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I faltered...faltered...and finally failed

Old 05-12-2015, 05:35 PM
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I faltered...faltered...and finally failed

Yep, I have been drinking and I am disgusted with myself. I won't even try to explain why...it is what it is. I have my own private logic as to why.

Sorry...will try again. Just being accountable.
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:37 PM
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Sorry ArtFriend, I know you've been having a rough go . You know "logically drinking" = oxymoron.
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:41 PM
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What happened Art?
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:41 PM
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LOL - logically drinking. I didn't even think about it that way.
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Purpleknight View Post
What happened Art?
I got a call from my super holier-than-thou brother. He is Christ incarnate. Sits at the right hand of god and all that. We argued over many many things... including my mother, whom he has banished to hell. She was a heathen, heretic, idolater and all that bull. Why are so called Christians so cruel?
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post

Sorry...will try again. Just being accountable.
I admitted when I went back out Art.
Good luck
Bob
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:02 PM
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AF, I'm sorry that this happened.

It might be a good idea to stop contact with your brother for awhile at least. You have talked about how upsetting the relationship with him is, and I think that taking a step back for awhile would be helpful.

Do you have any idea what you can do when you're upset in the future - maybe come up with a plan?
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:06 PM
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I have 2 brothers. One is an alcoholic an the other is a holy-roller. Both are triggers. Anna I really don't know what to do when stuff like this happens. I suppose I could block them out of my life, but that is all I have in terms of family.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:07 PM
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I think a plan is a great idea - a definite strategy for tines when, for whatever reason, you want to drink?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:13 PM
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It wasn't a complete failure if you came back. Admitting accountability is huge, and takes a lot of courage.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:20 PM
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Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but glad you're back on here and owning up to it.

Family can be hard. Sometimes I think I need to ignore the blood relation and really take a look at what they're contributing to my life- good or bad. I don't know why I tend to give them more leniency then I give friends, but tougher may be the way to go with this one.

Pour out what's left and get a good night's sleep.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I have 2 brothers. One is an alcoholic an the other is a holy-roller. Both are triggers. Anna I really don't know what to do when stuff like this happens. I suppose I could block them out of my life, but that is all I have in terms of family.
So how did we end up drinking? stress?
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:20 PM
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It's great that you are accepting responsibility and getting right back to it. You can do it!
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:29 PM
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Hi Artfriend, I think failure is a strong word. I would say learning experience. Hopefully you will learn something, put it in your toolbox and move forward.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:45 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I have 2 brothers. One is an alcoholic an the other is a holy-roller. Both are triggers. Anna I really don't know what to do when stuff like this happens. I suppose I could block them out of my life, but that is all I have in terms of family.
ArtFriend, this is your LIFE that is on the line. You NEED to work on your recovery and be sober.

Maybe you can take a temporary break from the brothers and get back together with them when you have found a way to deal with the stress/triggers that they cause. It doesn't have to be permanent.
Time will heal things, and make you stronger!
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:56 PM
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Failures don't keep trying AF.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:56 PM
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Thank you all so very much! I truly mean that. I thought I was stronger than I am so apparently I have to reassess where/what/how/who I am and sstart anew. I do appreciate your support. God bless
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Old 05-12-2015, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Yep, I have been drinking and I am disgusted with myself. I won't even try to explain why...it is what it is. I have my own private logic as to why.

Sorry...will try again. Just being accountable.
I can relate on many levels, especially since I grew-up Christian.

I define an alcoholic as ďanyone whose sustained use of alcohol inhibits the realization for the potential of experiencing their own life.Ē

I just described the way I use to be due to being caught-up in my shame based family issues which began in childhood.

Once I began to understand how an alcoholic is defined, then I could begin to see why I was so angry and resentful towards others, especially my family. My resentment was anger turned inward on to myself, because my family wasnít being what I wanted them to be. I wasnít getting my way and then Iíd drink. Itís any wonder why I was such an approval seeker, as is typical of just about every alcoholic Iíve known.

I punished myself for relapsing, essentially because I was an approval seeker and competitively compared my recovery with others recovery. When I stopped comparing, I had increasingly less anger and became more teachable, so I could learn the lessons why I relapsed. I never apologized again for my addiction which for me, as Iíve shared, involved relapse.

Eventually my process of uncovering , discovering and discarding the people, places and things in my life that didnít work, allowed me to finally experience my own life.
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Old 05-12-2015, 07:20 PM
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I wonder such things myself. Mine happens to be my mother how you described your brother. Interesting

Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I got a call from my super holier-than-thou brother. He is Christ incarnate. Sits at the right hand of god and all that. We argued over many many things... including my mother, whom he has banished to hell. She was a heathen, heretic, idolater and all that bull. Why are so called Christians so cruel?
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Old 05-12-2015, 07:21 PM
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ArtFriend,
maybe some counselling around boundary-setting would help? that way, you might be able to be more assertive without having to banish your brothers entirely...a lot of community centres and nightschools have short courses in this, too.

as far as your own internal logic for your drinking - i doubt it's too terribly individual. probably much like most AV-stuff, only slightly personalized for just your circumstance. BS none-the-less
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