A bottle a day-
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Moving into day 9. I am now starting to feel more like myself and less like a drunk. My anxiety comes in waves. This is par for the course even if I am sober. Given that I haven't been sober for 3 years, I am not sure if the above statement is factual? Time will tell.
H looked me in the eyes this morning and said, "I know this has been tough the last week but you are doing great". I thanked him. I acknowledged where I am and how I do not want to drink. The hiatus for him is for one month. I told him that I know his month will come to a close and I understand what that means. We are set to put some ground rules into place. He said he has no intention of going down into the depths again. We will resume this conversation later.
All we can do is try. Keep doing the next best thing and moving along. I am adamant to make this a lasting change.
I would rather jump off a cliff than to live in so much pain due to drinking. Day in and day out of hangovers and emotions that run rampant due to the side effects of alcohol. There is no life in any of that behavior. Alcoholism is a serious matter. A life or death matter. For those of us that keep circling back and forth on a teeter totter, I assure you it gets worse and it does destroy everything.
Now, comes the work of dealing and resolving. One day at a time.
H looked me in the eyes this morning and said, "I know this has been tough the last week but you are doing great". I thanked him. I acknowledged where I am and how I do not want to drink. The hiatus for him is for one month. I told him that I know his month will come to a close and I understand what that means. We are set to put some ground rules into place. He said he has no intention of going down into the depths again. We will resume this conversation later.
All we can do is try. Keep doing the next best thing and moving along. I am adamant to make this a lasting change.
I would rather jump off a cliff than to live in so much pain due to drinking. Day in and day out of hangovers and emotions that run rampant due to the side effects of alcohol. There is no life in any of that behavior. Alcoholism is a serious matter. A life or death matter. For those of us that keep circling back and forth on a teeter totter, I assure you it gets worse and it does destroy everything.
Now, comes the work of dealing and resolving. One day at a time.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by Mizzuno 
I would rather die than to continue on in this hell.
Wishing the OP positive thoughts and a successful path to recovery.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
Wine was my vice to
Mizzuno,
Sounds like we have an awful lot in common. March 19th was my final breaking point with my wife and myself. I went off in a pub with a couple of other parents and my daughters volleyball tourney. I don't remember getting back to the room. Apparently I slept on toilet for 2 hours.
Well here I am sober and also on day 8 or 9 I'm not counting just dealing with it.
I've been a heavy wine drinker for more then 20 years. My wife and I have drank 2 bottles a day since we met 17 years ago. She is also been dry since in support of me but for herself as well.
many days its 3 bottles of wine and a beer to start or cooler or cider. Mostly I finished of the 3rd bottle.
I am a firefighter and would come off a four day shift. Booze heavily after two days of sobrity, be hung over on day 2 but still drink later in the evening and smoke a joint. Day 3 same thing drink two bottles and day 4 drink and go to work so tired for the start of shift.
I could go on and on how booze has controlled my life for the past 27 years. I am 46 now and had it. Its been my demon. We owned two homes and now rent in a small town. I have faced the music why we don't own anymore we spent our money on booze. upwards of 8,000$ and year. My first home is worth 1.4 million dollars now. I lost it all from booze.
Now the hard part begins. The mornings go OK as I during coffee time, 1 Pm I start to think about a beer when I'm not working. My witching hour begins between 4-6 when we would crack our first bottle of wine. Find myself moody and questioning my sobriety at those times. Was it really that bad? I can cut back, just have one glass and make tea after.
My Dad is in AA, my mother is a full blown functioning 70 year old **** tank. Both grandfathers were boozers. Blackouts were becoming regular, not remembering how and when I got to bed.
My poor kids are my driving force. For the past 13-14 years they watched their loving father get drunk. I'm done so I will stay strong and carry on for my girls today.
Been an emotional week inside this Man. still juggling thoughts and processing this as booze has been by my side most of my life.
Never want my kids to see empty wine bottles on the counter or a balcony full of wine empties. So sad. I can't control the past but I can control what happens today. With you Mizzuno!
Sounds like we have an awful lot in common. March 19th was my final breaking point with my wife and myself. I went off in a pub with a couple of other parents and my daughters volleyball tourney. I don't remember getting back to the room. Apparently I slept on toilet for 2 hours.
Well here I am sober and also on day 8 or 9 I'm not counting just dealing with it.
I've been a heavy wine drinker for more then 20 years. My wife and I have drank 2 bottles a day since we met 17 years ago. She is also been dry since in support of me but for herself as well.
many days its 3 bottles of wine and a beer to start or cooler or cider. Mostly I finished of the 3rd bottle.
I am a firefighter and would come off a four day shift. Booze heavily after two days of sobrity, be hung over on day 2 but still drink later in the evening and smoke a joint. Day 3 same thing drink two bottles and day 4 drink and go to work so tired for the start of shift.
I could go on and on how booze has controlled my life for the past 27 years. I am 46 now and had it. Its been my demon. We owned two homes and now rent in a small town. I have faced the music why we don't own anymore we spent our money on booze. upwards of 8,000$ and year. My first home is worth 1.4 million dollars now. I lost it all from booze.
Now the hard part begins. The mornings go OK as I during coffee time, 1 Pm I start to think about a beer when I'm not working. My witching hour begins between 4-6 when we would crack our first bottle of wine. Find myself moody and questioning my sobriety at those times. Was it really that bad? I can cut back, just have one glass and make tea after.
My Dad is in AA, my mother is a full blown functioning 70 year old **** tank. Both grandfathers were boozers. Blackouts were becoming regular, not remembering how and when I got to bed.
My poor kids are my driving force. For the past 13-14 years they watched their loving father get drunk. I'm done so I will stay strong and carry on for my girls today.
Been an emotional week inside this Man. still juggling thoughts and processing this as booze has been by my side most of my life.
Never want my kids to see empty wine bottles on the counter or a balcony full of wine empties. So sad. I can't control the past but I can control what happens today. With you Mizzuno!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by pistonbroke
Mizzuno,
Sounds like we have an awful lot in common. March 19th was my final breaking point with my wife and myself. I went off in a pub with a couple of other parents and my daughters volleyball tourney. I don't remember getting back to the room. Apparently I slept on toilet for 2 hours.
Well here I am sober and also on day 8 or 9 I'm not counting just dealing with it.
I've been a heavy wine drinker for more then 20 years. My wife and I have drank 2 bottles a day since we met 17 years ago. She is also been dry since in support of me but for herself as well.
many days its 3 bottles of wine and a beer to start or cooler or cider. Mostly I finished of the 3rd bottle.
I am a firefighter and would come off a four day shift. Booze heavily after two days of sobrity, be hung over on day 2 but still drink later in the evening and smoke a joint. Day 3 same thing drink two bottles and day 4 drink and go to work so tired for the start of shift.
I could go on and on how booze has controlled my life for the past 27 years. I am 46 now and had it. Its been my demon. We owned two homes and now rent in a small town. I have faced the music why we don't own anymore we spent our money on booze. upwards of 8,000$ and year. My first home is worth 1.4 million dollars now. I lost it all from booze.
Now the hard part begins. The mornings go OK as I during coffee time, 1 Pm I start to think about a beer when I'm not working. My witching hour begins between 4-6 when we would crack our first bottle of wine. Find myself moody and questioning my sobriety at those times. Was it really that bad? I can cut back, just have one glass and make tea after.
My Dad is in AA, my mother is a full blown functioning 70 year old **** tank. Both grandfathers were boozers. Blackouts were becoming regular, not remembering how and when I got to bed.
My poor kids are my driving force. For the past 13-14 years they watched their loving father get drunk. I'm done so I will stay strong and carry on for my girls today.
Been an emotional week inside this Man. still juggling thoughts and processing this as booze has been by my side most of my life.
Never want my kids to see empty wine bottles on the counter or a balcony full of wine empties. So sad. I can't control the past but I can control what happens today. With you Mizzuno!
Sounds like we have an awful lot in common. March 19th was my final breaking point with my wife and myself. I went off in a pub with a couple of other parents and my daughters volleyball tourney. I don't remember getting back to the room. Apparently I slept on toilet for 2 hours.
Well here I am sober and also on day 8 or 9 I'm not counting just dealing with it.
I've been a heavy wine drinker for more then 20 years. My wife and I have drank 2 bottles a day since we met 17 years ago. She is also been dry since in support of me but for herself as well.
many days its 3 bottles of wine and a beer to start or cooler or cider. Mostly I finished of the 3rd bottle.
I am a firefighter and would come off a four day shift. Booze heavily after two days of sobrity, be hung over on day 2 but still drink later in the evening and smoke a joint. Day 3 same thing drink two bottles and day 4 drink and go to work so tired for the start of shift.
I could go on and on how booze has controlled my life for the past 27 years. I am 46 now and had it. Its been my demon. We owned two homes and now rent in a small town. I have faced the music why we don't own anymore we spent our money on booze. upwards of 8,000$ and year. My first home is worth 1.4 million dollars now. I lost it all from booze.
Now the hard part begins. The mornings go OK as I during coffee time, 1 Pm I start to think about a beer when I'm not working. My witching hour begins between 4-6 when we would crack our first bottle of wine. Find myself moody and questioning my sobriety at those times. Was it really that bad? I can cut back, just have one glass and make tea after.
My Dad is in AA, my mother is a full blown functioning 70 year old **** tank. Both grandfathers were boozers. Blackouts were becoming regular, not remembering how and when I got to bed.
My poor kids are my driving force. For the past 13-14 years they watched their loving father get drunk. I'm done so I will stay strong and carry on for my girls today.
Been an emotional week inside this Man. still juggling thoughts and processing this as booze has been by my side most of my life.
Never want my kids to see empty wine bottles on the counter or a balcony full of wine empties. So sad. I can't control the past but I can control what happens today. With you Mizzuno!
Your children and my step child are deserving of a parent who is available mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My husband is deserving of an emotionally stable wife. We can do this. You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing. Its good to hear/ feel another's story. Please dont hesitate to reach out to me.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Another day. For the first time in the last 10 days I felt like something was different. Almost a sadness as to what I am and what that means for this life I live. I dont have an urge to drink. I dont want to drink. I think I just felt the real honest truth and had some compassion for how hard this road can actually be.
It doesnt have to be hard and this time around I want to ensure that I am enjoying my life. Im not sure what that means yet but I know I will get there.
I feel physically well and I havent felt this in years. I am present for myself and others. These small accomplishments should bring joy, but I cant say that I feel joy at the moment.
Is it alright to grieve over what I am? Grieve over the fact that I am an alcoholic? Does that even make sense or am I throwing myself a pity party? For the record, I don't necessarily feel bad for myself. Its almost like I feel bad for the person who has said they have cancer. I dont know. Im not sure I can verbalize this.
It doesnt have to be hard and this time around I want to ensure that I am enjoying my life. Im not sure what that means yet but I know I will get there.
I feel physically well and I havent felt this in years. I am present for myself and others. These small accomplishments should bring joy, but I cant say that I feel joy at the moment.
Is it alright to grieve over what I am? Grieve over the fact that I am an alcoholic? Does that even make sense or am I throwing myself a pity party? For the record, I don't necessarily feel bad for myself. Its almost like I feel bad for the person who has said they have cancer. I dont know. Im not sure I can verbalize this.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Energy is back. I am now structuring my time. I spent every evening drinking wine and these "drinking sessions" took about 3 hours. Now, I spend those 3 hours eating, bathing and reading on SR. TV is on in the background. I feel content and accomplished.
Health is coming back Signs:
Skin is glowing
Bloat is gone
Sleep is good
Heartburn is gone
Calmer state of being
Early waking with no hangover
No blackouts
Work is given 100%
Bank account is steady
No arguments
Memory is clear
This is just the beginning. 13 days.
Health is coming back Signs:
Skin is glowing
Bloat is gone
Sleep is good
Heartburn is gone
Calmer state of being
Early waking with no hangover
No blackouts
Work is given 100%
Bank account is steady
No arguments
Memory is clear
This is just the beginning. 13 days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Commit to 24 hours at a time, my friend.
I have a social media profile where I announce my number of days sober every day at 7PM local time. It may not be for everyone, but it's kept me honest.
Tomorrow is day one sans energy drinks (or any caffeine).
I have a social media profile where I announce my number of days sober every day at 7PM local time. It may not be for everyone, but it's kept me honest.
Tomorrow is day one sans energy drinks (or any caffeine).
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
15 days.
The last few days have been productive. Running, eating and packing. Spontaneous hike yesterday. My head is clear. My body is thankful. My heart is not heavy and my emotions are level.
I went to the doctor and everything is working fine. I was asked if I wanted a low dose anti-depressant. I declined. I do not feel depressed. In fact, I feel stable on all levels.
H and I discussed the ground rules for alcohol in the house. We came to the conclusion that there is no alcohol around while the teenager is here. H can have 2 days on the weekend to drink. No more. No pushing the days into the week. If he needs more days then one of us will need to find a different place to live, as I am not going to live my life around alcohol. There is no bargaining and there is no room for discussion. We shook hands and the conversation was finished.
I know I am in the beginning stages (once again) and making declarations or bold statements is only a set up for failure. However, seeing how I have been down this path a million times, I have to take every step necessary to ensure a different outcome. This means the ground rules in the home are necessary and have to take place. Its a new road for the both of us.
We went for a hike yesterday in one of our Redwood Parks. The trillium's are in full bloom. Pinks, purples and whites. I remember a friend telling me that Trillium's are rare? It seemed like there were a million trillium's on display throughout our walk. Rare? Im not sure about that! They are quite the beautiful scene.
Moving next weekend. 5 blocks away. We sign the closing papers on Thursday. This commitment feels bigger than marriage and I have a lot of thoughts behind it. I'm working on sorting out those thoughts before next Thursday comes.
Have a good day!
The last few days have been productive. Running, eating and packing. Spontaneous hike yesterday. My head is clear. My body is thankful. My heart is not heavy and my emotions are level.
I went to the doctor and everything is working fine. I was asked if I wanted a low dose anti-depressant. I declined. I do not feel depressed. In fact, I feel stable on all levels.
H and I discussed the ground rules for alcohol in the house. We came to the conclusion that there is no alcohol around while the teenager is here. H can have 2 days on the weekend to drink. No more. No pushing the days into the week. If he needs more days then one of us will need to find a different place to live, as I am not going to live my life around alcohol. There is no bargaining and there is no room for discussion. We shook hands and the conversation was finished.
I know I am in the beginning stages (once again) and making declarations or bold statements is only a set up for failure. However, seeing how I have been down this path a million times, I have to take every step necessary to ensure a different outcome. This means the ground rules in the home are necessary and have to take place. Its a new road for the both of us.
We went for a hike yesterday in one of our Redwood Parks. The trillium's are in full bloom. Pinks, purples and whites. I remember a friend telling me that Trillium's are rare? It seemed like there were a million trillium's on display throughout our walk. Rare? Im not sure about that! They are quite the beautiful scene.
Moving next weekend. 5 blocks away. We sign the closing papers on Thursday. This commitment feels bigger than marriage and I have a lot of thoughts behind it. I'm working on sorting out those thoughts before next Thursday comes.
Have a good day!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Congrats on two weeks Miz 
I don't see anything wrong with bold declarations or statements at all - but you need to follow through on them with action for them to work, is all
D
I know I am in the beginning stages (once again) and making declarations or bold statements is only a set up for failure.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Dee74
Congrats on two weeks Miz
I don't see anything wrong with bold declarations or statements at all - but you need to follow through on them with action for them to work, is all
D
I don't see anything wrong with bold declarations or statements at all - but you need to follow through on them with action for them to work, is all
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Life is a gift.
Its a shame to waste time doing things that are not nurturing or loving towards ourselves. To know what is meant for me and what is not. Alcohol can be medicine or it can be poison. My disposition falls into the latter category with the substance. A quick thought I had this afternoon.
There is a lot happening. This is life.
I have 17 days sans alcohol. Im so grateful that the cycle stopped. My gratitude runs deep. The weight has lifted off my shoulders and Im walking free from self harm.
Thank you all for the support and help.
Its a shame to waste time doing things that are not nurturing or loving towards ourselves. To know what is meant for me and what is not. Alcohol can be medicine or it can be poison. My disposition falls into the latter category with the substance. A quick thought I had this afternoon.
There is a lot happening. This is life.
I have 17 days sans alcohol. Im so grateful that the cycle stopped. My gratitude runs deep. The weight has lifted off my shoulders and Im walking free from self harm.
Thank you all for the support and help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
We get the keys to our home today. We are moving 5 blocks east. Its quite amazing to see (given my familial past) that I have actually succeeded in making this happen. Some cycles can be stopped. Some cycles are on repeat. Some lessons are hard learned but I am learning and I am succeeding.
I have to acknowledge the good and true in my life. Acknowledge where I put myself at times and know that I am doing okay. I am doing good without alcohol and this is where I should be. Where I need to be.
The trick is when I have enough time sober that my mind thinks its a good idea to drink. Its never a good idea and I think I have learned a lot in this past year about coping, grief and addiction. Ive learned that I have to be hyper-vigilant from here on out.
Waking up with a clear heart is the goal.
Its a good morning so far.
Onward and upward.
I have to acknowledge the good and true in my life. Acknowledge where I put myself at times and know that I am doing okay. I am doing good without alcohol and this is where I should be. Where I need to be.
The trick is when I have enough time sober that my mind thinks its a good idea to drink. Its never a good idea and I think I have learned a lot in this past year about coping, grief and addiction. Ive learned that I have to be hyper-vigilant from here on out.
Waking up with a clear heart is the goal.
Its a good morning so far.
Onward and upward.
Being Sober is Awesome
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Oregon
Posts: 507
Sounds as if you are doing well. Congrats! If you havent already maybe take a look at AVRT. Its very simple and helps identify the beast and addictive voice from your true self. So if you start getting ideas of a drink will be nice you simply realize thats the beast barking and just acknowledging it is not your true self it goes away. I use that and AA even though they are not usually used together. Keep it up!
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