Mike's Accountability Thread
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 87
I'm on the same twisted cycle as you Mike. I racked up a couple months this winter, but ended up falling off the wagon when spring rolled around...the first big BBQ party of the year and I blew it. Since then I've been very conscious of my drinking and "working" towards sobriety, but I can't seem to go any more than a couple days sober. It's exhausting going around and around.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 123
Guys, commit to 30 days. Nothing more, nothing less. Not negotiable - 30 days.
They say "it's never a good time" etc, and that's true. But really, now is a great time. It's late July, vacations are largely over, and no college football for 5 weeks and no NFL football for 7. Get some traction with 30 days heading into Labor Day/football, see how you feel.
They say "it's never a good time" etc, and that's true. But really, now is a great time. It's late July, vacations are largely over, and no college football for 5 weeks and no NFL football for 7. Get some traction with 30 days heading into Labor Day/football, see how you feel.
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
So been struggling this week but I woke up today with a very deep urgency that I need to end this nonsense once and for all. I have spent all morning reviewing all the ways my life can and will go wrong if I continue. And I have also begun listing all the reasons to stop -- including my health, my family, my friends, my girlfriend, my career. So many wonderful things in my life that I can and will lose if I continue this.
So I am saying it right now, today, that I am done. No thought, no emotion, no feeling, no trigger, nothing is going to change my mind on that.
I don't care if it's 7 PM or 2 AM, I will go outside and walk, go to my weight room and workout, eat lots of food, watch a movie, whatever I have to do to get through a craving.
I am being extremely mindful of my thoughts today. If any thought whatsoever of drinking appears I dismiss it immediately.
I have eliminated this expectation I have had that there is an easy way to do this. Instead I accept that I am going to experience discomfort in this process but today I am declaring to myself that no amount of discomfort is going to change my mind.
Drinking is no longer an option.
Period.
So I am saying it right now, today, that I am done. No thought, no emotion, no feeling, no trigger, nothing is going to change my mind on that.
I don't care if it's 7 PM or 2 AM, I will go outside and walk, go to my weight room and workout, eat lots of food, watch a movie, whatever I have to do to get through a craving.
I am being extremely mindful of my thoughts today. If any thought whatsoever of drinking appears I dismiss it immediately.
I have eliminated this expectation I have had that there is an easy way to do this. Instead I accept that I am going to experience discomfort in this process but today I am declaring to myself that no amount of discomfort is going to change my mind.
Drinking is no longer an option.
Period.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Originally Posted by mns1 
So I am saying it right now, today, that I am done. No thought, no emotion, no feeling, no trigger, nothing is going to change my mind on that.
I don't care if it's 7 PM or 2 AM, I will go outside and walk, go to my weight room and workout, eat lots of food, watch a movie, whatever I have to do to get through a craving.
I am being extremely mindful of my thoughts today. If any thought whatsoever of drinking appears I dismiss it immediately.
I have eliminated this expectation I have had that there is an easy way to do this. Instead I accept that I am going to experience discomfort in this process but today I am declaring to myself that no amount of discomfort is going to change my mind.
Drinking is no longer an option.
Period.
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Just successfully used AVRT on a really strong urge/plan to drink later. I got that sinking feeling of dreading going a night without drinking.
My AV basically concluded that I would drink tonight and I just got pissed off and said to myself, "I will not drink and I will not change my mind."
End of story.
My AV basically concluded that I would drink tonight and I just got pissed off and said to myself, "I will not drink and I will not change my mind."
End of story.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 87
It's crazy how similar our journey to sobriety has been...I just keep failing. What changed for me in the last couple days is that I decided I couldn't do it on my own without accountability of some close friends and my wife. I had been telling everyone that I was just trying to cut back. Nobody had any idea the extent of my problem because I hid it pretty good. Last night I kind of staged my own intervention and told a these friends and my wife just how bad my drinking has gotten, and I asked them to keep me accountable. It was like a big weight was lifted from me.
All that to say, I have a renewed sense of hope and it sounds like you do to.
Let's get'er done.
All that to say, I have a renewed sense of hope and it sounds like you do to.
Let's get'er done.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Hey Mike. First off, I have a soft spot for fellow Philadelphians.
So I took the time to go back and read all your old threads. You've been posting on SR on and off for over a year and a half. The pattern is familiar. Post here that you're done drinking. Get a few days or weeks. Declare how much better you're feeling, and then disappear until you post again that you drank and want back on the wagon.
You've stated multiple times when you come back that you will alter your plan, including more accountability by posting here. You've seen a therapist (don't know if you still are). You've talked to your doctor. You've thrown yourself into school, work, and even a relationship. You written on several occasions that you are done for good.
I'm not trying to call you out, here. I'm just wondering if what you're currently doing to stay sober is enough? Is SR enough? If the same approach keeps leading you back to a drink, maybe it's time to try something different and more involved, even if it's uncomfortable. Even if it's inconvenient. AA has given me that real accountability and taught me how to lead a sober, happy life. For others, inpatient/outpatient rehab has been an eye-opener. Addiction specialists have also helped many people who have struggled with chronic relapse.
I know you're feeling resolved now, and that's great. But what about when you start feeling better in a few weeks? What are you willing to do to break out of the pattern?
Just some food for thought.
Finally, you may not be aware, but you are sitting on a goldmine of recovery in Philly. There are a ton of great meetings in the area, even meetings that cater to younger people in there 20s and 30s (I got sober at 31; I'm 34 now). Meetings are also very liberal when it comes to the spiritual aspect of AA and no agendas are pushed. PM me if you're interested in more info. Always happy to help out a fellow Philly guy.
Good luck!
So I took the time to go back and read all your old threads. You've been posting on SR on and off for over a year and a half. The pattern is familiar. Post here that you're done drinking. Get a few days or weeks. Declare how much better you're feeling, and then disappear until you post again that you drank and want back on the wagon.
You've stated multiple times when you come back that you will alter your plan, including more accountability by posting here. You've seen a therapist (don't know if you still are). You've talked to your doctor. You've thrown yourself into school, work, and even a relationship. You written on several occasions that you are done for good.
I'm not trying to call you out, here. I'm just wondering if what you're currently doing to stay sober is enough? Is SR enough? If the same approach keeps leading you back to a drink, maybe it's time to try something different and more involved, even if it's uncomfortable. Even if it's inconvenient. AA has given me that real accountability and taught me how to lead a sober, happy life. For others, inpatient/outpatient rehab has been an eye-opener. Addiction specialists have also helped many people who have struggled with chronic relapse.
I know you're feeling resolved now, and that's great. But what about when you start feeling better in a few weeks? What are you willing to do to break out of the pattern?
Just some food for thought.
Finally, you may not be aware, but you are sitting on a goldmine of recovery in Philly. There are a ton of great meetings in the area, even meetings that cater to younger people in there 20s and 30s (I got sober at 31; I'm 34 now). Meetings are also very liberal when it comes to the spiritual aspect of AA and no agendas are pushed. PM me if you're interested in more info. Always happy to help out a fellow Philly guy.
Good luck!
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Hi digdug and thank you I appreciate your feedback.
I honestly have come to realize my biggest problems are lack of true commitment to sticking to my plans as well as an obviously unreal expectation that a day will come when it will somehow feel easy to stop.
I would plan to come on here and post, or go for a walk, or call/text a friend, or whatever everytime an urge strikes, but most of the time I haven't. I just quickly let myself give in because I didn't want to be talked out of it.
For the first time today I actually listed as many reasons as I could to stop drinking. I've never really done that. But it really made me want sobriety more than I want my couple hours of drunken bliss each night. I've have been repeating the lists to myself over and over again all day. I've also reached out to a few people who have really been helpful to me today.
I've gotten sober for extended periods before (my longest one without any help from any source), I know I can do it again, ultimately forever.
I honestly have come to realize my biggest problems are lack of true commitment to sticking to my plans as well as an obviously unreal expectation that a day will come when it will somehow feel easy to stop.
I would plan to come on here and post, or go for a walk, or call/text a friend, or whatever everytime an urge strikes, but most of the time I haven't. I just quickly let myself give in because I didn't want to be talked out of it.
For the first time today I actually listed as many reasons as I could to stop drinking. I've never really done that. But it really made me want sobriety more than I want my couple hours of drunken bliss each night. I've have been repeating the lists to myself over and over again all day. I've also reached out to a few people who have really been helpful to me today.
I've gotten sober for extended periods before (my longest one without any help from any source), I know I can do it again, ultimately forever.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
