U75

Got myself a case of the Monday "blahs." Got a lot of tough tasks at work this week. Big decisions that can change people's lives. More than all the hard work, that's probably the most stressful part of this job for me--the advice I give can profoundly affect people's lives.

Anyway, I sat out on my front porch this morning for a while with my coffee. I have two big wicker chairs out there with comfy pillows. It's always in the shade, so it's a pleasant place to sit when I get the chance (which isn't all that often!). I'm thankful for the sobriety that allowed me to sit and have a few minutes of peace and serenity this morning before embarking on a hectic day.

Love you all, rogues. Peace!

MLD51

I take that time alone on my deck every morning that weather allows. It's my time to greet the day and do some meditation, or just calming the early morning thoughts about work and what's waiting for me. I tell myself it will all be ok. It works wonders.

happyandfree

Good morning eveyone!
Congratulations on 3 years Venecia! !!! That's awesome!
Melina...I like eating alone also. I truly enjoy the food. Sometimes when I'm with friends they make comments on the calories or if I eat too fast. I get annoyed. I've never eaten at a nice restaurant alone...always thought I'd feel sorry for myself for being alone. Maybe I'll try it some day. I'm ok with lunch or a casual restaurant.
Ok...I'm having a slow start. Better get moving. ..see you all later.

MLD51

I love having a meal out alone, too. I used to feel like some kind of loser, and that everyone must be looking at me and feeling sorry for me or something. But I got used to it, and then I started to really love it. It feels like true independence to me, and I like treating myself to foods I really love that other people in my family might not, like sushi or other sorts of exotic things.
I also like traveling alone. Same reasons - I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to worry about other people and their needs or desires.

U75

With the traveling I do for work, I've gotten used to eating out alone. Of course, prior to my last trip to Cleveland, I would use it as an opportunity to have a few drinks to take the edge off of a stressful day. Now that I'm sober, if I'm not doing work, I use the time to read or reflect on my day, and practice my mindfulness.

@Marty, I also like traveling alone for the same reasons. Although I only ever do it for work.

happyandfree

I like doing everything else alone.....so maybe I'll try dinner in a nice restaurant!

MLD51

You should, HaF! Why not treat yourself? It's self-care.

Della1968

I have never eaten alone!! I think I need to. Even when I travel for work I get take out or room service.

MLD51

Oh, try it, Della! It's pretty fun to sit in a restaurant, like a fly on the wall, and watch other people while you're pretending not to. I always just take my ipad so I can read or surf the net. Or pretend to.

MesaMan

.
This HS/University Pal of mine taught Managers about understanding various Personalities in the Workplace, and how to enhance Productivity via getting along. He and I had this very long Convo a few Months ago re: us Introverts.

The gist is that we recharge via quiet, and downtime. A fellow Introvert, he dealt with - in his own Life - the same Issues I have, and really provided me a lot of Insight. When I'm sitting around thinking, I'm figuring out 'things'. How to do something. Planning a Trip. How to deal with a situation. Former Renters. My crazy Neighbor here with 5 DUIs intentionally shooting in my general direction back around 2005 [that has ceased]. To Extroverts, contemplation can look like we're sitting around doing nothing.

When I come up with a new approach to something vexing, MesaMate is often kinda stunned, and asks 'How did you come up with that'? I.e., a whole new way of looking at something. A: I got still. I thought about it. I lowered the Signal-to-Noise Ratio. This allows me to function.

A real Gift is in Sobriety, be it a quiet Meal. Or, time on a Porch. Or, right now. >1 Hour of Chores are behind me, and I got the place all to myself. It finally hit me [and only me] a few Years ago. Introversion is the new Sobriety. It's as OK as not Drinking is. Currently, that's how I approach it. This should not be confused with isolating, or other negatives. The alleged 'Negative' of being an Introvert finally hit me as the false Narrative it really is. It's just one type of Genetic Wiring. No reason to demonize it. When I embraced that, and stood up to regurgitated BS surrounding Introversion, Life got better. I was letting others define my Introversion. Weird, This all is pretty identical to standing up to Alcohol, and the false Narrative that 'everyone Drinks', and that this is 'normal'. Really?

Most all my Int'l Biz Travel was solo. Absolutely loved it. Meet some very interesting People during the ~12 Hours over the Pacific Ocean. Sleep off Jet Lag. Get on line to do Trip Reports. Hit the Streets of gritty places like Taipei or Frankfurt when I felt like it. Or not. Absolute Freedom. Funded by a Corporate Credit Card.

Heavenly...

- 'Heaven' ~ Bryan Adams -
.

MLD51

I have discovered in sobriety that I'm actually an introvert. It surprised me. I always thought I wanted and needed to be around people. Really, it was that I didn't like being alone because I didn't like myself much, and spending time alone made me antsy and anxious. And I needed people to validate me. Now that I've stopped doing things that make me feel bad about myself, I'm slowly gaining some self-respect and l don't hate myself. My own company is just fine now. And I realize that I do better with big chunks of alone time to just think and be calm. And continue sorting out who I am. I don't need other people to validate my "goodness" or "worthiness" as a person. I can find that within myself most of the time now. So when I do spend time with other people, I'm not saddling them with any sort of burden to make me feel better. It has improved all of my relationships.

Weasel1966

Down to the wire and I have visions of my favorite sausage pizza (extra sausage) floating in my head! Only 5,5 more hours!!!!

MLD51

You will be just fine! And you will enjoy that pizza more than just about anything you've ever eaten in your life.

U75

Mesa, thanks for your thoughts. I've always been one to value my solo time. My wife is, as you say, wired differently. She can think about ten things on the fly while doing an eleventh. I'm not that way. I need time alone to look at things from a few different angles to come up with a solution, or even to just form an opinion about something.

That's why I like running and cycling. Both solo pursuits where you put your body on auto-pilot, freeing up your brain. It's a form of meditation, I guess. The rhythmic movement coupled with physical effort lends itself to slowing things down for a good examination.

biminiblue

Mesa and MLD, thank you for that. I'm an only child, and for all intents and purposes, an only grandchild. I think I spent most of my childhood being alone, entertaining myself, learning how to trust my inner guide. It has served me well as an adult; I find I truly do not need to have a lot of superficial relationships and that a few short conversations a day are more than enough for me. I don't seek validation - although in my teens and twenties I did some of that and it exhausted me. I like it when I have a job and am able to leave people at work and come home to a quiet nurturing environment. I've almost always lived alone - my entire adult life. My marriage lasted three-ish years.

It's interesting to me that Mesa has made this work through 39 years (huzzah!) of marriage. I'm sure it has helped that there aren't any mini-Mesas.

Travelling and eating alone is my default. When people say they are lonely, I honestly and truly do not know what to say, because my knee-jerk reaction is to tell them about the joys of introspection and of having my own personal space. Being alone to me just means contentment with my own company. I also don't subscribe to the notion of "isolation" being a bad thing. I get it that some people may let their thoughts go to the negative and for them, perhaps that applies. Isolation/introspection is every bit what Mesa said for me - a time to recharge. Although I do enjoy big social events like fairs and festivals and music things, parties could be described as slow torture for me. All. That. Small. Talk.





I do enough of that here.

biminiblue

I watched a documentary on Netflix about Janis Joplin last night. Pretty darn good. Tortured talent, sensitive soul, one of us for sure.

MLD51

I'm also an only child, and I was an only grandchild. But even as a little kid I looked for approval from others. I spent a lot of time alone by default, but I remember feeling sad and lonely a lot. That has something to do with my parents not being very present for me, but I also think it was just part of my personality. But baby steps, and I'm getting to a place where being alone is good, and preferable some of the time.

Melina

EXACTLY, MESA! Love it! You too, MarMar!

I can be on stage all day every day as a chef, bc I believe in the message I'm delivering. But my batteries are recharged by alone time.

And as we all know, there's a huge difference between lonely and alone. Last night I was alone when I ate. It was wonderful. Last night I felt moments of loneliness when I got home. Very different mindset.

HaF and Della, bring a book your first time. I prefer it to looking at a phone screen while I'm waiting for food. It feels more soothing. Well, bring both, you'll have your phone anyway if the book isn't doing it for you, haha. Bone Apple Tea

And Mesa, I loved what you said about Signal to Noise ratio, and Introversion is the new sobriety. Yes sir. Reducing the noise in my life has made all the difference.

I'm off the whole day. I have an opportunity to help my boss cook for a famous chef who is inviting him on his podcast, but I declined.

I will cross paths with this important guy again if it's meant to be. I've actually interviewed for four different positions with him over the years, not him personally, but his restaurant group. What's meant to be will find a way.

What isn't meant to be is me essentially working seven days a week if I do this today. I don't jump anymore just bc someone is famous, with the secret hope they will see how awesome I am and set me up on a path to fame and fortune lololol. Bc if I examine my motives, that's the only reason I would go.

I wouldn't even be on the show, I'd just be prep. And I've had years of those experiences. They are wonderful and enriching and I could care less today!

I'm gonna go get some tomatoes from my garden and do WHATEVER I WANT!

xoxo

biminiblue

MLD, looking for approval is kind of a human thing. I'm saying that by the time I reached my twenties I understood that 1.) Ya can't please 'em all. Ya can't even please the majority. Everyone is thinking about themselves. 2.) I give away a piece of myself every time I try to please someone else at the expense of my serenity. 3.) Even when I did all the right things, some people are just mean, controlling, insecure, negative..blahblahblah.

My best course is to ignore. Being sad as a little kid was because I had not developed the ability to detach - a kid doesn't have that choice, and is by definition dependent. As an adult, I am not dependent on others for my state of mind. Does that make sense?

MLD51

Makes perfect sense, Bim. I think I'm a case of true arrested development. As I'm just now figuring this stuff out in my early 50's. And when I say I was looking for approval, I think I took it to an extreme, most of my life. I had very little idea who I was deep down because I had devoted most of my life to making other people like me and approve of me. So yeah, This newfound attitude of mine is cool, but a challenge at times.