growpath

Boundaries are important here, AO. Can you find some any where to incorporate?

Can you literally just drop it all and run? Like to a vacation? Your sanity is the most important thing here. If you are losing it this bad you deserve a break. You deserve to say STOP and take a huge step back then force everyone else to deal with their problems in your absence. This is not a rude request of you. If you are loved at home the way you are here then I know your loved ones would understand.

I hope you are OK and do the right thing for you. Just remember bottom line as Dee said is drinking would make this all worse. You know that in your heart.

You have grown so much and I have a feeling a BURST of growth is about to break through. We get struggles right before a miracle happens. Don't give up right before you see it.

Hugs!!! xox

Bmac

Hell no it's not too late if you are at the point where you literally are at wits end. If not rehab, perhaps a mental health facility where you can de-stress for a week or two.

Hawkeye13

Just sending you hugs and hope.
It will get better--the caregiving thing is a bit(ch) and really draining.

I think you need a Pho fix my dear AO. . . Argyle Street STAT

erics

Some insurances will pay for what is called respite care, typically a week in a 24hr care facility. Many people don't know to ask. It's worth calling the insurance to ask.

courage2

LOL! Better to be in a screw-it state of mind than a screw-driver state of mind!

You know what I did? Eventually? I went ahead and screwed it. Gave up on my expectations for myself. Admitted I couldn't cope -- not just couldn't drink, couldn't cope.

I found a person I called my minder. She'd sit with me a couple of times a week. I'd say, C___, I can't do anything anymore. She'd say, well, let's make a list. Sometimes I'd say, can we get coffee first? And we would, and she'd tell me about her dog or something, and then we'd go back & she'd help me write a list. And then we'd look through it for the easy things, the ones that didn't intimidate me too much, and we'd break them down into all the steps she could do for me, and put her initials next to them.

It was huge for me in so many ways. I was weak as a kitten and could barely hold things together, but she helped me. And I learned to let someone else see me being as pathetic as I really was. No room for pride between me & C___. Hell, she practically wiped my nose.

When the phone rings, tell them, no, you can't face it, find someone else this time. Hang up next time, too-- it's liberating. Hire a personal assistant, part time, 10 hours a week. It's better than an institution, and cheaper

Anna

I'm sorry, AO. I'm sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

alphaomega

Yes, I will remain sober today. I have been repeating, it's gotta get better, it's gotta get better, it will get better, it will get better. I try to have some semblance of a "life" inspite of the demands that come at every turn. I took the day off today because it was a "just no f ing way" kinda day. But mom called me crying about how much she missed me.

Damn it, it was so much easier when she was a jerk and I could justify not going there based upon her meanness.

So I went. Unwashed and in my pajamas. And I washed her hair between sobs. And plucked her chin. And put on her false nails so she would feel pretty for her doctors apt tomorrow. And I took her for a long walk through the care center. And found her a book. And made her dinner. And held her hand while she cried about her circumstances. And her profound aloneness.

That was my day "off" because I couldn't cope.

Jesus. Take the damn wheel already for Christs sake.

CAPTAINZING2000

First things first. Prioritize what has to be done and what you have no control over. Having close friends to help you sort through everything helps.

Have you tried prayer?

Imabuleva

If you drink, you give yourself no fighting chance, Alpha.

Remember that alcoholism is progressive even when you stop drinking. Hang in there, kick some ass, and distract yourself when you think of "escaping" with a drink. The world keeps moving even if you're drunk as a skunk. The problem is, you get reset back to where you were when you last stopped. If not worse.

Also, I'm sorry. Life can be crappy sometimes.

alphaomega

((((MIR))). You know, when I get wits endy, I almost always think about you. And how you have remained sober. It truly sobers my thoughts. Then, I pray for you and your daughter.

I am so damn sorry you have another challenge to walk through.

Gosh, it seems like so many warriors are getting it at every turn.

You inspire me so much.

Sending much love at you.

courage2

3 months of a smart high school senior or college kid at $10/hr, 8 hrs/week, cash in fist is less than $1000. If you wouldn't spend that much on something you can do without -- like a relapse, dare I say? -- I'll eat my hat.

PS your mother might actually like a college kid to do little errands. I washed an old broad's hair for $ when I was an undergrad. Washed under her boobs, too. Fed her with a spoon. She was happy to have me around, and I was decent to her.

alphaomega

Talk to me about this Eric. Is this for those of us about to blow ?

alphaomega

Bawahahahahaha !!

Mom only has one boob. Do you think I'd get a discount ?

Lolololololol

courage2

You can only try!

alphaomega

Thanks everyone. Every single one who helped me by posting tonight.

I'll make it through another night.

And when I get scared again, I'm coming back and leaning on all y'all again.

And if I can return the favor, I sure as heck will.

Thanks guys.

trachemys

Well, if we're not going to do the handles thing...I'm good.

Glad you came here.

Della1968

I just want to say I am thinking of you. You don't have to be Superwoman. If you don't take care of yourself you will be useless to others.

alphaomega

You know, it's so crazy. Animals just know.

My cat and dog don't care for one another. Not like Tom and Jerry, but they give each other plenty of space.

I just laid down, and both of them just jumped up on the bed. That NEVER happens. Fredo (dog) is laying on my left leg, Badnis (cat) on the right one. It's like they are holding me. With furry paws.

There is some sort of a moratorium on natural predators going on in my bedroom.

Perhaps I should start prepping for the end of days ?

Venecia

You got through it, AO.

I'm late here so there's really not much I can add, but I can send you encouraging thoughts. And reinforce what others have said: No matter what, alcohol only will make things worse.

Take good care.

FrankLapidas

They do indeed.