No disrespect to anyone, but AA seems totally dangerous to me
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
As a constant planner myself, I worry that research can be a way to delay action because it was for me.
I am not sure what you feel you need to be safe from. I am not making a point by asking the question, I genuinely do not understand. You say that you are worried about being a single woman and being stuck in AA for decades. But in both cases, I do not understand what you mean. You are not likely to face assault at a meeting any more than at a grocery nor can you be forced to attend.
I ask this respectfully, but what specifically is "unsafe?" I do not understand,
Is the fear specific to recovery meetings? Is it just AA (or does it include SmartRecovery, therapy, etc)? Or is the fear of public places in general?
I am not sure what you feel you need to be safe from. I am not making a point by asking the question, I genuinely do not understand. You say that you are worried about being a single woman and being stuck in AA for decades. But in both cases, I do not understand what you mean. You are not likely to face assault at a meeting any more than at a grocery nor can you be forced to attend.
I ask this respectfully, but what specifically is "unsafe?" I do not understand,
Is the fear specific to recovery meetings? Is it just AA (or does it include SmartRecovery, therapy, etc)? Or is the fear of public places in general?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I will jump in here in order to try to head off any negative comments.
A woman needs to be careful and to take care of personal safety at all times and that would include AA meetings or any other activities. Caution is essential for a woman involved in any activity in any city.
I think it would be a good idea to not try to convince the OP that she will indeed feel safe at an AA meeting, or even to try to understand why she feels unsafe. She feels unsafe, end of story. I think we should all encourage the OP to find what works for her and to embrace it.
A woman needs to be careful and to take care of personal safety at all times and that would include AA meetings or any other activities. Caution is essential for a woman involved in any activity in any city.
I think it would be a good idea to not try to convince the OP that she will indeed feel safe at an AA meeting, or even to try to understand why she feels unsafe. She feels unsafe, end of story. I think we should all encourage the OP to find what works for her and to embrace it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Raven,
In many threads here there is one suggestion that comes up frequently, a plan. Planning your days and hours.
My sobriety plan looks like this:
Wake up, drink coffee and hit the gym
Go to work or do work on the house if its the weekend.
Log into SR throughout the day and connect with others.
Post and interact.
I started a thread in the Alcoholism section to keep track of my progress and to talk of life.....it does not really involve my alcoholism per say but my life in general.
Many people use different methods to gain and maintain sobriety. Whatever keeps you sober and keeps you moving forward is what works. I am all for self empowerment and recovering. Recovering from my own negative thought patterns and my own self destruction. Alcoholism just happens to be one of the major life issues that I deal with and that I am tackling head on.
You can do this any way that you choose. I do not attend AA. That being said, the program has helped millions and there are many people here who attend that I admire and gain wisdom from.
We are here for you.
In many threads here there is one suggestion that comes up frequently, a plan. Planning your days and hours.
My sobriety plan looks like this:
Wake up, drink coffee and hit the gym
Go to work or do work on the house if its the weekend.
Log into SR throughout the day and connect with others.
Post and interact.
I started a thread in the Alcoholism section to keep track of my progress and to talk of life.....it does not really involve my alcoholism per say but my life in general.
Many people use different methods to gain and maintain sobriety. Whatever keeps you sober and keeps you moving forward is what works. I am all for self empowerment and recovering. Recovering from my own negative thought patterns and my own self destruction. Alcoholism just happens to be one of the major life issues that I deal with and that I am tackling head on.
You can do this any way that you choose. I do not attend AA. That being said, the program has helped millions and there are many people here who attend that I admire and gain wisdom from.
We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
No matter what method one uses they ALL require abstinence. That is the ONLY cure. Stop picking it up and bringing it to your mouth and swallowing it. I think that people over complicate it. It's not easy, but it is that simple.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
No disrespect taken Raven.
Although my recovery program of choice is AA I support any method of choice that assists a person in finding sobriety and being honestly happy about it.
I hope you find what you're looking for, there's lots of info on this board about programs other than AA. Have you visited those areas yet?
Although my recovery program of choice is AA I support any method of choice that assists a person in finding sobriety and being honestly happy about it.
I hope you find what you're looking for, there's lots of info on this board about programs other than AA. Have you visited those areas yet?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I just had a thought and sorry if it was covered already.
Have you tried calling the AA hotline and getting set up with a lady or some ladies who could meet you first and accompany you to meetings?
I live in a rough city so I am fairly conscious of where is safe and not safe for me to go. I try to avoid the meetings where I am usually the only female.
There are not many women in the NA and AA program here.
Just a thought, but if it's really not your thing then that's cool too.
I know I found it really hard to stay sober without the support of others.
Have you tried calling the AA hotline and getting set up with a lady or some ladies who could meet you first and accompany you to meetings?
I live in a rough city so I am fairly conscious of where is safe and not safe for me to go. I try to avoid the meetings where I am usually the only female.
There are not many women in the NA and AA program here.
Just a thought, but if it's really not your thing then that's cool too.
I know I found it really hard to stay sober without the support of others.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I've never actually been to a meeting but I might start going if I'm having a hard time when I'm at home. There's a place right around the corner from me with daily meetings 6x a day.
All of that said they have one night a week that's women only, I'm assuming this is probably a thing that happens more places than here.
All of that said they have one night a week that's women only, I'm assuming this is probably a thing that happens more places than here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by RavenWings 
I was all psyched to get to a meeting today and spent much of my evening last night and half of today researching AA and figuring out which meeting I would attend.
I have considered AA several times and balked at it before, for a number of reasons, and can honestly say that this time I approached it with a radically open mind and willingness to give it a try.
Whilst I can sense many of you rolling your eyes right now and assuming I am copping out, I can honestly say that I do not feel safe to go. It reeks of cultishness and as a single woman living in a city, I would feel extremely vulnerable going to AA. I want to focus on recovery and empowerment. I do not want to be stuck in meetings for decades pouring salt in to wounds multiple times a week with other addicts and made to feel like I have failed somehow if I left.
I totally respect anyone who has found healing and sobriety within this fellowship, sincerely. I personally however know it is not for me.
I understand there is SMART Recovery, for which I looked in my area for meetings today and found none. I am also unsure if this is the path to pursue.
I am researching Naltrexone which also seems to be booby trapped.
The closest I can figure as a treatment for helping me is GABA boosters such as Phenibut. Along of course, with some counselling to deal with the sh*t that is causing my internal pain of which I am self medicating with alcohol.
Has anyone had experience with Phenibut? Does anyone else feel the way I do and/or can recommend alternative treatments?
I have developed a basic understanding of brain biochemistry and the function neuro-transmitters as the result of successfully researching and coming off SSRI's in the past using 5-HTP. I would love to hear from anyone else with experience in this area or who is currently researching and wants to discuss this further.
Again, power to all of you who are safe and well from your involvement and commitment to yourselves and AA. I am simply seeking alternatives and being radically honest about my feelings, personal safety and considering my options.
Warm regards, RW
I have considered AA several times and balked at it before, for a number of reasons, and can honestly say that this time I approached it with a radically open mind and willingness to give it a try.
Whilst I can sense many of you rolling your eyes right now and assuming I am copping out, I can honestly say that I do not feel safe to go. It reeks of cultishness and as a single woman living in a city, I would feel extremely vulnerable going to AA. I want to focus on recovery and empowerment. I do not want to be stuck in meetings for decades pouring salt in to wounds multiple times a week with other addicts and made to feel like I have failed somehow if I left.
I totally respect anyone who has found healing and sobriety within this fellowship, sincerely. I personally however know it is not for me.
I understand there is SMART Recovery, for which I looked in my area for meetings today and found none. I am also unsure if this is the path to pursue.
I am researching Naltrexone which also seems to be booby trapped.
The closest I can figure as a treatment for helping me is GABA boosters such as Phenibut. Along of course, with some counselling to deal with the sh*t that is causing my internal pain of which I am self medicating with alcohol.
Has anyone had experience with Phenibut? Does anyone else feel the way I do and/or can recommend alternative treatments?
I have developed a basic understanding of brain biochemistry and the function neuro-transmitters as the result of successfully researching and coming off SSRI's in the past using 5-HTP. I would love to hear from anyone else with experience in this area or who is currently researching and wants to discuss this further.
Again, power to all of you who are safe and well from your involvement and commitment to yourselves and AA. I am simply seeking alternatives and being radically honest about my feelings, personal safety and considering my options.
Warm regards, RW
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Check out Women For Sobriety, I don't think they have meetings in Australia but their program focus is on female empowerment and they have online meetings
Group Info | Women for Sobriety, Inc.
Refuge Recovery which is Buddhist based has a meeting in Melbourne
http://www.refugerecovery.org/
Wednesday – 6:00pm to 7:30pm
The Coburg Library Meeting Room
Victoria Street & Louisa Street, Coburg VIC 3058 (Melbourne)
Contact: Jed at refugerecoverymelb******.com
Facebook: Refuge Recovery Melbourne
They also have an online women's meeting. Look up Refuge Recovery women's meeting on FB.
AA has women only meetings. Women's meetings definitely have a different feel, just google your city + women + AA
Last but not least, SR has some excellent threads about AVRT in the secular connection. While AVRT is something you do alone, the folks there are very helpful and will answer your questions http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html
I hope this helped.
Group Info | Women for Sobriety, Inc.
Refuge Recovery which is Buddhist based has a meeting in Melbourne
http://www.refugerecovery.org/
Wednesday – 6:00pm to 7:30pm
The Coburg Library Meeting Room
Victoria Street & Louisa Street, Coburg VIC 3058 (Melbourne)
Contact: Jed at refugerecoverymelb******.com
Facebook: Refuge Recovery Melbourne
They also have an online women's meeting. Look up Refuge Recovery women's meeting on FB.
AA has women only meetings. Women's meetings definitely have a different feel, just google your city + women + AA
Last but not least, SR has some excellent threads about AVRT in the secular connection. While AVRT is something you do alone, the folks there are very helpful and will answer your questions http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html
I hope this helped.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,584
I've heard a lot of women here say they have felt unsafe at some meetings. It's not all in women's heads. 
Court ordered, usually men, with bad criminal histories . I'd be scared as a woman living alone in the city. Maybe a Woman's Meeting would be good?
But then you've got to work out if a 12 Step programme fits with yourself, and if not there are lots of alternatives. I just come here to SR, interact with others, learn, and it really helps. I feel supported in my struggle.
I don't go to AA anymore, not for a long time, but it did give me an early foundation for sobriety and I did learn many things. There was little else available at the time
It was free and it helped.
I did like many of the women's meetings, and always felt safe.
Court ordered, usually men, with bad criminal histories . I'd be scared as a woman living alone in the city. Maybe a Woman's Meeting would be good?
But then you've got to work out if a 12 Step programme fits with yourself, and if not there are lots of alternatives. I just come here to SR, interact with others, learn, and it really helps. I feel supported in my struggle.
I don't go to AA anymore, not for a long time, but it did give me an early foundation for sobriety and I did learn many things. There was little else available at the time
It was free and it helped. I did like many of the women's meetings, and always felt safe.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I've been 'hit on' by women at a few meetings and it made me feel uncomfortable. I was in a relationship at the time but, I would never mix business(my recovery) with pleasure,even if I had been single. I was also hanging around after a late night "No Rules" meeting talking to a few guys. It was my first time going to that one so, I thought I'd get to know some people. This one guy was bragging to me about how he "hooks up with a lot of women at meetings." The guy made my skin crawl! I never went back to that meeting. I go to a morning mixed meeting and a mens only meeting now. But,yeah...There's weirdos everywhere.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by RavenWings
This ^. Thank you. Perhaps I should try to find a buddy, someone locally with some intel. And check out some different meetings. I don't know, do I need to bring garlic and holy water?!
I too railed against AA and found a bajillion reasons "it sucks," "it won't work for me," "drinking is just a symptom of my problems," "I don't like meetings," ad nauseum. I made the wry jokes. I scoffed at people who chose such a dictatorial path. I....
And I kept on drinking. Til I almost died.
Why? Because I wanted to drink. Because I was full of resentment- "no one can tell ME what to do or believe"- and this, that and the other. Because I am an alcoholic.
Mocking and dismissing AA only served to my detriment. Only when I was desperate enough to choose living over dying did I turn to it for real.
It might not be for you. That's fine. I know for me, though - resentment and anger and distrust and mistrust only led to a miserable, sick existence. Changing much about my worldview and my life, thanks to AA, - and looking for similarities to others, and what I can learn and what I want my life to be - that has gotten and kept me sober. I also strongly echo Mizzuno's comments about a plan- for me, and many others, that recovery is a program of ACTION for me. Daily things- from exercise and other self-care to devotionals, BB reading and meetings (3-6/wk now) etc- that are done and thought and lived. Only way to keep on the right path, for me.
Good luck on your path.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 285
Hi, first I need to say that I have all of 28 days sober, which is HUGE for me, but really early to be putting my 2 cents in. Given that, here are my 2 cents. 
I did try an AA meeting and it wasn't for me. I didn't feel unsafe but I definitely felt like I didn't want to come back. One of the main reasons is that I know I could never get past the first step. I could agree that I am not in control after several drinks, but I am not powerless against alcohol. I don't believe in supernatural powers, so to me, if getting sober required that, I'd be in big trouble. I have chosen to improve my life through sobriety.
What I really wanted from AA was some sober friends. I just didn't feel that connection there. I looked for sober social groups on Meetup and they were all pretty inactive in my area.
So, what to do? I listen to podcasts, read books, participate here, and I have been reaching out to other healthy groups. Today my son and I are going to a sea kayaking lesson! I've joined a hiking meetup group too. Those folks are surely not all sober, but I will be found sober activities with them. I especially like events that start early on the weekends - events I would never want to do with a hangover!!
Anyway, as I said, I don't have much sober time, but this is working for now. Good luck to you! And pass along any other good ideas you try.
I did try an AA meeting and it wasn't for me. I didn't feel unsafe but I definitely felt like I didn't want to come back. One of the main reasons is that I know I could never get past the first step. I could agree that I am not in control after several drinks, but I am not powerless against alcohol. I don't believe in supernatural powers, so to me, if getting sober required that, I'd be in big trouble. I have chosen to improve my life through sobriety.
What I really wanted from AA was some sober friends. I just didn't feel that connection there. I looked for sober social groups on Meetup and they were all pretty inactive in my area.
So, what to do? I listen to podcasts, read books, participate here, and I have been reaching out to other healthy groups. Today my son and I are going to a sea kayaking lesson! I've joined a hiking meetup group too. Those folks are surely not all sober, but I will be found sober activities with them. I especially like events that start early on the weekends - events I would never want to do with a hangover!!
Anyway, as I said, I don't have much sober time, but this is working for now. Good luck to you! And pass along any other good ideas you try.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
I quit AA because most of the people I encoumtered in meetings seemed unable or unwilling to move past their drinking. There simply wasn't any growth even though some had been Sober several years. Drinking was part of my life and it will always be there on some level but it is not a good use of my time to discuss it week after week for who knows how long.
~Bunnez
~Bunnez
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by bunnezjp
I quit AA because most of the people I encoumtered in meetings seemed [I]unable or unwilling to move past their drinking. There simply wasn't any growth even though some had been Sober several years. [/I] Drinking was part of my life and it will always be there on some level but it is not a good use of my time to discuss it week after week for who knows how long.
~Bunnez
~Bunnez
This is why many choose to be around others in the rooms, daily.
You've made your choice = great. Is it necessary to take others inventory in the process??
Best of luck to the OP - I am a supporter of whatever works. My postings reflect I don't bash anyone's methods. One friend here said it best - sobriety is based on abstinence. Pick a method, dive in and keep your side of the street clean - that will be experience others can draw strength from. We learn from success and failures in life as long as we don't pick up that first drink.
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