AnvilheadII

have you ever read it? have you read each of the first 164 pages? have you studied the text? highlighted and re-read sections? have you found your story in the Personal Stories? have you followed the instructions for each of the steps?

sweetichick

I have read it. No highlighting. I do AA online meetings. Not that good on the steps. I am scared of step 4 and 9. I will study some to day.

tomsteve

whats scarier-steps 4 and 9 or what WILL happen with the continued drinking?
the steps are in order for a reason- steps 1-3 come before step 4.
it seems a good treat to yourself would be to get to F2F meetings and get a sponsor to guide you through them steps.
a part of the BB that would be wise to study is "how it works" from the beginning of that chapter to ,"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:"

DontRemember

I'll just say this; when I went into court ordered AA,couple years after joining here, I KNEW I was an a**hole with my drinking.. I KNEW I had plenty of amends to make.. Personal ownership of ever aspect of my life, both past/present, had to be faced...by me. Without that.. I'd still be doing the same stuff.. Own your actions and non actions..

djlook

What do you mean when you say you're not that good on the steps?

sweetichick

I don’t see how dredging up the past will help me.

AnvilheadII

except you USE the past as an excuse to keep drinking....until we are willing to face and make peace with our past, not what was done TO us, but how WE responded, we will stay locked in the deadly dance with alcohol.

sobriety requires:
Honesty
Open Mindedness
Willingness

that is the HOW of it all. it is HOW we break thru the denial and the ego. we become willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to stay sober.

sweetichick

Thanks Anvil. I was just thinking that myself that I use the past as an excuse.

fini

sweeti, i was terrified of step 9, and so that was part of me dragging out the starting of the stepstuff, as i really didn’t want to get to that step.
fact is, it did me no favours to think that far ahead.
in the end, i looked at those who had gone through the process and saw they had been just as scared and that i could believe and trust them when they told me that by the time i got there, i would be ready for it.
which i was.
you can be, too.

sweetichick

I am glad I am not the only one..that really helped Fini.

AnvilheadII

get a notebook and a good pen, start with step ONE and write it out. you don't need a sponsor to START the steps. but you do need to be ALL IN.....ready to seize the opportunity to put the drink fully and permanently behind you.

rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.....

DontRemember

I'm not what I'd call an "AA'er", but have to ask...why are you even looking at/worried about "step 9", when you're not past step 4?..

sweetichick

I will start now. Sobriety first. Dishes can wait.

Lucy79

Hey Sweeti, I can totally relate to your journey. I've been trying to dry out for over ten years. I guess you can say, barely trying. My biggest downfall has been drinking over things I can't change. Hence the line in the serenity prayers "accept the things I cannot change". I have been saying this numerous times a day lately. It's time to put my big girl pants on and move forward with my life. When a moment of clarity hit me after being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I sat and really thought. Yes, a lot of things have happened over the years. BUT, if I stop thinking about all those things that really have no relevance in my life right now, my life is pretty good and can be great without the booze. I keep choosing to rehash things that everyone else has moved on from but myself. Life is truly what we want to make it right now. How amazing to have that power and chance for us to turn our life around and leave the past in the dust. I'm rooting for you and I. We can do this!

sweetichick

It's just from observing other people in aa and what they went through. It's actually not really rational now you have pointed it out to me.

sweetichick

Leaving the past in the dust sounds great. I do the same as you rehashing things. We can be sober buddies.

awuh1

I wish you all the best sweetichick.

DontRemember

personally..it helped me to forgive myself for the dumb**** i had either done,while drinking or in a daze and also forgive other's for doing me wrong.. Once all the drinking 'excuses' are gone.. There's only 1 person/reason to drink 'at'.

sweetichick

I wish I could do that. Maybe that is the key.

Dee74

I think you can do that sweetichick