What Happened To Me??
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Originally Posted by imamess2986 
@ Jsbodhi: Holy cow! I didn't think that anyone at all could be experiencing something so closely to what I'm going through. I agree that your boyfriend may have been exaggerating a little but he was probably just trying to get his point across to you the best way he knew how. You are not out of line at all about what you said about my boyfriend. I hope that truly is the case and that I didn't sleep with his friend. I'll never really know the truth in that and thats what scares me most of all.
Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot to me right now...best of luck to you as well...I'm praying it only gets better from here
Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot to me right now...best of luck to you as well...I'm praying it only gets better from here
However, stay the course. I am on day 35 & I couldn't feel better! (((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Jupiters
welcome 
lots of great advice in here already (as always)...
blacking out is scary as all he11. The last year or so of my drinking, the blacking out was a regular thing as well.
I just had 6 months, yup. 6 solid awesome months of sobriety....then went to Cuba.
I had a couple glasses of wine and automatically knew it was a bad idea. The progressiveness of this disease was that strongly felt. Within the first 2 or 3 glasses, I could feel my brain turn to mush...I stopped. Immediately.
I used to be able to polish bottles off with no problems. After a 6mth hiatus, I felt those glasses almost like a train had hit me. I just thank god I was able to see it and know I did NOT want to go down that road again and stopped and enjoyed my vacation sober, as planned.
This is a sneaky a$$ bugger.
lots of great advice in here already (as always)...
blacking out is scary as all he11. The last year or so of my drinking, the blacking out was a regular thing as well.
I just had 6 months, yup. 6 solid awesome months of sobriety....then went to Cuba.
I had a couple glasses of wine and automatically knew it was a bad idea. The progressiveness of this disease was that strongly felt. Within the first 2 or 3 glasses, I could feel my brain turn to mush...I stopped. Immediately.
I used to be able to polish bottles off with no problems. After a 6mth hiatus, I felt those glasses almost like a train had hit me. I just thank god I was able to see it and know I did NOT want to go down that road again and stopped and enjoyed my vacation sober, as planned.
This is a sneaky a$$ bugger.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by JT0626
The bolded sentence above concerns me so much. I hope your BF doesn't hold you hostage to that situation. I mean, really, he couls smell you on the dude?!? Any real man would have demanded to know what happened right then & there while the "friend" was present. I am inclined to believe nothing really happened but he is insinuating that to absolve himself from his own guilt & have something over you. Which is very manipulative & NOT healthy at all.
However, stay the course. I am on day 35 & I couldn't feel better! (((hugs))
However, stay the course. I am on day 35 & I couldn't feel better! (((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 169
Hello! There is always a flipside to everything in life, and think of it this way... ONLY this amount of bad stuff has happened, and yeah, it is bad enough.
It will progress to other stuff, if it is drunk driving, hurting someone, hurting yourself, one of the kids, & more and more embarrassment.
The danger potential is off the charts.
And, you have a great, for now, relationship to keep...
It doesn't have to be that way though...trust the people on this site who all have similar stories...
It will progress to other stuff, if it is drunk driving, hurting someone, hurting yourself, one of the kids, & more and more embarrassment.
The danger potential is off the charts.
And, you have a great, for now, relationship to keep...
It doesn't have to be that way though...trust the people on this site who all have similar stories...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
imamess2986
I have a quick story for you. One of my best friends turned into a mean blackout drunk. He used to be the nicest guy on the planet that everyone loved, drunk or sober. He disappeared for a couple of years and then we reconnected and decided to take a trip up to my cabin in Colorado for 10 days, hiking etc. I was excited to reconnect. Grabbed some beer to sit on the porch to chill out and into his 2nd beer a switch flipped and he was now the meanest, nastiest MF I had ever encountered. It was like he was possessed with an evil spirit ( kinda Charles Manson-ish). He went on to belittle me for hours and hours. He would snap out of it every once in awhile and turn back into my old buddy and ask me what happened. It was the craziest heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. He would wake up in the morning with no recollection of what happened. This happened 3 days in a row. Long story short, I kicked him out. I could not deal with it.
Please do something about this now. It will only get worse.
From a concerned recovering Alcoholic.
I have a quick story for you. One of my best friends turned into a mean blackout drunk. He used to be the nicest guy on the planet that everyone loved, drunk or sober. He disappeared for a couple of years and then we reconnected and decided to take a trip up to my cabin in Colorado for 10 days, hiking etc. I was excited to reconnect. Grabbed some beer to sit on the porch to chill out and into his 2nd beer a switch flipped and he was now the meanest, nastiest MF I had ever encountered. It was like he was possessed with an evil spirit ( kinda Charles Manson-ish). He went on to belittle me for hours and hours. He would snap out of it every once in awhile and turn back into my old buddy and ask me what happened. It was the craziest heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. He would wake up in the morning with no recollection of what happened. This happened 3 days in a row. Long story short, I kicked him out. I could not deal with it.
Please do something about this now. It will only get worse.
From a concerned recovering Alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Oh!!! I'm going to Cuba at the end of this month and was worrying too. Thanks for posting, I'm a blackouter too. Glad you posted this, I must remember just because I'm in Cuba doesn't mean my alcoholism stays in canada
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
Hate to throw this into the mix but is there any possibility that this incident with your BF's BF, did not really happen and that your BF made it up to "even the score" with his ex-wife? His behavior towards his BF is not consistent with you two doing the dirty 100 yards from him, he would also not be so forgiving of you either. Something does not add up which you may wish to investigate further. That being said, I too have blackouts. These things are very dangerous and can degenerate the brain capacity and increase memory loss which no one wants.
Our reality, we just have to stop drinking. Keep access to this site close to you and reach for it everytime you want a drink. Tell you boyfriend he has to support you on this journey and just fight for your own freedom. You cannot stop your boyfriend or friends from drinking but you can stop yourself. Offer to be the designated driver or decline invitations until you are in control. It's hard, but the best things in life are worth fighting for.
Our reality, we just have to stop drinking. Keep access to this site close to you and reach for it everytime you want a drink. Tell you boyfriend he has to support you on this journey and just fight for your own freedom. You cannot stop your boyfriend or friends from drinking but you can stop yourself. Offer to be the designated driver or decline invitations until you are in control. It's hard, but the best things in life are worth fighting for.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
I have to say - the whole "he could smell you" on his friend thing...just sounds...I dunno...something isn't sitting right.
Can you talk to this "friend" and get his side? (sorry if I missed that somewhere)
Can you talk to this "friend" and get his side? (sorry if I missed that somewhere)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 38
TLDR; used to be fine, but now I turn into a crazy, violent, cheating mad woman when I drink. Don't want to lose everything because of it.[/QUOTE]
This is me to an absolute T. The only way this stuff stopped happening, is when I chose to stop drinking. I would do insane stuff that the sober me wouldn't dream of doing in a million years. The booze was destroying my life. Kick it while you can, it only gets worse.
This is me to an absolute T. The only way this stuff stopped happening, is when I chose to stop drinking. I would do insane stuff that the sober me wouldn't dream of doing in a million years. The booze was destroying my life. Kick it while you can, it only gets worse.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
It's great to have you with us imamess. I'm so sorry for the pain and anxiety you're feeling.
I did out of character and dangerous things when I drank. It wasn't always that way, but over the years it took it's a toll on me. I tried for a long time to use willpower to control how much I drank - but once it was in my system there was no telling what would happen. The only way to stay safe and sane was to ban it from my life and not risk having a meltdown. It feels so good to be free of it. You can do this.
I did out of character and dangerous things when I drank. It wasn't always that way, but over the years it took it's a toll on me. I tried for a long time to use willpower to control how much I drank - but once it was in my system there was no telling what would happen. The only way to stay safe and sane was to ban it from my life and not risk having a meltdown. It feels so good to be free of it. You can do this.
Stay positive.
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 84
Blacking out is so scary because you will never know what "really" happened and how bad things were. Sometimes the people who witness them can blow it out of proportion, or cut you some slack and not give you the whole truth. Either way you are left worried and panicked about what you may or may not have done. It's amazing the effect that alcohol has on your brain when the switch just flips like that. My last blackout was on thanksgiving and I literally went from sipping wine and laughing with my family and boyfriend to crawling on my grandmother crying to her about how much my mom hates me and that I hate my life, and ended up smashing a plate... All while in front of my 30 relatives (even my young cousins). It's shameful and petrifying, but like the others have said you have realized your issue and now you get to fix it. Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 7
Thank you all so much for the stories you've shared with me and for all the warm welcomes! On one hand it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that this happens to, but on the other I'm sorry that anyone has ever had to experience/feel like this and I feel for you all greatly...
@blueyes618: I had a close experience to that on this past 4th of July with my family. I ended up confronting people on things I had no business voicing my opinions about. The next day I was so embarrassed and had to call everyone and apologize.
UPDATE: So I was able to talk to my boyfriend who had the chance to talk with his friend. I did NOT sleep with him. (Thank God for small favors) But he was "touching" me...he says that I let him...I don't think that part is true but I'll take that explanation over sleeping with him any day.
@gettingsmarter: you are 100% correct. I hold myself accountable for that. I can't use the fact that I was blacked out as any kind of excuse. Now I'm just praying for the strength to never allow myself to do that to myself or others ever again.
My boyfriend is being fully supportive in this new situation for me/us. He wasn't trying to even the score, I really did mess up and/or get taken advantage of. He's mad at himself right now for not being there to stop it, even more mad at his friend. He knew I had a problem but didn't know the right way to talk to me about it so he just never said anything at all. He said he was willing to forgive me because he fully believes that I was blacked out. I have never given him reason not to trust me up until now.
So, this is the start of my new better life! I am definitely sticking to this board for support and to update y'all on my progress. There are great people here. I feel that posting here is going to help greatly when I need support the most because y'all can relate to the situations.
Thank you so much again!!
@blueyes618: I had a close experience to that on this past 4th of July with my family. I ended up confronting people on things I had no business voicing my opinions about. The next day I was so embarrassed and had to call everyone and apologize.
UPDATE: So I was able to talk to my boyfriend who had the chance to talk with his friend. I did NOT sleep with him. (Thank God for small favors) But he was "touching" me...he says that I let him...I don't think that part is true but I'll take that explanation over sleeping with him any day.
@gettingsmarter: you are 100% correct. I hold myself accountable for that. I can't use the fact that I was blacked out as any kind of excuse. Now I'm just praying for the strength to never allow myself to do that to myself or others ever again.
My boyfriend is being fully supportive in this new situation for me/us. He wasn't trying to even the score, I really did mess up and/or get taken advantage of. He's mad at himself right now for not being there to stop it, even more mad at his friend. He knew I had a problem but didn't know the right way to talk to me about it so he just never said anything at all. He said he was willing to forgive me because he fully believes that I was blacked out. I have never given him reason not to trust me up until now.
So, this is the start of my new better life! I am definitely sticking to this board for support and to update y'all on my progress. There are great people here. I feel that posting here is going to help greatly when I need support the most because y'all can relate to the situations.
Thank you so much again!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi imamess2986
Some really good advice here already
I'm guessing this kind of life is not the one you want for yourself - who would?
The way to freedom, peace and a life you life - the road to being the person you want to be starts with not drinking.
It really is as simple as that (simple, not easy...but that's why there's places like this...)
Welcome
D
Some really good advice here already
I'm guessing this kind of life is not the one you want for yourself - who would?
The way to freedom, peace and a life you life - the road to being the person you want to be starts with not drinking.
It really is as simple as that (simple, not easy...but that's why there's places like this...)
Welcome
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
