Thank you so much for all the encouragement, straight away too! Think I'm in denial a bit today - after feeling really rubbish this morning I feel ok now. I definitely have felt like this before then - why not make a call?!?! But just writing that down makes me want to not do it. You're all right, reading these thoughts back really helps me. My lovely husband doesn't know and I can't tell him, that's the worst thing. Having this forum to talk to really helps though, admitting I've been lying to people out loud makes it real. Perhaps I will write my story down on paper first like you suggested, I guess it's a start. Thank you xx