huntingtontx

I used to love to visit wineries and taste all the wine, breweries, and taste the brew, but I like being sober better. I can visit a lot of place, like art galleries, craft shows, car shows, boat shows, etc. Lots of sober fun out there. I think sometimes if I stay sober long enough will it be safe to have a drink, then I think, do I want to take that chance. I don't. I like being sober. You and your boyfriend should look for fun places that don't involve alcohol. Just my opinion.

ScottFromWI

I'll give you a simple answer Nikka: No. If you are an alcohlic, you will never be able to return to non-alcoholic drinking.

MeSoSober

Whether or not you choose to believe it, there ARE people out there who enjoy alcoholic beverages who suffer NO physiological, relationship, occupational or any other negative effects. Because of my alcoholism, my parents no longer drink. My dad probably enjoyed his booze more than was healthy, but my mother would drink the occasional glass of zinfandel. Certainly not every day, and I don't think she ever had more than a single glass at a time. THAT is a healthy relationship with alcohol.

To you and I, alcohol is poison. But the fact that we cannot drink it doesn't mean that anyone who drinks any amount of alcohol is "trapped" or "brainwash[ed]."

calico

Here is my experience: I was a binge drinker for 36 years, starting in college. I have been completely sober for almost 4 months now, a record for me. I understand about appreciating the flavor, pairing with food, etc. But I look back and see how much of life I have missed because of my drinking and trying to moderate that drinking. I really tried everything I could think of, and tried to quit almost weekly for all those years. The only thing that has worked for me is complete abstinence. I am now looking forward to living the rest of my life sober, and I don't feel I am missing out on anything important. Good luck to you.

alphaomega

I gave myself permission to go to a wine tasting at 83 days sober. That ended in me making out with a neighbor and two plus more years of drinking.

I, too, am a foodie and can't lie and say I don't get nostalgic periodically for the days of wine and roses.

But it's over. Moderation isn't an option and I can't handle any form of alcohol whatsoever.

I choose life.

Nikkabean326

Whoa. Whoa. I dont think people are grasping what I am saying. This is about me and has nothing to do with my boyfriend. He is a musician. He loves yoga he does archery. He works out at a dojo and has been participating in events since he was a child. There is one day out of the year that we go to a four hour beer festival. a great deal of his activities do not center around alcohol and he is not suggesting I am making a mistake in my decision. He supports me wholeheartedly. In a way, we are losing an activity (one activity in many that we share) so yes, I understand how he feels.

KateL

No, not in my experience either x

flutter

My short answer is- No.

My husband and I were drinking buddies for sure. We sought out "fun" activities that revolved around drinking all the time. When I stopped drinking, we did sort of grieve the change a little, because we just hadn't spent much time doing anything else.

Over the years that I've been sober, I've found tons of super fun festivals, events, and all sorts of stuff that have absolutely nothing to do with drinking. We have fun together quite often!

BillinSaratoga

Nikka - My experience turned out to be no... the thought that a binge drinker and alcoholic like me that could go days, or longer, without a drink could clearly have a healthy 'relationship' with alcohol. But time and time again I drink way too much and we all know the results. So now I FINALLY have stopped kidding myself and know I can not have alcohol in my life. The AV still will tell you 'you can do it...you are not like them!' but based only on myself, I cant have a drink because it is never 'a drink'.

KateL

I know that many people can drink in moderation, but I can never quite get my head around the words healthy and alcohol at all. (as in healthy relationship with alcohol) To me it is an oxymoron, a legalised, highly toxic, horrible drug. Just my tuppence halfpenny (and it's not sour grapes by the way )

foolsgold66

There is no healthy relationship with alcohol.

Mentium

I have known a few 'heavy drinkers' (my dad being one) who did manage to abstain for a while and then go back to something like moderation. I suspect they are a rare breed though and I also suspect that they still crave the deep buzz getting ****faced provides people who drink in an alcoholic sort of fashion.

I have been a long term heavy drinker and I know it would be impossible for me pretty much to pick up say one or two glasses of wine and walk away. I have to drink it seems more or less til I pass out. The first drink seems to set up the compulsion. That appears to be the nature of the addiction we suffer.

FreeOwl

all I can offer is my own experience and that which I've observed in others;

I spent roughly 27 years in an attempt to prove that a binge drinker can have a "healthy relationship" with drinking at all.

I have finally realized that my very quest to prove that was proof it would never happen.

And this is what I have also observed in many others who finally surrendered, and many who I know that are still in the ring, fighting that absurd battle.

SoberLife2014

Nikka, my husband and I had a similar experience. We used to do all sorts of "fun" things that included drinking like... sitting around in a bar looking at the lake... going to a crawfish festival and getting in fights... going to NASCAR races and throwing chairs at each other... throwing up the next day, etc. Super fun. For me, if you ask me to moderate you might as well shove bamboo chutes under my nails... torture! Even if I am able to moderate my drinking, my body still wants more the next day or the next time until I eventually get *********. You can always try to moderate though. If it works out for you, great! But it never worked out for me and I finally learned that after trying the 100000th time.

SoberLife2014

I've also found that we have more fun doing things without drinking. We actually remember what happened the next day. I'm more talkative when I don't drink at parties because I was always afraid I'd say something stupid or have a conversation I forgot. We don't go to bars anymore, but what do you really do at bars anyway? I don't think there are any healthy binge drinking relationships. My liver agrees.

safe2breathe

sorry - the was this was thrown in there makes it sound like - it kinda was about you and your boyfriend and activities that are centered around drinking... at any rate ...i am seeing a LOT of "no's" : / hope it works out for you.

sugarbear1

The new version of the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual) will add binge drinking to it's definition of alcoholism. It should be out by 2015

Dee74

My own experience is no

....but after seven years sobriety I can go to things with my wife where drinking occurs and not be bothered - concerts, festivals, markets etc.

but the urge to drink - even normally - doesn't occur to me.

If I had any thoughts of 'drinking normally' I'd know my peculiar brand of insanity had returned

That being said, I doubt me or the missus would ever be at any kind of beerfest, because we're simply not interested in that kinda thing.

Maybe your bf has some mates he can go with?

Nikkabean326

No problem lol I don't think I was clear. It's not the norm for us to go to a brewery and three weeks later go to a painting class where you can drink. The brewery was for a friends birthday at his request and the painting class was a Groupon deal I found that might make a nice date night with friends. I can understand how what I said may be misconstrued though.

Great pieces of information here, guys. This is the first time I've delved into this world so.. I'm gonna ask a lot of questions that seem "duh" and I apologize for that. Just want to gather as much knowledge as I can to ensure I succeed. Thank you for all of your input Keep 'em coming!

flutter

Asking questions is a good thing!!