Hevyn

Sorry for your pain and frustration - but very glad you came back, Mizz. It's good you're getting help from your doctor. You sound disgusted & ready to do this - we know you can.

Mizzuno

You are right. I cant say I will try anything and then say AA didnt work. I didn't work for me and at the time AA was not for me.
This alcoholism is the worst and it has been threatening to kill me for awhile. This will be my 4th serious attempt at sobriety.

Mizzuno

I am disgusted. Deeply disgusted and deeply hurt.
My whole life is entrenched in this crap. I just know the sober Mizz is way cooler and happier than the struggling Mizz. The sober Mizz remembers her life and participates in her life. The drunken Mizz only drinks and drinks and drinks. Im not even sure the last time I made dinner for my family?

MarkTwain

Mizzuno, hang in there....but sooner or later try to understand that AA or any other program doesn't work for you and never will. Nothing can work for you.

You have to be the one to make any program, whatever it is, work.

Cissy

Cheering you on. (((Hugs)))

Fly N Buy

Recovery is an inside job - the problem is housed between my left and right ear. I am convinced several programs can be helpful if one is committed. If not i can't say that didn't work. Willingness is the key.

I find a common thread among many here and that is some level of a spiritual path meant in a general sense. Meditation quiets the mind and can still the restlessness I have found.

ScottFromWI

I am glad you are back. I was in your same situation for the most part and got sober.....you can do it too. I hope we can help you find your way.

Mizzuno

Of course you all can help. I need help. I always have.

Thanks.

Hevyn

How are you feeling today, Mizz? Thinking of you.

Mizzuno

I am doing a better now in the afternoon. Im feeling resolved and that in itself is very freeing. Thank you

How are you?

Hevyn

Good - thanks, Mizz. Very glad to know you're feeling better.

uncorked

Hi Mizz, getting to sobriety isn't a straight line for most people. It zigs and zags. I know this is drastic, but have you tried inpatient, non 12 Step rehab? I went to a place for 7 weeks and it was wonderful. It was enough time to get me started on a sober lifestyle and once I got over the first few weeks, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. There's a place out in CA that does an intensive (non 12 step) 5 day outpatient program that I've heard good things about, too. The important thing is to get some footing with either a program that resonates with you or taking parts and pieces of different programs. AA wasn't my cup of tea, either. I even went to a women's group a few times after I'd been sober awhile just to make sure....and nope. But that's ok. There's more than one way to achieve your goal. Good luck with your doctor. Naltroxene can help reduce cravings. It's not a magic bullet but it can work as part of a plan.

Mizzuno

Im not in a position to go into a rehab but I do like the idea of it. I was in rehab years back. My life is not anywhere near the mess it was then and I can see that I am off the train of " complete destruction" and now on the trail of " leisurely walking".

Im researching many different ways of recovery that may or may not resonate with me. Im drinking tea when I get home tonight and that seems to resonate just fine.

See ya later

tiffanyeagle

how is it going mizz?

Mizzuno

Im doing this! Ive had a few good nights sleep. No more sweats. The dark under my eyes is leaving and Im feeling more energized. Im starting to structure my time and create new rituals. Example: Cup of Tea when I get home. Eat dinner. Maybe another cup of tea. Take a bath. Lay down in bed with my feline family members. Jump on SR and read. Post. Check out HBO sober.
Hows it going with you?

Harryho

Hi Miz,
I too was at my wits end about a month ago. I made a complete and utter fool of myself at an important function AGAIN. I was pathetic. I was unable to get out of bed out of sheer shame and humiliation for over a week. I was suicidal. I came here and found and unbelievable group of people who didn't judge me and actually gave a damn. You hit the jackpot my friend. You are not alone. We are here for you. Hugs.

daybyday13

This is so well said. It was ALL about those 4-5 hours after work where I drank until bed time because I was just being a lazy adult, I would still keep my place tidy and do laundry and get my crap done, but sure as heck I was drinking and it allowed me to enjoy those "mundane" tasks more, it was laziness. I was being lazy and foolish (and by foolish I am not trying to insult anyone at all) to think that I could just keep going on like that, drinking every night just because I had nothing better to do in those 5 hours after work until bedtime, now that I havent been drinking the past few nights, sure there have been moments where I was like um so what do I do, and when you think about it there are a million and one other things you could be doing. Things to even just better yourself. Alcohol, we all HOPEFULLY eventually realize, is taking you down, and it will never bring you up. It blinds you into thinking it does. I'm only a few days off it, but I can't wait just to feel completely normal, go to the library, function in society, do a full food shopping run, make elegant dinners (I live alone haha) take a walk, rent a movie, go to a movie... but you know what I mean, there are so many exciting things that I think we all discover as we sober up. Things we used to skip or avoid when we were drinking, because we werent able to drink doing them. It's crazy how much life there is to live and you dont wanna let it pass you by because youre more than that.

bimbott

I was drinking a bottle a day too (sometimes more). I felt like cr*p most of the time and coming to the realisation that it wasn't going to get any better I knew I had to stop. However you do it, it has to be non-negotiable. As others have said, once you have made a firm commitment to not drink, there is no room for doubt and wrangling over wanting one. If you stop drinking because you feel you have to, it will be so much harder to succeed. You have to stop because you want to and make it easier on yourself x

Mizzuno

Epic night of sleep. The kind of sleep that turns your body into concrete and rising in the morning is a battle. I pulled my groggy self out of bed and thought, "Its damn good to have a sleep hangover than to have an alcohol hangover!" Im now awake and ready to tackle the day with whatever the heck I want aside from drinking.

I want to make life easier on myself. This thought is encouraging. I have "wanted" to stop for 3 years. That being said, I also "have" to stay quit. The "want" vs "have" are so different but there is empowerment in the "want" and this can serve as a positive. Ill go with the frame of thought that is encouraging and positive. It makes sense.

I have told a few of my close friends what I have been going through. They are older and we are family. This "truth" telling has helped me to move into a resolve. I have never been dishonest with them and I know they are here to support and help me through. I want the truth to be on the table because there is so much more going on than just my active alcoholism. Life came to a screeching halt on Sunday morning. I knew, when I woke up, that I had to promote change and it had to be now or I was going to die. Ive needed help with this for so long. Keeping it a secret only keeps me on the Ferris Wheel of self sabotage. One day at a time.

daybyday13

Literally had the same thought the other morning after a sober night. It was a restless 7 hours of sleep don't think I slept a wink and when I got out of bed I thought wow I'm tired but I'm not hungover, id rather feel like this any day, rather than that feeling of pulling yourself out of bed after a night of drinking. Let that control you! Let that be your guide to what is right. I am going through the same thing. Isn't that beautiful that I dont even know you, but I feel you darling. You got this, we all do.

Also what helped me was telling family members and they were all so supportive, once I actually told people that's when I started letting go of the alcohol. People are always there.