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Old 05-01-2013, 08:48 PM
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I need information

Hi..
I'm new here. I'm in search of information on the mindset and thinking process of an alcoholic/drug addict. From my understanding there is a mental illness that is behind the use of substance abuse. I'm dealing with an addict that lived a double life away from his family.He has committed crimes. His family was oblivious to his life style. If you are an addict or alcoholic that has lived a double life away from your family you can relate to some of my story.

#1. Could someone please tell me more about the mental illness , mindset or thinking process of an alcoholic/drug addict??

#2.Why is an alcoholic considered an alcoholic even if they have stopped using drugs but continues to take a few drinks here and there?

#3. If a person does NOT seek professional help,does the thinking process stay the same after a person stops abusing drugs or alcohol ?
I will appreciate any information you can give me..
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:53 PM
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I can answer question 2. An alcoholic is an alcoholic forever. There is no cure, you're recovering or active. A true alcoholic can't only drink a few, at least not for long.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:01 PM
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I suggest having a read of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Though originally published in 1939 it contains a wealth of useful information and it medical statements are remarkably close to todays medical thinking.

On question 2, if a person can their moderate they are not an alcoholic. It might be that a person has an event in their life that brings on a bout of alcoholic type drinking, but this passes when the event is resolved. Many folks have a drink when stressed but are not alcoholic.

4) The head of our national addiction service explained recently that an alcoholic of the hopeless variety (that's me) needs a "conversion" experience , which amounts to a complete change of ideas and thinking, in order to recover. AA uses spiritual means to acconmplish this, and throughout time isolated cases of spontaneous vital spiritual experience have been occuring, both bringing about recovery. So it does appear that a big change in attitude is required for long term recovery.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:08 PM
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I think we'd all like to know more about the answer to #1. Are you seeking support as a friend or family member of an alcohlic?
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Old 05-02-2013, 05:50 PM
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Thanks for taking the time to respond to my questions. I am dealing with major issues resulting from an x boyfriend. I have a website that explains my whole story that consists of sexual assault but I'm not sure if I should post my website on this site.
My website exposes this addict for who he really is .I'm quite aware of the fact that exposing HIM may lead me to a court case but that's what I want. I just received information from the law society today that they are reviewing my case very soon. My daughter has been associated with her biological father and she doesn't understand this disease. He stopped using drugs due to a heart attack but continues to drink , he has never been able to handle more than one or two alcoholic drinks, that's why it appears that he is social drinking when in fact his body is getting the maximum load he can handle. She doesn't understand how much she is being manipulated by him to behave in a way that works for him. This man is all about USING people for his own benefits and it doesn't matter who he uses as long as the people he uses satisfies his needs for attention.
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Old 05-02-2013, 06:02 PM
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Have you tried AlAnon as a support for yourself? Counselling could also be helpful.

And, no it would be against our rules to post your website here.
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Old 05-02-2013, 06:19 PM
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I agree with Anna on the Alanon part, it's about another person's issues and how they deal with it.

I don't think there is reason to expose details of a person via a web page, anonymity is sort of foundational.

Spiritual changes, the word "spiritual" often gets clogged up with things it's not.
Even if you Google the word, "Definition:spiritual", all these ads prop up with 1800 numbers and fortune tellers.
It's not that.
I traced the ancient origins of the word for a true definition, it went way way back to the ancient Greeks, it means "mind" and how we think.
So yes, a "spiritual conversion" may come in many different forms.
In simple layperson lingo, it can be termed as, " when the penny dropped" or that "Ah huh I get it now"...
For some it's instantaneous, others it's progressive.

And yes, once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic that is why I don't drink, I'm alcoholic, I eventually "got it".
In fact, I actually "respect" alcohol as a substance in it's pure form. I have to respect the fact it is poison for me.
That was a "spiritual experience", I changed the way I thought of alcohol, as if it's a poison if I drink it, it does me no favors, never has and never will.
The other thing, what about living and family invites etc etc where they serve alcohol and they don't know I am alcoholic.
I simply say, "no thanks, not today, water will be fine"....it's a brilliant exit, works every time. No need to explain anything.
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:24 PM
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Do a web search for the Video 'Pleasure Unwoven'. I think it is available in about a 7-part series, or you can buy it for about $30. It is the best presentation I have seen that shows the effects that addiction has on the brain and brain functions. It also shows the importance of complete abstinence for the brain to return to 'normal' functioning.
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:11 AM
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Hi Pete55, when you say that there's no reason to expose details of a person via website, please take into consideration that there is much more to my issues than what I have mentioned. Correct me if I'm wrong but don't alcoholics and drug addicts need to learn what consequences are? We are in a new generation when it comes to the internet. I do believe that my website contributes to a consequence considering this man was raised with zero tough love and my website can also be a learning tool for other people that may be in the same type of situation considering that this seems to be a rare type of sexual assault that was committed by a severe drug addict/alcoholic. Have you checked out a website called "unbreakable", there are sexual assault victims hiding behind signs.. I'm NOT going to be hiding my name or the perpetrators name and stand behind a sign . That will never change our justice system if rape victims keep hiding behind signs. That behavior appears like it's becoming very popular.
I'm angry over the fact that this man shouldn't be in my life what so ever at this point but he has manipulated his way back within my family through the help of his wife. I have considered Al-Anon but I get angry at the fact that my life may resort to going to spend my time at an Al-anon meeting for the sake of a man that not only has destroyed half of my life but I can't stand to even think of him.
Thank you RD3plus3, your comment is another example of what I need to show my daughter ..Your comment is something that I'm trying to convince my daughter about.. I also believe in total detox. I never understood for the longest time why AA promoted abstinence but I do believe that I understand it now through dealing with her biological father. I have to show my daughter your comment.. for sure.. thank you.
Hi Anna, I have been to counceling about 5 times in my life.. it helps at the time but I'm about to deal with court cases so the stress hasn't even started yet. If it gets too stressful., I may consider councelling again.
Thank you for your responses. !
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:51 AM
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I understand you wanting to find justice through the court system.

But, you cannot teach another person to learn about consequences. You can only control yourself and your thoughts. Carrying around anger, bitterness and resentment is only going to cause pain in your life. If you can forgive (and I don't mean condone or forget) what happened to you, you will be able to find peace in your life. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself.
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Have you tried AlAnon as a support for yourself? Counselling could also be helpful.

And, no it would be against our rules to post your website here.
As Anna and Pete55 posted:

Call your local Alanon or Naranon hotline for info. or meeting with and talking to members.

There is a wealth of information here in Sticky notes and the thousands of posts.

My concerns are for you. You will find the right path.
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:56 AM
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Number one, I would agree with some of the others. You cannot change this indivdual and his or her behavior as an alcoholic any more than you can change what the weather is going to be like tomorrow, or change the time that the sun will rise. Attempting to figure out what's going on inside his head or publicly shaming him via a web site or blog will help no one, in fact it will probably just make matters worse.

Your best bet is to find resources to help you and your existing family heal and live a full life on your own. That could be al-anon, counseling, spirituality on your own part - or a combination of all.
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:09 AM
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Hi number one and welcome to SR.

The have been several recommendations for Alanon and I am going to jump on board there as someone who attends Alanon. It has been a great help for teaching me how do to deal with the issues I have from living for a long time with an alcoholic.

In addition there is a friends and family section here at SR that focuses on the types of things you are looking at.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Your friend,
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Old 05-04-2013, 08:13 AM
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I understand that you can't get a person to stop drinking, they have to surrender. What do you do when he has his whole family turning a blind eye to the issues of drug addiction, sexual assault and child molestation? I was under the assumption that when dealing with an addict we need to back the disease into a corner. I remember Susanne Summers was advertising her book (Keeping Secrets) in 1988 and was saying that when you look at the addict, separate the sickness from the person in your own mind and treat the disease with toughness. I believe I have contributed to getting my dad to stop drinking by showing him my toughness when no one else would.
This sick man is surrounded by an entire family that is contributing to keeping him in a sick way of thinking. He will strike again (sexually) and it's going to be within my future family. I'm just trying to stop him from destroying more lives. How do I stop him from molesting my future grandchildren when everyone assumes that I'm suppose to accept the fact that I can't change him? He has my daughter in a place of trust , that's what child molesters do ,He has manipulated my daughter enough to have her turning against me completely because he has presented himself so perfectly in her eyes. He already got past supervised visitation when my daughter was younger, but I managed to get my daughter out of that situation before he could do any major damage. I can't sit back and do nothing and say nothing when I know what he is capable of doing. He has my daughter in the same place of trust as where he had me years ago to be able to sexually assault me. Trusting him sets him up to do more harm. I can leave it in GOD'S hands but God hasn't stopped sexual assault or child molestation in this world..
WE DO !!! I need to do what ever I can because NO ONE ELSE WILL stop him !!
How is Al-Anon going to give me the right kind of advice on this one if they teach that we can't stop change an alcoholic. Would you sit back and do nothing if you know that an alcoholic/drug addict has the natural ability to con his way past your daughter to molest your grand kids? How would you deal with this? This guy is the worst kind. I shouldn't have to be a mother that is waiting for grand kids to come into the world that is already doomed before they are born. I'm sorry , I don't mean to come across as .......? or sound as.....? I"m lost for words, but this is my reality.
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Old 05-04-2013, 08:24 AM
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Why does your father need visitation with your daughter without you present?
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Old 05-04-2013, 06:50 PM
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It's my daughter's father, my daughter is now 22, when she was a year old ,her biological father was severely into drugs. He said he used drugs because he couldn't handle more than 1-2 drinks because that is all his body could handle and he wanted a higher high. This man has made his way back into my daughter's life and has manipulated her to the ultimate level. It's like watching a leader of a cult suck in my daughter.
I seem to get caught up in reading quotes that are similar to the one you sent, but I find myself reading too many and it just fogs up my brain, I"m just going to follow my heart and do what needs to be done. It's hard to find someone that is going through the same type of situation.
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Old 05-04-2013, 07:14 PM
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I"m just going to follow my heart and do what needs to be done
There's been some good and wise advice here - especially to focus on yourself - but best wishes with your decision

As you've made a decision, and I feel this whole scenario really strays outside our remit in this forum, I think we're done here.

Thread closed.
D
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