I decided to drink again
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letustrythis123 if your sobriety date was so important to you , you wouldn't have drank. If you drank then you don't have a sobriety date like many have said because you plan on moderating when you get around people.
If you are a moderate drinker, why do you have a sobriety date?
I don't know of a single moderate drinker who has a sobriety date.
I think your real problem like most alcoholics and addicts I know including myself is that you have short term memory loss .
Read your very own post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-disposal.html
If you are a moderate drinker, why do you have a sobriety date?
I don't know of a single moderate drinker who has a sobriety date.
I think your real problem like most alcoholics and addicts I know including myself is that you have short term memory loss .
Read your very own post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-disposal.html
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123 
I did not post here at first (I waited for a few days), because I do sense on here some self-righteousness, either people not approving of a topic, answering sarcastically, getting upset when something doesn't conform to exactly what you want, etc.
We are all alcoholics, and we've seen the exact situation you lay out in your email unfold literally every day here on SR, and many of us were in the same situation. And nearly every time without fail, we end up back at our old ways very soon. Alcoholism does not magically cure itself, you live with it for the rest of your life if you are truly and alcoholic.
Maybe you aren't an alcohlic - maybe your old ways of binging to the point of blackout several times a month were just a stage. It's highly unlikely, but anything is possible of course.
People here are NOT looking for you to fail, we are merely pointing out the truths of alcoholism as we have all experienced it. I wish you the best of luck.
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My feathers have been becoming more ruffled as the days go by, in fact. If you see some of my latest posts (before yesterday's) I have been expressing more and more irritation at what seems to be a veneer of self-righteousness on these boards (you've all been looking at my posts, so I'm sure you can find them). Someone posts a serious question, such as "how much did you spend?" or "how much did you drink?" etc. (And no, I did not start those particular threads, but I did comment on them. I felt some of those replies were not very supportive in a support community. Things like "I don't answer that question because it serves no purpose." Or, "Why would we even want to chat about that topic?" etc. This board is not one size fits all and what may seem like inane questions for some are helpful to others. I think Dee or someone urged those posters to skip the threads if they can't be deigned to participate in such discussion, etc.
Then there's the constant references to God that strike me a odd. Sig lines and such do not bother me, though I'm sure it wouldn't go over well if my sig line referenced my irreverence for religion. But remarks that Jesus or the Lord will get so and so through this irk me. Why do people assume that everyone here is from the Judeo-Chrisitan tradition, or even believers at all? In fact, I did get some supportive PMs when I spoke up. The presumption that everyone believes they were healed by God, etc. is so odd to me. Why would God have gotten you into this mess in the first place? And moreover, why were you the one s/he chose to cure and not the man done the street? If He is so powerful and loving, why did he let you take that path. We are talking about divine will/predestination, the problem of evil, etc. I just find the references to the Christian God annoying and I've stated that much.
I posted what I did yesterday because I wanted to be honest. I only responded so critically and perhaps defensively when people assured me that I would soon be back where I was. I am confident, for many reasons, that this will not happen. And still, after I've claimed that I know myself better than most of you, you (the collective) continue to insist that you know the outcome. There's a nice verbal case in English and most other languages that would probably be helpful to some here--it's the subjunctive. I realize there is uncertainty in what will happen, as should you.
As for the person who quoted my original post about the 9 liters, I was latter corrected on that. It was nine liters of pure alcohol which averages out to much more than 9 750 ml bottles per year. Someone did the math and the number was much closer to 70 or 100.
I do appreciate the warnings and the anecdata. And I do appreciate the concern. My defensiveness is not rooted in some insecurity that I won't be able to follow through. While I like this community, there are some assumptions, judgment and self-righteousness that appear here and I've been speaking up against it when I see it.
I really have nothing more to say on this matter. I guess for now, the only thing that's left to do is for a handful of you to hope you can eventually say "I told you so." I've been defensive in response to sarcasm, absolute predictions/speculation of what will happen next, etc.
As far as the sobriety date, how bout we agree to disagree? Recently I mentioned that I am no longer counting days (it became too difficult to keep track). If it makes you feel better to declaim me of my proposed date because it someone diminishes your efforts, I'm sorry. But I'd suggest you not concentrate on my deal/claims. It's probably a waste of your energy.
Best. As it stands, I had drinks, was not interested in continuing and that was the end of it. I pretty much predicted it would happen just that way.
Then there's the constant references to God that strike me a odd. Sig lines and such do not bother me, though I'm sure it wouldn't go over well if my sig line referenced my irreverence for religion. But remarks that Jesus or the Lord will get so and so through this irk me. Why do people assume that everyone here is from the Judeo-Chrisitan tradition, or even believers at all? In fact, I did get some supportive PMs when I spoke up. The presumption that everyone believes they were healed by God, etc. is so odd to me. Why would God have gotten you into this mess in the first place? And moreover, why were you the one s/he chose to cure and not the man done the street? If He is so powerful and loving, why did he let you take that path. We are talking about divine will/predestination, the problem of evil, etc. I just find the references to the Christian God annoying and I've stated that much.
I posted what I did yesterday because I wanted to be honest. I only responded so critically and perhaps defensively when people assured me that I would soon be back where I was. I am confident, for many reasons, that this will not happen. And still, after I've claimed that I know myself better than most of you, you (the collective) continue to insist that you know the outcome. There's a nice verbal case in English and most other languages that would probably be helpful to some here--it's the subjunctive. I realize there is uncertainty in what will happen, as should you.
As for the person who quoted my original post about the 9 liters, I was latter corrected on that. It was nine liters of pure alcohol which averages out to much more than 9 750 ml bottles per year. Someone did the math and the number was much closer to 70 or 100.
I do appreciate the warnings and the anecdata. And I do appreciate the concern. My defensiveness is not rooted in some insecurity that I won't be able to follow through. While I like this community, there are some assumptions, judgment and self-righteousness that appear here and I've been speaking up against it when I see it.
I really have nothing more to say on this matter. I guess for now, the only thing that's left to do is for a handful of you to hope you can eventually say "I told you so." I've been defensive in response to sarcasm, absolute predictions/speculation of what will happen next, etc.
As far as the sobriety date, how bout we agree to disagree? Recently I mentioned that I am no longer counting days (it became too difficult to keep track). If it makes you feel better to declaim me of my proposed date because it someone diminishes your efforts, I'm sorry. But I'd suggest you not concentrate on my deal/claims. It's probably a waste of your energy.
Best. As it stands, I had drinks, was not interested in continuing and that was the end of it. I pretty much predicted it would happen just that way.
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We are all on our own journey. Do what you think is best for you at this moment. I do want to share my experience (again, sorry if you've heard it). I was sober for a year and a half. Ended up having one beer at an x-mas parter, to "test" how I responded. And, know what? I only had one. I was thrilled. I remember waking up the next morning, feeling fine, and actually feeling happy--I felt that I could drink, I had become a "normal" drinker, so long as I paid attention and really made sure I did not go back to how I was. And to be honest, I did just this for about 3-4 months, maybe a bit more. Then the slide back began. Without going into the details, within the next year I was not just right back where I was but way worse. It took me just over 7 years to get back to sobriety. 7 years. Just something to think about.
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Let's put it this way--I will continue to conceive of 1/11 as the day I turned my life around. I have regrets and I was on a very slippery slope downward at that point. If it makes you happy to call what I did a relapse--have at it. I'm not dealing with any consequences, cravings, withdrawals. Today is no different than last Thu. I don't have visions of vodka bottles dancing in my mind and I don't feel like crap.
I know there is danger in drinking again. I also knew going into it last week that I was taking chance and kicking up my old habit. I also felt that I was so far from wanting to bring back the misery that was that life. I am not interested in having a glass or two a night, just because I think I can. I'm interested in having nothing, at all. As I've stated, though, if I am in the position where drinks are being offered, I will have one. Because of the way my life works, I will not be in that position for the foreseeable future. I can't really give away any of the details of what I do, but I have exchanged that info. with some people in PMs. As for the friends I've had to cut out because our relationship was centered on drinking, I have no desire to contact them again either because that kind of drinking is not for me.
I know there is danger in drinking again. I also knew going into it last week that I was taking chance and kicking up my old habit. I also felt that I was so far from wanting to bring back the misery that was that life. I am not interested in having a glass or two a night, just because I think I can. I'm interested in having nothing, at all. As I've stated, though, if I am in the position where drinks are being offered, I will have one. Because of the way my life works, I will not be in that position for the foreseeable future. I can't really give away any of the details of what I do, but I have exchanged that info. with some people in PMs. As for the friends I've had to cut out because our relationship was centered on drinking, I have no desire to contact them again either because that kind of drinking is not for me.
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123
Let's put it this way--I will continue to conceive of 1/11 as the day I turned my life around. I have regrets and I was on a very slippery slope downward at that point. If it makes you happy to call what I did a relapse--have at it. I'm not dealing with any consequences, cravings, withdrawals. Today is no different than last Thu. I don't have visions of vodka bottles dancing in my mind and I don't feel like crap.
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123
My feathers have been becoming more ruffled as the days go by, in fact. If you see some of my latest posts (before yesterday's) I have been expressing more and more irritation at what seems to be a veneer of self-righteousness on these boards (you've all been looking at my posts, so I'm sure you can find them). Someone posts a serious question, such as "how much did you spend" or "how much did you drink", etc. (And no, I did not start those particularly threads, but I did comment on them. Replies that a frankly, pretty insulting in a support community. Things like "I don't answer that question because it serves no purpose?" Or, "Why would we even want to chat about that topic?" Etc. This board is not one size fits all and what may seem like inane questions for some are helpful to others. I think Dee or someone urged those posters to skip the threads if they can't be deigned to participate in such discussion, etc.
I do appreciate the warning and the anecdata. And I do appreciate the concern.
As far as the sobriety date, how bout we agree to disagree? Recently I mentioned that I am no longer counting days (it became too difficult to keep track). If it makes you feel better to declaim me of my proposed date because it someone diminishes your efforts, I'm sorry. But I'd suggest you not concentrate on my deal/claims. It's probably a waste of your energy.
.
I do appreciate the warning and the anecdata. And I do appreciate the concern.
As far as the sobriety date, how bout we agree to disagree? Recently I mentioned that I am no longer counting days (it became too difficult to keep track). If it makes you feel better to declaim me of my proposed date because it someone diminishes your efforts, I'm sorry. But I'd suggest you not concentrate on my deal/claims. It's probably a waste of your energy.
.
I think what we are trying to do here is to gently remind you that you almost foretold that you might end up backpedaling.
Unfortunately the same relief we feel when we first end up here and identify with others who think like we do is exactly the same thing that gets annoying when others who think like we do challenge us or question a decision we have shared.
There are some really good thoughts here. Certain points seem to be challenging for a lot of us, one month is a common trigger. I hope that you keep posting, some of the most amazing members here are those who were honest and shared their struggle. You are brave in doing so, please take care.
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For the trash, I would hide bottles once I started doing the pints. Are those things made for people like me? Does a normal drinker ever need to buy a pint or half pint in a plastic bottle? Just wondering. Then I even started buying the half pints. That would mean two stops or more per day. One by work and one at home. All said and done, even though I was going out of my way a lot more, embarrassing myself at the stores way more, I was still drinking the same or even more.
I guess I'm just putting this out of here to hold myself accountable if I'm ever tempted to go back to that sort of life.
I guess I'm just putting this out of here to hold myself accountable if I'm ever tempted to go back to that sort of life.
If you are now a moderate drinker then do you really need SR?
Are you using SR to be a moderate drinker. If you are trying to control something then it is already out of control.
These kinds of posts upset me a bit because someone else may read it and then think well if she can moderate and she was a black out drinker at one time and hid all her bottles around the house then maybe I am not so bad and I'll try it again too. Then we never see them again.
But I know it is just the alcoholic mind playing a trick on you. The AV.
And like someone else said we have seen this thousands of times. Alcoholism is progressive, getting worse never better. It will do anything to get you back drinking.
And it is winning because you were convinced that you needed to stop and you picked up again. What better proof.
Your previous posts had me convinced I guess only time will tell. You did want accountability right?
Reprinted with Permission of AA World Services, inc
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
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Yes--it occurs to me that I might leave the community (I didn't write this earlier because I didn't want it to sound silly and dramatic, a la 'I'm stomping off."). At the end of the four weeks (not three), I began to google moderation movements and thought it might actually work better for someone like me. Then, honestly, I felt that I might not need any board after all. Once I set a goal (any goal, in fact) I am completely determined. As I've mentioned, this is my first quit besides the one to two day attempts and then returning because I wasn't convinced I needed to stop. This year, after a lot highs and lows in terms of use, I decided it was time to stop drinking like that. In the early days, total abstinence was the best thing for me, no doubt. And, it still is. I drank on those days because I was in a formal situation and I felt like it. I also felt confident that it would not open that dreaded door. And, it hasn't. I've been to the store since then, I've been to the gas station, I've even shopped at the store that has free samples. Not interested. The last days of my drinking were so bad that it's not something I care to return to.
BTW, I didn't really enjoy it, hate it or love it. To be very accurate, four of us split a bottle of red wine. I had about a glass and a fourth the first night and two glasses the second. On both occasions, I could have easily gone to the nearby store and picked up something to sustain/increase the buzz. That was probably my most vulnerable moment, but honestly, it wasn't even something I was tempted to do.
BTW, I didn't really enjoy it, hate it or love it. To be very accurate, four of us split a bottle of red wine. I had about a glass and a fourth the first night and two glasses the second. On both occasions, I could have easily gone to the nearby store and picked up something to sustain/increase the buzz. That was probably my most vulnerable moment, but honestly, it wasn't even something I was tempted to do.
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123
Yes--it occurs to me that I might leave the community (I didn't write this earlier because I didn't want it to sound silly and dramatic, a la 'I'm stomping off."). At the end of the four weeks (not three), I began to google moderation movements and thought it might actually work better for someone like me. Then, honestly, I felt that I might not need any board after all. Once I set a goal (any goal, in fact) I am completely determined. As I've mentioned, this is my first quit besides the one to two day attempts and then returning because I wasn't convinced I needed to stop. This year, after a lot highs and lows in terms of use, I decided it was time to stop drinking like that. In the early days, total abstinence was the best thing for me, no doubt. And, it still is. I drank on those days because I was in a formal situation and I felt like it. I also felt confident that it would not open that dreaded door. And, it hasn't. I've been to the store since then, I've been to the gas station, I've even shopped at the store that has free samples. Not interested. The last days of my drinking were so bad that it's not something I care to return to.
BTW, I didn't really enjoy it, hate it or love it. To be very accurate, four of us split a bottle of red wine. I had about a glass and a fourth the first night and two glasses the second. On both occasions, I could have easily gone to the nearby store and picked up something to sustain/increase the buzz. That was probably my most vulnerable moment, but honestly, it wasn't even something I was tempted to do.
BTW, I didn't really enjoy it, hate it or love it. To be very accurate, four of us split a bottle of red wine. I had about a glass and a fourth the first night and two glasses the second. On both occasions, I could have easily gone to the nearby store and picked up something to sustain/increase the buzz. That was probably my most vulnerable moment, but honestly, it wasn't even something I was tempted to do.
As a sidenote, I tried moderation management before too, it sounded like a great idea to me at the time. Looking back, if i was not an alcoholic I wouldn't have needed a program to moderate my drinking. It's kind of an oxymoron if you think about it - if you can moderate your drinking, you don't need anyone else to manage it for you.
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Another I tried to moderate and couldn't abuser here. I hope you succeed in moderation. Just know most if us have all tried exactly what you are trying. I was honest and believed I could at the time too.
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Hi, sobriety date is a touchy subject to many one slip and you start again, to others the concept of big change is when your journey to sobriety starts, but all are striving for a life of sobriety as the way, that's not having a couple of days off every so often, its working whatever plans you have to be happy in sobriety and not chance the risk of alcohol.
Congratulations on your month, try a year and give yourself time to live a life that doesn't need to keep that close to drinking, for me it has been a journey that eventually flowered and brought far more than just not drinking for extended periods .
I think people here are just trying to help you rather than attack .Alcohol for most has not been the saving that sobriety has been and walking the tightrope becomes just too risky.
Most find sobriety after many periods of abstenance .
Good luck and don't turn away from this place!
John.
Congratulations on your month, try a year and give yourself time to live a life that doesn't need to keep that close to drinking, for me it has been a journey that eventually flowered and brought far more than just not drinking for extended periods .
I think people here are just trying to help you rather than attack .Alcohol for most has not been the saving that sobriety has been and walking the tightrope becomes just too risky.
Most find sobriety after many periods of abstenance .
Good luck and don't turn away from this place!
John.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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I remember a quote from a movie "Denial is not a river in Egypt"
I like the 'scrambled egg' comparison, analogy... Word I'm looking for is gone but thought that was great!
I've only just joined this site but OP your words were my thoughts 3 years ago.
I've been on and off the wagon for over 15 years, scared of NEVER.
Last year Sunday October the 6th was the LAST time I drank alcohol. It was my New Year's Resolution for 2014 to stay dry for a whole year... Thought I'd start early to get into the habit as it were,
I intend to stay on the wagon, I want to look back on 2014 as the year I didn't drink.
I'll be 37 this year, if I make it through it means I will have spent almost 65% of my adult life drinking 'normally' 5% totally out of it on booze and only 30% stone cold sober. I'm not keen on my figures so I'm trying to change them while I still have time
My psychiatrist told me 14 years ago I have an 'addictive personality' I didn't believe her back then but today I sit here, looking at the blue sky, the green grass & the flora attracting the fauna, & my mind says wouldn't it be nice to have a glass of something to make it all sparkle, I think she might have been onto something.
Hope you don't mind me sharing & good luck with ALL your choices in life
I like the 'scrambled egg' comparison, analogy... Word I'm looking for is gone but thought that was great!
I've only just joined this site but OP your words were my thoughts 3 years ago.
I've been on and off the wagon for over 15 years, scared of NEVER.
Last year Sunday October the 6th was the LAST time I drank alcohol. It was my New Year's Resolution for 2014 to stay dry for a whole year... Thought I'd start early to get into the habit as it were,
I intend to stay on the wagon, I want to look back on 2014 as the year I didn't drink.
I'll be 37 this year, if I make it through it means I will have spent almost 65% of my adult life drinking 'normally' 5% totally out of it on booze and only 30% stone cold sober. I'm not keen on my figures so I'm trying to change them while I still have time
My psychiatrist told me 14 years ago I have an 'addictive personality' I didn't believe her back then but today I sit here, looking at the blue sky, the green grass & the flora attracting the fauna, & my mind says wouldn't it be nice to have a glass of something to make it all sparkle, I think she might have been onto something.
Hope you don't mind me sharing & good luck with ALL your choices in life
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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I hear ya. Doing the half pint madness cut into my drinking a little. When I actually went into the grocer a bit far away and bottle a true liter, I'd be through more than half of it at night and polish off the rest in the morning. At least with the pints, I was forced to face each day without even a sip. But I'd quickly make up for that as soon as there was a chance.
Your words. Less exactly one month ago.
I can tell you, I never bought half pint in Plastic bottles. I never drank in the morning. I drank wine, from two buck chuck to Lafite, and regardless of what I poured down my gullet, I'm an alcoholic. Period.
I wish you all the best. Truly, I do. Please, rethink your plan.
Your words. Less exactly one month ago.
I can tell you, I never bought half pint in Plastic bottles. I never drank in the morning. I drank wine, from two buck chuck to Lafite, and regardless of what I poured down my gullet, I'm an alcoholic. Period.
I wish you all the best. Truly, I do. Please, rethink your plan.
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You know what Letus? You do what you feel is best for you. That's all anybody can do. If you find that some people are being sarcastic or condescending- they aren't worth your energy. It's an immature and unhelpful attitude. That said, many people (myself included) have gone through the trials and errors of moderation (drinking here and there, that's what I call it) and it hasn't worked out for them/me at all. Some of the comments may be an effort to spare you the same misery that others have experienced. They may be offering in hindsight, what they would've said/done differently. For some, it may be a bit of a nerve too. In any case, don't let the negative snuff out the positive sparks all around you. Haters gonna hate. :-P LOL Plenty of commenters here are supportive. Focus on that.
I can't moderate. I've proven that to myself over and over, and nobody could've done it for me- or said anything to change the path that I needed to go down. Truthfully, people moderate every day. I'm just not one of them. OH GOD HOW I WISH I WERE!! LOL More power to anyone who can. I don't know if you can or can't. Not for me to say. I'm not you!
Be careful. Someone suggested paying serious attention to red flags indicating that things are starting to spiral. I agree. It would be ideal if you could reel it in early if things begin to go awry. Safety nets- important!
I wish you all the best and I hope you do succeed.<--Not sarcasm. Your ability or inability to moderate has absolutely zip to do with my abilities, and I don't take it personally at all. No matter what happens or what anyone has said here, if the time comes that you need our support, I'm here for you- and so are a lot of others. No judgment. You gotta do what you feel is best for you. It's your life and nobody can live it for you. This is still a safe place to fall if you need it. Just don't let your pride get in the way, if that's the case- Okay?
Sending my best!!
I can't moderate. I've proven that to myself over and over, and nobody could've done it for me- or said anything to change the path that I needed to go down. Truthfully, people moderate every day. I'm just not one of them. OH GOD HOW I WISH I WERE!! LOL More power to anyone who can. I don't know if you can or can't. Not for me to say. I'm not you!
Be careful. Someone suggested paying serious attention to red flags indicating that things are starting to spiral. I agree. It would be ideal if you could reel it in early if things begin to go awry. Safety nets- important!
I wish you all the best and I hope you do succeed.<--Not sarcasm. Your ability or inability to moderate has absolutely zip to do with my abilities, and I don't take it personally at all. No matter what happens or what anyone has said here, if the time comes that you need our support, I'm here for you- and so are a lot of others. No judgment. You gotta do what you feel is best for you. It's your life and nobody can live it for you. This is still a safe place to fall if you need it. Just don't let your pride get in the way, if that's the case- Okay?
Sending my best!!
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123
I know there is danger in drinking again. I also knew going into it last week that I was taking chance and kicking up my old habit. I also felt that I was so far from wanting to bring back the misery that was that life. I am not interested in having a glass or two a night, just because I think I can. I'm interested in having nothing, at all. As I've stated, though, if I am in the position where drinks are being offered, I will have one. Because of the way my life works, I will not be in that position for the foreseeable future.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Originally Posted by letustrythis123
I'm not sure why people are so angry and are wont to predict major failure for me. Just as I have not shied away from revealing the hard, honest truth about my drinking days, I will continue to be truthful. This is not a game in which I hope to one-up people by "pretending" to stay in control or proving that I can somehow do something which many have been unable to do. I guess for that reason, people seem bent on predicting I will soon return to my old ways. I mean, what gives? If that does happen, I will be posting here (I'm a big poster) and I will be ready for the chorus of "I told you so"s.
While I appreciate the stories and warnings (that's why I'm here, after), I don't really appreciate the snide comments and the wild predictions of what is likely to happen to me.
1/11 was my first real quit day. I had a few triggers in mid-Jan., but I did not pick up. Last week (days before I drank), I had a lot of stress involving a series of unexpected financial problems. I was really glad that it didn't trigger any thoughts of drinking.
I ended up drinking in a social situation, something I had been contemplating doing as soon as I began to feel in control.
I should probably stress or reiterate (and perhaps I did not do a good job explaining at first) that I do not plan to drink moderately and if I said that up above, I apologize. If I am in the situation like I was on Sunday and Monday, I will have a glass of wine at the table. That's it. I expect that to happen very rarely.
Many here have sarcastically wished me luck in my endeavor and have said "let us know how that works out" [more sarcasm]. Not all have had this tone, but for those who did, I'll assure you it's actually working out great. I'm not coming off of a binge (unless you call 2 glasses of wine x2, a binge). I haven't bought anything and haven't drunk a drop of alcohol since I've been back (day three). I have no desire, no cravings, not even a tiny inclination to drink.
I can't prove this to anyone, but I've not lied or been dishonest here--I don't see the point. I could easily join under a new name if I had some wild dreams of fooling people on a totally anon message board. Sadly, the one part about the nature of this message board is the understanding that we will probably never meet one another because of the shame or anonymity. In my case, I need to stay anonymous. So whereas in other venues, I've enjoyed meet ups and became FB friends with people after posting alongside of them for years, I know that will not happen here. There are a few people I talk to through PM, but even then I'm disinclined to sign off with my real name.
My point: I'm not posturing here, trying to say "hey, I can do it. ha, ha!" I have absolutely no desire to go back to where I was toward the end of my drinking. It holds no allure, there is a no romanticism attached to it, etc. If it makes you better to think I'm trashed and in the bag, lying, etc. or I've adopted my former ways, go for it. It doesn't change my reality.
For those of you who have offered support, thank you. I did not post here at first (I waited for a few days), because I do sense on here some self-righteousness, either people not approving of a topic, answering sarcastically, getting upset when something doesn't conform to exactly what you want, etc.
While I appreciate the stories and warnings (that's why I'm here, after), I don't really appreciate the snide comments and the wild predictions of what is likely to happen to me.
1/11 was my first real quit day. I had a few triggers in mid-Jan., but I did not pick up. Last week (days before I drank), I had a lot of stress involving a series of unexpected financial problems. I was really glad that it didn't trigger any thoughts of drinking.
I ended up drinking in a social situation, something I had been contemplating doing as soon as I began to feel in control.
I should probably stress or reiterate (and perhaps I did not do a good job explaining at first) that I do not plan to drink moderately and if I said that up above, I apologize. If I am in the situation like I was on Sunday and Monday, I will have a glass of wine at the table. That's it. I expect that to happen very rarely.
Many here have sarcastically wished me luck in my endeavor and have said "let us know how that works out" [more sarcasm]. Not all have had this tone, but for those who did, I'll assure you it's actually working out great. I'm not coming off of a binge (unless you call 2 glasses of wine x2, a binge). I haven't bought anything and haven't drunk a drop of alcohol since I've been back (day three). I have no desire, no cravings, not even a tiny inclination to drink.
I can't prove this to anyone, but I've not lied or been dishonest here--I don't see the point. I could easily join under a new name if I had some wild dreams of fooling people on a totally anon message board. Sadly, the one part about the nature of this message board is the understanding that we will probably never meet one another because of the shame or anonymity. In my case, I need to stay anonymous. So whereas in other venues, I've enjoyed meet ups and became FB friends with people after posting alongside of them for years, I know that will not happen here. There are a few people I talk to through PM, but even then I'm disinclined to sign off with my real name.
My point: I'm not posturing here, trying to say "hey, I can do it. ha, ha!" I have absolutely no desire to go back to where I was toward the end of my drinking. It holds no allure, there is a no romanticism attached to it, etc. If it makes you better to think I'm trashed and in the bag, lying, etc. or I've adopted my former ways, go for it. It doesn't change my reality.
For those of you who have offered support, thank you. I did not post here at first (I waited for a few days), because I do sense on here some self-righteousness, either people not approving of a topic, answering sarcastically, getting upset when something doesn't conform to exactly what you want, etc.
I don't think anyone who tries to control their drinking wants to go back to the hell of problem drinking, whether they're an alcoholic or not. It just sort of happens if you are a person who is unable to drink "normally".
I wish you the best. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. And keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Good luck in your moderation.
It doesn't work for the vast majority of people but maybe you'll luck out.
The God stuff doesn't bother me. We all seek our own way to deal with problems and when someone has found a way they like to share it with others.
As to threads like "How much did you spend?" and "How much did you drink?" I question their usefulness.
Moderation has always been the holy grail for alchies and that's why folks are concerned and skeptical.
It doesn't work for the vast majority of people but maybe you'll luck out.
The God stuff doesn't bother me. We all seek our own way to deal with problems and when someone has found a way they like to share it with others.
As to threads like "How much did you spend?" and "How much did you drink?" I question their usefulness.
Moderation has always been the holy grail for alchies and that's why folks are concerned and skeptical.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Letustry - all the best to you. I know people get run off over things like this so try to stay here. I truly hope you do well. Keep us posted and at the end of the day, SR does support everyone who comes looking for help. Keep SR in you back pocket so to speak, but I hope it works for you.
I think the strong words here come from the fact that so many of us have battled moderation for decades in some cases, ultimately losing that battle and giving up. We just want to save everyone the trouble, we know moderation is a losing battle, but we all need to discover that on our own terms. You have that right as well. I had a similar experience to Malcom. Sober for 7 years, fantastic moderation for almost a year, then a slow slide and TERRIBLE loss of control of my drinking and it took me 7 years to find SR.
Again, all the best. If it doesn't work out, you know there will be support here for you.
I think the strong words here come from the fact that so many of us have battled moderation for decades in some cases, ultimately losing that battle and giving up. We just want to save everyone the trouble, we know moderation is a losing battle, but we all need to discover that on our own terms. You have that right as well. I had a similar experience to Malcom. Sober for 7 years, fantastic moderation for almost a year, then a slow slide and TERRIBLE loss of control of my drinking and it took me 7 years to find SR.
Again, all the best. If it doesn't work out, you know there will be support here for you.
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