A bottle a day-
 

Im back. A bottle of wine a day. 2 bottles yesterday. Bottle after bottle. Mistake after mistake Hangover after hangover. Embarrassment.

Its a disease. I told myself it was ok to be an alcoholic as I bought alcohol everyday for the last 2 years or more. The only time off from drinking was due to a hangover. I cant control this and apparently I cant stop. I just need to get off the train. Its the same old song and dance and Im scared that I am literally going to die from this disease. I am scared that my marriage will die. That I will lose everything. Im at the end of this road.

You're are going to say AA and therapy. I am setting an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to ask for medications to help me quit. Naltroxene? I desperately need help. I am willing to try anything.

aa works for me - have you tried it

Yes. 2 years of it. On and Off.

I'm not an AA person, but if you think it will work for you, then you go for it. Therapy can also be helpful. There are many paths to recovery and I hope you find one that works for you. It sounds like you are ready to make a big change in your life.

Getting off the train is the hardest step. I had to do it. I didn't know what was going to happen but I had to take the risk. I couldn't keep going. Don't drink today. That is all you need to tell yourself. Thinking ahead always brought me anxiety. I do go to AA meetings to be reminded exactly why I am putting it down and there are people there waiting to help. You can do it. There are so many people staying sober each day. Take care of yourself today and just know it WILL get better if you stay sober.

I am ready. AA didnt work for me.

I didnt work for me.

I dont know what works? What will stick? How did it get this bad and how in the hell am I going to stop and save myself? I want to be free of this once and for all.

Those words that I have quoted will help you tremendously. You will be able to quit. Make it the most important thing in your life for a while.

I drank for a long time while I knew I needed to quit because I thought it was ok. Then I realized it would kill me and it's not ok. I had to accept, deep down, that I'm an alcoholic and I can't drink. No matter what.

That sets in motion recovery. I have ample time to work out the causes and why's for my drinking. But I have to be sober for that.

I wanted so bad to be able to keep drinking. Then things got bad and I had to give up and try something else. You can too. :)

I would rather die than to continue on in this hell.

Hi Mazzuno,

Glad you are back, I also joined in 2012, and it took me a while to finally get it right. I am getting close to 15 months sobriety, and my main source of support was this website.

There are lots of links on here and Dee's about making plans is a great one.

I also tried AA in the past, and it wasn't the right fit for me, there are lots of other options for recovery.

What worked for me was:
Reading and posting on here daily, the monthly classes and the 24 hour thread have been my biggest supports.

Planning other activities for the time I used to drink, especially in the beginning: go for walks, go to the gym, plan a Netflix marathon, take a class...

Reading recovery books

Journaling, Mindfulness, Yoga

Taking alcohol completely off the table, no matter how good or bad the day was. That included holidays, there is always going to be another holiday, making plans for alternate drinks helps.

Get rid of all of the alcohol in your house, have options for other drinks. I love green tea, and also lately have been drinking lots of sparkling mineral water with lime.

Don't take that first drink, play the tape through. Think about how you will feel the next morning when you wake up with a hangover, and nowhere near 100% for family or work.

Seeing your doctor tomorrow is a great start, in addition to the medication you mentioned ask him for other possible supports in your area. If you even get the slightest temptation to drink log in here, there will be someone to talk you out of it.

You can do this Mazzuno, and I promise sobriety is so worth it!!!!

❤Delilah

Welcome back Mizzuno. I am not suggesting that AA is the method that you should use, But you cannot say "I am willing to try anything" and then list things that won't work - until you've given them 100% of your effort.

I dabbled in several methods and programs on and off too, but none of them worked until I unquestionably committed myself to staying sober no matter what I had to do.

Mizzuno, I'm a bottle a session drinker too. I'm only on Day 8, but I'm 57 years old and my body just doesn't like it any more! You can do this!

What do you think it'll take? Drugs? AA? A change of lifestyle? Something dramatic? For me it was middle age, feeling terrible, the potential threat of a number of chronic, irreversible health problems that would likely mean long term hospitalisation, chronic pain, life time medication... All because I couldn't bear dealing with 4 hours of the day.

Turns out those four hours actually aren't that bad, just a little boring because I wasn't forcing myself to do things, because I just wanted to be drunk...which meant lazy.

So what do you think it'll take for you?

For me it was as simple as coming to the decision that I was done. I had had enough of it and anything other then how I felt would have to be better.

I'm not saying that getting and staying sober was simple. It wasn't. It's hard work for sure, but if you are truly committed to quitting you can do it. If AA isn't for you, it wasn't for me either, then try something else. Utilize this place for support. Look into some of the other programs. If I can do it. You can.

I wish you the best.

I told myself it was ok to be an alcoholic as I bought alcohol


This suggests the recognition of two mindsets and the interplay between 'them'.
It is very similar to the lens through which addiction is viewed from the RR/AVRT perspective. Have you ever looked into those ideas? There are great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum.
In AVRT parlance the Beast( the desire for alcohol) is 'speaking' to you via the AV(any thoughts about future alcohol use or doubts about remaining abstinent) and your more rational , truer self initially resists but then ultimately relents and acts on ITs desire. You can recognize and separate from that desire , and dismiss it , not act on it.
The part of your post I quoted shows that you implicitly recognize IT already, you can learn to consciously separate from it . Deciding to never drink again and not change your mind ( the Big Plan) is the catalyst , and it starts immediately , literally right this second, if you want it.
Your AV is telling you that you can't quit , and unfortunately you believe IT, stop falling for the lie, you can, rootin for ya

.... I am willing to try anything.[/QUOTE]


If you've reached that point, friend, AA works as well as anything else, if you're willing to do as you are told: three meetings in three days, thirty meetings in thirty days, ninety meetings in ninety days, then go every day for a year. And pick a really good sponsor and do what he tells you. You might feel desperate in a year, and you may not feel like going on, as you are feeling now, but it won't be because of alcohol.

I might add that for AA or any other program or therapy out there, you will have to be willing to take the good and leave behind what isn't meant for you. In any program there are usually a lot more positives than negatives.

Good luck.

I can't think of much to say above what's been said. I was pretty much at the same stage before I finally quit. I managed to book a plane flight and catch it across oz to where I'd be involved in caring for womeone else. I stopped completely, no tapering and went on a rapid benzo detox. That's it. I'd stopped. To maintain the sobriety I used used meditation, remembered where I'd come from and got involved in life. I started seeing a psychiatrist and the years went by. etc.

I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm glad you're back Miz :)

I'm not going to say 'AA or therapy' but I am going to say do something different - make changes, find more support...

you can do this. :)

Ps this link about making a recovery plan is not bad either ;)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Hey Mizz ,
It's been a while .
Getting off the train sounds good. Drinking only ever gave delusions of adequacy and normalcy ... there was always something festering or stuff being undelt with.

Drinking made me a hot mess .. At least sober i've got a chance to deal with stuff, drinking i missed a whole lot of opertunity and options.

never again ..

m

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Plan: Sober Recovery, Talk with a physician, psychiatry, abstaining for today.

I will call the physician tomorrow and ask for recommendations to speak with a specialist on alcoholism.

Im here and ready to be present again.