I faltered...faltered...and finally failed

Old 05-13-2015, 08:19 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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So sorry that this happened, ArtFriend. I agree with the others re: No Contact.

It hurts in a unique way when it is a family member who causes the pain and the triggering; when the contact goes beyond pain to harm (as in the case of drinking as a coping tool), No Contact seems appropriate and self-saving.
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:22 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I got a call from my super holier-than-thou brother. He is Christ incarnate. Sits at the right hand of god and all that. We argued over many many things... including my mother, whom he has banished to hell. She was a heathen, heretic, idolater and all that bull. Why are so called Christians so cruel?
I'm so sorry Art! As a Christian myself I know that isn't right nor Christ like.

Dust off and come on back!
Here for you!
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:23 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I am sorry, Art You must have seen this coming in some ways, feeling very sensitive and vulnerable recently...

I really like that link Dee posted about plans, especially the SAMSHA page. I agree that it would be important for you to take that seriously and set up some firm strategies to deal with adversities and unexpected stresses in the future as those seem to be your Achilles heel. We all have our patterns that take time to figure out and prepare for in the beginning...

Please don't feel ashamed. Take a lazy day and rest today if you can, and maybe get into those plans tomorrow? You are a writer, so perhaps putting it in writing might help? I did lots of that when I got sober, it really made a difference to see it as a written strategical plan compared with just carrying it in my head; it also made me more accountable in front of myself. Also, seeing a therapist regularly was probably the most helpful, in addition to SR. I really miss the f2f therapy sessions when I travel or am out of NYC, I can do on Skype but it's not the same.

It's great that you always come back very fast and post here after picking up, so many people just disappear... it shows that you want to work on your recovery.
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:40 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Artfriend, sorry I'm getting to your thread late.

You've got to do what's best for you. My opinion falls on the side of avoiding contact with anyone who would negatively affect your efforts... that goes for anyone.

You can always choose to reestablish relationships or communication later... but for today, do what ever it takes to get you back to where you deserve to be.

I know you are strong and have the power to break this. Take control of you, make decisions that make you better, succeed for yourself and everything else will fall into place.

You deserve to be happy.

Stay strong and keep leaning on us!
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:44 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Thanks MarioBee - but I'm a sista
This made me giggle out loud! Our user names can be so deceiving sometimes. I actually thought Dee (our moderator and friend) was a lady for sometime too.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:33 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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I cannot thank you all enough for the outpouring of love, concern and support. This is a rather new experience for me. My family (except for my mom and sister, both gone now) were not very supportive, and in fact, would kick you harder when you fell. Subsequently I find that I tend to attract those very type of people into my life. So when people are kind to me, I find it a strange and wonderful thing. Thanks again.
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Old 05-13-2015, 12:31 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Serenidad - you must be reading my mind. I am feeling ashamed of caving last night as well as some fear that I may not be able to lick this thing. Anger is in the mix as well. Interestingly last night I dreamt that someone was going to saw my right arm off at the shoulder. Very scary. I wonder if that has anything to do with my drinking?
I've been having crazy dreams too!!! Maybe your dream was your subconscious telling you that you'd rather let someone cut your arm off than drink again. I know I would! My pain is all inside when I drink. It's a broken heart, a broken spirit, depression, anger, shame, fear, self-hatred.....

Cutting my arm off is nothing compared to the emotional pain of alcoholism. Maybe that's what it was about.

I think you are ready to be done...I think that's what that dream was telling you.

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Old 05-13-2015, 01:37 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Art, we are here, supporting you. Your SR Family!

It's a shame that he did that. I am a Christian, I don't judge. You need support, not criticism.

I am sorry your brothers trigger you. I would say to lay out a plan on how to deal with them in the future. truthful to them. Tell them that you need their support, and that when they act in that form that it really triggers you quite badly.

Hugs to you. If you were a failure you would not be here! It takes a lot to own up to it, and you did it! I am very proud of you for that.

Hugs to you! YOU CAN DO THIS!
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:58 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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So sorry you drank friend. You are back now and start again today. Just the fact that you have posted again shows you are trying. I hope all goes well. We are here for you. Try posting before you drink if you can and we may be able to help.
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