2muchpain

letus

If drinking is not a problem, then why don't you stop? I'll bet some of the people you socialize with are just drinking a few, than to home to finish the job. I know because I was one of those people. I know it's not your job, but not drinking around those people, might set an example for others to quit.

James18

I know what you mean by keeping your sober date, although technically it isn't your sober date anymore. You mean that date, (the 'sober date') was the morning after the last time you drank yourself stupid and felt like you were dying for the next few days?

I tried what you're trying more than once; I thought as long as I'm not drinking myself stupid, why do I need to stop? So I decided on drinking socially or on 'special occasions' for a while and was fine. It didn't last. Since that decision I've drank myself stupid countless times and had to deal with the fall out when it got ugly.


I really do hope you can manage your drinking. I couldn't, that doesn't necessarily mean you can't. Good luck.

Banquo

Maybe try and find a forum for discussion on "I'm a normal, sober, social drinker". I don't think you will find it on these boards. It's like posting that you may eat meat on a vegetarian forum.

Everyone on this board has a story to tell about trying to moderate and to be honest it's probably everyone's dream. But it's not going to happen. We are all here for a reason and as this is the Newcomers section it was irresponsible of you to start this thread.

ReadyAndAble

This issue touches a nerve for many, and for understandable reasons, but I don't think this is an appropriate question to ask. Since when does someone need to justify their threads?

The fact this has stretched on so many pages suggests a lot of people have found it interesting, at the very least. For everyone else... well, there are lots of other people posting who could use some support.

I find it ironic that those suggesting the OP should go away are the very ones most certain they're talking to an alcoholic in denial. Talk about irresponsible.

malcolmsloan

I have been following this thread and the responses, and I've been moved. I'm trying to articulate how it makes me feel. I'm having trouble doing this. I'm not going to tell anyone what to do, how to think, whatever. I am here at SR because I have a problem with alchohol, I am here because from the time I had my first drink at age 12 to now, at age 42, I have tried everything to control drinking. I was even sober for a year and a half at one point. FOR ME, every attempt eventuall lead back to more and more serious drinking. My health was deteriorting. My marriage was crumbling. I was barely functioning at work. And here's the ridged reality, FOR ME: I've lost a friend and family member over the last year to drinking. No Joke. This Sh!@ is life or death for me. I must be sober to survive, to see my kids grow up, to be a good husband, to be productive at my job, and just to frickin' be happy and have passions and interests in my life. For me there is no going back, becoming something that I'm not, no matter how long I obstain. What am I saying and why? I don't know. If someone can control their drinking, good for him/her, really. For me, there's blood on the streets, and I cannot--and will not--attmept to control, schackle, or subdue the beast that spilled it. I don't know if I'm even on topic here. SOrry if I'm not. I just felt the need to jump in to this conversation, somehow.
-peace
-Malcolm

LadyBlue0527

I don't know, I think that deeker's question is valid. Why would you come to a board that works daily to support it's members that are trying so hard to get or stay sober and post a thread that's titled "I decided to drink again" and not expect some backlash? I think the expectation was that due to the fact that there was honesty that the decision should be overlooked. It's also one thing to post and say "I'm drinking again and I don't know how to beat this" as opposed to "I'm moderating and I'm perfectly fine!"

I'm trying to word this in a very diplomatic manner.

This board is for people who are trying very hard to get sober or people who have been successful in getting sober. You're here for one of two reasons. You either need help from like minded people or you're here to lift those up who are looking for help. So where does someone who has decided that they are going to drink again fit in?

When you join this board you have become part of a forum where people are sometimes more intimate with each other than they are with people in their daily lives. We share a closeness and are able to come here and tell our darkest secrets and retain support for the work that we're doing. We bond and share our victories. I feel closer to some of the people on this board than I do with a lot of people who I see in person daily. We all have each other's back and we're all looking out for each other. That's pretty big stuff. To leave people that I have formed that kind of relationship with would be tough. This board becomes a daily ritual. I think that sometimes those who choose to go back to drinking are ok with their decision to do that but not necessarily with losing the friendships that they've made here.

That's really the only reason that I can see for the post.

SillyString

1) It still is the "early days".
2) If you really didn't enjoy it, why did you even drink in the first place? You said that you were at a formal event, and felt like it. Why?

veryready

Yep I have been following to. These moderation threads are always passionate. I always feel bad, because the OP always ends up getting railed. This thread has actually been more reserved than some others on the topic. The reality is that if you ask the SR community what they think about moderation, you will never get any support for the idea. It's just not going to happen. It's a bad idea and we all know it. It's the truth. It's a fact. Once we have had a secret drink or hidden a bottle or rotated stores, it's over. The ship called moderation has sailed and there is no way we will ever get back on it. This thing is progressive and deadly and tricky. There is no doubt. No moderation for me. Never ever!

CupofJoe

I found I wasn't able to stop drinking until I admitted I had a problem. I couldn't do that until I had exhausted all other resources, including moderation. I couldn't do anything about my problem until I got honest with myself, started listening to other people, and was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. I was the only one who could make the decision to stop. (And plenty of people wanted me to get sober before I was ready to quit...)

We all get there in whatever time it takes us to get there (if we're lucky). I think these threads get passionate because many of us know what lies ahead for the majority of people who return to drinking. I've seen too many people ruin their lives or die because they thought they could moderate. Sadly, though, we can't lecture someone into quitting. We can only offer our experience and hope they listen.

I hope the OP finds peace in her decision. I truly do. But it's her life and not mine and I hope that others have found the many posts on this topic helpful.

This is a life or death situation for the majority of people here. I can't imagine not taking this seriously. I hope the OP understands the perspective most of us are coming from. As far as I can tell, it's from a place of concern and love.

Sorensen

Psychology suggests that many people can have months and even years of abusing alcohol under certain circumstances and situations but can return to moderate drinking when certain variables in their life change.

Some people drink too much often because they enjoy it and they can get away with it and have not faced too many serious consequences.

Dee74

However many times you post it I still don't think it's true of our members as a whole - and it's a dangerous thing to posit as fact in the Newcomers forum.

D

StayStrong33

Reading this thread has left me feeling uneasy. I'm new and just now feeling this site out so I won't say much. I wonder if letustry will feel welcome to post here again? I hope so..

CelticZebra

Welcome stay strong, I was just reading this board thinking how interesting the debate was but, as it is the newcomers board it's a bit unfair to be placed here.

I like your picture, I think it's GREAT not to drink!

This is the first 'heated' thread I've come across but I'm feeling happy & confident & can handle it.

venuscat

I feel the same way.

Venus xx

letustrythis123

I have not left these boards and I have no intention of leaving although I realize that it may have been unfair for me to post about drinking here, given what many people have experienced/continue to experience. I was not being flippant; I was simply posting my experience, if you will. I know my experience is far from the common narrative here, so I understand why it didn't come across well. I realize it may irk/irritate/grate on people who are dealing with this journey in a different way.

I'm not being very eloquent here. I've receiving an outpouring of PMs and I will get around to them.

At this point, I will probably not refer to this event again as I don't want to seem as if I'm advocating a return to drinking. I have gotten a number of PMs that mention that people have family members and others who have gone back to drinking very lightly, etc. I think I flippantly used the word "moderate". I know this is all semantics at this point, but I have not gone back to drinking moderately. At the same time, I don't believe I slipped or relapsed (again, we can parse words here). The reason I don't believe this (and perhaps it would make people feel better if I didn't hold to my sobriety date) is because I'm still committed to the same plan--that being, I refuse to make alcohol the part of my life that it had been for the last few years. At the same time, I've decided not to shun the idea that I'll ever put alcohol to my lips again.

Again, since people seem incredulous about my abilities to do this (or perhaps you think I'm concocting this story), I will reiterate that I've been bluntly honest here, admitting very personal things (my bout with hygiene last year). I'm not an internet persona who craves attention or dreams up wild tales to say "look at me." That's not my MO here or on any other board, in fact. I'm being totally honest about what happened and what is happening at this point.

Am I sit here wondering if perhaps I wasn't an alcoholic in the physical sense? Maybe.

Am I wondering if I'm just doggedly determined (it's one of my personality traits, not just here, but in everything I do)? Maybe?

I don't know. But this has been my experience with drinking a bit again.

Am I gloating? No. And if it seems that way, I apologize. I have no reason to lead anyone astray or give the green light for relapse. As I've said, I may return again if circumstances align in a certain way. I still have not picked up, slid down the slippery slope, thought about going to the liquor store, etc. If an old friend came through town and invited me to go wine tasting, I may say "yes." If one of my booze buddies calls me and asks me to meet up, I would definitely say "no".

I will continue to chime in on other threads without really mentioning this. I did look for a moderation board. I did not find one, but interestingly, I did find a lot of literature on it. I'm sure the findings would not be welcomed here and I understand that.

I am a lot happier with my sobriety (or however you'd like to typify me at this point in time). I'm four days away from those two glasses of wine and have no need/thoughts/cravings [as I've written, I never craved in the first place; it was also very easy for me to give up smoking] again. I'm sure people will come in and correct the last statement, so I'll clarify. I have no interest in drinking in my house, regularly with friends, etc. I'm sorry if this thread grates on people.

venuscat

If you do not have a problem with alcohol, then why would you want to stay on SR?
And chime in on other threads, so to speak...

I still wish you well, and have no issue with your life choices.
But we come here to support each other to lead a sober lifestyle.

Venus x

freethinking

Well, just like I believe you are being as honest as you can be - I hope you can have some faith that people are trying to speak the only truth they know as well. I haven't read this entire thread so I don't know if people have been rude...but I can safely guess that most were not. Try to focus on those people - that's what I do when someone is rude in a thread of mine...I focus on the kind/helpful responses and more or less ignore the rest.

letustrythis123

I mostly abused through a certain period in my life. I've discussed this with a few people here. I suspect others here share my career. I actually changed my writing style markedly when I joined because I wanted to maintain anonymity. Now, I realize that there are many of us here and I'd rather not "dumb" down my writing, though I make mistakes aplenty; I'm usually in a hurry when I post.

A lot of this period is behind now and that's why as Fall went on, I began to question why I was still hitting the bottle hard when those circumstances were finally behind. I'd told myself for many of years that once I got through certain hurdles, I'd stop. And, I didn't. But as soon as those were behind, I began to hold myself more and more accountable until I finally decided I needed to do this here and now. I definitely do not want to play with fire and I will keep away from the booze.

I also did it all with the help of this board. I do not like AA (have tried it) and those things, personally, don't help. It all comes from discussing (I'm pretty prolix, obnoxiously so), so journaling here helped and I will stay.

letustrythis123

I guess I just felt like updating. I didn't know this discussion was so verboten. I'm also guilty of posting repeat threads, like "How much did you spend?" I jumped in with a vengeance, posted a lot and sort of spontaneously posted this--I did think about it. I realize I shouldn't have posted it. It's not fair to be discussing this here. Maybe I wanted to hear that I was delusional? I don't know. After hearing all of your stories, I was almost sure there had to be something wrong with me (in terms of not wanting it again).

Honestly, it was so bad at the end that it isn't something I crave going back to. As I've mentioned here, if I would have stopped 2 years ago, or maybe even 18 months ago, I would have wanted to pick up again. This thing snapped all of the energy out of me, cost me my productivity in every sphere of my life. Those feelings make me want to stay away; I just don't want to obsess about it.

Dee74

I think this is a good place to end the thread.

having spoken with letus I believe the intent was good, and based on honesty, which is what we're all about..

I also understand that people have felt uneasy about the thread but I feel there was some really good advice here about a contentious topic...

but it's time to move on

Thread closed.

D