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Old 04-19-2015, 03:11 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Welcome Curious Catfish

In a matter of weeks you'll be a year sober.
to be honest if I believed this I'd probably still be drinking....

Absolutely I agree that this is not something to mercilessly beat ourselves up over, nor is it a return to the beginning - we do learn and change on our journey...

...but neither is it something to sweep under the carpet as if it never happened.

If something goes awry with our recovery we need to acknowledge and fix it surely?

D

Last edited by Dee74; 04-19-2015 at 03:33 PM.
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Old 04-19-2015, 03:32 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Could give you some repetitive advice or some clichés but you've been around long enough to have heard them all. So don't beat yourself up too much. Your wife will probably take care of that for you. Your smart and will figure this out and come out on top.
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Old 04-19-2015, 03:36 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by CuriousCatfish View Post
I literally just joined because I've stalked you on and off for ages, Attaboy (well, read your posts. I'm not a stalker. :-) ) My mistake when relapsing after ten months (and then six, and then three, and then four, and then two) was that I always felt the sobriety counter had to be started again. Like somehow I had to start again counting from one day. It sent me so crazy that every time I spiralled back,fact

st with a drink every few days, then every other day, then before I knew it I was back on every day. Every time.

It's only recently that I realised how silly that was of me. If I'd had that one relapse after ten months but then got right back on the wagon, it would have been one unfortunate blip in an otherwise amazingly strong and fabulous run of sobriety.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up. This absolutely doesn't mean that you've failed unless you DECIDE that's what it means. You are ten months sober with one little trip-up. In a matter of weeks you'll be a year sober. Go you! You're doing amazingly. :-)
Welcome

No offence Catfish but how can you say he'l reach a year sober ?? (i saw what you wrote & its very harmful) if anyone has a drink at 10 months there is no way on earth that person can make a year sober

A year sober is a year sober

If thats how you think i would suggest acceptance over dishonesty & lies anyday hands down

I think what you said was meant to try & help but i dont think lies help anything in sobriety

Thats not my opinion its a fact

How long sober Catfish ?
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Old 04-19-2015, 06:40 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Anattaboy , glad you are still with us. Experience tells me that relapse like this are a serious business. They indicate something wrong with our plan or our implementation.

It's easy to get the impression that alcoholics can have endless relapses and still keep coming back. In reality, no one can guarantee that. I've seen many people using the old revolving door routine over and over, and then they don't come back, because they are dead or korsokovs. Relapse is like Russian roulette, you never know which is the loaded drink.

None of this is intended to try and scare you sober, I know that won't work. But hopefully, when you look honestly at your own experience to date, something will prompt you to make some serious changes.

All the best. Like others here I have faith that you can make it.
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Old 04-20-2015, 06:03 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Hi Soberwolf. :-) I think you mistook what I was trying to say. What I was trying to tell Annataboy is that a relapse doesn't have to mean complete failure. If he looks at it that way then it's even harder to get back on the wagon, which is the mistake I always made in the past. "Oh well, I've failed now. May as well have another bottle."

I didn't want him to disregard how far he had already come. For me, the self-loathing after a relapse was always the thing that meant the relapse turned into a month-long bender.

That's all. :-)

(I definitely don't want to harm anyone!)
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Old 04-20-2015, 06:23 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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BTDT using fear. It made me a dry drunk with other non-alcohol or drug addictive behavior problems. I was sober, but I was miserable. There has to be more to sobriety than fear of being incarcerated.

We all just have 24 hours, bud. Don't be too hard on yourself! Just learn from it and know what not to do next time.
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Old 04-20-2015, 06:52 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by CuriousCatfish View Post
Hi Soberwolf. :-) I think you mistook what I was trying to say. What I was trying to tell Annataboy is that a relapse doesn't have to mean complete failure. If he looks at it that way then it's even harder to get back on the wagon, which is the mistake I always made in the past. "Oh well, I've failed now. May as well have another bottle."

I didn't want him to disregard how far he had already come. For me, the self-loathing after a relapse was always the thing that meant the relapse turned into a month-long bender.

That's all. :-)

(I definitely don't want to harm anyone!)
You never dont worry but its far better to be honest esp with sobriety to say 'your almost a year' is incorrect

Far better to be honest

Attaboy im glad your here and still trying
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Old 04-20-2015, 07:07 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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I guess, but couldn't that honesty be "I'm 10+ months sober with a one day relapse that I'm going to put behind me" rather than "I failed and am ten hours sober"? For me, the more recently I've had a drink, the more likely I am to despise myself and drown my sorrows yet again.

Of course, I don't think that could apply to a full-on month-long binge, definitely not, but where it's a one-time slip isn't being very compassionate with yourself a good thing, at least for the first few days after the incident?

That may be just fragile, low self-esteem little me. :-)
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Old 04-20-2015, 07:27 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by CuriousCatfish View Post
I guess, but couldn't that honesty be "I'm 10+ months sober with a one day relapse that I'm going to put behind me" rather than "I failed and am ten hours sober"? For me, the more recently I've had a drink, the more likely I am to despise myself and drown my sorrows yet again.

Of course, I don't think that could apply to a full-on month-long binge, definitely not, but where it's a one-time slip isn't being very compassionate with yourself a good thing, at least for the first few days after the incident?

That may be just fragile, low self-esteem little me. :-)
I think it's mostly in the eye of the beholder. Some people count days and some don't. What works for you may not work for me and vice versa.
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Old 04-20-2015, 07:33 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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I'll get my coat.

Good luck to everybody here!
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Old 04-20-2015, 07:35 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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I can't speak for others but for me i wouldnt want to say im 10+ months with one relapse/slip that im going to put behind me

i would rather just say im 10+ months sober you know?

D said it better 'its not something to sweep under the carpet' and no matter what you say thats exactly what your saying

no offence and sorry Atta but if i was you id be honest like you were here with us i respect you for that honesty and commend you for that honesty

we learn from our mistakes

spk soon catfish glad your here friend
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Old 04-20-2015, 07:57 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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I don't think I'll be back Soberwolf but thank you. :-)
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:10 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Catfish are you leaving the site ?

I thought id grab my coat was a saying of some sort

Why do you want to leave ? like Scott said some count some dont dont let this be the reason you deny yourself the benefits of SR
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:23 AM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Hey Y'all, I'll count my time as I see fit and will let y'all know what my tally is when I get around to it. Until then just try to smile--maybe take a deep breath
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:30 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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I found another forum that's a bit gentler and more positive. It's been an experience though. :-)
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:32 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Hope you stick around SR, CuriousCatfish - maybe start an introduction thread in Newcomer's????
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:43 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Sometimes for a forum of people full of acceptance there can be some real judging posts....if certain people cant see the positive spin that was trying to be given then they must be blind. Maybe negativity is to do with the personality traits of alcoholics but for some a positive spin is better than totally negative. Hey ho.
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Old 04-20-2015, 08:51 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome Curious Catfish



to be honest if I believed this I'd probably still be drinking....

Absolutely I agree that this is not something to mercilessly beat ourselves up over, nor is it a return to the beginning - we do learn and change on our journey...

...but neither is it something to sweep under the carpet as if it never happened.

If something goes awry with our recovery we need to acknowledge and fix it surely?

D
This
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Old 04-20-2015, 09:13 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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I didn't answer your original question, Soberwolf. My apologies.

24 hours after a three month daily binge, which followed after two months of sobriety, which followed after a one month daily binge, which followed after etc etc etc 4/2/1/6 (insert timeframe and I've either binged or been sober for that period) back to 10 months of sobriety.

This time, however, I genuinely think I may have done myself some damage and am very, very scared. So I'm all about the compassion at the moment and the positivity, because the self-loathing and criticism's never done me any favours before. :-)
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Old 04-20-2015, 09:19 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
 
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I would definitely say that in two months you will have spent 99.9% of the last year without drinking. But it doesn't really matter imo what happened in the past has zero pact on what you decide will happen in the future. Moving forward...always forward. Xo
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