Can binge drinkers ever have a healthy relationship with alcohol?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: South Texas
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Nikkabean326 
No problem lol I don't think I was clear. It's not the norm for us to go to a brewery and three weeks later go to a painting class where you can drink. The brewery was for a friends birthday at his request and the painting class was a Groupon deal I found that might make a nice date night with friends. I can understand how what I said may be misconstrued though.
Great pieces of information here, guys. This is the first time I've delved into this world so.. I'm gonna ask a lot of questions that seem "duh" and I apologize for that. Just want to gather as much knowledge as I can to ensure I succeed. Thank you for all of your input
Keep 'em coming!
Great pieces of information here, guys. This is the first time I've delved into this world so.. I'm gonna ask a lot of questions that seem "duh" and I apologize for that. Just want to gather as much knowledge as I can to ensure I succeed. Thank you for all of your input
Keep 'em coming!i am glad he is supportive and hope you keep up the sobriety ... are you attending meetings or anything? - i am sticking by my statement that it MIGHT not be a bad idea for him to accompany you to one of your meetings or even make it to an Alanon there is a lot of helpful people and information out there that can make things ... a little easier anyway.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I think some people binge drink in their early 20s then settle down and stop drinking or drink normally. But, they never had a drink problem in the first place-they just drank too much occasionally on a Saturday night .
If someone has a drink problem it's all or nothing,For me ,I know I can never drink normally.
Your bf is probably worried . If you are his drinkign buddy and you do a lot of drinking activities together then that stops maybe he's worried for your relationship? My relationship with my husband has undergone some major changes since I got sober. It has changed me as a person, how I react with others and what I do/want to do in my spare time. As you get more sober time you'll probably experience the same. Have you discussed with your bf that getting sober isn't just stopping drinking but a whole life change and for me would me no more attending drinking events.
sorry just read your most recent post .I posted this after reading your OP. I thought your main social life was about drinking and drinking activities too.
If someone has a drink problem it's all or nothing,For me ,I know I can never drink normally.
Your bf is probably worried . If you are his drinkign buddy and you do a lot of drinking activities together then that stops maybe he's worried for your relationship? My relationship with my husband has undergone some major changes since I got sober. It has changed me as a person, how I react with others and what I do/want to do in my spare time. As you get more sober time you'll probably experience the same. Have you discussed with your bf that getting sober isn't just stopping drinking but a whole life change and for me would me no more attending drinking events.
sorry just read your most recent post .I posted this after reading your OP. I thought your main social life was about drinking and drinking activities too.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Hi Nikka-
I am a binge drinker as well. I quit drinking in March of last year and then in November I went home for the holidays.... Anyway long story short: I went to a bar with my brother/drinking buddy and decided to just have a beer. IT SUCKED. Having a beer sucks for me. So I had eight more beers.
I understand what you are saying and I know that a lot of "normal" peoples activities are centered around drinking. Where I live I can think of 4 festivals right off the top of my head that are centered around drinking. Now that I am sober I go to the functions that I need to attend (for work) and I drink NA stuff or water. For some reason people are less likely to question why you are drinking water than a coke. Up here they just assume you are super healthy. Anyway.... got off track there.
For me the answer is that I could probably drink one beer but, why????? IT SUCKS to drink just one and then I spend the evening obsessing about more. Just my experience. I now accept that I am an all or nothing type when it comes to alcohol.
As for your BF he sounds like a good guy. This is an adjustment for both of you and I definitely get what your saying. My best friend really was sad when I quit drinking. After all she doesn't have a problem. Almost a year later and we just do other stuff.
Hugs,
Jess
I am a binge drinker as well. I quit drinking in March of last year and then in November I went home for the holidays.... Anyway long story short: I went to a bar with my brother/drinking buddy and decided to just have a beer. IT SUCKED. Having a beer sucks for me. So I had eight more beers.
I understand what you are saying and I know that a lot of "normal" peoples activities are centered around drinking. Where I live I can think of 4 festivals right off the top of my head that are centered around drinking. Now that I am sober I go to the functions that I need to attend (for work) and I drink NA stuff or water. For some reason people are less likely to question why you are drinking water than a coke. Up here they just assume you are super healthy. Anyway.... got off track there.
For me the answer is that I could probably drink one beer but, why????? IT SUCKS to drink just one and then I spend the evening obsessing about more. Just my experience. I now accept that I am an all or nothing type when it comes to alcohol.
As for your BF he sounds like a good guy. This is an adjustment for both of you and I definitely get what your saying. My best friend really was sad when I quit drinking. After all she doesn't have a problem. Almost a year later and we just do other stuff.
Hugs,
Jess
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
I'm a binge drinker, and an alcoholic. My old party buddies used to say all the time: "You can't be an alcoholic, you don't even drink every day!"
So for seven years I tried to prove to myself that I could "Have a healthy relationship with alcohol."
With the same disastorous results every time. And you know what else? I've been going to AA meetings that whole time, and I've never ONCE seen a person who went back out say to me: "Matt, I started drinking again, and things have gotten so much better!"
Never once.
So if you think you'll be able to beat the game, by all means go ahead and try.
So for seven years I tried to prove to myself that I could "Have a healthy relationship with alcohol."
With the same disastorous results every time. And you know what else? I've been going to AA meetings that whole time, and I've never ONCE seen a person who went back out say to me: "Matt, I started drinking again, and things have gotten so much better!"
Never once.
So if you think you'll be able to beat the game, by all means go ahead and try.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
There's always the temptation to try and adjust to the lifestyle we still want to lead, but that's looking at things from the wrong angle, the reality is drinking hasn't worked for us in the past and so our lifestyle must be adjusted as a result of that, rather than deciding on the lifestyle first and fitting alcohol somehow into it.
"Normal" is a myth, there are those that can moderately drink, there are those that have never drank, and there are the rest that know they need to quit. Wherever we fit in, we must decide on a lifestyle that WORKS, which may not always be the lifestyle we WANT!!
"Normal" is a myth, there are those that can moderately drink, there are those that have never drank, and there are the rest that know they need to quit. Wherever we fit in, we must decide on a lifestyle that WORKS, which may not always be the lifestyle we WANT!!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 79
Let me say that my relationship with alcohol was binge drinking and nothing else. I would leave work early to drink at a bar from about 2PM till sometimes 10-12. I would do this about 2-3 times a week and not drink at all any other time. It's really not healthy to make social functions revolve around alcohol because soon, if not already, you become unwilling to do anything without it. See where this is headed? I consider this alcoholic behavior.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Nikkabean326
Really only you can honestly decide if you have a problem drinking. But just from a guy who does, I never once considered what my relationship to orange juice is/was.
wish you well
Really only you can honestly decide if you have a problem drinking. But just from a guy who does, I never once considered what my relationship to orange juice is/was.
wish you well
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Why do people fight kicking/screaming with labels? I'm a binge drinker (well so I've been told) but ultimately I'm an alcoholic. In my opinion "bing-drinker" is a term made up at by college girls to sound glamorous because being an alcoholic was not cool :P
Once I start I CAN NOT STOP. Who drinks wine/beer/liquor for the taste?? Hell is sure not me - my goal is to get buzzed and more and more is not enough. For an alcoholic, it's NEVER the taste. It's the feeling. Come on rubbish - don't care if it tastes like collard greens, we would drink it.
If you're an alcoholic you don't should not drink. If you are not an alcoholic, you don't need to. People who aren't not alcoholic don't worry about going to an event and can or can not have a drink, because it might set something off. They take it or leave it. We sit and stare at it like they are insane for not finishing a drink. This seems to be the case with your boyfriend, he's not an alcoholic. He can take it or leave it. You might be - but it's not a sign of lack of morality, self-control, or weakness. Your biological makeup is different.
Once I start I CAN NOT STOP. Who drinks wine/beer/liquor for the taste?? Hell is sure not me - my goal is to get buzzed and more and more is not enough. For an alcoholic, it's NEVER the taste. It's the feeling. Come on rubbish - don't care if it tastes like collard greens, we would drink it.
If you're an alcoholic you don't should not drink. If you are not an alcoholic, you don't need to. People who aren't not alcoholic don't worry about going to an event and can or can not have a drink, because it might set something off. They take it or leave it. We sit and stare at it like they are insane for not finishing a drink. This seems to be the case with your boyfriend, he's not an alcoholic. He can take it or leave it. You might be - but it's not a sign of lack of morality, self-control, or weakness. Your biological makeup is different.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Seymour, CT
Posts: 132
I guess I'm the exception and not the rule. I love the taste of wine and beer. I enjoy learning about the extensive process that goes into creating it. I like having the specific glasses that will enhance the flavor. I like cleansing my palate so I can work hard in trying to locate the vanilla spice of an oak chardonnay.
Here's the thing that throws me for a loop. I *can* stop drinking. I do it all the time. I've noticed the times where I really binge drink and black out is when I'm depressed. I was very depressed in December. I've gained a bunch of weight during the year and I was down on that. I lost my job and am having some medical issues. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism when I feel I'm at my worst. How many times do you hear the average Joe say "Man, I'll need a drink at the end of this day." Joe stops at one. If I have a bad day I throw my whole heart into it.
The whole thing is just interesting. I'm still resolved in saying goodbye to the substance because it's become detrimental to my relationship. Hell, when I had a job I even called out a couple of times after a binge. That should be my flashing lights right there. The fact that it's affecting my personal and professional life.
Oh.. and as for loving the taste of alcohol. I read a lot of how people started enjoying tea as their evening or daily beverage. I had a cup of chamomile last night (first ever!) and it was delicious. I told my boyfriend I'm going to start overloading the condo with teapots and teacups. We had a laugh
Here's the thing that throws me for a loop. I *can* stop drinking. I do it all the time. I've noticed the times where I really binge drink and black out is when I'm depressed. I was very depressed in December. I've gained a bunch of weight during the year and I was down on that. I lost my job and am having some medical issues. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism when I feel I'm at my worst. How many times do you hear the average Joe say "Man, I'll need a drink at the end of this day." Joe stops at one. If I have a bad day I throw my whole heart into it.
The whole thing is just interesting. I'm still resolved in saying goodbye to the substance because it's become detrimental to my relationship. Hell, when I had a job I even called out a couple of times after a binge. That should be my flashing lights right there. The fact that it's affecting my personal and professional life.
Oh.. and as for loving the taste of alcohol. I read a lot of how people started enjoying tea as their evening or daily beverage. I had a cup of chamomile last night (first ever!) and it was delicious. I told my boyfriend I'm going to start overloading the condo with teapots and teacups. We had a laugh
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Of course some binge drinkers can learn to moderate, but I think that the vast majority cannot do it safely. I know that even when I could moderate, I didn't enjoy it. I like being sober now. And I made craft beers for decades. So, yea I missed trying new brews. Now I make craft root beer and I'm here to tell you it can be FANTASTIC!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
i had this same question. I read a book called The Easy Way to Control Alcohol by Allen Carr. It gives a perfect analogy of how alcohol works and what it is. I loved this book. It's one that gave me a different angle to viewing my addiction.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: South Texas
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by Nikkabean326
I guess I'm the exception and not the rule. I love the taste of wine and beer. I enjoy learning about the extensive process that goes into creating it. I like having the specific glasses that will enhance the flavor. I like cleansing my palate so I can work hard in trying to locate the vanilla spice of an oak chardonnay.
Here's the thing that throws me for a loop. I *can* stop drinking. I do it all the time. I've noticed the times where I really binge drink and black out is when I'm depressed. I was very depressed in December. I've gained a bunch of weight during the year and I was down on that. I lost my job and am having some medical issues. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism when I feel I'm at my worst. How many times do you hear the average Joe say "Man, I'll need a drink at the end of this day." Joe stops at one. If I have a bad day I throw my whole heart into it.
The whole thing is just interesting. I'm still resolved in saying goodbye to the substance because it's become detrimental to my relationship. Hell, when I had a job I even called out a couple of times after a binge. That should be my flashing lights right there. The fact that it's affecting my personal and professional life.
Oh.. and as for loving the taste of alcohol. I read a lot of how people started enjoying tea as their evening or daily beverage. I had a cup of chamomile last night (first ever!) and it was delicious. I told my boyfriend I'm going to start overloading the condo with teapots and teacups. We had a laugh
Here's the thing that throws me for a loop. I *can* stop drinking. I do it all the time. I've noticed the times where I really binge drink and black out is when I'm depressed. I was very depressed in December. I've gained a bunch of weight during the year and I was down on that. I lost my job and am having some medical issues. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism when I feel I'm at my worst. How many times do you hear the average Joe say "Man, I'll need a drink at the end of this day." Joe stops at one. If I have a bad day I throw my whole heart into it.
The whole thing is just interesting. I'm still resolved in saying goodbye to the substance because it's become detrimental to my relationship. Hell, when I had a job I even called out a couple of times after a binge. That should be my flashing lights right there. The fact that it's affecting my personal and professional life.
Oh.. and as for loving the taste of alcohol. I read a lot of how people started enjoying tea as their evening or daily beverage. I had a cup of chamomile last night (first ever!) and it was delicious. I told my boyfriend I'm going to start overloading the condo with teapots and teacups. We had a laugh
Look i know i come off as an ******* -- but only do it because i think maybe people have had crap sugar coated and wrapped up with bows too long -- "oh well you dont drink too much EVERYTIME?!?!" - says the unhelpful drinking buddy -- it does NOT matter ... the fact that YOU think ... well i may be an alcoholic or have a problem leads me to go ahead and say ... yea you probably are and do ... normal people dont have those thoughts or obsessions (from what i understand)...
if you want to think - someday - i will be a normal drinker - then fine - and i honestly hope that works out for you -- but for most it doesnt -- and if it doesnt work out for you i hope you have the power to make it back to sobriety bc from my experience and that of others -- alcoholism doesnt get easier/better/ or less of a challenge to give up.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I throughly enjoyed the nuances of taste in bourbon and different types of beers and the like, that wasn't the problem, for me. I also enjoyed premium cigars for years, the taste wasn't the problem there either. ( now i discriminate between colas, and ecigs)
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
I tried to moderate for years, I would not bother to try today and would have preferred I had realized this years ago. I can not say whether you can.
Try to be very honest towards yourself and weigh the cost and benefits.
I do know people that have a healthy relationship to alcohol, I am not against alcohol as such – but I am just not one of them. I would be able to moderate this one evening or even 10 evenings, but I would slowly slip into a misuse, that is regretfully facts of my life – and I am not waisting more time on proving that to myself.
Try to be very honest towards yourself and weigh the cost and benefits.
I do know people that have a healthy relationship to alcohol, I am not against alcohol as such – but I am just not one of them. I would be able to moderate this one evening or even 10 evenings, but I would slowly slip into a misuse, that is regretfully facts of my life – and I am not waisting more time on proving that to myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Down South, USA
Posts: 173
It might help to read the book - Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism... There are several quotes somewhere here on SR... It explains the physiological effects of what happens when certain people put alcohol in their bodies... Judging from your mention of blackouts, I'd say you might be like the people described in the book... I am also. It helped me very much to understand the PHYSIOLOGICAL reaction my body and brain have - not just that my drinking is something to "control" or be "managed."... It will never happen for me.
I was just reading "The Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book of AA, and here is what it says on xxix - regarding taking a drink again - "after they have succumbed to the desire again...., and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree..."
I am an alcoholic. My body and brain are different than most other people. No amount of rationalizing or wishing will ever change that. I too enjoyed tasting and drinking fine wines, but I have decided that I don't want to die - or worse yet, live in that hell of alcoholic torment.....
I wish you all the best!
I was just reading "The Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book of AA, and here is what it says on xxix - regarding taking a drink again - "after they have succumbed to the desire again...., and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree..."
I am an alcoholic. My body and brain are different than most other people. No amount of rationalizing or wishing will ever change that. I too enjoyed tasting and drinking fine wines, but I have decided that I don't want to die - or worse yet, live in that hell of alcoholic torment.....
I wish you all the best!
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
As a binge drinker, after I take that first drink I can't control how long the binge will last or how many drinks it will involve. So now I don't take that first drink under any circumstances. On the rare occasions I was able to stick to one or two, I experienced that uncomfortable itch that HenryKrinkle was talking about. It was like the very insides of my veins were itching. For me it's much less hassle to just not drink.
I don't know if you relate to any of that or not but that's just my experience. Bottom line is, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol in the same way I have a healthy relationship with bleach - I don't drink it.
I agree with Joe Nerv that your boyfriend will get over it. A lot of people, including myself, are scared of change and dread its advent. But then it happens anyway and we get used to it. Your boyfriend will get used to it and, since he cares for you and your wellbeing, will even come to prefer the "new normal" over the old status quo.
I don't know if you relate to any of that or not but that's just my experience. Bottom line is, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol in the same way I have a healthy relationship with bleach - I don't drink it.
I agree with Joe Nerv that your boyfriend will get over it. A lot of people, including myself, are scared of change and dread its advent. But then it happens anyway and we get used to it. Your boyfriend will get used to it and, since he cares for you and your wellbeing, will even come to prefer the "new normal" over the old status quo.
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