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Old 05-11-2013, 04:15 AM
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Hello out there?

Urgh - I need to sort my life out TODAY, I have everything in the world on my side and instead I choose to be a liar and a looser. I have been addicted to cocaine just over 1 year and its just a terrible terrible thing. I'm not quite ready to tell my full story this morning, I'm at work and as I can already feel tears it might have to wait.

All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.

Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:21 AM
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Lonely you need a hug give yourself a hug. I can feel your pain the knot in the throat. This disappointment in yourself. I was a drinker but the substance if choice I suppose is irrelevant. Take care of yourself today nurture that person that is feeling so low. Keep writing and posting it will really help. I wandered around this site the first few weeks of sobriety too afraid to post. Like if I wrote and posted it would be real. But guess whst it is real.

There is something cathartic about writing to strangers we can't judge we've all been there and we don't know who the hell you are so let it out and you may find much needed support here.

Try and genuinely smile today! Think about the great things you have. Good luck
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:25 AM
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Just let it all out, it's so therapeutic . Even if u let it all out just to re read what you wrote. It helps seeing all the chaos written out infront of you. The first step is wanting to better yourself and your life. Although u might have bumps along the way, it's great that ur hear and trying to better your future. everyone here had similar stories that we can relate to. So even if ur not ready to post, just keep reading . Welcome to sr!
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:57 AM
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Your not alone... I know the feeling you're feeling .... I've held those tears back and have continued... I've been here for a couple weeks now and haven't even begun my story I'm not sure how to start it... It's a long one That's for sure. This is my second trip down the sobriety roller coaster... Maybe someday I'll tell my story when I'm ready... But today I'm focusing on not giving in to my craving ... I need to go home and sleep
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:07 AM
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Jstan maybe writing your story on paper will help you rather then posting perhaps its less of a vulnerable place to be. I also lingered here not posting for fear of writing my story that somehow that would make it real but it is real. I felt a charge of renewed excitement about sobriety after posting so many people related to me. Something I hadn't experienced in quite a long time
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:15 AM
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Welcome to SR.

I just had a good cry ten minutes ago writing out some feelings I have. It helped to get them out.

In my case I don't think I want to go back. I can't live in the past but I can't run from it either. I can only take what I am learning and move forward.

Don't worry to much about what you post or how you post. Sometimes just writing it down is the first step.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:30 AM
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Welcome to SR



Don't worry about being emotional, it is normal and we all understand.

You are amongst friends here x
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:45 AM
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Welcome to SR! Admitting our problems can be so difficult for sure. Sounds like you are taking the first step to getting better.

Keep posting and we will be here for you.
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:54 AM
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Thank you so much for all the encouragement, straight away too! Think I'm in denial a bit today - after feeling really rubbish this morning I feel ok now. I definitely have felt like this before then - why not make a call?!?! But just writing that down makes me want to not do it. You're all right, reading these thoughts back really helps me. My lovely husband doesn't know and I can't tell him, that's the worst thing. Having this forum to talk to really helps though, admitting I've been lying to people out loud makes it real. Perhaps I will write my story down on paper first like you suggested, I guess it's a start. Thank you xx
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:57 AM
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Way too go lonely I'm glad you are feeling better! Remember the times I didn't feel better and not wanting to go back there helps to keep me sober so does writing and reading here.
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:14 AM
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Can I ask a question? When you all first joined what did you do on this site? Just read lots of forums, joined in? Chat rooms?
I feel like I want to check in here every day and every time I need to focus on staying clean, probably a good few times a day at the moment! Can anyone advise me what to do?
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:46 AM
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I haven't been in chat rooms, but am on forums a lot right now. I am limiting my real life activities (and stress) until I am further down the sobriety road. And I kinda like being lazy for a change. Over time, I will probably be here less, but I don't want to lose my connection to the point that my alcoholic voices convinces me that I can control my drinking.
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Old 05-11-2013, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Lonelyone10 View Post
Urgh - I need to sort my life out TODAY, I have everything in the world on my side and instead I choose to be a liar and a looser. I have been addicted to cocaine just over 1 year and its just a terrible terrible thing. I'm not quite ready to tell my full story this morning, I'm at work and as I can already feel tears it might have to wait.

All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.

Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
Welcome! Your post is how we post for the first time. Please do not apologize. We are here to help. I have not had a cocaine addiction myself, but I just wanted to you! I look forward to hearing more form you.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:13 AM
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My first month I didn't join only visited as a guest and read posts. I was still remaining sober but thought if I wrote my identity would be found out silly I know! At day 32 I finally posted my story that I dealt ashamed of expecting to hear no feedback and quite the go testy happened! People rally around you.

Of you're like me you may not have people in your real life that you can talk and confess openly too. This site gives you that.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:13 AM
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I meant contrary not go testy darn phone
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Old 05-11-2013, 03:42 PM
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Hi LonelyOne

I cried when I got here too - I so wanted my life back as well - and finding a group of people who understood and were willing to help me? well, that was astounding to me - still is, sometimes

Read around and post as much as you like

oh...and I got my life back - I know you will too

Welcome
D
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:14 PM
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Lonelyone, Yes, just let it all out, it's so therapeutic. Don't let that cocaine addiction drag on for 32 years like I did. Think about what you could do with that $300,000 dollars you'll save. Rootin for ya.
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:30 AM
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Thanks for your encouraging messages, I'm having some technical problems trying to post so I'm just going to try this one
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:35 AM
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Oh good it's working again! I feel ok today but its more because I have zero money so the opportunity isn't there. Spending the day with my husband but really worried he wants to go food shopping and I have no money! God it seems so pathetic! I know lots of people will think its terrible I can't speak to him about it but perhaps one day I will write down the reasons why.

It's amazing how quickly a coke habit can spiral out of control, this time last year I had thousands of pounds left after paying bills, now I owe thousands of pounds. Yuk.

Day 2 though, and your words of kindness and encouragement are really helping x
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