Nonsensical

I wish I could throw a football like Peyton Manning and wake up next to a different Sports Illustrated swimsuit model every morning. Shall I **** my time away waiting for it to happen, or should I work on the things I can work on?

The alcoholic living in your head doesn't have to enjoy being told NO. Mine doesn't. Of course, after all that liar has stolen from me I rather enjoy pissing it off.

It can be done, but it must be by you.

vendetta

Thank you all. Those are very wise words.

I don't know what everyone listens to as far as music but I grew up on Merle Haggard and all I can think of is "tonight the bottle let me down"

Well for some reason tonight I just can't drink enough to get drunk. I don't know why but it happens sometimes.

My mind races and I can't sleep. Listening to Neil Young - Old Man over and over for hours.

I give up on quiting for now.

Dee74

The longer you put it off, the harder (and scarier) it's going to be Vendetta.

To be frank, I've seen you do a lot of work to keep drinking - but not a lot of actual work in stopping.

Maybe that's a starting point?

D

Nonsensical

There's an evolutionary / biological reason for this. Your brain is fighting back. It's bad for survival to be lethargically drunk all the time. You neglect to hunt or gather and you die. Under the duress of continuous alcohol consumption the brain raises the hedonic setpoint - the level of alcohol required to reach the desired state of drunkenness.

I can fairly accurately chart my personal experience with this. I drank because it made me happy...until...I wasn't happy unless I was drinking...until...I was miserable when I wasn't drinking...until I was miserable even when I was drinking.

Persistent misery is the only destination for the path you are on. Fortunately, there is always time to change course. Best of luck on your journey.

vendetta

I can understand both of your points. I truly haven't been trying very hard. I have been just worried about getting up doing customer/market evaluations. I guess I could put alot more time towards that if I wasn't drinking. Maybe I just need to re evaluate my priorities.

Dee74

I think there comes a point when you've ruminated, thought, considered, and weighed things up all you can Ven.

Its time to hit the action stage

D

PurpleKnight

For me Sobriety had to be a daily focus, my minded wanted to drink and that created a constant battle to make it work.

Changing a lifestyle and new habits though will take small steps each day but they will all add up over time, for me I had nothing to loose by giving it a try!!

You can do this!!

vendetta

Research says it take many repetitions to change a habit. Maybe I need to find a solid way to change my habits. I am a very o.c.d., habitual person. I do the same routine over and over.
also I think about work ALL the time. I think that may be pulling away from my focus on taking care of myself. it seems that I need to put in place a plan that changes my habits right after work. Someway to introduce myself to a new atmosphere. I have thought about volunteering at an animal shelter, but I looked some up online and it all seemed so sad. I thought that would be a negative atmosphere. But now I'm thinking that may be the passion to make me want to change my habits. I would like to know everyone's thoughts on that.

I also thought about checking in to rehab directly after work. But the stigma associated with that if a work colleague were to find out would not be acceptable.

What I would really love is to buy a trailer and a good tractor to help my father take care of things. I think helping him with all his responsibilities would really bring me peace. But he drinks alot as well and I'm not sure that's a good environment. Maybe that is more of an opportunity for me to get him to slack off too. If I approached it properly.

I guess what I'm saying is I understand all the excuses I make. I understand my multiple attempts to just stubborn my way out of it hasn't worked. How do I really make a plan. I don't mean a step by step process. Just honestly how do I start a plan.

Dee74

All the information you'll ever need to start making a plan is here Vendetta:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

vendetta

Perhaps I should think more outside the box.

vendetta

Did good for two days. Not so much tonight. Need a reminder of how I don't have control of this.

thomas11

Sorry here that Vendetta, there are some folks on this forum who say that their desire to be sober finally outweighed their desire to drink. Sounds as if that day hasn't arrived quite yet, but it would stand to reason that when it does, it has 100% success rate. "Ya gotta want it" type of thing. Take it easy boss.