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Old 07-09-2014, 11:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
aka In 'n Out
 
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Angry

Hid it so well nobody believes I'm an alcoholic


I've been drinking heavily for many years. Tried AA 3 times and never made more than 30 days. Today is day 3 of my 4th attempt. I'm a single parent with a 21 year old son and when I told him I was going to AA he argued that I am not an alcoholic! I truly am an expert at hiding my problems from the outside world.

It helps that I am pretty much a loner, don't go to bars, and drink alone at home. 2 bottles of wine almost every night. I hope that this time AA works for me. I still have a good job and haven't done anything awful - yet. Does this make it harder to succeed at AA? Not having had a traumatic, scared you sh**less episode??

I want my life back. I want to not come home from work and sit on the sofa with my wine. I want to get fit and healthy again and not be 50 pounds overweight, bloated, and constantly fuzzy headed. I want to not be a slave to alcohol. I live in southern California and sit on my sofa with my wine rather than getting out there and enjoying the beauty that is all around me.

Life is too short. This time I hope and pray that I kick this abominable addiction.

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Old 07-10-2014, 02:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR RolyPoly.

Going to AA is a good start. Keep in mind they won't solve it for you but with you. You need a plan to handle everyday situations and the support AA provides will support that plan.

No child wants to think a parent is an alcoholic so if you are only using your son to gauge things of course he will say you are not.

For me being an addict or alcoholic is about when the drinking or drug becomes the dominate thing in my life. I can assure you it did.

Post a lot here. Join in on any number of regular conversations. Post before you drink. And open your heart to the idea that you really can stay sober.

Ken
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Old 07-10-2014, 02:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum!!

I personally didn't bother about what people said or thought about my drinking when I was drinking, and now I do the same when I'm Sober, I knew I had to change things and that was all that was important!!
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Old 07-10-2014, 03:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Our stories are different but I have encountered similar problems, people often don't understand that we have a problem or are in denial about it.

You just have to stay true to yourself.

Only you know and understand the true extent of what alcoholism has done to you and what it will continue to do. You can try to explain to others but if they won't accept it, well, just let them have their opinion, don't let it affect you or your sobriety.

You can do it, we're all here for you
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Old 07-10-2014, 03:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome RolyPoly.

Yep, I'm about the same as you. All my drinking hidden, about the same amount. Gained way too much weight too quickly....used to be a beach girl only a few years back.

Felt like a sad mess this time last year and woke up one morning and said no more.

Have had 2 slips since, but am loving sober life now. Go for it!
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Old 07-10-2014, 03:30 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RolyPoly View Post
I truly am an expert at hiding my problems from the outside world.
I was too. There was a person I told and while they did not doubt me, they told me they had no idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RolyPoly View Post
Does this make it harder to succeed at AA? Not having had a traumatic, scared you sh**less episode??
The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. From your post I think you have that.

I used to call myself a functioning alcoholic. No arrests, no job loss, no DUI. I kept the same job for many years and I had relationships. Of course they were alcoholics too because I surrounded myself with people that were like me.

At the end I isolated as well. I never went anywhere but to work and small trips to the grocery/liquor store.

I hid inside all weekend with the curtains drawn. I did not want to see the sun at all and a cool rainy day was a good day!

It does not really matter how often you drink or how much. It matters what it does to you and your life. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired then AA is a good place to start.

I drank for 26 years and I have been sober over a year. It is a program or a guide to living life without alcohol. Try a meeting. That one hour could change your life.
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Old 07-10-2014, 03:54 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, RP!

YOU believe you are an alcoholic, and you are definitely NOT nobody.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RolyPoly View Post
I hope and pray that I kick this abominable addiction.
There is an African proverb I like that says, When you pray, move your feet. Roughly meaning ask God for help, but also take action. AA is one way to take action. There are also other paths to a happy sober life. Keep participating here, and there are plenty of folks that can help you find your path.

You can do this.
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:02 AM   #8 (permalink)
July 4, 2014
 
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Hi and welcome! I'm new here too!
We certainly have many similarities in our history with alcohol. I hid it so well for so many years... I felt like I was a double agent of sorts leading two different lives I was trying to keep separate. This is both odd and slightly humorous, but as I write this I can hear the theme to Secret Agent Man. "There's a man who leads a life of danger. To everyone he meets he stays a stranger" In so many ways that was me; I was toying with something dangerous in solitude and, try as I might (and boy have I tried a number of times) I couldn't remain on the sober. So I hid it and hid that part of me. I was a stranger to a lot of people. I consider myself a private person, but when such a large part of me was hidden. I am talking about both the act of drinking and the damage that it is doing within. I hid that pain it was causing. When I finally told people, those closest to me, it was as if I said I was going to Mars. When I admitted I had a problem and was an alcoholic I felt even more alone. I needed to reach out... but the guilt I felt and the reaction I received... it wasn't what I wanted or needed. There is such a stigmatism with alcoholism. My family and close friends assumed that if I wasn't passed out on some park bench or getting arrested for some alcohol induced crime, that I wasn't an alcoholic.
I digress as always!
Welcome! & know you're not alone!
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
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It doesn't matter really. Most people think I don't drink because I'm on a health kick, if they go on about it I just mutter something about my carb intake then change the subject.

As long as you're looking after yourself, who cares about labels?
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It use to erk me when others comment or
say that I'm not an alcoholic and don't
have a drinking problem and that it is
all in my head.

In recovery I learned that I shouldn't take
anothers inventory and yet what gives these
family members the right to take my own
inventory.

If they don't have a problem with drinking
then how do they know who is an alcoholic.
I believe it takes one to know one. And family
did not know I was and am an alcoholic in
recovery.

I had to learn to accept people, places and
things just as they are and not judge them
for having their own opinions. They can say
and think all they want of me, but I truly
and honestly know who and what I am.

Knowledge is strong and powerful. And
when we learn and fill our minds, hearts
and souls with good effective knowledge
of addiction then we are armed with some
good stuff to live our lives on for yrs to
come in recovery.

I am in recovery for me and my own benefit.
I needed it and want it to continue living a
happy, healthy, honest life each day I remain
sober.

Today, as sad as it may seem, I live a distant
life away from family because I have to take
care of my own recovery and life. For my own
welfare, health and happiness, I will go to any
lengths to protect and secure my recovery life.

Of course this is how it works for me and has
for the past 23 yrs, however, do what each of
you need and want to do to take care of ur life
in recovery to insure a strong, solid, healthy
life in recovery for yrs. to come.
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I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:19 AM   #11 (permalink)
July 4, 2014
 
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"I am in recovery for me and my own benefit.
I needed it and want it to continue living a
happy, healthy, honest life each day I remain
sober. "

This! THIS! THISTHIS!

Thank you!
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome RolyPoly! We're glad you're here!

What's great about this site is that you realize there are other people like you...you drank your wine alone in Southern California, I did it here in North Carolina. Some did it in Europe and others in Australia. I have plenty of co-workers and family who would never believe I am an alcoholic.

I think you'll find a lot of support and inspiration here. I wish you the best.
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
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welcome!!

Sooner or later, you WILL have a traumatic, scare you sh*tless experience. But you don't have to.

On this elevator ride down to the depths one thing you have is CHOICE. You have the choice to take action and get off at any floor, and get on the UP elevator back to goodness and up to new and joyful heights.

It's not an EASY choice, but it is your choice.

Many of us have had influences in our lives that made the choice harder. The voices of others close to us saying "but geeze, YOU don't have a problem" are never helpful. You still have choice.

One choice is to tell those people - "you may be right. I may not be an alcoholic... there's no blood test... no DNA screening... we can't be certain. But that really doesn't matter. What matters is that I have decided that my life will be better, richer, more joyful without alcohol - and I would really appreciate your support in that".

You have the choice to log on here daily. The choice to go to AA and read the Big Book and learn all you can about this progression that we share. Maybe we're 'alcoholics'. Maybe we're 'not'. It doesn't really matter what we call this thing.... if we all agree that what we WANT and what we CHOOSE is to live fruitful, joyful, productive, present, loving lives that are as rich and full as possible and that we CHOOSE to do that - in part - by choosing sobriety - then who cares?

You're on the right path.
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Sometimes when someone announces they are stopping drinking, it creates fear in others.
They might fear things will change for the worst.
They might fear they will loose their drinking buddy.
It might also lad them to question there own drinking habits or draw attention to how much they consume.

I know when I stopped drinking, friends and family would say 'what about my 40th birthday?', what about when we go holiday there?' or 'what about christmas?'

It used to bother me thinking up an excuse.
Then I got used to saying that I would cross that bridge when I came to it and I would wait and see.
That was usually enough to stop further questions.

I also saw it as my own private battle.
It was my own business and I would share it with who I wanted to.

I made no sweeping statements about never drinking again. No big announcements about having a drink problem. I just worked at it using my own way. That way was here and a bit of AA.

I made lots of observations when I stopped.
At parties not everyone drank like me. Some people had 1 or 2 drinks, then stopped. Some people actually left a bit of drink, that I could not believe.

I also realised that after the crowd you are with were 2 or 3 drinks in, no-one cares if your not drinking.
No-one really see's if you creep off to bed either as drunk people when you are sober can be the most irritating company ever.

For me, I didn't like the labels and the definitions.
Did it matter if I was an alcoholic, a binge drinker, a blackout drinker or an abuser of alcohol?
At the end of the day, drink made me unhappy and that was reason enough for me to stop.

I hope you stick around here.
I wish you the best xx
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm in your boat too! Many people said that they didn't think I had a problem. This helped with my alcohol voice to gain strength! But I go back to the three questions that help me the most!
1 how is alcohol helping me be a better human being
2 a better wife
3 a better mother

It helps me to stay on track. I like you, have not had legal inv. a divorce, lost job .....YET!
We know it's coming just hasn't happened yet so that is a great reminder! I'm 38 days and feeling great, after 30 days feeling a lot better, you can do it!!!
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:09 AM   #16 (permalink)
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welcome RolyPoly, it seems folks already covered a lot.

I had people I drank with tell me I'm not an alcoholic - they just weren't always there...
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:09 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sasha4 View Post
Sometimes when someone announces they are stopping drinking, it creates fear in others.
They might fear things will change for the worst.
They might fear they will loose their drinking buddy.
It might also lad them to question there own drinking habits or draw attention to how much they consume.

I know when I stopped drinking, friends and family would say 'what about my 40th birthday?', what about when we go holiday there?' or 'what about christmas?'

It used to bother me thinking up an excuse.
Then I got used to saying that I would cross that bridge when I came to it and I would wait and see.
That was usually enough to stop further questions.

I also saw it as my own private battle.
It was my own business and I would share it with who I wanted to.

I made no sweeping statements about never drinking again. No big announcements about having a drink problem. I just worked at it using my own way. That way was here and a bit of AA.

I made lots of observations when I stopped.
At parties not everyone drank like me. Some people had 1 or 2 drinks, then stopped. Some people actually left a bit of drink, that I could not believe.

I also realised that after the crowd you are with were 2 or 3 drinks in, no-one cares if your not drinking.
No-one really see's if you creep off to bed either as drunk people when you are sober can be the most irritating company ever.

For me, I didn't like the labels and the definitions.
Did it matter if I was an alcoholic, a binge drinker, a blackout drinker or an abuser of alcohol?
At the end of the day, drink made me unhappy and that was reason enough for me to stop.

I hope you stick around here.
I wish you the best xx
^this is good stuff, right here.
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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When I first admitted I had a problem to myself and others I was also drinking about 2 bottles of wine per day and taking Xanax in the am to help me "come down". Nobody really realized I had a real problem either and nothing really bad had happened "yet". Sadly I was not able to stay sober at that point. I went on to drink for the next 4 years with only short periods of sobriety here and there until life became a genuine living hell. Only by the grace of God, I now have more than 2 years sober.

For me it had to get to the "living hell" point and I'm lucky I survived it. It doesn't have to be that way for you!

Welcome!
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:45 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I hid it really well, too. To date I still find bottles I squirreled around the house when I was drunk. We tend to want to hide our recovery too, but that is only exacerbating our addiction to secrets too. Welcome and keep posting.
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:57 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I hide it well too, most of the time. Your words really hit home with me. Hope to see you post again...
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