dorothyparker

I am a problem drinker. And slowly getting to be alcoholic. The thing is I've been drinking for the last 25 years. And only last year, I've started drinking every single day for at least these last 3 months, with the occasional 1 or 2 days off a week because I know this helps.

I've rarely gone over 4 glasses or a bottle of wine a day but it is way too much. I'm at the stage where I need much less alcohol to be utterly drunk and fall asleep or pass out. I only need 2 glasses to be super drunk.

I've had at least 5 scary black-outs in my life. And that's not counting the few times when I don't remember some stuff from the night before. Yet I keep thinking I'm just a problem drinker. I've quit many times without any withdrawal symptoms. I try to have 3 month abstinence periods twice a year and it's not hard and it helps my body.

But lately, even when I try stopping 2 days, I'm super itchy. It's when I researched that I see it is related to alcohol. I even had spots on my arms and stomach. But that could have been something else too.

To make matters worse, while drunk I fell on my forehead and feared having a cerebral commotion. That was 3 years ago. The X-rays showed that I had cerebral atrophy like found in the brains of AIDS sufferers or heroin users ;(.
It must be a combination of the hard fall and the booze. SO...am I in utter denial or not ?

Been to AA twice and never went back. I plan to try it again. I plan to quit 1 month before going on holiday at the end of November, where I will drink...moderately ! In the past, I was able to drink moderately for a month after a period of abstinence. These days, I go back quicker to my one bottle a day.

Even signing on to SR was hard. But I believe I'm there. Thanks for posting about the book Under the influence. It helps to see alcoholism as a disease. Just wished it was harder to quit so that I'd really see I have a problem. I know I know. I do have one.

Thank you for listening.

Anna

I'm glad you found us and posted about your concerns.

I have to say that it seems like stopping permanently would be the best solution for you. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will continue to worsen. Also, trying to control my drinking led to obsessive thinking on my part. It was actually a relief to just stop.

least

If you quit drinking for a month before going on holiday, why take it back up? It will only lead to you to trouble and despair. Nothing good comes from it, I know.


Welcome to the SR family!

Hexipuff

Well done for posting your story.

Shop around here for advice and information.
Only you will know if you want to quit completely & when

I am an alcoholic and I now recognise that I had a problem with alcohol for many many years - 25 years plus. I see now how it has caused so many problems in my life

The way I stopped the problems was by not drinking at all. My life has turned around.
No alcohol = happiness for me. All my physical and mental problems have gone.
I consider myself very fortunate that this has been the case. My withdrawal from alcohol wasn't pleasant but it wasn't the nightmare others have suffered. I don't view the withdrawal as a measure of how big my problem was. I see the effects of what alcohol made me into as proof of my alcoholism : my appauling behaviour, my lack of any self worth, the wasted days and weeks in a stupor..... the list is horrendous and almost endless.

I quit for short periods in my drinking days and at those points my life was so much better. Once I picked up again the walls came tumbling down again - more quickly each time.

I wish you luck on your journey. The only answer for me and many others was to stop completely.
I hope you find the right path for you.

artsoul

Welcome, dorothy -

I remember how scary it was to make my first post, too. I'm glad I did, though, because it helped me turn my life around.

I'm glad you're here - it sounds like you really need to stop drinking, especially with the "reverse tolerance" (when it takes less and less to get us drunk) and some of the other things you mentioned. A month off here and there really isn't enough time to repair the damage.

Keep reading and posting. You're not alone - we understand what it's like.

justhadenough

Welcome to SR. Maybe you don't find quitting hard because it's not forever and you planned on drinking again.your health effects do sound serious now though and I think by posting here you know you have a problem. Maybe it would be good to quit forever. There is a great deal of help and support here-I hope you stick around

Caledonia1

Welcome dorothy, I reconise alot of similiarities in your post with myself.

Only you can decide if you have a real problem but seeking help is a fantastic first step.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

CaiHong

Hi and welcome Dorothy,

You sound reluctant to give up the booze permanently and still want to try to moderate, good luck with that. I am sure you will figure it out. Meanwhile keep reading and posting.

All the best
caiHong

Dee74

welcome to SR Dorothy

D

dorothyparker

Hello and thank you for being so sweet in answering me. You're so right justhadenough that I quit because I know it's not forever. It's the forever part I'm less inclined to do.

I work in a field where it's expected to have wine and champagne every other day..so when I tell people I don't drink, I make up an excuse that I'm on antibiotics. It's easy though to say: I don't drink. Who would ask why ? And if they ask, what should I say ? Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Yes, my health issues are bad but I don't have liver damage (yet) just the head thing and my doctor said it could be a number of things. Also, since this is genetic, my parents, my maternal aunts and uncles, they live to be so old in spite of the booze thing that sometimes I think I can carry on, preferring a slow death than a sudden suicide...Sorry to be so terribly dark. It shall pass.

artsoul

Yeah, I had similar thoughts. There's more than those 2 options though.....

What kind of job do you have where people drink wine/champagne every other day?

dorothyparker

Film and television.

DoubleBarrel

C'mon Dorothy, I've worked in some form of entertainment for over 20 years, including the music business, where it is acceptable often to do drugs at work, and yes there is a whole different expectation out there, but there's also a TON of people in recovery. Just say no thank you. No explanation. You'll find that people care a lot less than you are thinking about it.

zeroptzero

What is moderate drinking for someone who gets "super drunk" from two glasses of wine?

I won't call it denial. It is just the sad situation of someone who is still in the grips of it and they can't see the forest for the trees.

dorothyparker

Hum DoubleBarrel, it's not as simple as that for me because my team is a small one and yes there are tons of openly recovered alcoholics in my field...no, when I'm ready, I'll be open about it and explain.

zeroptzero, I exaggerated when I said super drunk but drunk yes now, 2 glasses will get me tipsy and then I carry on drinking and I'm no longer drunk after 3 and carry on to 5 and fall asleep...so yes. I do have a problem, not denying that...Just not ready like a lot of us at the beginning from what I read.

Hollyanne

Just because your family members have lived long lives with alcohol, doesn't mean you will.
I have seen "Wet Brain" up close and personal.
It is a 60yr old woman walking in the halls of a nursing home mumbling to herself and talking to pot plants and dropping her pants and doing a poo on the floor in the hall.
She wouldn't eat anything and was dying from malnutrition. Feeding tubes were out of the question as she would remove them. I walked along the hall with her for hours feeding her fish fingers and bread to get her eating again. We got her to sit at the table but after one or two bites of food she was off and running.
She had been a high functioning business woman with a family until her mid fifties.

From your post, I was instantly struck by how serious your condition is, yet you are not as concerned it seems.

I am very glad you are here at SR and hope that you decide to quit drinking.

Please do not be offended. I am nearly 2 years off drink.
I had quit 6 yrs ago for two years and yes, absolutely drank more after being dry for the two years. I won't bother boring you with the quantities.

dorothyparker

Hollyanne, thank you for your words. I needed a reality check. I have rationalize my drinking on this basis:
-I've been drinking since my twenties and only started to drink heavily this year
- I don't have withdrawal symptoms when I quit nor do I find it hard. I welcome the break.
- I only drink wine
- I never drink more than one bottle.

But it doesn't matter. The degrees are different in everyone. I KNOW that it's spoiling my life and health. and brain. And I'm super concerned.

Hollyanne

Thank You Dorothy!
I really don't usually get so blunt.
But I was you only 4 yrs ago.
My last "drink", was a bottle of brandy.
And no withdrawals. But I was a puffy bleary-eyed mess.
Quit while you are ahead. Our bodies are amazing and will heal.
But if we drove our cars like we drive our bodies..........

dorothyparker

It's true, drinking excessively does make one look puffy...Have you guys aver seen this documentary Rain in my heart ?

It can help someone quit or it can make them think they're nowhere as bad as these guys. I cried.

And yes, quitting when ahead is wise. But why do people relapse ? If it's for good, shouldn't it be irrevocable ? That's why I'll do it when I'm ready but soon!

For my cigarettes addiction, a pack and a half a day, I waited until 2007 and never touched one since. It was irrevocable in my head. I always thought it was harder than booze but that's because I never quit booze more than 3 months I guess. But the withdrawal symptoms were much more atrocious with cigarettes. One could say the short term ones are worst for ciggies for the protracted ones (over years and years) of drinking are worse...

Anyways, thank you, for my first time here, It's crazy active. I hope I will be able to contribute to other threads too. I feel prickly and sensitive but I,ll get thicker skin, and more open I promise.

Hollyanne

I watched it for a bit but found it too sad.
The problem with putting off the drink problem is this.
You don't get a friendly post-card telling you when it is "nearly too late".
Well done on the smoking! Yup, gotta do that too. Harder in my mind as it seems not as urgent!!!!
Goodnight!