letustrythis123

I've thought about whether or not I should post this and honestly, I'm stil not sure, so I trust that if it needs to be deleted, someone will do that.

I stopped drinking on Jan. 11th. I did not have withdrawals nor did I ever crave. On a recent trip, I decided to drink socially--the opportunity does not usually present itself. I drank socially and could not even finish a few glasses of wine. It just made me tired. I didn't hate it, I didn't love it. It was pretty much a non-event. I drank at night two days in a row--a far cry from what I'd been doing.

Even while I was drinking, I realized that alcohol is not part of my life anymore. I have no desire to return to my dangerous patterns of drinking. I suppose many people will think I'm lying or fooling myself, but I'm being honest. So I guess I will go ahead and become a moderate drinker. I have no plans to drink again until I'm around people (my job and my social life dictate that I'm alone almost 90 percent of my time).

I wanted to share this because I wanted to be honest. I will keep my sober date (jan 11) because that's the day I stopped abusing.

I just felt I had to get this out.

newme2day

Hey lets! I appreciate your honesty. Your story sounds a bit like mine. I had over 30 days and drank around the holidays. Nothing major . . . just a few drinks here and there. I believed i could moderate . . . Sometimes i think i still can. For me it wasn't about the AMOUNT I drank, it was the obsessive thoughts. Even though I didn't WANT it so much I thought about it a lot. I have noticed that way of thinking every time I try to moderate. I don't want to think about it anymore, so for me, I need to stop.

LadyinBC

Nothing wrong with being honest.

The only person who can decide if they do have a problem is you. It's not up to anyone here to decide that for you.

Always know that you can post here anytime if you need to .

RobbyRobot

We all had our plans when we drank, so did you in your past drinking, imo. We all had our moments of "I could do this" and even as far as "I'll only drink when..." So now you have new plans as a drinker in moderation. From my own experience with epic failure moderating my own drinking, all I can see from your new understanding is your giving yourself permission to drink, and in this way you have justified moderation.

Like I said in a different thread, moderation is just another name for social drinking. We all have our backstories to contemplate for ourselves as we get on with living. I can't think of anything worse for me then thinking about my life while I at the same time drinking it away as if all is well simply because I say so and so it is the way I say. I'm not sure why you originally quit drinking, its moot at this point, but whatever reasons you had, its doubtful moderating your drinking is somehow the new best answer going forward.

Hawkeye13

I was able to moderate (like your examples) for a brief period but quickly fell
back into my old pattern. In the end, I just had to stop altogether.

Do you have any "alarm system" in place just in case you start slipping back?

zerothehero

Same. I'd say never more than two. Then I'd say oops that was three. Then four...

Some people can moderate. Time will tell.

Oldselfagain

Hey lets thanks for your honesty. Most of us have gone through the same thought process. As much as I hate to say this I'm sure we'll see you back again saying you can't moderate.

letustrythis123

Thank you, everyone.

I'm off to work now.

Have no plans to buy/get more. I will check in later. Thanks for allowing me to post my story.

doggonecarl

If you are returning to drinking, you don't have a sober date. You aren't sober.

It's like returning to sex and calling yourself celibate.

If you are able to return to normal drinking, well then, good for you. If you realize you've deceived yourself, we'll be here.

least

I wish you the best in moderating your drinking. I could never do that. I'd always end up worse than ever. But if you can do that, more power to you.

Amajorityofone

Amen.

There is no such thing being a little "pregnant" or a little "dead." You're either living a sober life, or you are not.

huntingtontx

I went and read your old posts. Maybe you should go and look. It sure sounds like alcohol is a problem. I have also talked myself into thinking I could drink. I just have not done it. If I was right, I could drink, but if I was wrong I would be back at square one. I don't want to go there. I did not have with drawls and it did not seem all that bad quitting but I am so much more at peace without the alcohol. I hated black outs which your post said you also had, and the puffy face, yep, that was me too. No, I have nothing to return to drinking for. What is alcohol offering that you would risk going back for. Alcohol did nothing for me but puff me up and keep me from dealing with life and ruining my health. Good luck and if you need us, we will still be here.

MarathonMan

I don't think anybody without a drinking problem would end up on this site....a lot of an alcoholics issues are to do with their attitude towards alcohol...without that mindset you would never have ended up here....in my opinion alcoholism is not something we can reset, if you had that attitude towards alcohol once, like I have then we are broken permanently. I tried moderation and failed....I wish you well though.

CupofJoe

Hi there. I certainly wish you well and I truly hope you can follow through with your plans and have the life you wish.

However, the rest of my post is directed at the parts that seemed odd to me, that make me think you might be addicted. See, the thing is that addiction makes us think we're being honest--because we're good people at heart--but it distorts our thinking. I used to say things like the above and, trust me, I had no intention of distorting the truth.

You can't be drinking and have alcohol not be part of your life. If you're drinking or planning on drinking in the future; it's part of your life. Accept that. Even if it's only "moderate drinking" or a "glass of champagne at a wedding," the door is open and alcohol is a part of your life.

If you can choose to be a moderate drinking, good for you. Most of us have tried, and failed, at being moderate drinkers. For the truly moderate drinkers I know, it wasn't a choice. It's like my amazing ability to moderate my intake of scrambled eggs. I love scrambled eggs with a passion, but I usually only eat them at breakfast and I know when I've had enough scrambled eggs, you know? I've never joined a support group to help me stop eating scrambled eggs. I've never switched over to fried eggs, thinking that since I changed the delivery method, I was no longer eating scrambled eggs. It's come naturally. It's a silly comparison, I know, but the point is that you only have to "moderate" things that you've obviously had a problem with in the past.

Again, I wish you well with moderation, but if you find you can't, I do hope you know that you'll be welcomed back with open arms.

One other point: if you're drinking, you aren't sober. You can keep that date as the day you stopped abusing alcohol (and I truly hope you can), but please don't call yourself sober because you'd be lying to yourself.

Please take care of yourself, ok?

jazzfish

I've had friends who were problem drinkers (cannot declare them alcoholics) and then became moderate drinkers. My experience observing them is that some problem drinkers can become moderate drinkers, but none learned to become moderate drinkers. For the successful ones, it seems it was a natural response to avoid behavior that caused negative impacts on their lives. I do not have that natural response, abstinence is my only option to avoid the pain.

Aellyce

Hi, what happened in that social work scene? PM me if you think that's helpful...

AnvilheadII

Even while I was drinking, I realized that alcohol is not part of my life anymore.

I will keep my sober date (jan 11) because that's the day I stopped abusing.



that's the rationale only an alcoholic could come up with. if alcohol is NOT a part of your life anymore, than you would not DRINK alcohol at all. if you are drinking, you are not sober. sober means NOT drinking, at all.

if you can drink and moderate, good for you. but please know, people who do NOT have problems with their alcohol consumption, do not make plans and set rules about their drinking.

I have no plans to drink again until I'm around people this means you DO have plans to drink again. whether you see it or not, alcohol is still a big focus - when, how, how much, with whom, in what setting.

Soberween

Well good luck with that!

jkb

letustrythis123-

I would just like to say first off, just as your title says, it is your choice. Now I will tell you how I realized that alcohol was no longer "part of my life."

I quit drinking for over 8 months and then I did fully 100% decideto drink again. I was on vacation and I had a beer. Then I went to the bar and had a few more (3 or so) then I came back and started on #4. Then I thought well that is probably enough and my brain screamed "NO ITS NOT!!!!". So, I had two maybe three more.

Then I stopped. I walked over to the sink, dumped out the rest of my beer, grabbed a sprite and I knew alcohol was no longer part of my life. Moderation was not what I was after. It would never be "enough".

That was about 3 months ago and now when I think, "I would really like a beer or glass of wine" I ask myself, "really Jess, is that what you want or do you want to get f**ked up?". For me the answer is always the latter.

So, I could say my sobriety date is March 13th of last year because from then on I have not "abused" alcohol and TBH that date is VERY important to me. However, I do not say I have not abused alcohol since March 13th I say I have been sober since November. I do that only to remind myself that moderation, for me, is not an option.

However, that is only my experience. What confused me is that you said alcohol was no longer part of your life yet, you are going to continue drinking???? When I realized alcohol was no longer part of my life I truly meant "I no longer drink".

I really hope you can moderate and I truly wish you the best of luck. I personally needed that experience back in November to give me the clarity I have now.

hugs,

Jess

Raider

Well I thought if I limited it to two per night I would be ok. So I did that for five weeks. The thing is, in the back of my mind, if I had to keep the two drink limit in the back of my mind, I must have a problem. I can't imagine a moderate drinker saying to themselves I'll only have two. A moderate drinker probably has no thoughts like that. They just have a few and let it go at that. Me, I couldn't wait to pour those two drinks. I might add I poured the vodka in the glass and waved the tonic bottle over it, so I could call it a vodka tonic. But it was 99% vodka. I don't believe moderate drinkers think like I do. Now going through detox again and it's just as if I was blotto every night like I used to be. If I have to count my drinks, I'm not a moderate drinker. I am an alcoholic.