dSober

Just be aware: if you go, you will drink.

Verte

[I wrote this before reading your 'probably' decision post]

HealthFirst - I do not have any great insight to offer.

But I can totally appreciate the struggle in the sense that my husband has a tight group of buddies that he played team sports with from childhood through college. They are a ruthless, motley crew when they get together and damage related to substances is always done all around. The only way he could 'get away' with not joining them would be to hide out far, far away.

From my perspective having witnessed their gatherings...being a part of it would definitely require serious conversations before the event so your sobriety is respected. But once substances are involved then all bets are off. Grown men turn into hooligans.

I would not be able to do it. The above crew was part of my own wedding and the level of pressure to do damage was intense. I could not imagine trying to maintain my sobriety through an experience like that.

Wanting to do it and feeling able to do it are totally at odds.

I feel for you on this one. Please keep going strong!! You have to do this for you. When you wake up the day after clear-headed and without regret - dignity intact...you will feel like a million dollars. Everyone else will retreat to their own lives as well and it will be done.

LadyinBC

Being that you want to go my best piece of advice is to have a plan in case you need to leave. I don't go anywhere unless I have a way of getting out of there asap if I need to.

My motto had to become that no person, situation or event would ever be more important than my sobriety. And I will not apologize for it. It is just the way it has to be. If I lose my sobriety, I am dead.

LadyinBC

Also Healthfirst it wouldn't hurt to check out this thread, if you haven't already. Just some food for thought that is all.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4626452

Applekat

Health - I wish you the best! As the previous poster implied, we just don't want to see this situation turning into a later thread - "turns out I shouldn't have gone to that 2 day bachleor party in early sobriety".

Good luck with your decision.

anykey

They teach you in combat to always know your exits.

This who party sounds like a frat hazing episode I seen on tv. The guy was forced to do push ups when he stopped they piped in beer to him- if he did not want beer he had to do pushups. In the film, he ended up dead. This celebration you are to attend- reminds me of this.

One thing you could do- is grab an empty wine or wiskey bottle. (recylcing wont mind) put in ice tea or grape juice- announce THIS is what I am drinking. If anyone wants some- sure- why not.

....another idea- you could get disinvited- tell them you turned gay and your boyfriend wants to come toO!!! (BAD JOKE- I know)

If they are pretty drunk you could run for ice. (ALONE) you never come back- they wont notice or wont remember.

My family knows I usually will leave a party early. They would be more shocked if I stayed the whole time.

in the end you have to power. I agree on an exit strategy.

readerbaby71

Two days is a long time to be with people who are partying all around you. I couldn't do it.

dSober

Except for the lying aspect pointed out earlier, this one sounds pretty good to me. Lol.

readerbaby71

This is not really a fair assumption nor is it supportive or helpful in any way.

Low

Maybe not, however it is the most probable outcome and reality. Sometimes the best support is in your face advise... alcoholism is not a soft easy illness...and it wants to win...I would have found this statement very helpful in early sobriety.

Aellyce

HealthFirst, I am in the camp that suggests do not go, but you will of course decide for yourself. Lots of good suggestions here anyway.

If I were in this situation, would not lie and would not simply just avoid explaining it to my friend. I would talk to him and tell him the true reason, if he is a good friend (it seems so since you say you owe him this). Then leave it at that.

One observation I have made on your attitude from the OP on this thread and your other recent one about your wife and family: you seem to use the sheer existence of other people to justify your addictive thought patterns. Project them onto these other people and tell yourself they expect you this or that, while (at last based on your posts) it does not seem to be the case, much more that YOU want yourself to think and behave in certain ways.

I would talk with this friend (and also with your wife) honestly and openly share my fears with them, and listen. Then make a decision keeping my sobriety as the most important aspect of the decision.

readerbaby71

I used to do this. When it comes down to it it's just another excuse/justification to keep drinking.

Oldselfagain

I was in the same situation and chose not to go. The bridegroom was really angry at me for not going. I knew if I did I would have definitely drank. I'm glad I didn't go. The bridegroom eventually got over it and believe it or not they had a great time without me.

anykey

I better mention this in case a mod spanks me.

I read the TOS. I happen to be a gay male. The humor is in that most gay males would be out of place and have no interest in a bachelor party. At least the gay crowd that I know. Further- we made progress in 2014- but we are not there yet in terms of acceptance by larger society.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If I had the choice to be at a drunken frat party- or a root canal- I would go to the root canal.

readerbaby71

Last year my friends who were getting married had a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. I really wanted to go but knew I would probably drink if I did. I said I was sick and stayed home. I was bummed, but when I woke up the next morning I was glad I didn't go. I ended up going to the wedding/reception and had a great time without booze.

james186

I used to do this too. I'd also add it was part me being too weak to say 'No thanks' and back it up when I really wanted to say it, by default giving other people unwarranted control over me. I guess somewhere along the line I lost my backbone (which I've partly recovered). If you really want to stay clean/dry you're gonna need some stones. Saying that, I'd still take a pass on this type of party.

anykey

can you offer to take your buddy to lunch in lieu of the party?

james186

I wouldn't want to lol. People are kind of dicks after that much booze and dope.

Carlotta

My advice is not to go (which of course you say is not an option). I don't think you have been whooped enough by alcohol or you would put your sobriety first.
Anyway since you are dead set about going. Google and have a bunch of AA meetings lined up nearby, stay in close touch with your sponsor by phone and with SR on your cell and have an exit plan. The minute you feel uncomfortable, bail out then like Deeker said, they probably won t remember you weren't here LOL

Is there anyway you could show up for an one or two hours only, tell the groom you are in recovery but wanted to bring him his present (not sure if bachelors get presents like bachelorettes but a present is always nice) and leave?

PS: you are in AA which is great (am in AA too) but I'd recommend you read a bit on AVRT because I can guarantee your addictive voice is going to be kicking in (bachelor party is 100% a beast event and the beast will want to partttyyyyy!!! )
so you absolutely have to be able to recognize it and separate it from yourself. Run a search on rational recovery.
Caveat, a lot of the writings are anti step just ignore those but study the technique it will come in handy.

dSober

Thanks Low. I probably would have ignored it early in sobriety myself but I'd know it was meant to help and I know now it's correct.