MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Aiko! You can do it.

SoberLeigh

How are you doing, dearest Aiko?

Aiko

Dear friend,

Things are not improving....
I left the treatment pills they were hurting so much my brain,
it was scrambling it, I could not think straight and my work was harder by day...

I can not get up in the morningssss Is a struggle...
I started again taking benzodiazepinas...
And a zomby now but I am relaxed but unhappy.

I need to get some time off pretty soon!!!
to detox is not a joke any more...
So am thinking ways to do it.
Am working on it promise!

But my work is very demanding and is time of tax returns...
At least my boss is going away a few weeks I think on Wednesday,
he is all the time upsetting me... so at least I will have a break of him...

Yesterday I had a big family row again...
My father and younger brother are at war, I intervened for them to talk and sort it out, I took my mum away as she can die with a blood rise!
So life as usual...

Everybody has their own fight!
And every household has its own black sheep!
But at the end blood is thicker than water
and we love each other even when we argue

Lots of Love from the Med my beloved friend

SoberLeigh

Detox sounds like a great idea, dear Aiko - at whatever cost - even if it means taking a leave of absence from your job. You are talented, experienced and smart. You can always find another job.

I am sorry about the family troubles. I agree; every family has its issues.

Sending love to you, too. I am still overwhelmed by how much I have to do.

Hope to be back at SR on a more regular basis soon.

trachemys

Good to hear from you, Aiko! You sound well. Nice of you to care for your mother. Sometimes, family is all we have left.

wpainterw

I agree with Soberleigh. But I will put it in stronger terms.

Aiko: Unless you resign from your stressful job as soon as possible you will not have long to live. In addition, you should place yourself under the best medical supervision to withdraw from Benzos.
Unless you do this you will in all probability be violating your professional obligations by placing your firm's clients at risk. I am not a doctor but I have had 40 years personal experience with addiction and have examined the benzo postings on this website for over five years. If you examine them also you will see what I mean. It's tough, I know, but it's the reality.

Fondly,

Bill.

wpainterw

Aiko:
Please see the posting I put in my reply to Soberleigh. Good luck.

Fondly,

Bill.

Aiko

Jjjaaa a Troll???

Wish was a troll!¡¡
Do not mind...
Belive me real life is much more amacing than fiction!!!!!

I can not describe what my life is turning into...
I do not know how I will last longer this way....
Is taking over my life... i find difficult to get up... to move...
To seem normal outside!!¡

I left the treatment and back on truck...
Tomorrow doc telling off,
Got a text... warning me....... come early and on TIME!!!!!
so I said I take ear plugs!!!
Will fight I do not want to give up my stash..
I need to get a holiday as soon as... to detox...
But in the meantime... I do not care anymore am too burt out!¡¡
The sharade will fall....
Am always carefull but the body is slowing down!!!

Funny what people think!!!
A troll jajaja
I do not judge others...
And I know people judge me here even when I open my life to extrangers...
Got to a point I do not care...

I got really good friends in SR that mean a lot to me!!!!
And that it what counts to me the love and understand addicts reacctions, behavior....
I cpme here to talk to my friend not to upset or be a troll...
Call me what you want...

Night night,
XO
Aiko the Troll

Venecia

Aiko, I know you've had a very real struggle in a very real life. And I commend you for being able to share with us when this forum is not in your first language.

You are cared for here by many, many fellow journeyers. I give you my best wishes and hope that you can find the path to sobriety and recovery.

You deserve to live life well and to be healthy.

Take good care.

trachemys

I've got enough private messages with Aiko to tell you you're out of your mind if you think she's a troll.

Sheesh. Support much?

thomas11

Aiko's no troll. She's awesome, but struggling.

Aiko, I hope you get your holiday soon to clean out.

Dee74

I've removed a post.

I have no hesitation in declaring you a genuine poster Aiko.
Let's please move on now, and back to support, guys

Dee
Moderator
SR

SoberLeigh

Dear sweet, Aiko.

I am so sorry that you continue to struggle.

Please make it a very, very, very high priority to take time off to detox safely. Make yourself your number one priority; nothing else is more important - not even close.

You and your health and safety are very important to us.

Sending much love to you, Aiko. Wrap yourself in the love of your friends here and heal.

Dee74

I agree with Leigh Aiko - if you can't stop the merry go round yourself you need to reach out for some help.

Noone wants to stop their day to day life in order to get clean, but for some of us that's exactly what we need to do?

wpainterw

Aiko: You are not a troll. You are an addict, like me. I am an addict, Aiko. You have an illness. Like me. I have had this illness for forty or more years. You are struggling. Oh God how I struggled all those forty years! Forty years in the desert, like the time spent by the Israelites. I finally was given the gift of recovery and entered the land of happiness. May you also receive that gift. May you live also.
It is clear from your message that your AV has you by the neck and is shaking you as a cat shakes a mouse. You can put that cat or tiger back in its cage but you will need help to do that. You need medical treatment immediately. You refer to your stash. I know all about having a stash. You think of it as your lifeline, your one consolation. The grand illusion! It is what keeps you on the chain of slavery. It is the collar around your neck. Seek medical help, Aiko. Throw your stash down the toilet. Do it and begin freedom. Then go to the ER and do what they ask you to do. It is the door to freedom, the way out of slavery. The only way now. Enter that door. If you love yourself, your real self, and if you want to live, do this. Choose life, freedom. It is waiting there for you.
I will always be here for you until the time comes for me to die. Send me a private message if you wish. Ever, your good friend.

Bill.

Soberwolf

I really agree with this Aiko

SoberLeigh

Thinking of you, dear Aiko.

Aiko

Thank you by Heart of your mesagess...
They men a lot to me...
And I hope one day I will sal I am free and clan fully and
make you proud

But at the moment am going down the pan....
I spoke to doc today of my plan of getting a week off as son as am hable and hire a countryside home or something... I do not want a clinik again they drug you and look you up....
I rather go throught it alone... If it ges bad I can always call.. bit can note ha e a thing on me...... I can smash all I can, scream, walk... go up the walls\trees.

This is getting worse by day... am half Stone I turned up 1 hour late at work today... the receptionist phoning... the boss is asking after you!!!!
I am just so sedanted I can not get up........
Every day the sale can not mover...

Have to cope a bit longer....
Main taxaes finishes on the 20th...
And I can work from another computer and conect to the office...
I need to lean to Live awake!!!

I know time is starting ticking... I drive slower...
So e days I can not move literaly...
I fall sleep in sofa and wake up in the morning... cold and Aquing..
So is starting to get a bit mad...

Tol tired night night,
XO
Aiko

trachemys

Aiko, as soon as you can.

Hawkeye13

Dear Aiko
Please take care of you