Dee74

We must be reading different threads letus. I really don't see any of that.
I'm sorry you feel that way tho.

You obviously feel it doesn't apply to you...but I still think there's some great advice in this thread for anyone contemplating a return to drinking.

D

letustrythis123

While this is nice, I'm not tempted. I'm not experiencing any temptation. In fact, if you parse my posts, aside from a few times, I mentioned that I've experienced exactly no cravings or physical withdrawal.

letustrythis123

You are right. Most posts seem well-intended. I'm just annoyed at the few who are essentially telling me what my life has in store for me.

JackieC

I think since the point of this forum is for help and support in our journey to sobriety, that's how we read the posts from others -- as a chapter in that member's journey. And so we all do our best to offer help and support.

But it sounds like you're not asking for either. I'm not sure what you're asking for, actually.

I am sorry that you have perceived mainly negative replies because I don't see it that way when reading over these; I see some very friendly, empathetic replies (mine included, if I may say so myself )

I will say that I'm glad you posted this because the idea of moderation-as-a-goal is clearly an issue that we've all wrestled with and wondered about at some point so it's always good to hear what others have to say on the topic.

G'night!

letustrythis123

As someone mentioned, it may be all language games at this point, but I honestly have no desire to moderate; i.e., drink at home moderately. In fact, I will not bring alcohol into this house. I do not plan to go meet people for drinks. Some of my booze friends are still texting me. Those relationships have to end. Where I've landed with all of this is that at this point, I don't feel the need to close the door on alcohol forever more. If I am a position (which happens so rarely) where there is alcohol, I will drink if I think the situation is appropriate. I have no desire to ever go back to how my life was five weeks ago. I feel as "quitted" now as I did before I drank those two days. I don't want anymore, it wasn't a sweet rendezvous. It was really a non-event. I thought about not posting it here, but i've been really frank with this community and it's part of my journey. I will not be focusing on that in future posts, simply because as someone said, it's probably not good to give people the idea that one can turn it on and off.

Dee74

I think thats the sticking point, letus.

That's a great attitude - for someone who's never had a problem with alcohol.

D

ScottFromWI

Both sentences above came from within the same response you just typed. Read them carefully.

venuscat

I've just spent quite a while reading through this thread.

I understand how deeker feels...if I was the terrified woman who came here just over a year ago, this would have confused me greatly.

What I'm hearing is you have realised that you're not an alcoholic. OK.
Because for those of us who are, saying goodbye to alcohol is the only answer.

I really wish you well letustrythis123.

Venus xx

PaulinaPolitely

"Alcohol did nothing for me but puff me up and keep me from dealing with life and ruining my health."

In a nutshell... This is it for me too!

LOVE it...

ReadyAtLast

If I can tell you my story-and it's not sarcastic, having a go or being snidey. It comes from a place of care and concern and hopefully will help you. I don't know how old you are-I think you are possibly quite a lot younger than me,I'm nearly 40.

I stopped for a month or so many times over the last 20 years,only stopping for a month then going back.I never found it too difficult ,probably because I knew I was going to drink again.The option was always there,I'd allowed myself an 'out' so it wasn't hard really,my body was relieved to get a short break.

It got out of control as I got older and I decided I would be betterwithout alcohol so I quit seriously on 1 Jan 2012. I joined SR under another name. I didn't find it too difficult. I had no physical withdrawals or cravings as such. More a bad habit that had got out of control -possibly. I thought wow,maybe I don't really have a problem,maybe I've got this thing beat 6 weeks later at a family function I fancied a drink. I'd stopped for 6 weeks so must have this under control. I didn't think of NOT havign a drink so I had 1, then another. didn't particularly enjoy it which told me I obviosly didn't need alcohol in my life. Later that week I had another couple of glasses,nice and controlled no problem. Great stuff. by the end of the month Iwas back to 2 bottles of wine a night and that carried on till June.

In June I quit again and exactly the same thing happened. Seriously this time,forever. 6 weeks later I drank again. I know now that the problem was because I'd not had cravings I'd learned no coping skills or dealing with cravings skills. I felt the only option was to drink as I had no idea how to deal with the cravings.

How are you going to deal with the cravings when they arise? Because they will. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security thinking you've gone from having a serious drink problem to never having a craving for alcohol again just because you 've not had 1 in the last 3 weeks. It will hit when you least expect. I intended not to drink but did. If you are not quitting then you are allowing yourself to drink when you do get cravings. It's not hard to stop when you are allowing yourself to still drink as you haven't stopped. Nothing has really changed.

I've learned that it's not just a case of stopping drinking but doing this and making life changes in dealing with situations and coping skills.

When I did neither nothing changed for me. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

LadyBlue0527

letustrythis123

At the end of the day I hope that you see this entire thread for what it is. People care. Some of the tones may not appear to be of a caring nature but they indeed are. If we didn't care no one would have posted anything.

Many of us remember ourselves being exactly where you are right now. We are trying to scream "noooooooooooooooooooooo" in any way that we possibly can hoping that you will understand that by our experiences, this didn't work for us. We might not know if it will for you but this addiction is pretty textbook. We all know the routine and we can only speak from experience and tell you that more than likely this will not end well.

Additionally, you have those that are coming to your defense because it certainly does give the appearance that you're being ganged up on. In a sense, you are, but it's being done from those who know and have been exactly where you are. It's still out of care and concern, it's just that everyone communicates differently.

No one knows if you will succeed or not. You just happen to be on a message board of people who are trying very hard to fight the good fight and when one of our own (you) takes a step off the beaten path we are here to try to help guide and direct through words of experience. That's the point of the board.

However, this is your path and you have to make the ultimate decision how to walk it.

Just please know that you have a lot of people here who care, this thread proves that tremendously.

lovesymphony

letstrythis--I'm very interested in knowing if you can stick with drinking on only rare occasion and I hope you come back to the boards in the next six months whether it works or not. Another poster said the same thing a while back--that they had changed, matured, and were going back to drink in moderation-- I forgot the name and always wondered if they achieved success. No one can tell someone else what will work for them or not. We only know our own experiences and observations.

You do sound different than I've always been when I tried to drink moderately. I can't do it without beginning to obsess over my next drink, and I gradually wound up drinking more and more with every occasion. Hopefully that won't happen with you. It might not. Best of luck

deeker

If you have this thing licked and suddenly you are not an alcoholic why are you on a forum for recovery? Just trying to understand.

Doesn't sound like you need us anymore, you have it all figured out. Doesn't sound like you are struggling. Again these posts make me angry. If you can moderate then just go out and moderate, or drink once in awhile. What was the purpose of this thread?

Michelle644

This is so funny (ok not) two years ago I thought I was able to do the same thing. The first couple of months I only had a couple...then. I was back bingeing again. Waking up "not" remembering going to bed if I talked to anyone on the phone? So, I say funny only because here I am AGAIN at day one reading your post. because I thought I can moderate. I have met people who can moderate...not me!!

yeahgr8

Don't pay any attention to the angry posts keep coming back and posting, the worst thing you can do is to drift off and work through this thing solo. Looking forward to reading more about your journey, take care. Like in AA at SR we, the majority, don't shoot our wounded:-)

RobbyRobot

I'm sorry letus, its like your talking like a young adult who has gone to one too many parties in the last while, overdrank and gotten into some serious difficulties, so now your invested in explaining how that won't ever happen again because you got this down for the count, got this finally figured out for YOU. Social drinking really does work for millions and millions of people everyday. They naturally moderate their drinking. They know when to say no and when to say yes. They are comfortable with both positions, and take the higher road when conflicted.

Your own past does not support what you are hopefully describing as your future with drinking. Social drinkers respect alcohol, as they can easily see how some people really can't drink properly. You've already not respected alcohol in your recent past. Social drinkers don't make promises to themselves and others that it wont be as bad as blackout drunk drinking - they naturally assume it won't be without concern that they might fail and find themselves returning to blackout drinking. You've already been there.

I'm not being sarcastic, and although I won't wish you well in something that I know (believe) will fail sooner than later, I do respect that your talking about these challenges with drinking on a sober recovery forum. I might be bias in my opinion, because I didn't respect alcohol ever in my life until after I remained sober. Alcohol always had me down cold, I just couldn't see that the fight I thought I had with alcohol turned out to be more a horrible and costly fight I was having with myself. Since learning from my many almost fatal mistakes, I no longer fight myself in such a selfish fashion, and I am since entirely neutral to alcohol.

However it turns out for you, we're all without exception each just one more story out of millions of stories who have experienced the not so social side of drinking. You've been there yourself already and don't want to be anymore. I've always been there from day one, and I'll never be anywhere else with alcohol ever again. The delusion that I am like other people who drink socially, or I presently maybe, has already been smashed into nothingness for myself. I'm totally grateful I believe what I just said.

Take it easy, letus.

waterscapes

Count me in with the rest of the group who can't moderate. I would like nothing better than be able to go out and socialize and have a glass of wine, but I know I just can't. For me, it just leads back to the same old thing. I never want to be in a position to have to go through alcohol withdrawal again.

You are entitled to do what is best for you, Letstrythis.

Amajorityofone

Friend-

A Nun does not commit to a life of celibacy and then say....if you parse my posts, aside from a few times, I mentioned that I've experienced exactly no cravings.

A Man does not commit to the covenant of marriage and then say....if you parse my posts, aside from a few times, I mentioned that I've experienced exactly no cravings.

Can't you see? You're not tempted, because you're not committed. If you were committed, believe me, you would have been very tempted by now.

Why is this so difficult for you to understand?

I'm not trying to be mean or disparaging. I'm just telling you the truth, which unfortunately has no temperature.

Good day.

apophylite

I agree with a majority of one, I breezed through giving up the first time because right at the back of my mind I knew I was going to moderate.
This time while having no physical cravings I did grieve a little at never drinking again. Because this time I meant it and I knew I was never opening that door again.
Maybe your different, I hope for your sake you are.

firstymer

letus, mine is the 100th post on this thread. My assessment is that there is no opinion left that you have not heard. So, re-read the posts if you so choose, and follow the advice of those whose opinions make the most sense to you.

But please, please come back and tell us how things are going. Of all the posts on this thread that I have read, yours are the ones that interest me the most.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.