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.

BrendaChenowyth

The right approach right here. No one single strategy is going to be enough on its own.