This is a tough road.
 

I had dedicated myself to not drinking. I did good for a while, but tonight I caved.

To be honest not drinking sucks. I had no desire to do anything. I didn't feel like I could do day to day chores. The one good thing was waking up earlier and more aware.

It's hard to stay on track when I have no desire to do anything.

Just my thoughts on tonight.

Thanks All

It is tough ... If it was easy alcoholics or addicts in general wouldn't exist ... I'm on day 3 and today was a struggle for me too

There must be a reason you tried to quit in the first place.

An exceptionally embarrassing drunk?
Hangover from hell?
Withdrawal symptoms?
Ignoring responsibilities to continue a bender?

All of the above?

I ask because those are all reasons I've tried to quit and failed in the past.

Hi vendetta, it is a tough road. If life after alcohol seems washed out, it's because we are used to having that artificial barrier between us and the world.
Sobriety is lots more than just refraining (white knuckling). That gives it a negative feel, like you're depriving yourself of something. Maybe you have to work harder at building a life without having to rely on drinking to make it bearable.
It's possible your drinking has been masking depression, from how you said you felt. Give yourself a chance by talking to a doctor, joining a support group, or seeing an addiction counsellor. There's a stack of help out there for you.
For now it might help to go back to your old posts and remember why you wanted to stop drinking.

ArtFriend's thread may be of interest to you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anhedonia.html

My thought on this: When drinking, my productivity was derived from artificial strength.
Slowly, with longer amounts of sobriety time, work is getting done with real energy and done better with clear mind.

Not drinking doesn't suck, took me a long to make that realization. The way I came to realize it was like sober-zen. Not drinking literally isn't anything, it's the absence of a thing, it can't suck or be good or mediocre, it is not a thing. My AV made it a bad thing, tried to convince me that drinking (an actual thing that you do) is a good thing. But the truth is , for me, that for me drinking sucks, always leads to other things that suck.

Or it can just be.
For me, remaining sober has a lot to do with acceptance. I cannot drink safely ever again, it is what it is and I am ok with it.

It is hard, but thats all the more reason to use all the support you have Vendetta.

The other thing is...do you really think all of us would stay sober if the first week was as good as it got?

Things do get better - but you need some strength courage endurance and faith to get through the crappy parts.

again, thats where support comes in :)

you can do this - but there's no need to do it alone, gritting your teeth :)

D

The beginning can be difficult because the absence of that artificial chemical induced pleasure. It takes awhile for the physical/biological side of things to level out and get back to normal. It's not nothing. It's a process, and it takes time.

If you suspect depression may be there in addition, I agree that an assessment for this would be wise.

What D said & ^^^^^^^^

I hope that you continue to look for positive changes in your life and that you do things which will help to create those changes.

Not being able to drink when you want to drink sucks. That's merely abstaining from alcohol. Recovery along embracing sobriety rocks.

I will also point out that you haven't had a long enough stretch of sobriety to truly determine how good it can be.

My 2 cents:
Not drinking sucks.
Drinking sucks a lot more.
Have a great day!

Ever consider this possibility?

Yeah....

when all you're doing is "not drinking" and lamenting not drinking, I agree.... it sucks.

Sobriety, on the other hand..... that rocks.

I would recommend reading "The Easy Way to Stop Drinking." I hate the title of this book (hello, "stopping drinking" is NOT easy), but the book itself is great and puts a positive spin on sobriety.

It sounds like you might just need a new outlook on sobreity - this book did it for me. I previously thought the exact same thing: not drinking sucks, I'm losing friends now, etc. Reading this book helped change my mindset.

I'd also recommend giving yourself a "reward" for not drinking - for me, it's getting to play tennis. I love the game. Try to think of a hobby you can either pick up or re-start as a reward for sobreity.

That "blah" feeling goes away and you do start to feel better.

Drinking sucks - having a crapy reportaionship with your kids sucks - damaging your liver and being told you can't get life insurance really sucks - having to hide booze sucks - feeling like a pathetic fool sucks. Not drinking - no that doesn't suck but it is uncomfortable at times but overall better.

How are you doing vendetta?

D