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Just learnt about Kindling - I have made a terrible, terrible mistake.

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Just learnt about Kindling - I have made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Old 04-15-2015, 03:24 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Ok, well, some things to report. Mostly negative, but I have not had another drink.

So last night this thread put me in such a panic that I actually rushed to A&E, they did some tests on me and told me that I was not at that point exhibiting any serious withdrawal symptoms and was most likely just having a panic attack. They sent me home with a 'why are you wasting our time' look on their faces, and I felt a lot calmer.

Today I did not drink, however I did put myself in drinking environments, which I assume is not a good idea. I focused on telling myself 'I will not drink, what can I do next to avoid drinking'. At 10pm I went to a bar to watch the football match, I drank cola and ate a burger, focusing on the football provided me with enough entertainment not to think about drinking. However, at the end of the match I bumped into a friend I have here, he asked me to come to another bar. I said I was on antibiotics and could not drink, so I just stayed for one hour and drank a non alcoholic drink. However, I assume this kind of behaviour is not positive for commitment to not drinking?
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:29 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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I wouldn't be putting myself in drinking environments for a while....you may find like I did that fear, even intense fear, can fade pretty quickly...
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:32 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I understand. I am making a sober plan for tomorrow, there a midnight boat tour to look at the stars (alright it will be in a language I dont understand), which means I will be doing something else at the time when I would normally be in the bars.

I have made a mental focus for myself to remember that night before last, remember the withdrawal I felt, remember that I never want to feel that again. The only way I can be sure I will never feel that again is to never be drunk again.
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:33 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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If you go to a pool party chances are you are going to get wet. Recovery is more about change than it is about not drinking.

We have to be willing to become a different person
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:41 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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When I am back in the UK I hope I will be able to learn more about that and can seek advice on ways to put myself in more 'sober' situations. For now my focus will be on not having a single drink until that time.
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Old 04-15-2015, 03:42 PM
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When I am back in the UK I hope I will be able to learn more about that and can seek advice on ways to put myself in more 'sober' situations. For now my focus will be on not having a single drink until that time.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:10 PM
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When you guys began your recovery process, what was your procedure for avoiding drinking situations? Did you put yourself on lockdown and basically refuse to leave your house at times when you would normally be drinking, or did you create plans for each evening to put yourself in non-drinking environments? Did you cut off contact with your friends with whom you would normally drink, or did you make arrangements to only meet with them in non drinking environments?
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:13 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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I wasnt a hermit - I went out - had picnics, coffee dates, movies...there's a lot to do for a sober guy...I just stayed away from situations where alcohol was the main feature.

I needed to separate my old life from my new one and put clear distance between who I had been and who I was becoming.

Use the time to work on your recovery and get a solid plan down. Build up your 'sober muscles'

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Old 04-15-2015, 04:23 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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I went to 90 AA meetings in 90 days, it was great for me. I had someplace to be every night, met a lot of great sober people, did something positive for my recovery every day. In between meetings, when I wasn't working or at a meeting or hanging out with people from the meeting afterward, I would read recovery literature. In short, I hung around intensely sober environments and it paid off. I never picked up another drink and it has been six and a half years.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:37 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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I think getting myself to my first AA meeting has to be my priority (that and seeing a doctor to appraise my current state of health).

Since I am warming to this community, I will provide a few more relevant details about myself.

a) My father died 6 weeks ago. I am still struggling to work out my feelings about it. It also necessitated a very speedy return from the country I lived in for the previous 21 months. This necessitated parting from my lovely (and very positive influence) girlfriend, who I miss very much. So I am going through some difficult feelings emotionally.
b) My mother is a practicing alcoholic, who lives with her severe alcoholic boyfriend. I stayed with them during most of my previous five weeks in the UK before coming here, conversely this dramatically decreased my own drinking because I did not want to drink with them and did not like what I saw them doing.
c) I will have some inheritance from my father, not a huge amount, but enough that I will be in a position to afford in house recovery if it seemed that that was the only option.

Everything makes this a very logical time for me to attempt complete sobriety. Not least because it means now that I will never have to admit to my father that I am an alcoholic, something I could never have done.

I just need to find the strength to actually do it.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:47 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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One final note, I do also have previous experience of giving something up. I spent about 2 years as a marijuana smoker, not all day every day but multiple times per week, whilst I loved it for the first year because of how social it made me, it grew to the point where I hated myself for it because of how anti-social it made me. I stopped completely (except of course on a few occasions when my drunk self ran out of booze and someone I was with had some and for some reason it was preferable to not getting more intoxicated). Obviously it is not comparable because I have been binge drinking for much longer, and marijuana is not a physically addictive substance, and when I have that up I still had the crutch of the booze, but I will try to take some positives from it in that I know I have had a past success giving up a substance.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:18 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Member, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. And, the fact you had to move temporarily and be away from your girlfriend must make things more difficult.

It's good that you went to get medical help when you were worried, and I'm glad you were okay. Now, you need to focus on not drinking. Clearly for me, I stayed away from anywhere or anyone who would be drinking for months. Like Dee, I was never a hermit. I walked every day, met friends for coffee, went to movies, enjoyed life.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:31 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Sadly it is a permanent move away from my girlfriend, in not very much time she will be moving permanently to Montreal, a city I could never live in as I would now find it difficult to get visa permission to work in Canada again, and I do not speak French and would therefore not be able to work. She made the decision that, due to the logistics, it would be better to end things now so as to keep it, in her words, 'a perfect little package of time'. If I am honest with myself I do not entirely feel the same, although I recognize the rationality of her position, but I have to respect her wishes. We keep in touch a lot, I know it is pathetic but messages from her are one of the little beacons of light for me in my current, lonely situation. I was in love with her, but ce la vie.

I have been fortunate enough to enjoy more than one happy relationship, despite my alcoholism (strangely enough, unlike a lot of alcoholics I have no stories of alcohol destroying my relationships, though I guess that didnt have time to happen due to my 'traveler' lifestyle. I was thinking about this today - EVERY girl whom I have met who has really meant something to me, I met sober. Yes, sometimes I subsequently needed booze to summon the confidence to 'make a move', but all of them I met sober. That surely has to be an argument for sobriety being favourable to drunkenness?
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:35 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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I mean this not in a smart ___ way but please take it to heart. It took me a long, long time to get it through my own brain.

If you never drink again you'll never have to experience alcohol withdrawal again. Kindling Shmindling. You never have to feel this way again.

I haven't had a kindling hangover/withdrawal in almost ten months and I feel free.

I drank like you did but I didn't take any breaks. The healing begins when you out down the bottle. Pick it up again and who knows what further damage you'll do.

I know that I can never drink again and a big reason is kindling. If I even drank a six pack (less than half of what I used to drink) I would be right back to a weeklong kindling hellish hangover.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:40 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Thankyou.

I will go to bed now. Tomorrow I will not drink and I will not put myself in a bar environment. I will pose on here again tomorrow, if anyone feels to reply further I will read those posts I promise.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:53 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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When you're newly sober it's best to avoid drinking occasions and places. This won't be true forever (though most people who have been sober for a while find it distinctly boring to hang out where drinking is the main event), but early on it is very easy to slip up if you are around it. For myself, I got ALL the booze OUT of the house, and only went to events like office parties and such IF it was a very important event (someone close to me retiring, for instance) AND I would arrive late and leave early AND have a plan to leave IMMEDIATELY if it became uncomfortable.

Getting sober and staying that way takes a lot of work under the best of circumstances. Personally, I see no reason to make it harder than it already is.

And incidentally, I find sobriety, once I got past the first few months, MUCH easier to manage than life as a drinking alcoholic. It takes some work, and please note that AA is not all about the meetings--there are 12 Steps involved--but I never want to feel again the way I did at the end of my drinking.
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:29 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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I certainly think kindling is real. I am almost done with day 12. But on day 3 I took myself to the ER. BP 211/98. Felt absolutely awful. I had cut back and had two 5 day alcohol free stretches the prior month and thought I was making progress! But I was getting increasingly sensitive to the effects of alcohol. So each "rinse and repeat" was getting more intense. However, I am pushing 60 and may have underlying elevated blood pressure which truly makes is worse for me. You are young. Quit now and you will be O.K. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!
12 days is the longest sober stretch for maybe 4 some years. Not particularly proud of that.
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Old 04-16-2015, 03:38 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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So, no drinks again today. I went on the boat trip, they handed out hot tea, it was funny to ask 'there is no alcohol in this, right?'

After it I really wanted to go to a cafe to read my book, I hope that was more a desire not to go home rather than a craving to drink as cafes here also sell beer. Anyway, luckily my phone was out of battery and I wanted to post here, so I went back to my hostel.

I am starting to realise how difficult this is going to be! Still, it would be amazing if I could go back to England without having had a drink, and then seek support to help me maintain sobriety.
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Old 04-16-2015, 11:56 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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I got up at 6:30 am today having not slept a wink, does anyone know how long the insomnia is likely to last? Also, in my life I have never experimented with sleep aids, but do you guys recommend these as part of the early sobriety process? It is when I am lying in bed at night that I feel worst.
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Old 04-17-2015, 12:02 AM
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It usually took me a week or so to get right - some people take longer, others shorter.

Personally I didn't take a sleep aid - I accepted my body needed to recuperate and I didn't want to take anything that might interfere with that process.

Of course if you lead a life where sleep is imperative (I don't) then by all means see your Dr
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