Finished Day 1 . . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 57
Woo hoo!! Already one month (I know one month of forever)? Wowee! You all hugged every day of the way, even though I've been not online! One of the reasons I bought a phone�� yes, together we are strong. I must admit I'm a loner, very DIY, so this has been difficult to grab and trust others. I know I was right to give SR the GO AHEAD! Hence, here I am, clean. Hugs hugs hugs!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 57
7 weeks now and counting...
Well well well!
Other than the first 5 days of detox in early December, this has been the easiest transition of my life. I do not know why. Since the second week I have felt no urge to drink at all, and once in a while I think about what it was like, and honestly, it is gone. Disappeared. I do not wrestle with it at all. I don't know what happened to make this happen but I do know that it was the one thing that I wanted for myself at all, and I grabbed it when I realized I was an alcoholic immediately, no more playing around.
Since then, I have lost 14 pounds, I sleep like a rock and I have more energy than I ever did before. I am now starting a diet and exercise regime so I will keep my journal here for how that is going. I still have nightmarishly long days and I am exhausted, but my fear of not being able to sleep is gone, because I only want to sleep all of the time, get my work done, be me.
I am.
People tell me I look better, not knowing what was going on with me before. I remember things now, I realise connections and see through things and I am quite frankly on top of things and actual plans are getting implemented whereas before, I had an idea or fleeting thought or whatever, in it flew and out it poofed away, never to come around again.
I just don't think about alcohol.
I hope there is nothing wrong with me, and for a few weeks I haven't taken the neurontin. Only in the first couple of weeks did I take it 3x a day, and the 4th week twice or less, now none.
Have I actually weeded it out, no cravings, nada? no thoughts or urges?
is something wrong or is this just a phase???
Pach...........................
Other than the first 5 days of detox in early December, this has been the easiest transition of my life. I do not know why. Since the second week I have felt no urge to drink at all, and once in a while I think about what it was like, and honestly, it is gone. Disappeared. I do not wrestle with it at all. I don't know what happened to make this happen but I do know that it was the one thing that I wanted for myself at all, and I grabbed it when I realized I was an alcoholic immediately, no more playing around.
Since then, I have lost 14 pounds, I sleep like a rock and I have more energy than I ever did before. I am now starting a diet and exercise regime so I will keep my journal here for how that is going. I still have nightmarishly long days and I am exhausted, but my fear of not being able to sleep is gone, because I only want to sleep all of the time, get my work done, be me.
I am.
People tell me I look better, not knowing what was going on with me before. I remember things now, I realise connections and see through things and I am quite frankly on top of things and actual plans are getting implemented whereas before, I had an idea or fleeting thought or whatever, in it flew and out it poofed away, never to come around again.
I just don't think about alcohol.
I hope there is nothing wrong with me, and for a few weeks I haven't taken the neurontin. Only in the first couple of weeks did I take it 3x a day, and the 4th week twice or less, now none.
Have I actually weeded it out, no cravings, nada? no thoughts or urges?
is something wrong or is this just a phase???
Pach...........................
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,520
This is your journey Pach.
If you are not having cravings, that is wonderful.
You are looking after yourself and getting on with the life you wanted.
That is awesome.
I don't know if you are still going to meetings, but my thoughts are that it is good to stay in touch with the recovery community...you keep yourself safe that way. And connected.
If you are feeling good and you are happy, there is nothing wrong with that...just keep living your life girl. And know that you have people who care.
Love V xx
If you are not having cravings, that is wonderful.
You are looking after yourself and getting on with the life you wanted.
That is awesome.
I don't know if you are still going to meetings, but my thoughts are that it is good to stay in touch with the recovery community...you keep yourself safe that way. And connected.
If you are feeling good and you are happy, there is nothing wrong with that...just keep living your life girl. And know that you have people who care.
Love V xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 57
Wooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!
Ok..... I am officially 2 calendar months free from drinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am down 19.2 pounds, smiling like crazy and have been offered a job teaching painting! Guys, I am so at peace! Over the weekend, grtgrandpa, the alcohol tried to instigate a wondering about, yes, alcohol, but I cut it off as soon as it popped up. No discussion, no worries. I will remain free.
I am meditating with quiet time each morning afternoon and evening at the weekend, and before I do my extra studies at night when I get home from my grueling work days.
I pray this never goes away.
I am in this cocoon of serenity, me time, healing, knowledge and clarity.
Stay, pray.
Happy February!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok..... I am officially 2 calendar months free from drinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am down 19.2 pounds, smiling like crazy and have been offered a job teaching painting! Guys, I am so at peace! Over the weekend, grtgrandpa, the alcohol tried to instigate a wondering about, yes, alcohol, but I cut it off as soon as it popped up. No discussion, no worries. I will remain free.
I am meditating with quiet time each morning afternoon and evening at the weekend, and before I do my extra studies at night when I get home from my grueling work days.
I pray this never goes away.
I am in this cocoon of serenity, me time, healing, knowledge and clarity.
Stay, pray.
Happy February!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
♥Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 57
I had yesterday morning off...
So I thought, hmmm.... where can I go?
I had a doctor's appointment to follow up and get a refill of neurontin. Why?...well... even though the initial script is pretty full, I just felt at the time I made the appointment a while ago that I wanted that padding there just in case; just like the reason I requested it at my detox interval in December in the first place. The initial need for assurance was monumental to my psychological state of being able to pull abstinence off permanently and also emotionally. I knew that if my physical need was lidded up, then the psychological and emotional need would be silenced and could not follow the usual path. It worked. After my last post of February 2, I began to think that my luck was just too good to be true, hence the appointment. Ok, so now I have the script.
I drove around for somewhere to go before my second afternoon job. Haha, all the usual old haunts were there. I pulled over on the California coast, looking out at Catalina Island.
I had the initial meds in my handbag that I have not touched since early January, and I made a permanent pact with myself immediately.
"I will not need these things, places or routines ever. I will not repeat the old pattern in my free time, ever. It will never be a past-time, ever. I am free. That is old. I am new. Pach, we're FREE OF ALL OF IT!"
And, so, I drove to work, worked, drove straight home, popped in a dvd, poured some iced-tea, had a Jolly Rancher, and dressed comfy.
The movie was great.
I went to sleep.
.................................................. ....
Now it's Saturday.
I want to tell those of you who remember reading my post from the morning I checked myself into detox something important:
My doctor yesterday told me to remember what happened as a result of my alcohol cessation in December. "Yes, as you can see, it took 48 hours but it almost killed you."
Crap! He had not NOT NOT NOT told me that in December! I was already freaked, so that is likely why.
Remember my writing I thought I was a red chili.
Let me expand.
I was laying on my bed. In my mind, my feet were the bottom of the red chili and my shoulders and head, the wider top of the chili, full length or my height, about 5'5.5".
I was doing a wavy motion, and what I was told yesterday, was that I was having convulsions in my sleep. They woke me up. I didn't just "wake up" !
So then when I tried to walk to get some more water, I was having a seizure while awake... and couldn't control my legs.
He told me my brain was on freeze mode, basically, and people sometimes die in this state after alcohol cessation if not in hospital.
He implored me to never go near it again, nor cook with it.
I had written I was getting a cab to the ER.
Well, I didn't. I waited a while and then I drove myself. god. I did. I got into my car and drove, feeling "fine", and checked myself in.
Please, if you know anyone who is stopping drinking, show them this. I will re-post on another page, but if you see this first, re-post please. It was terrifying what happened to me and I was all alone. I might have died and I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn't know what to expect, just that I wanted to stop and that was that. Dying would have stopped it too, but that was not the goal! Stubbornness has no place in recovery.
After checking myself in, there was so much love over there and I didn't feel like an arse for allowing myself to get out of control, nor for having checked myself in. I was a patient who needed help, nothing else. I got the help, smiles, RESPECT and UNDERSTANDING I needed, LOL I should have gone there before drinking in the first place!!! HAHA IRONY!!!
So, Happy Valentine's Day, sending massive loving advice for your livelihood, should you be stopping now. Just check yourself in and chill through the detox rather than not only putting your life on the line, but not going through the mind-bending freaky physicalities that are part and parcel for the course.
Checking yourself in is part of taking care of yourself. Don't be a dead martyr going the DIY route when you do have options. This isn't 1890.
Love and Light to Everyone,
Pach..................
I tossed the prescription.
I had a doctor's appointment to follow up and get a refill of neurontin. Why?...well... even though the initial script is pretty full, I just felt at the time I made the appointment a while ago that I wanted that padding there just in case; just like the reason I requested it at my detox interval in December in the first place. The initial need for assurance was monumental to my psychological state of being able to pull abstinence off permanently and also emotionally. I knew that if my physical need was lidded up, then the psychological and emotional need would be silenced and could not follow the usual path. It worked. After my last post of February 2, I began to think that my luck was just too good to be true, hence the appointment. Ok, so now I have the script.
I drove around for somewhere to go before my second afternoon job. Haha, all the usual old haunts were there. I pulled over on the California coast, looking out at Catalina Island.
I had the initial meds in my handbag that I have not touched since early January, and I made a permanent pact with myself immediately.
"I will not need these things, places or routines ever. I will not repeat the old pattern in my free time, ever. It will never be a past-time, ever. I am free. That is old. I am new. Pach, we're FREE OF ALL OF IT!"
And, so, I drove to work, worked, drove straight home, popped in a dvd, poured some iced-tea, had a Jolly Rancher, and dressed comfy.
The movie was great.
I went to sleep.
.................................................. ....
Now it's Saturday.
I want to tell those of you who remember reading my post from the morning I checked myself into detox something important:
My doctor yesterday told me to remember what happened as a result of my alcohol cessation in December. "Yes, as you can see, it took 48 hours but it almost killed you."
Crap! He had not NOT NOT NOT told me that in December! I was already freaked, so that is likely why.
Remember my writing I thought I was a red chili.
Let me expand.
I was laying on my bed. In my mind, my feet were the bottom of the red chili and my shoulders and head, the wider top of the chili, full length or my height, about 5'5.5".
I was doing a wavy motion, and what I was told yesterday, was that I was having convulsions in my sleep. They woke me up. I didn't just "wake up" !
So then when I tried to walk to get some more water, I was having a seizure while awake... and couldn't control my legs.
He told me my brain was on freeze mode, basically, and people sometimes die in this state after alcohol cessation if not in hospital.
He implored me to never go near it again, nor cook with it.
I had written I was getting a cab to the ER.
Well, I didn't. I waited a while and then I drove myself. god. I did. I got into my car and drove, feeling "fine", and checked myself in.
Please, if you know anyone who is stopping drinking, show them this. I will re-post on another page, but if you see this first, re-post please. It was terrifying what happened to me and I was all alone. I might have died and I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn't know what to expect, just that I wanted to stop and that was that. Dying would have stopped it too, but that was not the goal! Stubbornness has no place in recovery.
After checking myself in, there was so much love over there and I didn't feel like an arse for allowing myself to get out of control, nor for having checked myself in. I was a patient who needed help, nothing else. I got the help, smiles, RESPECT and UNDERSTANDING I needed, LOL I should have gone there before drinking in the first place!!! HAHA IRONY!!!
So, Happy Valentine's Day, sending massive loving advice for your livelihood, should you be stopping now. Just check yourself in and chill through the detox rather than not only putting your life on the line, but not going through the mind-bending freaky physicalities that are part and parcel for the course.
Checking yourself in is part of taking care of yourself. Don't be a dead martyr going the DIY route when you do have options. This isn't 1890.
Love and Light to Everyone,
Pach..................
I tossed the prescription.
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