LadyBlue0527

Sobriety is never owned, it's rented......

And rent is due every day.



Can't find where the quote originated but I love it.

Venecia

Couple thoughts:

First, this is why many of us are firm believers in joining your SR class and getting active in it. It's a way of connecting with those who are at the same point in the journey, sharing in growth and challenges. SR monthly classes are a great way to encourage accountability, support one another and relish the shared milestones.

Second, SR is here in good times and rough ones. Yes -- yes, by all means! -- come here when you're hurting, when you're close to picking up, when you're back to Day One, when you feel like the world is closing in on you.

But coming here when you're not hurting is just as important. One of the things I've noticed about people on SR who've amassed sober time, and continue to, is that they are here for others, too. There will always be folks who need a kind word, a congratulations for milestones small and large, a reminder that they are doing the right thing. Being here when you're feeling better, when you're regaining confidence and self-respect, helps build sober muscles because you're choosing to spend time in growth among others who are growing.

That kind of fellowship really matters.

MythOfSisyphus

I've been at SR since Oct 2012. I have seen that pattern, it's true. A few minutes ago I re-read my first post from back in those days; probably many folks wondered if I would be one of those. And of the folks that replied to my early threads only a few still remain.

But recovery can work! I am living proof of it. Since that first post, that shame filled admission of my failure to moderate, a miracle has occurred; I have spent every single day of the last three and a half years sober! I must credit SR with some of that- it's great to have a resource like this. Had I discovered this place sooner I may have wasted less years being a drunk.

mecanix

I know of what you speak ,
i'd usually give up monday and forget by friday tho' .

What made me change ?

Realising time was passing, none of us is getting younger. with binge amounts of alcohol going in the body i was risking stroke, heart disease and oxidative stress which forms cancers .

Looking back with the blood pressure i had some mornings after the night before i was in fatal/brain damage stroke territory .

If i give you a bag with maybe 10,000 pennies in it ( 1 a day 27 years worth) or maybe only 10 if you drink ?..

how many of them are you going to throw away into the daily drunk and hangover feeling sick and snappy at my loved ones bottle ?

as opposed to the sober and getting the most out of life i can , being loving, generous with my time and caring sober bottle ?

With me there are already at least 7,300 in the alcohol and sickness bottle , if i'm blessed with 10,000 more pennies and live till 69 i don't want to waste one .

with the health i have due to the alcohol abuse do you really think i'd be lucky enough to have 10,000 of them left ?

I was wasting the time of my life by flipping backwards and forwards , causing myself stress and anxiety .
I didn't have to have all that stress and anxiety if i gave up and stayed gave up ..

If you answer a question to your satisfaction the question goes away . I don't ask myself whats 2+2 , i don't ask myself shall i have a drink or not anymore .

I know the answer . I hope you accept the answer soon too and miss out on all that stress and anxiety .

m

whiteturtle

This thread is a good reminder to me to not give up.

fred59

Beanie if AA is not for you try Smart Recovery,I love the cross talk, no steps, no higher power, get a game plan use it and peer support at the meetings. The problem is there are not many meetings hopefully there is one close to you, Life Ring is also good.

MelindaFlowers

I joined here in June 2010. I took my last drink in June 2014. I was ready to stop but not ready to stop. I chased moderation for four years. I caused a lot of destruction in those four years. I never knew what it meant to "want to be sober more than you want to drink" until I was brought to my knees, desperate. Then I was able to say goodbye to alcohol. I normally don't like to jinx things but I can say with complete honesty that I haven't even come close to drinking since June 2014.

I was done.

Behappy1

Thank you for the dialogue in this thread! It's good to know I'm not alone. I realized yesterday as I was at the lake with my family, cook out, had to come home and mow and just a BUSY day that when dark approached, I wanted to drink badly. I did not just want a drink. I wanted a bottle. Had it not been for this thread and all of the input in it I probably would have. ICDB's AV thread also helped ALOT. I guess I knew, but never really noticed that these urges really are like waves. I have to ride that wave out and eventually calm will come. Today I am glad that I woke up with a clear head and a big day ahead of me that I can face without a hangover.

I also know that these waves will come today as well. Probably pretty strong. My day is going to consist of mowing, yard work, cleaning the house, laundry and just work. In the past I would always have a bottle to accompany me with these tasks.

It can be frustrating that I have a tool belt full of arsenal. But once those waves hit, my tool belt comes off. This thread helped me realize that I need to KNOW the waves ARE and WILL come this early on. I need to learn to surf them and not dive into them. If you notice a few threads back of mine this very thing happened. So thank you!

I woke up the day of my last relapse (a few weeks ago) all la tee daa - just a normal day with NO drinking planned whatsoever and this wave came out of nowhere. That's all she wrote. Day 1. Probably something that I should have realized before. But for whatever reason I did not see this pattern. Now I do - so thanks!

Kaily

Sad but very true, maybe should rename the the site Drunk Desperate and Dying!

thomas11

The pattern you describe is as common as sunrise and sunset. So, yes I think its common and I think its a pattern.

ICanDoBetter

I've committed to myself to post every morning my commitment for today bad my posts Saturday and yesterday showed, sometimes that commitment gets tested. Interestingly I my accountability thread just a few days prior I had noted that in feeling pretty good in this journey, but that I have to remind myself when I feel that way I must be more vigilant rather than complacent. I'm not sure when if at all this gets easier. I'm nearly four months in and seem to be in a stretch of more sober firsts of late that are real tests.

Venecia

I'm sure that was meant in jest ...

There is plenty of hope embodied in the people who populate SR. Today, like most days, we have someone celebrating a full year of recovery. The Weekenders thread has a ton of folks who've made into the triple digits and well beyond. Years. The monthly classes all have folks who stop by to check in after attaining long-term recovery and just want to let their cohorts know they're doing well.

I stay here because it helps me. I've got three years on the horizon.

I'll repeat what I said above. Get active. Come here when you're feeling great; it builds sober muscles. Join a class or another permanent thread.

This is a place of great -- and proven -- hope.

bringm32lif30

This is me! And I think is common for recovery from anything. But I started to learn from it. After my last relapse few days ago )that last many days).
I was going dreat over 2-3 moths. But that is the thing with me- I start to feel great, actually found a new hobbie, did a lot of sports, and I thought it will be perfectly fine to have a drink and a good time... but that good time turned to a pure hell, with sleepless nights, sweating, hot-cold flashes, and lucid nightmares. The wors time in my life. NOTHING that I have to face in my sober life is not that scary!!!
The next few days as you said I'm all dedicated, healing myself, meditatig, crying, do all that I have to do, and swear this is the end. I couldn't believe I relapse after my last time...but I was not following any plan, I did not grow trough my recovery, I did NOT do the work, I was thinking I'm fine and the sneaky thought I can drink like regular people came more often.
I decided to visit this forum every day at least for a year, to follow my plan and to constantly remind myself why I do this. Because my relapses comes in period of 2 months I saw the other side of life too. The bright side where I'm healthy, try new things, enjoy life, get more in connect with my real self, just be more of a good person, for me and for others. I want that!!! And I can't have it with alcohol involved. The days where I drink almost every day was really undescribable worst, it was hell, that I don't know how I survived.
I have vision, and even after this relapse, today I was outside running I said to my self- even if you fall the most important is to ALWAYS get up!! Keep going no matter what. I pray this was my last relapse, and pray to you to never give up!

FreeOwl

Of course.

It is the pattern of struggle as each person finds their own way to that day when they are truly ready to grab sobriety with all they've got and end the cycle.....

Or, to that less fortunate day when they simply stop trying......

Or.....

To that even less fortunate day their struggle ends along with all their life could have been.

Dee74

nah I think there's a lot of hope here. Cycles can be, and are, broken every day

The reason I posted the link I did was not to say I used to be in that cycle too, but to say 'hey I got out' - there's more about that part in that thread if you wanna check it out

That's an achievement and a freedom available to everyone

D

IvanMike

That is really what this site is all about (IMO anyhow).

To paraphrase a sentiment I had in my 2nd step - If I'm just like Dee, and Dee + a recovery plan = freedom from the cycle of addiction, then me + a recovery plan = freedom from the cycle of addiction.

We give each other hope. And it's not just people with time giving newcomers hope either. Just when I get despondent from witnessing the relapses and people trapped in that seemingly hopeless cycle, a newcomer shows up, stays, and gets a year or more clean. In person I've watched these people change dramatically. You can see it in the posts here as well.

Amazing stuff, and we are all capable of it if we give ourselves a break.

Wtbaf16

This pattern is so familiar to me which is why doing something different this time around is so important. But remembering how it feels the day after a bender is also very important. Writing about those episodes so the memories don't have a chance to fade helps me. I need to remember the humiliation, definitely at the moment. Maybe in time I can let go of them be not until I feel safe enough not to go back to my old habits!

KiKi0615

This thread is so awesome and exactly what I needed to read this morning. Every single comment helped me and I will save this link for future reference. Thank you for all the wonderful comments. :-)

Kiki

Behappy1

Thank you! It is really odd - but now that I see this pattern it is really helping me be aware of the real potential of relapses. I hope this helps someone else!

ccam1973

Great post behappy. It's all about commitment. Time heals all wounds, even those that we need to be reminded of. I'm going on two years in July. Until I realized that I had to put great effort in to my sobriety and remind my self exactly why I won't drink today, I was setting myself up for failure. I have to remind myself each and every day what I was like for the 20 years I drank every single day.

Once you forget why you won't drink today, it's back to day one.

Breaking this cycle is all about commitment and constant learning and adapting. There isn't a crystal ball for sobriety, we learn as we go. Never forget why you are staying sober. Everyone has their own way to accomplish this. For me, I come to SR as much as I can... this place keeps me grounded, learning and never lets me forget why I won't drink today.

Use all of your resources available to you to give you the best chance at breaking the cycle and keeping it broken.