Iconoclastic

I can relate on many levels, especially since I grew-up Christian.

I define an alcoholic as “anyone whose sustained use of alcohol inhibits the realization for the potential of experiencing their own life.”

I just described the way I use to be due to being caught-up in my shame based family issues which began in childhood.

Once I began to understand how an alcoholic is defined, then I could begin to see why I was so angry and resentful towards others, especially my family. My resentment was anger turned inward on to myself, because my family wasn’t being what I wanted them to be. I wasn’t getting my way and then I’d drink. It’s any wonder why I was such an approval seeker, as is typical of just about every alcoholic I’ve known.

I punished myself for relapsing, essentially because I was an approval seeker and competitively compared my recovery with others recovery. When I stopped comparing, I had increasingly less anger and became more teachable, so I could learn the lessons why I relapsed. I never apologized again for my addiction which for me, as I’ve shared, involved relapse.

Eventually my process of uncovering , discovering and discarding the people, places and things in my life that didn’t work, allowed me to finally experience my own life.