This is me! And I think is common for recovery from anything. But I started to learn from it. After my last relapse few days ago )that last many days).
I was going dreat over 2-3 moths. But that is the thing with me- I start to feel great, actually found a new hobbie, did a lot of sports, and I thought it will be perfectly fine to have a drink and a good time... but that good time turned to a pure hell, with sleepless nights, sweating, hot-cold flashes, and lucid nightmares. The wors time in my life. NOTHING that I have to face in my sober life is not that scary!!!
The next few days as you said I'm all dedicated, healing myself, meditatig, crying, do all that I have to do, and swear this is the end. I couldn't believe I relapse after my last time...but I was not following any plan, I did not grow trough my recovery, I did NOT do the work, I was thinking I'm fine and the sneaky thought I can drink like regular people came more often.
I decided to visit this forum every day at least for a year, to follow my plan and to constantly remind myself why I do this. Because my relapses comes in period of 2 months I saw the other side of life too. The bright side where I'm healthy, try new things, enjoy life, get more in connect with my real self, just be more of a good person, for me and for others. I want that!!! And I can't have it with alcohol involved. The days where I drink almost every day was really undescribable worst, it was hell, that I don't know how I survived.
I have vision, and even after this relapse, today I was outside running I said to my self- even if you fall the most important is to ALWAYS get up!! Keep going no matter what. I pray this was my last relapse, and pray to you to never give up!
