needhelpnow

I'm 40,mother of 2 sweet little boys and I've finally pushed my husband over the edge with my lying/drinking. I've been dragging him through this horrible disease for the last 12 years-failed recovery and AA twice. He has been there for me every time. This last drinking binge has been accelerating over the past few years-til it reached another low- I blacked out on the kitchen floor last October. Since then I've promised him that I would quit and get help-but inevitably, I'd screw up again and again. I've been sneaking Vodka in my closet while he's at work. Well he found me again yesterday. I'm so ashamed, humilated and afraid. He told me it's over, he can't love me because he can't trust me. He wouldn't even kiss me goodbye this morning- something that's never happened. He says he'll only stay here in the house with us because of out 2 precious boys. Will I ever be able to get the hang of this? Why can't I do it for my sweet angels??!!
Please help. Someone please? Will I ever be able to gain back his trust and affection? If I didn't have my little boys, I swear I would end my misery right now!

Thanks for hearing me ramble.

In memory of miracle

Needhelpnow -welcome to SR. My name is Trish and I am an alcoholic.I was one who relapsed over and over again and each time was a new low for me.The elevator just kept goin down.Just when I though I could not get any lower or feel any worse down I went again.I drank myself out of a marriage and two children.I could not stop drinking until I wanted to,I needed to for a long time..We have a disease and it is progressive.I hope and pray you give AA a try again.All the feelings you have today I have had them too.I am happy and grateful to say that I havent felt shame or remorse of that kind for months.You can do this! You have made a good begining by posting here.You will find lots of love and support.My heart goes out to you..sendin prayers your way...Trish.

jazpoppy

needhelpnow;

Hi my name is Jocelyn, I am an addict/alcoholic. I am not a qualified to give medical advice, so I would suggest that you see a dr. or go to a treatment center. We have a disease. It is cunning/baffling/and powerful. No man/woman/child can keep us sober, we have to look to our Higher Power for help. I would suggest that you check into going to a 30-day treatment facility if you can, I know what its like to be a mother and not really have time to take away from my family. Look at it this way though, you really do have time to help yourself to help your family. What I am posting here are only suggestions, you can take it or leave it, but I believe in helping others where help is needed. One more suggestion is getting your husband involved in your treatment, have him speak to a councelor about your disease. He would most likely benefit from Ala-non. God bless you. I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember, you never suffer alone. We are always here for you.


God Bless You;


Jocelyn

Dan

Hey, Dan here, recovering addict. First, here's a (((((HUG))))). I'm a male version of you, right down to the vodka in the closet. My wife has suffered immeasurably like your husband. Our kids are 6 and 4. You and I have suffered as well. We are sick, afflicted with a cunning, baffling disease. You know what hurts me most though? I lost the trust of my wife. My path, after the final bottoming out, took me to a psychiatric ward over the Xmas holidays and then to a residential treatment clinic. I was away from home and my children for a total of nine weeks.

Today, I have renewed my activity in the fellowship of AA. My wife has decided to get the help of women in Al-Anon. We are slowly rebuilding our shattered marriage. I feel your pain dear friend. This day will pass and he will come home tonight. Start with owning what you are responsible for. You've reached out for help and deserve a better life than the scourge of alcoholism.

Anna

Hi Needhelpnow,

Welcome to SR. I'm a mother of 2 children also and my husband stood by me during my 3 years of drinking, though I often wondered why. For today, don't drink and think about helping yourself and your family. You can do it. It's hard, but it can be done. You may in time regain your husband's trust, but you have to accept his feelings right now and deal with that. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Love, Anna

ted

HELLO,DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF,KEEP REACHING OUT FOR HELP,GET YOURSELF WELL.THOSE PRECIOUS ONES,THEY NEED THERE MOM,SO DOES HUBBY NEED YOU.I'LL BET SOMEONE HERE NEEDS YOU TOO!!! STAY STRONG ted

Chy

Hi Need and welcome!

You have to do this for you. You have to be ready and willing to do whatever it takes. I too nearly lost my husband over my drinking. I was eventually able to quit and now we are working on our relationship again. Your husband is probably hurt and upset as he is just as powerless over it as you. They can only watch us slowly kill ourselves for so long before they have a breaking point. If willing try AA again, or find a counselor or some means of support. I couldn't do it myself either, but with the support and friendship and rooms of AA I found a family who was there for me to hold my hand and help me stay sober for me one day at a time. Hang in there you can do this, life is good sober, don't fear it.

leezard

This disease has the power to change our lives with one drink. We are powerless over it. There is so much support and help out there. It is great that you have reached out to us. Now you have reach a bit further. I agree with everyone else here.. one minute at a time... call an AA hotline, go to a meeting, and I really think ( my opinion) that checking into a rehab center is the way to go. Your boys need their mom, and YOU need YOU.
Don't drink today... spend that time searching out help. You can PM me as well, anytime. You are in my prayers!
Lisa

Justme57

Hi there Needhelp i would like to add my welcome to SR

You will find many friends on here , all of us in the same or similar boat .
My name is Lee and I am an Alcoholic , with a 37 year history of binge drinking , and now with just on 6 months sobriety .Due to the fellowship inAA and by really doing exactly as I was told by the older sober members , it has saved my life , andmy sanity , but you have to want it for YOU!

My drinking took me places I would not choose to go, it stripped me of my self esteem and dignity , as it progressed it shattered my thinking , and drove me to isolation. The worst thing is , it took away the trust of my only son, and my 2 beautidful grandbabies .

YOU do not deserve this life, and only you can change it . It is a DISEASE, not a weakness on your part , if you had diabetes you would go for the appropriate treatment , so it is with our disease . I can only encourage you to go to AA, and embrace the programme with both hands ! Do not waste the years as I have , I am 57 years old , and have only 6 months sobriety , i only wish I had done this sooner

All my prayers are with you

HUGX
Lee

amandaleepiscea

Hi-
why can't you do it for your sweet angels? Why can't you do it for yourself? Because you are sick and suffering and you cannot do it alone and hope to ever find peace without some means of support. It is so painful the kind of beating ourselves up that we are capable of when left to our own devices to try to make ourselves stop! They say that an addict alone is nover in good company. And it is very hard for those who love us to understand why we do what we do if they don't have any personal experience of the disease.

You can do this, but only if you make the decision to ask for help... you have done that here and you have so much support and love coming to you through these postings already!

I am a single mother of one beautiful little girl who relies on me for her everything. There are times when I too feel like throwing in the towel and it seems like the only thing that keeps me working so hard at recovery is HER. But the truth is, that I couldn't get clean just for her. The fact that she is going to be 5 in two weeks and I only have a little under 2 1/2 years clean proves this. I cannot get clean for anybody else but me or it will not work. What has happened, over time, is that I have followed suggestions from the fellowship I am a member of and I have admitted that I am powerless over my addiction. I cannot do it alone and I don't have to. Neither do you!

Trust, once lost is so hard to rebuild. It CAN be done... just as Dan mentioned with his wife. The love is not enough. Work has to be done. As for your part - well, I can suggest to you that actions - not words - will be the path toward rebuilding that. If you can show your husband that you are willing to take your life and your recovery seriously, and you can show him that you are doing it for YOU as well as for the family... well, over time things CAN be rebuilt. For today, what you can do is NOT DRINK and try to find a meeting or some other means of support. At the very least (and this is no small thing!) you have us here... you have support. You are not alone.

Please let us know how you are getting through. Even if it is a minute at a time, that is enough.

hold on and reach out! love, amandalee

ClicClikBoom

I find it amusing that people who have experienced the same things you have are telling you to go back to the very places that have historically helped them and you remain in "the problem." There is one thing you may try when you get up tomorrow..."tell yourself you are not the piece of trash you have been telling yourself that you are....and get off the disease train. You are making poor choices and developed bad habits...."Change your thoughts and you change your life." An old saying says..."thinking it so...makes it so."

If they let this fly I will be truly amazed...since ths site is supposed to be neutral to all forms of methods and means.

Dan

Hey Boom,
Experience, strength and hope. Ever hear of that?

In memory of miracle

Yeah !

Chy

Hey Boom,

Why don't you tell us about your own experiance and what worked for you? Perhaps it would be wise to practice a little compassion and tact on your first few posts.

True Blue

Hello Needhelpnow,

Just wanted to say welcome. You will find a lot of support & healing here at SR.
You can get it all back, just do it for you. My prayers are with you.



Boom, I will be praying for you also.

ted

NEEDHELPNOW,I HAVE YET TO MEET THE PERFECT PERSON!WHEN I DO,I'LL INTRODUCE THEM TO BOOM!!!!!!!!!! STAY STRONG ted

Dan

:LMAO Ted!

needhelpnow

I want to thank all of you have replied so far to my cry for help. I have been sitting here just balling my eyes out,but truly appreciative of all of your heartfelt support. I haven't taken a drink since 3:30 pm yesterday- I am really trying to hang in here. I have ordered some books and am calling some programs and will look for a meeting tonight.
Thank you all again,
Needhelpnow

ted

I'LL BE BACK AT 3:30 TO CELEBRATE YOUR 24 HOURS!!!!!!!! STAY STRONG ted :thumb

Dan

Damn I like a great beginning!