Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast

I hate conflict or even confrontation and try to avoid it. I know looking back when I was drinking I caused a lot of the arguments. My life seemed to be full of drama. When I don't drink my life seems much simpler. I've also learned healthier ways of dealing with conflict, taking a step back, breathe.

Originally Posted by wpainterw

Kiki: I'd go to a counselor for tips. This panic reaction is probably something that is fairly common and there are no doubt ways to deal with it. Drinking may seem like relief but it only makes it worse and as you know the alcohol slippery slope of self medication is not where you want to be. No way! It can only end in disaster, worse than merely panic. Good luck. Keep posting.

W.

Originally Posted by bluedog97

I'm same way. Anger and conflicts are my main trigger. I've been known to have imagined arguments (all in my head) with people and gotten drunk over it.

Hey, I never said I was well.

Thanks for the topic

Originally Posted by Jojay

I can relate to this,the need for a drink to calm down after confrontation or even upsetting thoughts.I am 9mths sober now and can deal with these issues without getting overly upset.Guess you want to give up drinking very soon?A wealth of support from this forum.Take care

Originally Posted by Elliemae215

I am a recent soberer as of Day 7 for me. I find that when the thought enters my head by saying "A drink sounds good, or a glass of wine sounds good" I have been saying "Not today". By saying that, it doesn't seem like forever, and basically that's what we are talking about if we want to become sober. So far it has worked for me for a week. Which I know doesn't seem like a very long time.....but as you know.....it's a start! Plus I am determined for health reasons too. I've been checking in every day, I went to the SR meeting Friday night for the first time, and I've joined the Feb class too. All these things help. Keep posting! Have a great Day!

Originally Posted by thomas11

I don't really have any tips for you but I can tell you that alcohol was always the solution, no matter the problem. In reality, as you mentioned, it always makes it worse. The key for me was to fight through these situations without drinking. The first time is hard, as is the second and maybe the third, but its part of the process in my opinion. Lots of firsts in early sobriety.

Originally Posted by Dee74

I hate conflict but as a sober adult I had to accept I'd find myself in conflict sometimes.

I try to get at whats eating me - is it anger, do I feel unfairly treated?

is it fear at an emotion I'm scared I can't control? Do I need people's approval? do I use that approval as some kind of validation?

I'm not saying any of these apply to you Kiki, but if you can pinpoint why conflict makes you feel so bad, chances are you can do something about it - something positive and life affirming, unlike drinking

There are a lot of good links here for a lot of the things we wind ourselves up over:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html

D

Originally Posted by rubythrill

AA has helped me tremendously... I am only 4 months sober, and still have so much work to do on my soul and repairing my life, but I know that right now... I probably wouldn't still be sober if I didn't go to meetings.

Originally Posted by JackDsMissus

Hi I'm reading an absolutely fantastic book called Complex PTSD : From thriving to surviving. If you haven't read it already, I can't recommend enough to take a look at it on Amazon, the reviews alone are what convinced me to buy it. And, it's one of those game changer books where you suddenly understand what's going on and how you might do things differently. Best of luck!

Originally Posted by Forward12

I agree with seeking a therapist. Unhealthy actions to deal with issues such as drinking as you know is not a good thing to do. They can help with getting over your issues and to find healthy options.

Originally Posted by Anna

Kiki, I also have PTSD from childhood trauma, and like you, I found that it got worse as I got older. I thought that when I left home, things would be okay, but of course it's not like that. I found this link posted by Morning Glory (our Admin) years ago and it's been so helpful to me. Basically it explains that you have a 60 to 90 second window (once an emotional memory is triggered) in which to shut it down. You can stop the overwhelming emotion before it takes hold.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

Originally Posted by Delilah1

Hi Kiki,

I'm glad you are here and posting. I used to pour myself a glass of wine as soon as I walked in the door from work to deal with whatever the stresses of the day were. It seemed like a good way to destress, but it actually just made me more anxious, and then I was dealing with whatever the current issue was on heightened anxiety, and a hangover.

I have worked with my doctor about my anxiety, and I take something at night to help me sleep, and have a prescription that I take occasionally when very anxious (a big presentation, or meeting, dealing with someone who is extremely angry). I also have found going for a walk helpful in being able to allow me to refocus, and to calm my nerves, and something that has really he,led me is mindfulness. There are a bunch of articles online if you google it, and even apps on your phone.

You can do this, start by not drinking today, plan out the time you would normally drink, and get rid of any alcohol so you do not have any temptations.

Looking forward to seeing you on here tomorrow!

❤️Delilah

Originally Posted by heartcore

Ok. This is going to not sound like great advice (but - mind you - my graduate degree is in Conflict Resolution...so whatever).

One of the most powerful tools I have held to deal with conflict is a joy in being alone, & a respect for that joy. My confidence in my own life grants me power.

Some people & situations are worth doing the work for & some are not. I am a listener & a compromiser & a negotiator, but - seriously!! - screw that sometimes!!

One of the most important things I ever learned was from an AA friend who irritated the **** out of me because no matter what my issue was, she would begin with "did you pray about it?" Ok. Whatever. But she once asked me - in the middle of a conflict in a relationship - "are you working harder on this than they are?"

I have never forgotten that wisdom.

See, I have a vested interest in "working harder on this than they are." This is my profession! I am a conflict Resolveolutionary!!

Her words freed me (thank you, wise Alaskan Julie forever & ever!!)

Are they working on it as hard as you are?

That is the only relevant question...

Originally Posted by sponsx

Hi Kiki,

I also suffer from PTSD, childhood trauma and from the army. I was a heavy drinker that would routinely blow up and say fk it all and drink myself stupid.

I'm still fairly new to sobriety, 2 months 15 days, but I had the luxury of going to a rehab program and getting some really good therapy. If it is available to you, I would totally recommend counseling, I never thought it would help me but it has greatly.

What works for me, I set a boundary for myself, I will not lose my temper or allow myself to get to the point of the fk its. Sometimes you know you will be entering a frustrating situation, for those plan an escape route.. Politely excuse yourself from the situation and give yourself time to cool of. Remember no one but you can make you mad, you can control your response. It also helps to have someone who knows your situation, like a sponsor, to be able to call.

I'm no expert, just sharing what has worked for me so far, hopefully you find something that works for you.

Originally Posted by PhoenixJ

Kiki- just caught this thread. After my burns- I got PT. Not the same as from childhood- but maybe some common ground. I get overwhelming feelings of 'being there'. Eternity in a split second. Vivid, real- hellish. I breathe. I affirm to myself over and over and over- sometimes hundreds of times a day that I am okay. That the past is the past. That memories cannot hurt me. Then I go to a meeting, talk to someone, post at SR, journal. I avoid being by myself if I possibly can.
Prayer, PJ.

Originally Posted by D122y

Kiki,

Until I got really clean, maybe about 6 to 10 months...my personality was still under the influence of booze.

I obsessed every day about things.

I created internal stress.

As the days went on everything changed. Now I don't obsess, I move forward. If me and my wife argue, I calm down in moments vs days. Alcohol was the problem.

Addiction is the problem.

Thanks.