I decided to drink again
International Man of Mystery
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 213
I could never moderate though I tried many times. If you can do it, good for you. I just know me. I can go from 1 drink to 12 without a second though. It borders on something subliminal.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 244
Best of luck with your plan. I hope it works for you and that you are not an alcoholic.
I firmly believe I know when I crossed over from heavy drinking to alcoholism. I spent about 2 months drinking a minimum of 2 bottles of red every night. I believe there is a turning point on the road to alcoholism.
If you genuinely believe you have caught it in time then you owe it to yourself to never drink to excess. Never get drunk. Never have a blackout.
You can probably be a successful social drinker if you avoid these things.
Best of luck!
I firmly believe I know when I crossed over from heavy drinking to alcoholism. I spent about 2 months drinking a minimum of 2 bottles of red every night. I believe there is a turning point on the road to alcoholism.
If you genuinely believe you have caught it in time then you owe it to yourself to never drink to excess. Never get drunk. Never have a blackout.
You can probably be a successful social drinker if you avoid these things.
Best of luck!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm not sure what your expectation was. Did you think that a group of people who have attempted to moderate numerous times were going to read your post and pat you on the back? The best that we can do is to tell you point blank that you're lying to yourself. Why? Because we care and because we've been down that road many times before and failed. Do we know that you'll fail? Not for sure but the odds are most definitely stacked against you. There are so many clues to the denial that you're in when reading your initial post. You're bargaining and reasoning that you can drink normally.
I've seen your referrals to "triggers". Triggers to do what? Take a walk? Watch a movie? No, they are referencing a trigger that leads you to drink. If you didn't crave alcohol there would be no such thing as a trigger because your mind wouldn't even head in that direction.
If it's such a non-event then why is it necessary at all? Sounds like you could take it or leave it. What's stopping you from leaving it then? A non-event doesn't matter if it occurs or not, right?
Hmmm, is that a wine glass that I see in your hand? How could you be drinking and say that alcohol is not a part of your life anymore?
You make it sound like it's just that easy. A simple decision to moderate. If that were true then sticking to the commitment to quit should be just as easy, correct?
Can you see the insanity in that statement? You want so badly to be honest and then follow up with that you're keeping your sober date? How honest is that really? What would you say to someone if they stood in front of you with a glass of wine in their hand and said "My sobriety date is January 11th"?.
You obviously have your mind made up that you can do this. Who knows, maybe you can. If you can, kudos to you. If not, the great thing about SR is if you don't succeed we will all be here to support you if you don't. Not one person will say we told you so, we will understand because we've all been in your shoes before and know that it's you who has to figure it out.
I sincerely wish you all the best and pray that you can see what's going on for what it truly is.
I stopped drinking on Jan. 11th. I did not have withdrawals nor did I ever crave.
I didn't hate it, I didn't love it. It was pretty much a non-event. I drank at night two days in a row--a far cry from what I'd been doing.
Even while I was drinking, I realized that alcohol is not part of my life anymore.
I have no desire to return to my dangerous patterns of drinking. I suppose many people will think I'm lying or fooling myself, but I'm being honest. So I guess I will go ahead and become a moderate drinker.
I wanted to share this because I wanted to be honest. I will keep my sober date (jan 11) because that's the day I stopped abusing.
You obviously have your mind made up that you can do this. Who knows, maybe you can. If you can, kudos to you. If not, the great thing about SR is if you don't succeed we will all be here to support you if you don't. Not one person will say we told you so, we will understand because we've all been in your shoes before and know that it's you who has to figure it out.
I sincerely wish you all the best and pray that you can see what's going on for what it truly is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: cardiff
Posts: 328
I did it, got nearly two months under my belt and thought I had it sorted and decided to moderate.
So I posted my intention here and the lovely wise people here told me it was a mistake and that they'd be here when I needed them.
I knew best, I could moderate. I did for a week or two, then my mind was always on the next time I could have some wine. Pretty soon I was back at two bottles a night and after a blackout drunk I came back here.
No one judged me and I appreciated that. I have 102 days today and life is so much better.
My advice to you, don't take the risk. Chances are it will lead you back into a very dark hole.
So I posted my intention here and the lovely wise people here told me it was a mistake and that they'd be here when I needed them.
I knew best, I could moderate. I did for a week or two, then my mind was always on the next time I could have some wine. Pretty soon I was back at two bottles a night and after a blackout drunk I came back here.
No one judged me and I appreciated that. I have 102 days today and life is so much better.
My advice to you, don't take the risk. Chances are it will lead you back into a very dark hole.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't come to SR, talk about moderation. count drinks,time since last drink,have a sobriety date etc.
I agree with others. Sobriety is total abstinence.If you are drinking you do not have a sobriety date.By all means,it's a date you changed your life around but you are not sober as you are drinking,no matter how infrequently.
No one here will encourage you to try moderation but it is for you to decide what you do. We all have our own journey.All we can do is share our own experiences with you but at the end of the day you have to find your own way through.
I agree with others. Sobriety is total abstinence.If you are drinking you do not have a sobriety date.By all means,it's a date you changed your life around but you are not sober as you are drinking,no matter how infrequently.
No one here will encourage you to try moderation but it is for you to decide what you do. We all have our own journey.All we can do is share our own experiences with you but at the end of the day you have to find your own way through.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
I have to say, I do hear some sarcasm in the replies and I'm sure it gets under your skin. It would get under mine -- and it is hard to not hear it as sanctimoniousness. As others have said, this stems from the fact that "moderation" as an idea haunts us all, at least in the beginning. I can also see how quoting your own posts back to you over and over again starts to sound like you're a defendant in a trial and people are putting forward evidence against you. I totally get how that would all drive you crazy and all I can really say to that is -- this forum is just like the world at large. There are all types of people here who have all types of communication skills and tools. Some we relate to, some we flat out adore and connect deeply with and, inevitably, some we have a mild annoyance for, or possibly even out and out dislike. So, just like the "real" world, take what you will from those you connect with and don't worry about the rest.
Except -- oftentimes we don't like certain voices because they are telling us truths we don't like to hear. I battle with that a lot. Reading or hearing something from someone and thinking "well screw that, they don't know me at all" when in fact they'd gotten straight to the heart of the matter and it terrified me. It's up to you to try and distinguish all that stuff for yourself. There are a lot of people here who can help.
I also believe the strong majority in this community absolutely does NOT want to say "I told you so." They want you to succeed in finding a healthy, content life free of guilt and shame. I know I do. I want that for everyone here, want it so badly for all of us that I can taste it. In that sense, we really are a team here.
Lastly, I want to add a quote from an article that I read a while ago. I read it and found myself nodding, nodding, nodding so emphatically and relating so palpably to every word that I saw very clearly that drinking in moderation was never, ever going to work for me. Ever. I'll share it here, not because I know you and what will happen to you, but because it was so immensely helpful to me to see which side of the line I am truly on.
I wish you all the best, really and truly.
"I read something last night. It was written by a woman who struggled with alcoholism like I do and it said that when she drank to enjoy it, she couldn’t control her drinking, and when she tried to control her drinking, to drink less, she didn’t enjoy it at all. Seems kind of obvious that this would be the case for an alcoholic, but it takes most of us a really long time to recognize this reality.
I thought about all the times in my life that I could, for one reason or another, only have a couple of drinks at a time. Maybe it was in the presence of non-drinking people, or we were about to go to a movie, or any number of things. And I realized how true it was, that I would get so uncomfortable with only a couple of drinks. I didn’t see the point in that at all, ever. If I was going to drink, I was going to DRINK, you know?
And when I had the freedom to drink in a way that brought me what I thought was enjoyment, it meant that I could not, would not, be able to control the amount. If I tried, I was frustrated and miserable. My head would stay in only one place, thinking more more more I want more now I want more. I’d be so unaware of whatever experience I was having because my head would stay with alcohol."
Except -- oftentimes we don't like certain voices because they are telling us truths we don't like to hear. I battle with that a lot. Reading or hearing something from someone and thinking "well screw that, they don't know me at all" when in fact they'd gotten straight to the heart of the matter and it terrified me. It's up to you to try and distinguish all that stuff for yourself. There are a lot of people here who can help.
I also believe the strong majority in this community absolutely does NOT want to say "I told you so." They want you to succeed in finding a healthy, content life free of guilt and shame. I know I do. I want that for everyone here, want it so badly for all of us that I can taste it. In that sense, we really are a team here.
Lastly, I want to add a quote from an article that I read a while ago. I read it and found myself nodding, nodding, nodding so emphatically and relating so palpably to every word that I saw very clearly that drinking in moderation was never, ever going to work for me. Ever. I'll share it here, not because I know you and what will happen to you, but because it was so immensely helpful to me to see which side of the line I am truly on.
I wish you all the best, really and truly.
"I read something last night. It was written by a woman who struggled with alcoholism like I do and it said that when she drank to enjoy it, she couldn’t control her drinking, and when she tried to control her drinking, to drink less, she didn’t enjoy it at all. Seems kind of obvious that this would be the case for an alcoholic, but it takes most of us a really long time to recognize this reality.
I thought about all the times in my life that I could, for one reason or another, only have a couple of drinks at a time. Maybe it was in the presence of non-drinking people, or we were about to go to a movie, or any number of things. And I realized how true it was, that I would get so uncomfortable with only a couple of drinks. I didn’t see the point in that at all, ever. If I was going to drink, I was going to DRINK, you know?
And when I had the freedom to drink in a way that brought me what I thought was enjoyment, it meant that I could not, would not, be able to control the amount. If I tried, I was frustrated and miserable. My head would stay in only one place, thinking more more more I want more now I want more. I’d be so unaware of whatever experience I was having because my head would stay with alcohol."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I just want to wish you well. I can tell you are being very open and sincere. Maybe you can just have a drink or two on a rare social occasion, and enjoy leaving it at that. There is only one way to find out. I truly hope it works out, and trust that if it doesn't, you'll know exactly what to do. And where to go for support! 
This is always an emotional subject here. I think part of the reason is that so many of us had such bad experiences—this is, after all, a place people turn when endless efforts to moderate drinking have failed. While sometimes it sounds defensive or accusatory, I like to think a lot of the emotion comes from the fact that people here don't want others to make the same mistakes they made, suffer the same heartbreaks. But of course you're not them—you're you, and each of us have to walk our own path, and find our own answers.
As for the sober date thing, I get what you're saying. In the addicted world, sober means clean, as in no longer using. In recovery circles it's easy to forget that for most people, sober does not mean permanent abstinence. Those people have a drink at night, and wake up sober the next day. But for folks here, it took more than a night's sleep to get the kind of sober they're talking about. It took everything they had. Huge sacrifices, enormous commitment, it's basically the most important and most challenging thing in their entire lives. I know it was for me. So you can see how from our perspectives, a sober date has a very specific, and almost sacred meaning.
That takes nothing away from your achievement. If all goes well, your date marks the day you stopped living one kind of life, and started living another kind of life. I'm not sure what to call that, but whatever it is, it's a huge milestone, and I think you have every right to hold the date dear.
This is always an emotional subject here. I think part of the reason is that so many of us had such bad experiences—this is, after all, a place people turn when endless efforts to moderate drinking have failed. While sometimes it sounds defensive or accusatory, I like to think a lot of the emotion comes from the fact that people here don't want others to make the same mistakes they made, suffer the same heartbreaks. But of course you're not them—you're you, and each of us have to walk our own path, and find our own answers.
As for the sober date thing, I get what you're saying. In the addicted world, sober means clean, as in no longer using. In recovery circles it's easy to forget that for most people, sober does not mean permanent abstinence. Those people have a drink at night, and wake up sober the next day. But for folks here, it took more than a night's sleep to get the kind of sober they're talking about. It took everything they had. Huge sacrifices, enormous commitment, it's basically the most important and most challenging thing in their entire lives. I know it was for me. So you can see how from our perspectives, a sober date has a very specific, and almost sacred meaning.
That takes nothing away from your achievement. If all goes well, your date marks the day you stopped living one kind of life, and started living another kind of life. I'm not sure what to call that, but whatever it is, it's a huge milestone, and I think you have every right to hold the date dear.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
I find it quite difficult to believe an alcoholic (myself included) can drink in moderation. I really don't even think I would try to see if I could only drink a couple drinks and stop. Personally, I believe I won't be able so I am not even going to tempt myself. I don't want to fall back into old bad habits.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by least 
I wish you the best in moderating your drinking. I could never do that. I'd always end up worse than ever. 
But if you can do that, more power to you.
But if you can do that, more power to you. I never succeeded at moderate drinking either; it was an abysmal failure.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by ChloeRose63
I find it quite difficult to believe an alcoholic (myself included) can drink in moderation. I really don't even think I would try to see if I could only drink a couple drinks and stop. Personally, I believe I won't be able so I am not even going to tempt myself. I don't want to fall back into old bad habits.
Me neither. The thought of falling back into my old habits scares me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
I just want to wish you well. I can tell you are being very open and sincere. Maybe you can just have a drink or two on a rare social occasion, and enjoy leaving it at that. There is only one way to find out. I truly hope it works out, and trust that if it doesn't, you'll know exactly what to do. And where to go for support!
This is always an emotional subject here. I think part of the reason is that so many of us had such bad experiences—this is, after all, a place people turn when endless efforts to moderate drinking have failed. While sometimes it sounds defensive or accusatory, I like to think a lot of the emotion comes from the fact that people here don't want others to make the same mistakes they made, suffer the same heartbreaks. But of course you're not them—you're you, and each of us have to walk our own path, and find our own answers.
As for the sober date thing, I get what you're saying. In the addicted world, sober means clean, as in no longer using. In recovery circles it's easy to forget that for most people, sober does not mean permanent abstinence. Those people have a drink at night, and wake up sober the next day. But for folks here, it took more than a night's sleep to get the kind of sober they're talking about. It took everything they had. Huge sacrifices, enormous commitment, it's basically the most important and most challenging thing in their entire lives. I know it was for me. So you can see how from our perspectives, a sober date has a very specific, and almost sacred meaning.
That takes nothing away from your achievement. If all goes well, your date marks the day you stopped living one kind of life, and started living another kind of life. I'm not sure what to call that, but whatever it is, it's a huge milestone, and I think you have every right to hold the date dear.
This is always an emotional subject here. I think part of the reason is that so many of us had such bad experiences—this is, after all, a place people turn when endless efforts to moderate drinking have failed. While sometimes it sounds defensive or accusatory, I like to think a lot of the emotion comes from the fact that people here don't want others to make the same mistakes they made, suffer the same heartbreaks. But of course you're not them—you're you, and each of us have to walk our own path, and find our own answers.
As for the sober date thing, I get what you're saying. In the addicted world, sober means clean, as in no longer using. In recovery circles it's easy to forget that for most people, sober does not mean permanent abstinence. Those people have a drink at night, and wake up sober the next day. But for folks here, it took more than a night's sleep to get the kind of sober they're talking about. It took everything they had. Huge sacrifices, enormous commitment, it's basically the most important and most challenging thing in their entire lives. I know it was for me. So you can see how from our perspectives, a sober date has a very specific, and almost sacred meaning.
That takes nothing away from your achievement. If all goes well, your date marks the day you stopped living one kind of life, and started living another kind of life. I'm not sure what to call that, but whatever it is, it's a huge milestone, and I think you have every right to hold the date dear.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 335
I tried Moderation Management, I also tried Responsible Drinking programs, maybe they work for some, but they did not work for me, or any alcoholic I know. This is the first time I have abstained for almost 40 days, and that is thanks to incredible determination, AA and this website.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by letustrythis123
My feathers have been becoming more ruffled as the days go by, in fact. If you see some of my latest posts (before yesterday's) I have been expressing more and more irritation at what seems to be a veneer of self-righteousness on these boards (you've all been looking at my posts, so I'm sure you can find them).
You are going to get different opinions and you are not going to agree with everyone. You are under no obligation to follow anyone's advice.
These responses do come from a good place, people are sharing their experiences.
You are the only one that can decide what is right for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Wow, you sound like me! I really wish you the best. I hope you can go on with your life and be a normal drinker!!
A few years ago I stopped drinking for 3 months. I was fit and healthy. Then I started drinking only for special occasions, then weekends only. It worked for about 6 months. But eventually I went back to nightly drinking. For me 4 or 5 beers. Who needs that?
I'm sick of buying alcohol and having it an option when I go out. I just want it out of my life!!
But it's your life and only you know you. Follow your gut. Isn't it nice there is a place we can all go if it becomes an issue?
Good luck! Xox
A few years ago I stopped drinking for 3 months. I was fit and healthy. Then I started drinking only for special occasions, then weekends only. It worked for about 6 months. But eventually I went back to nightly drinking. For me 4 or 5 beers. Who needs that?
I'm sick of buying alcohol and having it an option when I go out. I just want it out of my life!!
But it's your life and only you know you. Follow your gut. Isn't it nice there is a place we can all go if it becomes an issue?
Good luck! Xox
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
As long as someone is not suffering with a drinking problem, I am happy for them! whether it's abstinence or moderation or whatever, if your life isn't being wrecked in whole or in part by booze, that's great.
Hopefully things don't go south on ya, if they do we will be here.
whether it's abstinence or moderation or whatever, if your life isn't being wrecked in whole or in part by booze, that's great.Hopefully things don't go south on ya, if they do we will be here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
I copied this out of my sober journal...
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it”
-C.S. Lewis.
This quote does a very good job describing the strength and power of temptation. This is why the sobriety "date" is no laughing matter. For one will never know, and thus have nothing in common with, someone that's been clean and sober for say, thirty days in a row, until they themselves have battled the demon inside of them for 30 days in a row as well.
Hope this all makes sense.
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it”
-C.S. Lewis.
This quote does a very good job describing the strength and power of temptation. This is why the sobriety "date" is no laughing matter. For one will never know, and thus have nothing in common with, someone that's been clean and sober for say, thirty days in a row, until they themselves have battled the demon inside of them for 30 days in a row as well.
Hope this all makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Amajorityofone
I copied this out of my sober journal...
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it”
-C.S. Lewis.
This quote does a very good job describing the strength and power of temptation. This is why the sobriety "date" is no laughing matter. For one will never know, and thus have nothing in common with, someone that's been clean and sober for say, thirty days in a row, until they themselves have battled the demon inside of them for 30 days in a row as well.
Hope this all makes sense.
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it”
-C.S. Lewis.
This quote does a very good job describing the strength and power of temptation. This is why the sobriety "date" is no laughing matter. For one will never know, and thus have nothing in common with, someone that's been clean and sober for say, thirty days in a row, until they themselves have battled the demon inside of them for 30 days in a row as well.
Hope this all makes sense.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
Huh. Well, since I don't have any plan, I'm puzzled by the well-wishes. I'll take them. Still sober. Still not tempted. Still sitting here doing my usual Thursday night routine which doesn't involve alcohol, doesn't involve thinking about the next time and doesn't involve anything else except readying myself for tomorrow.
I would like to issue a general thank you for the PMs and I will get back to you all in the morning. There are a number of people who understand this situation. I have no planned date when I can meet up with alcohol again. I'm sorry that many of you resent that/feel spiteful toward me, are wishing me ill-will, albeit slightly disguised as concern (not all though). You can keep telling me you are positive that I will fail. I'm quite convinced of the opposite. Before I even drank, I knew it was a gamble, but the reason I took that gamble was because I was 90% sure I'd be coming out on the other end not needing to drink or escalating things back to where they were. Let me remind you, I had 3.5 drinks over two nights. There were no binges involved and I haven't even looked back. I don't feel guilty, ashamed, depressed or anything. I'm not looking for approval and I'm sorry if it's coming across that way. I don't regret what I did in the least and I'm not afraid of what's to come in a couple days. I did not break and drink under stress. It was not triggered by anything. As I've mentioned, it was a social event where I decided to drink. Even post-event, I did experience some major stress and I did not even have the desire to run to the store.
I do not have any pattern on here of being a liar, etc. I'm not sure why it is so hard for some to accept that for some, the dice land differently.
I'm pretty much done with the bickering going on, a la "You'll see, you'll be drinking again very soon. Just wait". Why are you (the collective) so bent on driving that message home?
I would like to issue a general thank you for the PMs and I will get back to you all in the morning. There are a number of people who understand this situation. I have no planned date when I can meet up with alcohol again. I'm sorry that many of you resent that/feel spiteful toward me, are wishing me ill-will, albeit slightly disguised as concern (not all though). You can keep telling me you are positive that I will fail. I'm quite convinced of the opposite. Before I even drank, I knew it was a gamble, but the reason I took that gamble was because I was 90% sure I'd be coming out on the other end not needing to drink or escalating things back to where they were. Let me remind you, I had 3.5 drinks over two nights. There were no binges involved and I haven't even looked back. I don't feel guilty, ashamed, depressed or anything. I'm not looking for approval and I'm sorry if it's coming across that way. I don't regret what I did in the least and I'm not afraid of what's to come in a couple days. I did not break and drink under stress. It was not triggered by anything. As I've mentioned, it was a social event where I decided to drink. Even post-event, I did experience some major stress and I did not even have the desire to run to the store.
I do not have any pattern on here of being a liar, etc. I'm not sure why it is so hard for some to accept that for some, the dice land differently.
I'm pretty much done with the bickering going on, a la "You'll see, you'll be drinking again very soon. Just wait". Why are you (the collective) so bent on driving that message home?
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