least

I wasn't happy in my early sobriety until I started practicing gratitude every day. Each day I found something in my life to be grateful for. It made such a difference in my attitude. Now I'm happy and grateful for my life.

Try practicing gratitude.

vendetta

I drank again tonight. Not totally wasted but a good buzz.

thank you everyone for the support. I hope it will be soon that I act on all the advice.

Don't give up on me.

ScottFromWI

The recovery community and SR never gives up. What's more important is that YOU don't give up.

vendetta

I haven't. It's just a matter of my brain putting everything together. When I do it will be easier.

FrankLapidas

I imagine it took some courage to admit that here.

Now use that same courage to start a new Day 1.

Dee74

what are you trying to put together exactly vendetta?

Maybe we can help?
D

Nonsensical

What's happening this morning, Vendetta?

vendetta

I will touch base in the morning.

Nonsensical

How are things today?

Altoids

This was me for a while, too. It does get easier when you stay the course. My sponsor told me to do 5 things a day. Sometimes those 5 things were all I did, but I did them. (wipe down the counter, brush the dog, dust the table, clean the coffee pot. . . nothing big, but accomplished 5 things no matter how small.) Sometimes those 5 things would turn into a whole lot of things. Now that life feels normal I still focus on 5 things a day. For whatever reason, life is more manageable when I gear myself up to do only 5 things today. LOL! I do a lot more than that, but, hey, I WIN each day so easily nowadays.

vendetta

Today is more drinking.

FrankLapidas.... interesting avatar. I loved lost.. till the end.

I'm trying to figure out the balance. I need to slow down my brain. I only do well when I'm at work because I focus like a Lion on it.

I've found alot of my alcoholism is very mental. If i have to stop for a while I do. And I look back and I say wow that was great. But I cannot keep it up.

doggonecarl

I'm sure from your end you think you are trying to tackle the problem. From my end, it looks like you are trying to justify drinking.

You can't think yourself sober. Recover is an action verb. As for understanding your drinking and alcoholism, you'll learn 100 times more about it sober than you will drunk.

vendetta

Honestly I'm scared to death to stop drinking. I'm desperately trying to find a reason to stop. I know that in the end it would be good but I just can't break the habit.

When my brother died from it my uncle and cousin quit just like that. I wish I knew how.

Nonsensical

Fear of sobriety is absudly illogical, but very very real. I had a big dose of it myself.

Part of my brain was betraying me. I found that extremely difficult to deal with. I had always eschewed the advice of others and kept my own counsel. That is, until I found out I have an unreliable counselor living in my own head. It is my addiction, and it lies to me to get what it wants - more alcohol.

If you are addicted to alcohol it is a mistake to believe everything you think.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

vendetta

I'm going to start a new thread. Stay with me folks.

vendetta

No actually I'm not until I have something better to say. I need to think outside the box to improve myself. I need to find my reason to stop and I don't have that yet.

Nonsensical

I disagree. YOU have found a reason to stop, that's why you keep posting here.

It's that alcoholic sharing space in your head who remains unconvinced there's a reason to stop. You know him. He's the one you keep arguing with all the time. That silent, maddening battle between the ears.

You will never ever EVER convince that alcoholic in your head that you should stop drinking. It cannot be persuaded, bargained with, or educated. The good news is it can absolutely be overruled by the person who keeps posting here.

You know what must be done. Overrule it.Take away its voting rights. I stopped letting the alcoholic living in my head vote on my future and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

You can do this.

vendetta

I wish to heck I could convince the alcoholic in my brain I had a reason. I hate the depression the alcoholic brings.

Dee74

This is so good you need to read it twice.


you know what to do -do it Vendetta.

that voice in your head doesn't get a vote.

D

MelindaFlowers

Exact same here in the first month. I was a slug but knew it would get better. It does get way better. I wasn't very productive during daily hangovers, that's for sure.

I found I had a one to two hour window of productivity on drinks 1 to drink six then it all went to hell. Dishes, laundry left undone, house a wreck.