MarathonMan

Really struggling tonight, had a real barny with my wife and stormed out the house for a while i've given myself every excuse to drink tonight. We're sitting in angry silence right now and im craving to the point its making my skin crawl. It doesnt help that she keeps shouting at me to have a drink as its all im good for and mocking me when I say I don't want one.

sugarbear1

Stay strong and stay stopped. Find a program for recovery or make your own plan. Sobriety is awesome and can be a struggle, but you are worth it.

You can do this!!

Cathryn2001

Give yourself a lot of credit for coming here and are acknowledging your feelings, MM. We understand.

You've got this because you know, without a doubt, where that drink will lead. Follow the advice Nonsensical gives in your signature.Think about your baby. Push through those cravings--you know they will pass. Stay strong.

Anna

I'm sorry, MM. That sounds like an awful situation. I'm very sorry that you're being treated like that.

Know that you are doing the right thing.

Weasel1966

MM so she says its ok. I used to do that. Get others to say go drink.

My mind would be muddled and on a one way track at this point. But you can... I repeat... you CAN stop the train.

Go take a walk. the feeling will pass. The creepy crawlers will not be there in a few hours. Go to sleep. This does not control you.

K

ArtFriend

I would try to get away from her if possible. That is not cool. Stay strong MM

PurpleKnight

Hang in there MM!!

You know it won't end well if you drink, alcohol is not the answer.

SR is here all night long if you need to camp out with people here!!

lilac0721

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. Do you have somewhere you can go, perhaps a friend's house? Or go for a run (I am assuming you run, given your name). Running helps me with so much.
Good for you to come here and vent. The chat room might be a good place too!

Totally rooting for you to get through this! Maybe DON'T drink just to spite your spouse who is telling you that's all your good for? Totally passive aggressive, I know, but sometimes I am motivated by doing what others think I can't/shouldn't be able to do.

MarathonMan

Lol, I told her she was being passive aggresive, don't think she liked it. I know this has been tough on her but im struggling with what to do, so far ive done everything she asked and its like the more I do it and the more I try the angrier she is getting. She had a go at me for going to meeting every day when they were her pre-requisite for me coming home and now she's using it as a stick to beat me with. I think in her eyes my relapse is innevitable so at least if she goads me into it she has some level of control over it.

Its 9.30pm here and already did 10 miles earlier. She's putting the baby to bed at the minute so got a bit of time to try and re group.

least

Stay strong! Prove her wrong.

FreeOwl

A new baby, recovery, hormones, resentments, sleep deprivation....

This is a tough situation my man and here's the toughest part; maybe it's on YOU to be the one to concede.

A little tenderness and compassion can go a long way to reconnecting at times like this.

I wonder what might happen if you were to go to her with love and compassion and NO expectation and just say 'I'm sorry. I love you. I imagine this has all been really hard for you. What can I offer right now to help give you a little relief?'

And no matter what comes at you, if you remain in that loving compassionate place, knowing that it will actually do you both more soul-good if you allow her that space to be mad, to assail, to vent....

MarathonMan

Hey freeowl - she's gone to bed now so I can sit and watch telly for a few hours, calm down and think how best to tackle the situation. I hope it came across in my last post that I dont blame or judge her for the bitterness she's harbouring, just need to work out a way to move forward. Her main problem is she's scared i'll fail and this argument gave her a bit of power over something she feels totally powerless over....if that makes sense.

FreeOwl

tomorrow won't be too late for a little compassion.

You might try simply saying 'I understand how you would feel fearful of my relapsing again. Your fears and concerns make sense. I don't want that and I'm going to do everything and anything to stay sober. I love you, our little family, and the life we have together... And I'm committed to doing all I can to help it flourish.'

Sometimes, what our loved ones need is simply to hear their concerns and fears seen, and to be met with love and understanding and assurance.... It can be hard for us to give them... We react, we defend, we get mad... But what we need just as badly as them is love... Understanding... Support. Sometimes we need to set our own need aside for a while to meet them, and sometimes what we find then is that a door opens to healing....

Hang in there man and be compassionate - with her and with yourself

Hawkeye13

I really agree with FreeOwl on this one--compassion is more powerful than anger

You are doing so well MM, but I remember my spouse was so angry for a long time for same reasons yours is, and I just had to not drink and get through it.

Things are much much better now, and trust has pretty much regrown, but it did take time and me showing day by day that I wasn't going to drink again.

Posting was a really good idea.
Vent and share here, be kind to her there in spite of her anger and resentments.

Dee74

You won't regret not drinking tomorrow MM.

D

lilac0721

MarathonMan, I wanted to check in to see how things are after a night's sleep. Hope you are staying strong today!

MarathonMan

Hi lilac, everything is fine thanks and was all a lot calmer this morning....disaster averted hopefully. Day 43, nice relaxing day with a 15 mile run thrown in to give me the good aches.

Soberwolf

Ruby2

Good for you MM. Your situation last night sounds like what I went through last night only I was both the angry wife and the alcoholic wanting a drink. Yes, your wife is scared and is looking for reassurance. You did great coming here and looking for support. Keep doing what you're doing. The longer you are sober and your wife sees change, the easier it will be as trust is rebuilt.