Bachelor party with booze + possibly drugs coming up... How do I go about this?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Atlanta GA
Posts: 14
Just straight up be like "hey not trying to be a buzzkill, but im not drinking this weekend. Ive got some **** im dealing with"
The response youll get (if they are anything like my friends) will be:
Haha wtf, when did you become such a (fill in the blank)?
Does your wife got you on some sort of probation?
there will be lots of laughing and ball busting but all youve got to say in response is:
"It is what it is guys, on the bright side, ill DD"
Music to hammered peoples ears!
The response youll get (if they are anything like my friends) will be:
Haha wtf, when did you become such a (fill in the blank)?
Does your wife got you on some sort of probation?
there will be lots of laughing and ball busting but all youve got to say in response is:
"It is what it is guys, on the bright side, ill DD"
Music to hammered peoples ears!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Don't go of course!
Easy for me to say i remember one if my dry spells.
My brother came over from another country with his friend in 2002. I had gone to 2 AA meetings so said to him i was fine coming out but i wouldn't drink.
Seared into my brain for the rest of my life now is sitting in a jacuzzi drinking red bull and smoking whilst on a bed about 30 foot away my brother and his friend having sex with several women. Another women trying to get into the jacuzzi with me, everyone is naked, and me explaining i cant get involved because i don't drink anymore and i have a GF who is more beautiful than the woman who is trying to get into the jacuzzi with me. She then goes off to the toilet and cries because of what i said.
My brother does too much coke and starts freaking out.
We end up at a coffee bar in Puerto Banus at 6am whilst my brothers friend tries to score more coke.
The night cost about $5000.
Guess what i am thinking i would have done sitting here at 5 years sober...hmmmm...thats right i wouldn't have gone!
This is one of many "fun" nights i would happily have erased from memory:-)
Easy for me to say i remember one if my dry spells.
My brother came over from another country with his friend in 2002. I had gone to 2 AA meetings so said to him i was fine coming out but i wouldn't drink.
Seared into my brain for the rest of my life now is sitting in a jacuzzi drinking red bull and smoking whilst on a bed about 30 foot away my brother and his friend having sex with several women. Another women trying to get into the jacuzzi with me, everyone is naked, and me explaining i cant get involved because i don't drink anymore and i have a GF who is more beautiful than the woman who is trying to get into the jacuzzi with me. She then goes off to the toilet and cries because of what i said.
My brother does too much coke and starts freaking out.
We end up at a coffee bar in Puerto Banus at 6am whilst my brothers friend tries to score more coke.
The night cost about $5000.
Guess what i am thinking i would have done sitting here at 5 years sober...hmmmm...thats right i wouldn't have gone!
This is one of many "fun" nights i would happily have erased from memory:-)
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 
What would bother me the most is not that I couldn't drink but that I would be in for an evening of self induced torture.
Anyway, I attended because I thought I would feel like a wimp if I didn't go.
Oh boy....it was an emotional night. I was on a roller coaster of "ok, ok, I'm ok"....to, omg they are all slurring now, I can't even make sense of what they are saying.
... The jealousy.... why can everyone drink and I can't? ....which at one point felt like rage...to no ones talking to me cos I'm the straight one. Then everyone went off to do drugs and I sat with my soda water...tearing up. It was heartbreaking.
All the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I was not prepared in any way, shape or form. Sure, I stayed sober. It's not impossible....but in hindsight, it was a pretty reckless situation to put myself in.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by HealthFirst
As you said, that was my first post when I wasn't ready to completely admit that I had a problem. I posted this particular thread to see how to deal with friends who may try to pressure me. Yes, I had made up my mind about going. Just not how to plan ahead.
1. At an event like this you're going to have to mentally prepare. Know ahead of time you're going to be personally attacked. Words like buzzkill, killjoy, wimp, etc are going to be used. Be prepared that you will be accused of bringing down the party. There might even be some anger involved or questions as to why you even bothered to come. Understand that you might even be accused of ruining everyone's good time. The more intoxicated they get the worse this will get. Expect this and it won't be as bad as not expecting it. If you're resolved in going and you don't want to leave you're going to have to find a way to get this to roll off your back.
2. If between the last week when you resolved to quit and now if you've felt the urge to drink expect that feeling to be multiplied at least tenfold. As secure as you feel in sobriety all bets are off when you put yourself in a treacherous situation like this. Know that in very early sobriety that this is a test that most don't overcome. Have an exit strategy if you can't take it.
3. Make sobriety unconditional. No matter what's said and what you have to endure there can be no reason to pick up a drink. Again, have an exit strategy if you feel like you're going to pick up.
I really do wish you the best of luck. When I just reread your post and saw
I am really frightened to be with these guys over a two-day period.
In totality, plan to have a crap time, plan to be ribbed and ridiculed, and plan to deal with an AV that has strength that you never imagined could exist. Most importantly, have an exit strategy and USE IT.
The great thing is that no matter the outcome we'll all still be here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
This post by Yeahgr8 reminds me of an event over 2 years ago. I was an active alcoholic back then, but decided maybe I would quit over the winter holidays for good. No plan, no recovery ideas, just thought why not stop drinking. I managed to stay sober over New Years and headed to a conference out of town 3 days sober afterward. Thinking, how cool, I am going on a business trip and will focus on work, no danger there. Now I must add that those conferences sometimes can include some of the wildest drinking fests (and more), and I definitely had that history... what was I thinking no idea. Especially given that I was heading to the venue with a colleague, a married guy with whom I'd already started an affair beforehand and I convinced him to go spend 2 days in a hot spring resort before the conference.
Plus, I knew that my old lover would also be at the conference, another alcoholic I'd had a very turbulent and crazy addictive long term relationship with (I wrote about that here on several threads before). I'd attempted to break up with him earlier many times, which got as far as still being hooked via the internet...
Now I don't consider myself a stupid person, but how I was thinking I would get through all that without drinking, few days sober...??! Well, of course we know. Every single one of those thoughts were addict mentality.
Long story short: first night at the hot spring we got fabulously drunk with the colleague I traveled with, got all crazy, then he ended up crying the next day away on my shoulder with guilt how could he could get into such a situation and so hooked on me. I play therapist for him all day and he would calmed down, but we drank again of course.
Then we move on to the conference. Two hours into it, I run into my old "friend"... and completely forget about the other colleague... now that was a big relapse for me not only in terms of alcohol. You can probably guess the plot then: I spend all the other nights with him, drinking together like always before. Thinking, how could I ever get away from that, what a stupid idea to even think about breaking up with the love of my life??
Then go back home after the event, my colleague still a wreck and me back to where I was not a week, but months before I took off, hooked on not only booze but on that old "love story" as well.
I'll stop it here, I think enough information.
Plus, I knew that my old lover would also be at the conference, another alcoholic I'd had a very turbulent and crazy addictive long term relationship with (I wrote about that here on several threads before). I'd attempted to break up with him earlier many times, which got as far as still being hooked via the internet...
Now I don't consider myself a stupid person, but how I was thinking I would get through all that without drinking, few days sober...??! Well, of course we know. Every single one of those thoughts were addict mentality.
Long story short: first night at the hot spring we got fabulously drunk with the colleague I traveled with, got all crazy, then he ended up crying the next day away on my shoulder with guilt how could he could get into such a situation and so hooked on me. I play therapist for him all day and he would calmed down, but we drank again of course.
Then we move on to the conference. Two hours into it, I run into my old "friend"... and completely forget about the other colleague... now that was a big relapse for me not only in terms of alcohol. You can probably guess the plot then: I spend all the other nights with him, drinking together like always before. Thinking, how could I ever get away from that, what a stupid idea to even think about breaking up with the love of my life??
Then go back home after the event, my colleague still a wreck and me back to where I was not a week, but months before I took off, hooked on not only booze but on that old "love story" as well.
I'll stop it here, I think enough information.
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
Don't go of course!
Easy for me to say i remember one if my dry spells.
My brother came over from another country with his friend in 2002. I had gone to 2 AA meetings so said to him i was fine coming out but i wouldn't drink.
Seared into my brain for the rest of my life now is sitting in a jacuzzi drinking red bull and smoking whilst on a bed about 30 foot away my brother and his friend having sex with several women. Another women trying to get into the jacuzzi with me, everyone is naked, and me explaining i cant get involved because i don't drink anymore and i have a GF who is more beautiful than the woman who is trying to get into the jacuzzi with me. She then goes off to the toilet and cries because of what i said.
My brother does too much coke and starts freaking out.
We end up at a coffee bar in Puerto Banus at 6am whilst my brothers friend tries to score more coke.
The night cost about $5000.
Guess what i am thinking i would have done sitting here at 5 years sober...hmmmm...thats right i wouldn't have gone!
This is one of many "fun" nights i would happily have erased from memory:-)
Easy for me to say i remember one if my dry spells.
My brother came over from another country with his friend in 2002. I had gone to 2 AA meetings so said to him i was fine coming out but i wouldn't drink.
Seared into my brain for the rest of my life now is sitting in a jacuzzi drinking red bull and smoking whilst on a bed about 30 foot away my brother and his friend having sex with several women. Another women trying to get into the jacuzzi with me, everyone is naked, and me explaining i cant get involved because i don't drink anymore and i have a GF who is more beautiful than the woman who is trying to get into the jacuzzi with me. She then goes off to the toilet and cries because of what i said.
My brother does too much coke and starts freaking out.
We end up at a coffee bar in Puerto Banus at 6am whilst my brothers friend tries to score more coke.
The night cost about $5000.
Guess what i am thinking i would have done sitting here at 5 years sober...hmmmm...thats right i wouldn't have gone!
This is one of many "fun" nights i would happily have erased from memory:-)
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
At least you guys remember. All I remember of my worst times is waking up in an ambulance, hospital bed or jail having no clue how I got there. I do remember how they all started though.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 29
I'm new to this too but my suggestion would be to tell them you're sober and not going to drink but you can be used at the designated driver to haul all of them around. I've never know of a hotel room party where people didn't need to leave for one reason or another. My friends all drink but they want me to become sober because they know what it does to me.
maybe you could also get your own hotel room where you can go if you get tempted or they pressure you.
maybe you could also get your own hotel room where you can go if you get tempted or they pressure you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
1. At an event like this you're going to have to mentally prepare. Know ahead of time you're going to be personally attacked. Words like buzzkill, killjoy, wimp, etc are going to be used. Be prepared that you will be accused of bringing down the party. There might even be some anger involved or questions as to why you even bothered to come. Understand that you might even be accused of ruining everyone's good time. The more intoxicated they get the worse this will get. Expect this and it won't be as bad as not expecting it. If you're resolved in going and you don't want to leave you're going to have to find a way to get this to roll off your back.
2. If between the last week when you resolved to quit and now if you've felt the urge to drink expect that feeling to be multiplied at least tenfold. As secure as you feel in sobriety all bets are off when you put yourself in a treacherous situation like this. Know that in very early sobriety that this is a test that most don't overcome. Have an exit strategy if you can't take it.
3. Make sobriety unconditional. No matter what's said and what you have to endure there can be no reason to pick up a drink. Again, have an exit strategy if you feel like you're going to pick up.
I really do wish you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 458
I am not passing judgemnt on yeah- but thank god I dont get into those situations.
I must rather putter around in my yard. I made my yard into a botanical garden- and this year- I am treated with some pricy patio furniture so I can have guests.
I must rather putter around in my yard. I made my yard into a botanical garden- and this year- I am treated with some pricy patio furniture so I can have guests.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Just a couple more thoughts
1. Don't make the mistake I did. I was around alcohol early on and had no cravings/urges etc so thought I was ok. The next time I was around alcohol I knew I'd be ok as I'd done it before.Big mistake. It hit me from nowhere - I cannot explain. The thought of drinking crossed my mind and I wanted to drink.Back and forth in my mind went the conversations until I picked up. For me,there was no other way so I drank. I see now that I'd not learned or developed any skills or coping mechanisms for when the cravings did arise so I did the only thing I knew and drank. Just because it didn't hit you last weekend doesn't mean it won't hit you next weekend and so ealry on in sobriety have you built up ways of dealing with urges when they arise.
2. Many of us have been in your shoes.There is an event-wedding etc and we've been through similar to what you're going through now. The build up,pressure, worries etc but we get through the event and don't drink.
The sheer relief of getting through it then raises a whole new set of problems. I didn't drink so surely my problem isn't that bad, I got through - I need/deserve a drink.........
3. Ladyblue's post above is spot on. I think your friends may well become aggressive, annoyed, angry with you for spoiling the day/night, being selfish/concentrating on you /attention seeking/making it all about you -you see where this is heading.
Personally I don't think anyone in early sobriety has any business being at a 2 day drink/drug fest and if they are truly honest with themselves then they know they have no business being there.
1. Don't make the mistake I did. I was around alcohol early on and had no cravings/urges etc so thought I was ok. The next time I was around alcohol I knew I'd be ok as I'd done it before.Big mistake. It hit me from nowhere - I cannot explain. The thought of drinking crossed my mind and I wanted to drink.Back and forth in my mind went the conversations until I picked up. For me,there was no other way so I drank. I see now that I'd not learned or developed any skills or coping mechanisms for when the cravings did arise so I did the only thing I knew and drank. Just because it didn't hit you last weekend doesn't mean it won't hit you next weekend and so ealry on in sobriety have you built up ways of dealing with urges when they arise.
2. Many of us have been in your shoes.There is an event-wedding etc and we've been through similar to what you're going through now. The build up,pressure, worries etc but we get through the event and don't drink.
The sheer relief of getting through it then raises a whole new set of problems. I didn't drink so surely my problem isn't that bad, I got through - I need/deserve a drink.........3. Ladyblue's post above is spot on. I think your friends may well become aggressive, annoyed, angry with you for spoiling the day/night, being selfish/concentrating on you /attention seeking/making it all about you -you see where this is heading.
Personally I don't think anyone in early sobriety has any business being at a 2 day drink/drug fest and if they are truly honest with themselves then they know they have no business being there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by HealthFirst
THANK YOU. By the way, I was around alcohol almost all day yesterday celebrating mother's day with two different families. I didn't have an urge....
To compare Mother Day get-togethers with an all out 2 day bachelor party in a hotel is beyond ludicrous...my, my, my.....Your not just on a slippery slope, you've got the sled blades all sharpened and ready to go...
With alcoholics, (This is the great mystery....) there comes a time and we have NO idea when it's coming, that a drink sounds good, that we literally have no mental defense against talking a drink, no memory comes up for us to remind us why we chose not to...People in early sobriety that resolve to use will power alone fail to get that.... that's why there is so much concern here I believe. Until one reaches that point of true freedom from the obsession of drinking...All the best however.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by Low
To compare Mother Day get-togethers with an all out 2 day bachelor party in a hotel is beyond ludicrous...my, my, my.....Your not just on a slippery slope, you've got the sled blades all sharpened and ready to go...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Geeze - if it was me I just wouldn't go.
You don't "owe" anybody the chance of throwing away your sobriety. You might not see that but that's how it is.
If he's that good of a buddy you should be able to level with him and talk straight - man to man.
Level with him. Tell him how important this and you don't want to screw it up.
You don't "owe" anybody the chance of throwing away your sobriety. You might not see that but that's how it is.
If he's that good of a buddy you should be able to level with him and talk straight - man to man.
Level with him. Tell him how important this and you don't want to screw it up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by HealthFirst
Please don't recommend not going. I realize this is the "best" way to avoid any possible slip ups. I know that I can control myself, I just hate having to deal with all the B.S. judgment.
I'm sorry if this all sounds silly... but I figure someone out there can share something that can help.
I'm sorry if this all sounds silly... but I figure someone out there can share something that can help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'll just talk about me then - it might be useful to someone else
I really needed to put my recovery first.
2 days of drink and drugs and people wanting me to drink and drug, and me not telling them I've quit...is not a place I need to be.
Full Stop.
I always had two choices - go and drink, or go and not drink and be miserable.
Now I know there's a third option
D
I really needed to put my recovery first.
2 days of drink and drugs and people wanting me to drink and drug, and me not telling them I've quit...is not a place I need to be.
Full Stop.
I always had two choices - go and drink, or go and not drink and be miserable.
Now I know there's a third option
D
I like what Dee has to say here. Totally understand you feeling like "not going" isn't an option - but if I were in your shoes I would seriously evaluate this as the BEST thing for you. And if you can't put YOU first and do the right thing for your own well-being, you cannot truly be there for anyone else.
I, like Dee, know myself pretty well and in my early sobriety heading into a drug-and-booze-fueled bachelor party would be nothing but a foregone conclusion.
I'm still in the relatively early stages of sobriety. I think I could probably pull it off if I really felt I needed to at this point - but I would go into it with a "bailout plan". I would not plan to be there for the whole thing and I'd have a strong reason in my back pocket. Strong, but simple. Even if I had to manufacture it... 'I have a family thing tomorrow, gotta be up early and clear-headed". Whatever.
That said - I've also reached a point in my journey of sobriety that I'd be honestly examining the value of friendships with people who include drug-and-booze-fueled in their list of requirements for a good time.
Not long ago my neighbor's son was getting married. He and his pals had a bachelor party planned for the weekend. Their bachelor party was a three-day fishing trip down a remote river, camping, fishing and enjoying the outdoors. I'm sure some of them brought along a flask or a few beers - but none of them are heavy drinkers and a few don't at all. There are people out there who don't build their lives around a focal point of substances, and I am finding that there are many rewarding ways to live with people like that where the expectation isn't to booze and be loaded all the time.
I wish you well in honoring sobriety, whatever you choose.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
Man, if they're going to ride you and do that friendly pushing you thing (isn't that called peer pressure and weren't we warned about that through twelve years of school...?)
Anyhow...come Thursday I'd "suddenly" have the flu and ask everyone how it went the next Tuesday.
You said there will be drugs? Lemme tell you, I'm a recovered coke/meth addict of six years and I still don't think I could handle sitting in a room for two days with dope without eventually getting bored with everyone else's party and joining in on the "fun"
Anyhow...come Thursday I'd "suddenly" have the flu and ask everyone how it went the next Tuesday.
You said there will be drugs? Lemme tell you, I'm a recovered coke/meth addict of six years and I still don't think I could handle sitting in a room for two days with dope without eventually getting bored with everyone else's party and joining in on the "fun"
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
