Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

Bachelor party with booze + possibly drugs coming up... How do I go about this?


Bachelor party with booze + possibly drugs coming up... How do I go about this?

Old 05-10-2014, 05:54 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 458
Show up. Get an emergency call- then excuse yourself.
anykey is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 05:56 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Anna's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,479
It does sound as if you've already decided to go.

Maybe you could reread the answers from all these members who are trying to help you, really trying to help you. Many/most of us have been where you are and we know how it goes.

By the way, I always cringe when people suggest 'just lie' about why you're not drinking. Why? Why would that be a good idea? As Dee said earlier, I can only write for me, but lying was a big part of my addiction. Lying HAD to stop along with the drinking.
Anna is online now  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:07 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 458
It is EXPECTED that we drink heavily during this time to "celebrate" his upcoming wedding./snip

re-read the original post. It sounds like a slip up that is scheduled to happen.
anykey is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:07 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
MIRecovery's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
For some interesting reading do a search for bachelor party or wedding reception. I'm sure you will have 1000 hits. See how many of them had a happy ending.
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:16 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
LBrain's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I skipped ahead and didn't read every response -forgive me.

1. Tell your friends they need to find a new town drunk.

2. Don't lie about it. If you can make up a lie to not drink, you can make a lie TO drink.
LBrain is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:23 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 56
LBrain it the nail on the head. Keeping sobriety a secret from friends/family will allow you cave easily because you won't be disappointing anyone but yourself. Let others help and support you and you will be that much more determined to stay sober and succeed. Just my personal opinion.
NYCfitnessgirl is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:53 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Low's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
Oh Lawd! You only have 6 days??? I amend my first post and will just say what every else is thinking or those of us with several years under our belts know....Your going to drink if you go.......sorry.
Low is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:54 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
HealthFirst I fall into your category. I would go, but only knowing this: you will not have as much fun as the rest of the guys, but if anybody notices it, the will be bugging you to have a drink. If you look fine they should stop worrying about it.

I had to take a licensing test this week and couldn't drink for a couple of days, and since I had a couple of days nailed I decided to do a detox, which is usually healthy for anyone. That's what I said today to the only person who asked. If anyone cares how long, I will say a month. After that I will say that I've been feeling so great that I would rather keep my non-drinker status than go back to hangovers. That way people get used to the idea and won't bug me.

Silly as it sounds, that's my plan. I'll just down play it so people leave me alone with my process.

Oh! And drinking club soda with a splash of cranberry works like a charm cause nobody asks if you are drinking.
joyfullysober is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 06:56 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Then again all these people posting have more experience than me. Use what better suits you. Deep down you know your vulnerability. If there a chance you will give in, dont go.
joyfullysober is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 07:03 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Don't go and say you did. They probably won't even remember anyways. lol
deeker is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 07:09 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
I agree with everyone that it's best that you don't go. I also agree that it's best that you don't lie. But it sounds like you're really scared of the judgement that will be placed on you if you don't go. If you go so early in your sobriety I don't think it'll end well. I know some people will frown on this, but can you just tell them you're sick and can't go until you're comfortable telling them the truth? Technically it's true...
SoberLife2014 is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 07:20 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
SkyBlueSky's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 65
I did this once trying to get sober. And although it seems you have decided, DON'T F'ING GO! Look, you have 20 years with these guys. Are they REALLY going to carry the disappointment of you not coming around forever?! Hell no! You will hear about the strippers, booze, etc. but you made the safe bet. TRUST ME! I was able to stay sober 3 months longer than I expected by simply not going. Was I miserable? Yes, I was! Did I keep my life together? Yes, I did! Really, if these guys love you, they won't make it a big deal ... and if you love yourself (which I am far from, but trying), a bachelor party is the least precious memory anyone can ever have. Easy does it man. Easy does it!
SkyBlueSky is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 07:28 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 100
One thing I discovered is that other people in my life - strange as it seemed to me - were not obsessed with whether or not I drank alcohol. It was really only me.
My point being, people really don't care that much. Just tell them you are not going to drink. No one is going to demand an explanation. No one is going to have less fun because you aren't drunk. Stop your brain from trying to convince yourself that just drinking for this one last event is some sacrifice that you should make for the good of your friends.
zeroptzero is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 07:51 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Psalm 118:24
CAPTAINZING2000's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Not passing moral judgement on any drug users. I did my fair share of them. That being said, I no longer can risk being around drugs they are illegal . Same as hanging with someone robbing a bank. While that might be an exaggeration , can you risk being some where and the police are called?

Pass on this one. You don't get years of being clean and sober by being in slippery places.
CAPTAINZING2000 is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 08:29 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 233
First choice would be to not go - clearly the best option amongst the rest (SIX DAYS sober dude!!! C'mon!). Second choice would be going for an hour, then leaving. Regarding lying about why you don't drink, I say do whatever it takes to keep yourself from not drinking / using. Saying you're on an antibiotic is a great excuse to not drink, but does that provide you with an excuse to not smoke pot? Snort coke? You get the picture.

My perspective is people don't need to know why you're not drinking or using if you don't want to tell them. If they offer, say "I'm not drinking / using." If they bug you, say, "I already said I'm not drinking / using." If they keep bugging you, you really need to leave the scene immediately. You have only six days sober.

DocSobrietist is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 09:52 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Soliloquy's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Maybe you could just say "alcohol has been causing some problems in my life. I don't want to talk about it, but just so you know I won't be drinking at the party." That might make them less likely to try and pressure you, especially if they're good friends.You don't have to tell them right away that you're giving it up for good if that makes you feel uncomfortable, but make it clear you won't be drinking that night

Also maybe plan on bringing yourself some nonalcoholic drinks, and a bunch of food to munch on. In fact, it might help to eat a large filling meal before you even go. Like pasta. That's a tactic I use whenever I feel the urge to drink. I pig out. Because no one wants to get drunk when they're full. Or at least I don't. I haven't gained weight either, because I'm saving the calories from not drinking.
Soliloquy is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 10:26 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
HealthFirst....your username has all the answers to what you should be doing this weekend.

I'm a little surprised to read you are going to a Bachelors Party this weekend, when earlier this week you were already making excuses for not attending AA meetings. You argued with your wife and tried to use her as an excuse not to attend your meetings.

Originally Posted by HealthFirst View Post
Hi all,

I'm on day #4 today and went to AA meetings Monday night and Wednesday night. I planned on going to another meeting tonight, and possibly Saturday....

...Now I've decided to miss my meeting tonight and the weekend. Maybe just go to the Monday night meetings and be resentful towards her. I guess I can't help but feel like a complete failure in front of her if I have to rely on meetings.

I really don't want my sobriety to *)(& up my relationship. It is ironic. Why the heck am I acting like this??
You yourself question why are you acting like this? Because you are an alcoholic who knew you had a bachelor weekend coming up....and I'm guessing were prepared to use an argument with your wife to miss meetings....and then what?

You questioned very good advice in the other thread...and why do we see it? Why do we suspect you are planning a relapse? We are all alcoholics....have ALL played the merry-go-round of making excuses, blaming others to justify our drinking.

Trust me, I've had that bratty voice in my head a million times.

If sobriety is what you want (which I'm assuming as you are posting this on a board aimed at sobriety)....then perhaps take the time to read what advice others who have actually achieved it offer.

I hope you do what's best for yourself this weekend, and the story you don't have to tell your daughter in years to come is how you blew your sobriety at a bachelors party.
Croissant is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 10:37 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 54
I think it is difficult in the beginning to be around alcohol. I know they are your friends but if they are they'll understand. You could say the antibiotic thing and if you have a sponsor text them. If you get uncomfortable then leave. Go to a meeting before you go out. I can understand feeling you need to go.
tomthern is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 10:39 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Posts like this never bode well when the poster is determined to go. Sounds like a recipe for relapse.

When is this event supposed to occur?
Next weekend.
HealthFirst is offline  
Old 05-10-2014, 10:48 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 73
Thank you to all who understand my predicament. Every single post has been very helpful. I will think about this some more after taking everything I've read into perspective (and talked to some of the people I've met in AA this past week). I will most likely go the route of letting the guys I'm close to (including the bachelor) know that I will not be drinking and if they give me a hard time, will tell them that I have to respectfully bow out if they won't respect that I won't be drinking. I trust myself enough to know that I won't have that first drink. It's AFTER the first drink that I don't trust myself. I WILL NOT DRINK REGARDLESS. My promise to you guys, my family, and my AA crew. Thank you again.
HealthFirst is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:54 PM.