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I'm in a Screw It state of mind.

Old 04-23-2015, 03:42 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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I'm in a Screw It state of mind.

Totally overwhelmed.

Life is being an ass hole.

I tried counting my blessings, but the hits just keep coming. I'm feeling really sorry for myself and that is a exceptionally dangerous place for me. I haven't stopped working on just getting by, since the new year.

When I think I can't bear anymore, I get buried further.

I'm scared that I'm not going to make it bc quite honestly, I don't give a **** right now.

Help.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:48 PM
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Screw it! That was the one that got me. You are calling it out by posting here. Make it through this one and the next will be easier.
I'm sorry all this stress is adding up on you. Throwing up while brushing your teeth tomorrow is not going to help.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:49 PM
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(((AO))). Let us give a **** for you. Please don't give up; nothing good ever comes from it and, as we all know, lots of bad stuff is almost a sure thing when we give up or give in.

Trust us and trust in yourself; life has its ups and downs and sometimes the downs can be really challenging but you will be able to cope so much better in sobriety.

Love you, AO; love yourself, sweetheart..
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:51 PM
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I give a **** AO ,sorry things are rough for you right now .
Take care.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:54 PM
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Hang in there, I promise it gets better . I'm on day 5 this time!!! It's so worth it, one day at a time. Be strong sobriety really rocks. May b hard to believe right now but alot of your troubles are gonna disappear.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:55 PM
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Hi Alpha,

Stay the sober course groovy lady.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:56 PM
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AO! I will give **** for you. What's going on? I'm having a rough time myself now. Breathe.

Good move coming here. You are among friends. This time will pass for us.
I HAVE to get in the shower now. I'll be back to check on you.

Love from Lenina
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:57 PM
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Originally Posted by alphaomega View Post
Totally overwhelmed.

Life is being an ass hole.

I tried counting my blessings, but the hits just keep coming.
Maybe if you elaborate on the "hits"? Maybe writing them down will help you get them out just a little bit. I hate blueberry pie. If someone gives me a whole one, the best thing I can do is give it away, one piece at a time. Give some of this "I don't give a sh*t" stuff away to us. We're good listeners!
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:59 PM
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Try and remember - as bad as things may seem to be right now, adding alcohol is like adding gasoline to a fire.

As for you not giving a rats right now. Thats nonsense.
That's your AV.

It's probably the oldest card it has to play, and it plays it so well it sounds like our voice.

The AO I know has grown a lot here on SR. She knows she's worth the recovery effort, and so do all those who love her.

Reach out for support and we'll help you through the bad times.

I know things have been rough recently. Things will get better - if you stay sober. They won't if you drink.

Thats the bottom line.

D
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:01 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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Oh gosh you guys now I'm balling. Which I guess I really need to do.

I just can't wipe another butt, run to the pharmacy another time, piece together a broken and terrified friend, hold my daughter up while she falls apart, deal with another trauma. All I do is take care of people, places and things. 24/7. And now, the one thing that was running smoothly, my business, just gave me yet another reason to want to drink myself into a coma.

Yes, I said that. Because perhaps then, someone can take care of me for a change.

Oh, this is a bad one guys. Phew.
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:05 PM
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You have a lot on your plate.

Is there any way to reduce some of those responsibilities, or at least get some help AO?

D
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:10 PM
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Someone needs to care for the caregiver, AO. Caregiving can end being 24/7 and our own personal strengths and reserves are not capable of a 24/7 response. Are there any social services that can provide assistance? Has your Mom's condition progressed to the point where hospice services may be an option?
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:10 PM
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I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed like this, AO, but glad you posted about it. You know very well that drinking would not help anything and would make everything worse. If nothing else, imagine how you would feel about it tomorrow...

I'm with Dee, it sounds like you might need to set some boundaries. No one will be saved if you hurt yourself in the process. I also do give a ***
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:11 PM
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If its too much AO ask for some help, or let those around you know its too much, try to find some ME time and de-stress if you can.
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:20 PM
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AO, I am sorry that there are so many demands on you now. It does sound overwhelming. Do you have someone in your life who you can lean on now? It's your turn to take a breath.
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:31 PM
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My go to emotion when I get overwhelmed or when I feel like life is taking a squat on my head is anger. Often, that anger is somewhat justified. What I found that I needed to do in these times was call someone, ask them if they would mind if I vented, and then did just that. I become like a pressure cooker about to burst and need to find a way to let out some of that "negative" steam.

It doesn't solve whatever problems I may be facing, but it alleviates some of my internal pain and anger and gets me out of that "crisis zone".
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:39 PM
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I am just coming out of another alcohol induced fog being almost 4 months of continuous sobriety. My thinking regarding my life circumstances is starting to clear a bit and realization of reality is peeking around the corner.
AO-you said this yesterday on another thread. Keep on remembering what you're fighting for. You are a warrior!! Just sit on what's going on for awhile and don't make any rash decisions. It's hard to see the light when crap is coming at you,but It's not worth your sobriety. Keep on hanging in there.
I care and want to see you succeed.
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:48 PM
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Trust me I can relate. Not only am I dealing with the grief and depression I just lost my job.

What keeps me sober is playing the tape all the way though. I drink and blow my sobriety, make a bad situation worse, quite possibly die, get more depressed than I am, ruin the trust of my loved ones. Like the energizer bunny the problems from drinking just keep going on and on.

Unfortunately we have to deal with life sober. Is it easy? It sure isn't but the thinking alcohol is the solution is insanity. The good news is the problems we face will get better but things will never get better as long alcohol is in the equation.

I take things a day at a time and so far I'm sober. I control the things I can and turn the rest of the crap over to my higher power
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:56 PM
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(((AO)))

Hang in there. You are worth it.

Get through this mood and all the crap that goes along with it. I promise you will come out stronger on the other side if you do. Now, we both know drinking would be the stupidest thing ever to do. Instead of life just being an ******* it would be HE%%!

Hugs. You're going through a test. I promise it will pass! Stay strong and stay close!!
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Old 04-23-2015, 04:57 PM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
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The thing that frightens me, is I gave been taking it one day at a time. Collapsing at the end of each day, wondering how I made it through ? I try to talk myself down thinking, it won't always be this bad. To just hang on. But day after day, it's exactly the same. And perhaps a little worse.

I try to count my blessings, and remain positive. Reminding myself there are many who are not afforded another day to struggle through. But after enough days like together, with little to no reprieve, either with circumstances or physical health, I want to run like hell.

And there is no where to go.

So the bottle looks tempting as an out, if only for a bit.

I have help. But it's not enough. When the buck stops here for so many things. Decisions have to be made constantly regarding health, business, etc. it's at the point I shake when my phone rings, and jump when I hear someone entering my office.

Is it too late to go to rehab at 4 months sober ? I need the rest.
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